Author's Note
K: Dude! We're both actually here at the same time!
C: PWNED! Aren't you pleased? Elated! ECSTATIC?
K: Probably not. We're to weird for people to be ecstatic over.
C: Oh? Well, now I'm just offended. Just like I'm offended about Severus Snape!
K: Hey! No giving away details. People may not have read the book. Spoilers are bad!
C: Unless there's a warning! And I'm not giving anything away, I just really want to kick him so hard in the butt, so that he flies face first into the moon, y'know? Like how Suazo from the Monster Rancher games did in the opening video...
K: O-okay, and we are ending this A/N now. It's time for us to get started, or rather, it's time for me to get started, seeing as I'm the one who's doing the typing this time.
C: Hey, you're not the only one! And I'm drawing, so I have an excuse. nn
K: Indeed. On with the show!
C: Once again, PWNED! Enjoy yeselves, people!
K: (Rolls eyes.)
DISCLAIMER: Having read our author's notes, do you really think that we have the mental capacity to own something as big as X-Men? Do you really... ? I thought not.
Chapter 5
Don't Mention Liquids
"Smooth sailing huh, Pietro?"
Wanda had her arms crosses tightly over her chest, and was glaring intensely past the windshield. Pietro shrugged, smiling sheepishly, and ran a finger down the side of his door. "Hey, it would have been smooth sailing...But the stupid worker people decided otherwise!"
Lance sighed, leaning his forehead against the steering wheel. Pietro's dream had become Lance's nightmare. Not only was he trapped in the jeep with the Brotherhood idiots, but now the jeep was stuck in traffic. (1)
"Who would've known that we would have gotten stuck in traffic in the middle of the woods?" Toad laughed from the back seat, smacking his knee. "It's crazy, yo!"
Freddy shifted uncomfortably in the back seat, chewing his plump bottom lip. "I still need to pee." He said unhappily wringing his hands. "I hope this hurries up."
Toad shifted in his seat too. "Don't talk about pee, or piss, or any liquid, yo! I need to go to the bathroom ten times more than you do!"
Not to be outdone, Pietro lurched foward and bellowed. "Well I've got to go to the bathroom a million times more than either of you!"
"Well none of that matters now, does it you idiots?" Wanda growled, looking severely ticked off. "And do you know why none of this matters?"
"Because we're stuck in the middle of a road construction zone?" Pyro wondered.
"Exactly!" Wanda snapped. "We are trapped in a construction zone, on a dirt road, in the middle of nowhere, with no bathrooms in sight!" (2)
"Umm.. Sheila?" Pyro spoke up nervously. "I might be going out on a limb here, but...do you have to go to the bathroom?"
"Yes, I have to go to the bathroom!" Wanda snapped. "We've been in this vehicle since six o'clock in the morning, and we've all had plenty to drink since then."
"Oh sweetums." Toad moaned. "Please don't mention liquids. I really have to go to the bathroom!"
"Me too!" Pietro wailed.
"And me!" Freddy yelled.
"Mates, we need to find a dunnys!" Pyro shouted.
"What the heck is a dunnys?" Wanda demanded.
"It's what Australians call bathrooms." Toad informed her. "Haven't you ever seen Kangaroo Jack?"
"Well it was on T.v. a little while ago." Pietro said. "We all watched it."
"Do I care, Pietro!" Wanda exclaimed, throwing up her hands in exasperation. "Do I? No, no I do not! You are such a jackass!" She crossed her arms again and fumed in the front seat.
"You should!" Pietro said defensively.
Pyro started laughing, leaning back and surveying Wanda's infuriated expression. "Oh, Sheila, don't tell me you're in a bad mood just because you need to piss..." He smirked pleasantly.
In one swift movement, Wanda made a fist and smashed Pyro in the shoulder. He gave a yelp, gritting his teeth and grabbing the attacked area. "Gah!" He shouted. "What the hell was that for, Sheila!"
"Never insult a woman who can't get to a toilet!" Wanda bellowed.
"But you're not a woman!" Pietro pointed out with a smirk.
"Kill him!" Wanda ordered the boys in the back.
"Wanda, is it that time of the month by any chance?" Lance inquired.
"Lance," Wanda growled. "I want you to know that if you weren't driving, you would be dead."
"Well Sheila, if you had your way, we'd all be dead!" Pyro said matter-of-factly, brushing back his hair. Wanda glared at him, but he pretended not to notice.
"Oh my poor red tulip!" Toad cried, looking on the verge of tears. "Hurry, Lance, we have to go! Can't you see that my baby's in agony!"
A tiny muscle twitched in the corner of Wanda's mouth.
"Do not call me that!" She bellowed. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you this I hate you! I despise you! I loathe you entirely! I will never have any form of a romantic relationship with you!"
"Oh sweetums." Toad said sadly.
Here it comes, she thought happily.
"I know that you wouldn't say those things if you didn't need to use the bathroom so badly. It's okay, I forgive you."
Or not.
For the first times in years, Wanda felt the urge to burst out in tears, She was hungry, cramped, Toad wasn't heart-broken, and she really had to go to the bathroom.
As Wanda neglected to snap back, hit Toad, or find a way to blow up Toad, an uncomfortable silence overtook the jeep. Even the slimy boy who sat beside Pietro did not speak up to pout or otherwise. This strange and awkward silence lasted for several minutes.
"Argh!" Lance groaned. "This sucks. All this talk of drinks and crap has made me really need to use the bathroom. I hate you people!"
"Shut up Lance!" Pietro barked. "I don't want to hear anything from you because this is all your fault."
"Pietro! This isn't my fault, it's your fault, and I'm going to kick your ass if you don't admit it!"
"Well, I am going to kick both your asses if you don't quit it with this stupid argument." Wanda snarled. "It's both your faults! End of story!"
"Whatever. I don't care!" Lance announced, fiddling with his seatbelt. Then he threw off the belt, opened his door, and stormed out of the jeep."
"Lance! Lance, come back!" Toad yelled after him, trying to see over Freddy and Pietro. "Yo! What are you doing?" Lance however, left Toad's calls unanswered as he disappeared into the woods.
The silence this time was completely different that the silence from before. This was tense, worried silence, which was finally broken by Pietro. "Is..Is he gone?"
"It certainly looks like it." Wanda's snapped. "Now look at what you idiots managed to do! We've lost our driver, we're in the middle of nowhere, and we all nee to pee. I'd like to take this opportunity to remind the four of you of how much I despise you."
"I'll make a note of it at the next club meeting." Pietro said sarcastically.
"Since when do we have club meetings?" Freddy asked.
"We don't Fred." Lance said, rolling his eyes. He'd seemingly reappeared out of nowhere.
"Lance!" Toad screamed joyfully. "You came back, yo!"
"Duh." Lance rolled his eyes again. "All your whining made me realize that I had to use the bathroom, so I went and found a tree." (3)
Pietro's eye began to twitch. "You went to the bathroom, and left the rest of us to suffer? How dare you?" He bellowed.
"Yes, I did." Lance snapped. "If you want, you can do the same thing."
"I will not!" Pietro shouted. "The very idea of it, peeing in the woods. Huh! It's disgusting."
"Pietro, we are trapped on a dirt road. A tree makes the perfect toilet. " Lance said.
"What kind of twisted world are you living in, Lance?" Pietro demanded.
"Hey! I really need to pee! I don't care if it's a tree or a porcelain bowl, yo! If I can pee on it, I'll pee on it!" Toad exclaimed as he, Freddy and Pyro hurriedly unbuckled their seatbelts.
"Oh, never mind." Lance said, clipping himself in and putting his hands on the wheel. "Traffic's moving, so we have to move. Sorry, guys." With that, Lance stepped on the gas, and once again they were on their way down the dirt road.
It was ten, maybe fifteen, minutes before they actually found anywhere with a restroom. They had finally made it to a paved road when, up ahead, on the corner of their road and the one perpendicular to it, there appeared an image sent from the heavens.
A gas station. (4)
The back seat of the Jeep suddenly exploded with cheers and shouts of 'A bathroom!'. Pyro, from the front, took about two seconds to join the shouting.
Even Wanda was overjoyed at the sight of such a glorious object that she didn't even yell at them about their screaming. In fact, she clapped her hands a little as they drove into the parking lot.
"Okay, you guys." Lance said. "Let's try and make this quick, all right...? Guys?" Lance had turned around to see that he was talking to empty space. The other five had scrambled from the Jeep and were rushing toward the bathrooms.
"Huh." Lance snorted. "They really did need to piss."
Meanwhile, inside the gas station, a young female attendant was staring at the boys and Wanda as they all piled inside and rushed to the bathroom.
Her eyes widened as they crowded into the small bathroom hallway. Wanda barged through the boys, pushed into the ladies bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Even without his powers, Pietro was the first into the men's bathroom. As the door shut and locked behind him, a high-pitched and very feminine scream filled the whole building. Pyro jumped to the door and gave a loud knock on it, "Hey, mate! You okay in there?"
"It's so... So... So dirty!" He shrieked from inside, his voice slightly muffled by the restroom door. " I have never seen anything so unhygienic in my entire life! Well, besides Toad's room... But this is damn close!"
"Hey, yo!" Toad yelled from where he had been pushed to the back of the line. "Quit comparin' my room to a public washroom!" The girl at the counter shifted her gaze away from the restroom hallway, pretending she had somehow completely missed everything that had just happened.
It was about then that Pietro came flouncing out of the bathroom, running his fingers through his hair and looking extremely happy. "Ah, so refreshing!" He drawled. "Well, time to go buy a popsicle..."
As Pietro strolled past, Freddy managed to make it into the bathroom next, leaving Pyro and Toad doing the potty-dance in the corridor. Pietro got himself a popsicle from the ice cream freezer and strode over to the counter. Leaning on the glass top, he began to chat with the attendant.
Toad pranced where he stood. "Uh-oh! Hey, yo! I think I'm gunna piss my pants!" He shouted, crossing his legs and grimacing. "Hurry it up in there, will ya?"
After a few moments, Freddy left the bathroom and, trying to suck in his enormous gut as he squeezed past them, made his way away from the restrooms. His face turned agonized as he tried to ignore the shelves of junk food that lay spread before him. His struggle was obvious but, after a few moments, he managed to drag himself out to join Lance, who was already tapping his foot impatiently.
As soon as Freddy pushed past them, Pyro dove into the restroom, nearly taking the door off it's hinges. Toad was then left to prance and whimper all alone. Wanda exited the women's bathroom in time to hear the Aussie's scream of, "OH, THE RELIEF!" (5)
Looking at the bathroom door with an eyebrow raised, Wanda shook her head, stalking off into the store section of the building. She was, apparently, trying to ignore what she had just heard. Toad knew that, if he didn't do something about his bladder in the next twenty seconds, there was going to be a large yellow puddle on the floor.
Raising his gaze to the women's restroom doorway, he knew exactly what had to be done. Taking a deep breath, he dove into the girls washroom.
"Toad!" Wanda snapped. "That room is for women!"
"I'm sorry, Poopsie!" Toad replied from inside the bathroom. "I couldn't wait any longer!"
"Idiot." Wanda muttered under his breath.
"Umm... Is everything okay over here?" The attendant that Pietro had been bothering had come over, a worried expression adorning her face. (6)
Just then, the red-haired boy who had been squealing earlier made his way out of the bathroom. Pulling the door shut behind him and turning around, Pyro examined the sign hung on the door. "I don't know what Pietro was babbling about the bathroom being filthy. It was tidy and it smelled like flowers. Weird..." He squinted at the sign on the door.
"Ah, I see why!" He cried, the sound of his voice strangely similar to someone who had discovered the cure to a deadly disease. "It says here that there is an automated system inside which releases a burst of air-freshener every fifteen minutes... How technologic!" (7)
As Pyro and Wanda passed by the cashier, who was now rubbing her temples, Wanda quirked an eyebrow at him. "Technologic?" She questioned. "Don't you mean 'technological'?"
Pyro shook his head airily. "No I don't, Sheila. Trust me, I'm an author. I know about these things."
Wanda decided not to comment. Pyro's 'gothic romance novels' were a forbidden subject among the other Brotherhood members. No one wanted to discuss them.
At this point, Toad came hopping out of the female bathroom, earning a bewildered look from the attendant. "I'm done, guys!" He cried happily. "Let's get back on the road!"
Everyone piled back into the Jeep. The group was soon on their way again.
About five minutes later, Toad gave a joyful squeak. "There's a sign for our campground! It's just two kilometers down that road!"
The group breathed a collective sigh of relief. The nightmarish ride was almost over. Hopefully the rest of their trip would be mush better.
Hopefully.
(1) This is where we start getting into the fact based stuff folks. In this case, Chiharu's father took a short-cut down a dirt road and ran right into road construction. That's right, on a DIRT road, of all things.
(2) And of course, all six of the people in the van needed to use the bathroom.
(3) Chiharu's dad pulled this stunt, and of course, no one else got to use the bathroom at this point. The agony continued.
(4) Also true.
(5) This was originally screamed by a ten year old boy, but, hey, what's the difference between Pyro and a ten year old. Mentally anyway.
(6) This also happened. The poor woman was probably scared out of her mind.
(7) Chi actually read this on a sign in that gas station, and then she went back a year later to read it again because she forgot what it said and wanted to put it in the story.
Ah, what fun this chapter has been. Hopefully we'll be back soon with the next chapter.
Shout-outs
Realtfarraige:
K: Yey! Our most loyal reviewer is back!
C: We'll make you a crown! And I'll draw a picture of you being knighted by the ladies of E.R.o.D.!
K: Why would you do that? You don't know what they look like.
C: I don't care! If they give me a description (hint, hint), I can do it! Then I'll post it on Deviantart!
K: Oh brother.
RogueFanKC:
K: I did indeed read that story, and many of your other ones as well. I'm just a little lazy when it comes to reviewing.
C: I just haven't read it, but that's only because I don't have internet access! If I did, then I would read it, and give the greatest review of all time!
K: Show off!
C: Bite me bum! Anyway, thanks for the review. It was fun! Sadly, we can't include the X-Men.
K: Except for a tiny cameo by Kitty.
C: Yeah, we already have the entire plot, well... Plotted. Nn It was a really good idea though, so thankies!
K: We really should end this shout-out here.
C: It is getting kind of long...
K: Oh! Oh! Wait, wait! I need to say something to RogueFan!
C: And what would that be?
K: I so totally support the Stormwreck movement! (Waves pompoms around.)
C: The who did what for how many cookies?
K: (Blinks) If you would just read the stuff that I tell you too, you wouldn't have any trouble understanding these things!
C: Nope, prob'ly not. Anyway, this must end now, because you are too obsessed with your authors and you ish disturbing me.
K: We HAVE to end this now.
C: Okay! Bai bai! (Waves)
K: Later.
