Where's a magic genie lamp when you need one? It's the same with pens and hair-ties, when you want one, you can never seem to find one. But when you're not looking, they seem to magically appear all over the place.
I'm so glad I didn't have to go into work today. Things have been bad enough, let alone if I had a case to work. Sure, I'd just about kill for a distraction, but the sooner I get this catastrophic mess out of my life the better. I guess I should be used to catastrophic messes by now. I've spent the best part of my life living on or another. Which is sad, I know, but it is what it is I guess.
Hmm, 3.30, great! Joseph will be here within the hour. I called and told him I had something to tell him. My conscience was getting way too persuasive. Damned conscience. The longer I keep lying to him, the more hurt he'll und up being. Which is the last thing I wanted.
Yeah, that genie is sounding even better by the second. Whoever invented choices and decisions should be resurrected and murdered in the most painful, torturous ways. I wish the answer would just appear in the next mirror I look at, or the next piece of paper I see. If only it were that easy, and would appear within the next 20 minutes. Well before Joseph gets here anyway.
Joseph. When he smiles, it's enough to make any woman weak in the knees. He is honestly the most caring, gentle, thoughtful and romantic man I've met in my entire life. We didn't exactly meet under the best of circumstances, but he could easily be the best thing to come into my life in a long, long time. There's just so many thing's I love about him. Too many to list.
But Ray and I have history together. A lot of history at that. We've known each other for almost half our lives. We haven't exactly kept in touch all that time, but once every two years or so, we'd seem to run into each other. I was such a sucker for the whole 'bad-boy' thing in my earlier years. It was more of a rebellious phase to get back at 'mommy dearest' if anything. Not that I grew out of that phase too quickly.
There was even a time when I thought I loved Ray. But, stuff happened, not mentioning any names Christina, and we went our separate ways. For the time being anyway. Given the chance, Ray and I could have had the potential for something more, but I never really have him pegged as the 'setting-down' type.
Then there leaves Kite. It's been a while, but I can still remember the first time he kissed me. That cold winter night, standing in the snow. It was something alright.
After the first few dates, I finally figured out exactly what that 'something' was; lust. Good old fashioned lust. But that's all it was. But don't get me wrong, it was good. While it lasted.
Crap! Was that the doorbell already? I curse and get up from my slumped state on the lounge and answer the door.
As expected, Joseph was standing on the other side. He looks worried. Maybe I could have worded the conversation on the phone a little better. The words 'we have to talk' and 'I need to tell you something' have the capacity to make men somewhat nervous.
He asks me who I've been as he holds me. I tell him I've been fine, and the words 'don't worry about me' automatically slip out. He hates it when I say that and tells me that it's 'almost impossible' to.
Half an hour later, I sat Joseph down and eventually told him about the evens of the past few days. As expected, he wasn't the happiest cookie in the jar. But he said he understood why I didn't tell him sooner. But I could still see the hurt.
He sat there for a while, presumably processing what I'd just told him. I gathered it was rather a shock to the system.
"Jose, say something." All this silence is un-nerving.
"Ok, so where does this leave us?"
"Well, I'm not leaving you if that's what you mean."
"Why not? You could have all you want with one of those other guys. One owns his own mechanic business and the other works for the DA's office for Christ Sakes."
"True, I could. But I've already got all I want."
He smiles at me. "And what is it exactly that you want?" Ha! I know this game. He already knows the answer; he just wants to hear me say it.
"Just you." I reply, matching his smile with one for my own.
"Yeah?" He asks knowingly as his lips begin to hover mine.
It's almost a whisper, but I know he heard it loud and clear. "Yeah." I reply and close the space between us.
