A/N: OOKay, this is like my 10th attempt at uploading so hopefully it works this time around. Anyway what i wanted to say it that...wooo ha ha i psoted way before 2 weeks. Thought mind u i had intended it for wednesday which was a week from my last post date but u know how skl is. Anyway jsut letting u know that I'm not too happy with this chapter but Anna told me that when she read it she wasn't confused, so maybe it was a good thing.

lol

Anyway here is ur chapter 8 and to let u guys know, i'm not sure how many chapters i have for this fic yet. It didn't exactly turn out as i had planned from the begining so ic an't honestly give you answer so think of maybe 2 or more. Really who knows.

I hope u read adn review! thanks for reading

Sasha.

PS. my birthday is on the 22nd of January, I'll be 20...old i know!

Disclaimer: I own nada of this world so there.


Simply Friends

Chapter 8: Matters of the Mind

It wasn't just anything though.

Heck, here he was trying to give this thing a chance and she was being hysterical about it.

Okay it wasn't as though he asked her to marry him right? So it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Right?

He watched her run a hand through her hair in agitation.

Or not.

Right then. Bad idea, he could see that but then again it was only a bad idea from her point of view now wasn't it.

"Just think about it Lily," he suggested instead.

"Think about what exactly. You're not being clear at all James. What is this really all about?"

"I'm asking you to try and go out with me, what part of that confuses you." He said then added before she had a chance to retort. "It would really solve all our problems."

James didn't know what she was thinking.

Maybe that was just the wrong thing to say?

She was quiet and seemed intent on remaining so until she figured things out, at least that's what he thought until she spoke.

"So what you're trying to say more or less is that you want us to have sex," Lily said and squinted at the word, "until we both grow tired of each other?"

James winced. Was that really what she'd always thought of him? Some bloke who only wanted sex with a girl? They'd been friends for a while surely she didn't think that lowly or him.

"No Lily, what I mean is we should try going out as normal people do. You know—dating. At least until one of us gets tired of the other."

"You really are serious aren't you?" Lily said calmly, but it was far from what she was feeling.

"That I am." Was all he said.

Oh dear Merlin, she hadn't been wrong when he'd first suggested it. He really meant for them to go out as a couple. Then she almost laughed, technically not as a normal couple. People don't go out on a temporary basis.

That, was one of the things she wasn't sure she could take. She knew what they had had between them was special and then those encounters they'd had was simply too arousing for words but dating…causally?

Didn't she tell herself that it would be best to really and truly forget everything? Was that really what's he wanted. Looking at him there, she knew she still craved his touch and by simply going out she'd get him to touch her whenever she wanted.

No, No and No her mind shouted at her.

Damn it, why did everything have to be so confusing?

She really didn't understand what her mind was doing. Why couldn't she readily agree on something and make a decision?

He was standing their expecting an answer. Did he honestly think she could give him one tonight—right now?

He said he didn't just want sex and she believed him…to a certain extent but he'd said before—way before this brilliant idea of his—that he wanted nothing from her. Nothing to do with her even, and didn't he repeat that nothing could come of them being together? That she shouldn't expect anything?

So why the hell had he changed his mind. He did a complete about face and she hadn't noticed it.

His expression was unreadable and she wasn't sure if it was closer to calm or even happy. She just couldn't place it. How was she to give him an answer, when she didn't even know how he was feeling?

What made him change his mind?

Good God, the man made her crazy.

If she'd gone out with him, three years ago, would they still be together now? She'd like to think they would be but knowing how James was, permanence was something he knew nothing about.

Should she say yes?

It had been an impulse decision on James' part—to ask her out— because he knew that although he had probably been misguided in having those adolescent feelings for her back then. He had thought he was in lust with her for sure then but did he really love her or had it been just a game to him.

His teenage years was messed up in more ways that one. Lily's ignorance of him and disgust at his behaviour did affect him enough to change. He should be thankful for that.

He could have fallen in love with her for helping him change then, and didn't for the reason that he later he assumed and accepted it as a rite of passage because after a while, maturity convinced him that although love was good for some, to people like him it seemed a bit frivolous.

Well giving up on her in seventh year made him slightly more mature when choosing his girlfriends.

Not that there were many.

Okay there were many but he hadn't slept with all of them, no matter what people thought. He wasn't into the whole girlfriend boyfriend thing for only sex. The term soul mates may not be for him but he wasn't about to run around sleeping with every willing woman.

And since only Sirius and Remus knew he slept with a total of three people in his lifetime then he should be flattered that other people thought he had an exciting sex life.

Then again, on the other hand, no maybe not.

His reputation as a ladies man wouldn't do to help win Lily over on this idea of his.

So he had been a bit reluctant at first, was it such a crime to change your mind? Sure he still didn't really believe in finding happily ever afters easily—when he knew what his parents had—but really, he himself realised that when there is a connection that draws people together they should look into it.

Take a chance. It might not be forever but a person would wonder what might have been, especially him.

There was something between them, he knew and she knew it as well. What could possibly go wrong? And if things fizzled out, they'd always be friends.

Of course, realising and understanding that his pissed off attitude in the park was pure sexual frustration was sort of sobering because, although he wanted her body like nothing else he was her friend and respecting her mind also tied in with what he had in mind.

If nothing was meant to happen then nothing should happen that's all. There was no way that this was only about sex. Didn't he go almost two years without any? It didn't matter that it had been during the time he had fancied himself in love with this little red head. That chapter of his life was over and done with because he'd been a bit naïve then. Years have passed and since he wasn't in love surely he can't be blamed if he wanted to explore this unknown connection now?

Right?

Although his parents annoyed him to no end about responsibilities and appearances they gave him a loving stable environment growing up. There was no way he would settle for anything less himself.

He grew up enough in the past couple years to recognize that and what made this decision even more important was that he had thought he had enough principles in the first place not to sleep with a virgin yet he broke his own code and made love to Lily.

That he knew had never happened before. There were strong codes, that he planted deep inside and he made sure that the other marauders had felt the same way. And they did because of their own upbringing; that and things that have affected their lives that they followed what was true to them.

Exactly so even if things didn't work out, they would know they had tried.

Wondering what might have been if they didn't do anything about themselves would leave him—if not them—totally mad. He would always be hard as hell anytime he saw her or anytime he thought of her naked, which would most likely be often. And there would be no way he would go to bed with another woman, while thinking about making love to her.

If he couldn't have Lily, the hell he would sleep with anyone else. His blood boiled just looked at her now? He may not be in love with her but he sure as hell was in lust.

They were good together and until that changed he was intent on only proving how good it can be.

Though he for one wasn't going to pretend, she would just have to understand that.

"I can't give you an answer right now James, I just don't know." Lily said and looked at the chair next to her hard for a minute before sitting down wearily.

"I didn't really expect you too." He said but what he really wanted to say was "when would you know" but he hadn't and he didn't expect her to, but wanting her to readily accept his proposal to their situation was another matter. Because though he had wanted to, the disappointment that suddenly struck him, made him realise just how much he wanted that…her.

They remained where they were, none of them knew how long exactly.

Lily just sat there looking at her nails without seeing them and James just remained leaning against the wall, foot propped.

Then, "I better get home then." She said suddenly.

"Right."

"I'll-I'll come back tomorrow," she said getting up and turning around. Since he could not longer see her face, he wondered at her expression. "I'll let you know what I decide by evening."

"Yes," James said, feigning lightness into his tone.

"Right, well I'll see you." She said, and fled from his loft.

Lily entered her flat, kicked off her shoes and threw her purse on the couch, then walking past it she went straight to the whisky cabinet.

Pouring an inch of amber liquid into the glass she drank it straight down and the proceeded to fill the highball glass with fire-whisky a second time. Afterwards, however, she started moving

Or rather pacing.

It was only when she caught her reflection on the opposite wall that she stopped at stared. James Potter was driving her ballistic and in the last few minutes her pacing had done her no good, because all her thoughts were in a jumble.

As she stared at her reflection she couldn't help but go over the negatives of being in a relationship with James. Why was this happening now?

She loved him, but was she beginning to fall in love with him? She didn't know, wasn't sure.

But it happened once hadn't it?

No one made her feel the way he did and to truly put her heart in it and hope that they'll be happy together for the rest of their lives was too much to hope for.

Couldn't they be a normal couple who loved normally and who came together normally? Why did it have to be complicated? They had been friends—are friends.

He explained nothing of what he wanted.

"I don't know. I just don't know."

In all honesty she craved being with him. Having a relationship with him means that she'll know that sooner or later things will have to come to an end. Should she go into a relationship knowing that nothing could come out of it?

Could she throw away her personal expectations of herself and just be with him for how ever long it will last?

Was it right for her to do that?

Integrity meant a lot of her; could she throw it away for a few months of happiness?

The questions swirled around in her head. Going into a relationship with her eyes wide open would not mean that she lost her integrity right?

Being of sound mind, if her loving James got to much for her to handle she could just end things between them and her heart would have pride to help it mend.

Or not.

There were so many things that she had to think about. What had been James's motive for wanting to give what they had a chance.

She had told him she didn't want him to regret their making love and she didn't. After they did she'd believed that, now though…

She sighed pitifully.

Chugging back the rest of her drink Lily set the glass down and went into her bedroom. After changing into her night things, she flopped backwards on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

Would the world come crashing down if she went out with James?

It wasn't as though she needed to be married right now, because after all she was only twenty and if he wanted to have fun why couldn't she?

But as she recalled the earlier event, she couldn't place the exact look that James had on his face. It'd been unreadable and she'd remembered thinking that her not being able to read his motive was another thing that gave her pause.

Just what in the world was she going to do?

Closing her eyes she palmed her forehead. Was she really thinking about this too hard? Should she take a chance see where it takes them?

Yes.

The lone word came to her and it seemed like the answer. Should she just let go?

She sighed and moved to sit up. As she turned in the direction of her window her gaze passed the one-column bookshelf in the corner of the room, then unexpectedly her eyes fell on a quoted tag she'd stuck there so very long ago.

Carpe Diem-Seize the day.

Lily laughed aloud, more like seize the man.

Then it hit her. She should do as the Latin phrase indicated.

Why shouldn't she live life to the best that she could? If a future with Potter wasn't in the cards, it shouldn't hold her back from experiencing the most divine sensuality imaginable.

She smiled. She'd always been upbeat and living life as it came so why not in this particular relationship?

She screamed, "Woo."

Things might just work out after all.

It was Wednesday, the last day of her two-day leave from the hospital. And where should seven 'o clock in the early morning find her? On the walkway that led to building of apartments that James lived in.

Good lord, she should be in bed.

Should—but after her decision last night she couldn't sleep much less stay in bed for the rest of the morning.

Hopefully she would catch him before he left for work.

Entering the building she eyed the doors of the lift ruefully before going in. She was going to have to work on not being turned on whenever she entered the contraption.

To say James was stunned was an understatement. Opening the door to see her standing there with no betraying expression on her face proved to be a huge shock for so early in the morning.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

Duh stupid question, he knew what she was doing here but to think she made up her mind already was disconcerting.

"Could I come in?" she asked ignoring his question entirely, not that he blamed her.

"Err, right. Sure come on in."

Seconds later, as soon as his door was closed she got to the point.

"I need to ask you a few questions."

Folding his arms, James stood in front of her waiting for her to continue. "Go ahead."

"How do you think people will react if we tell them we'll be together? And not as a normal couple in a normal relationship but as a couple who had the expectation to break up in the future."

"I-I don't know." James said and he didn't. She said people but he knew she was referring to the others. He hadn't given any thought to how the others would react and the way she said it made it seem as a callous was to treat someone you care about. Of course there was no denying that he cared for Lily. Did it occur to him that things wouldn't be easy for a respected person such as her?

No.

And exactly what would they say to it?

He knew Lily cared for him too but he was sure she wasn't in love with him so people who didn't have their heart in something as casual as this wouldn't get their heart broken.

He didn't want that for Lily, causing her any kind of pain was something he didn't even want to imagine.

"I hadn't considered it." He said truthfully.

"I did." She said looking at him straight in the eye. "I would rather they didn't know."

It was a few seconds after she said those words that he realised what that meant. She was agreeing.

"So you're saying yes?" he asked warily.

And she suddenly smiled, then laughed. "Yes I am."

"Good," he said with heart felt relief as he reached out and pulled her to him. "What made you change you mind?"

"Many things," she said and smiled ruefully. "Though I must say I didn't want to give up my principles for you."

"Gee thanks," he said trying to make light of it knowing he failed. Somehow now he was having second thoughts. Lily wasn't a person to give herself lightly to anyone.

"And I didn't. I realised that although I may want to be married and part of a family, it's a part of my future and it shouldn't stop me for living now."

"Are you sure?" he said beginning to let her go but she held fast.

"I am. I know you don't want to hurt me and I know that you don't want me to feel degraded either but we're friends and though in this case it has a few benefits we'll always be friends that doesn't matter. We'll explore the unknown together and when the time comes to end it we'll know."

"If you're sure."

"Stop asking me that. We're both going into this relationship with our eyes wide open. We're not harbouring any sort of delusions on where things stand."

"Its just sex then?" he asked unsurely.

"Yes, but friendly sex." She said smiling up at him.

Well how can he argue with that?

Then rising on her toes she gave him a little kiss, swiping her tongue along his lower lip before moving her mouth. "Go to work or you'll be late." She said then released him passing her hand lightly across his lower abdomen before letting him go.

"I'll see you later." She said before heading to the door. Life with Lily wasn't going to be boring that's for sure.

"You're a little tease, you know that Evans?" James said gritting his teeth. He was already hard and aching.

She turned, an eyebrow raised as she glanced down grinning, "I'd watch out if I were you Potter. I don't intend to play fair in this little game of ours."

She then proceeded to walk out, however before she closed the door she called out, "see you later Potter."

And with that James knew for sure life wasn't going to be boring at all.