Author: Baliansword
Chapter: 10, "A Winter Apart"
A/N: Thanks again to my lovely reviewers. As always, love the comments. Reviews always help and so forth so feel free to drop one off when you finish this chapter.
Phai6688: I just got your review for chapter 8. Thank you so much, and perhaps there will be more than friendship. We'll have to see. However, I do tend to do some odd things with Cassander that others don't.
H/N: This chapter takes place in 327. Alexander and Hephaestion separated during this year. Alexander took his campaigns to Swat. Hephaestion, on the other hand, went to the Indus to prepare for Alexander's return. The two do not unite until the spring of 326. Therefore, this chapter is written while Alexander and Hephaestion are not apart. Since Hephaestion did in fact write letters to Alexander over this time, this chapter becomes tricky to write. For this story's purpose, the below letters will be the letters that Hephaestion never sent.
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"What are you doing," he asked as he sat down beside Cassander. It was the first time that he had left his room in some time. Cassander did not even glance up though. Not only had he heard him enter, but he also knew that eventually Alexander would wander back into the world. There were now plenty or Persian place settings ruined with stains. Black ink took away from their beautiful golden patterns. However, Cassander felt like he was getting somewhere.
"I am going over these concords," he told him. "Notice the word concord. It is merely another word for treaty. Much like pact, agreement, settlement, covenant, and convention."
"Did I wake you too early," Alexander said as he placed his hands over the leather bound book placed on the table before him. He placed his head against the book and blinked a few times. Cassander laughed and shook his head.
"I have just found a new appreciation for words. I think I have found a new respect for Hephaestion. Anyway, what brings you out of your lair?"
"I got hungry."
"Well," he said with a laugh. "At least you're still alive. I'll call for Arladoas."
"No," he said quickly. "I'm not staying here. Just go ahead and tell someone to bring me something. Anything."
"Agreed," Cassander said as he watched Alexander rise. He saw the same beaten down man as he continued to leave the room. Cassander wished there was something he could do. Yet, for now, he was going to deal with this excessively long letter from Thebes.
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Alexander, 8th of December 327
There are times when I wonder whether or not you love me. I wondered that when you told me that I would be going to the Indus and you would go to Swat. I wondered for a great deal of time. I thought that if you were sending me away, then it was because you did not want to be with me. Yet I think I understand it as I read your latest letter.
You mention the battles you are facing in Swat. I understand that you wish to protect me but I have never wanted that from you. I want only to be loved by you, but I suppose this is what it is. Your love, that is. You keep me here so that I cannot be hurt there. It is appreciated, however, you forget about my love for you. I love you more than anything and without you I am nothing. So here, I am nothing.
I am not fit to lead these men as you would have me do because I have one great fault. I find myself thinking of only you. I worry about you and cannot therefore worry about the men here. What would you have me do to prove that I love you? For I have not done enough if I am here.
I wish only to protect you Alexander. I cannot do that here. There is nothing here that I can accomplish. However, I will make it done. I will turn this palace and the things here into what you want. Because I love you, I will do it, yet I will worry for you all the while.
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Alexander14th of December, 327
It has been days and still I have not gotten your letter. I have gotten nothing. There is no news, no letter, absolutely nothing. I don't think I am breathing. I think I am loosing my mind here without you. I cried myself to sleep last night for no real reason other than the fact that I was unsure of your safety.
Nothing can happen to you while I am here. Please, don't let anything happen. I would never forgive myself if something terrible happened. I think only of you and I fear that if I cannot protect you no one will. The only thing I can think of to benefit my concerns is that Cassander is with you. If he protects you as I hope he does, maybe things will be alright after all.
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Alexander,
Winter continues and there is nothing from you. Your letters grow fewer and fewer. I know that you are busy. But I can also see that maybe I am not all that you have on your mind. How is it that I think only of you and you think so little of me? Perhaps this too is part of loving you.
I wait for you. As always.
