Memoirs of a Shinobi


Deep within the woods of the Fire Country, lying hidden between the leaves, is Konohagakure. A fan shaped village, the handle of the fan the Hokage monument; four faces carved into a slab of granite towering over the village as though it was a pedestal reaching up into heaven for the gods above. It is at the foot of this monumental mountain that we sit, in a semicircle, some crying, some staring into space, all preserving your memory. There are some missing today, and some that will never join us again. There are some that will retreat into their minds, and some that will run far, far away, and we will never meet again.

Playing Along

+Sakura+

spun sunlight twirling it around fingers, harp strings humming
a song that has no melody, but is hauntingly familiar.
love not a net that can be broken, but a person willing
to catch, when someone falls. hurry now, you'll miss the show.
but the show is you, and the act is over, are you still playing along?


I don't understand why you did it.

When the news came I was talking with Ino-pig, since we had just recently became friends again and a nice looking chuunin came up to us, asking if I was Sakura. I slid the ramen bowl in front of me to the side, some of the now-lukewarm liquid sloshing onto the tips of my fingers as it slid across the slightly bumpy table top. I nodded solemnly, ready for a mission assignment or something, but what came out of his mouth was not an assignment. I was going to tell him that I was on my break, a week long since my last mission to recover from the injuries, both physical and mental, before going on another. But he didn't tell me an assignment, what he told me was…

It was a curse on my ears.

I had stood, ready to dash off to the Hokage tower after he had briefed me to complain to Tsunade-sama that I wasn't ready to take another mission yet, but he didn't brief me. He reached up slowly behind his head and undid the knot that held the dark blue hitai-ate on his forehead, his eyes lowering to the ground as if in shame. What? I thought. Shinobis' only ever removed their hitai-ates when… when… His voice was weak and he stumbled over the words as if they hurt to come out of his throat. Well they should have. Ino stood up to listen too; I suppose she'll always be like that, eavesdropping on other people's conversations and lives. Do you know what he told me? Come on, guess. It would make you laugh.

He told me that you had died.

You can't be dead, can you? Konoha's life, her liveliness, the very epitome of life itself, couldn't be dead, now could he? This is one of your jokes, isn't it? This is one of your shams; you're going to appear tomorrow, as alive as ever, and I'm going to hit you over the head for making me worry about you. I'm going to wake up to hear you calling my name from underneath the wide bay window in the corner of my room, ready to throw another tiny rock at the glass to wake me up. I don't think my mom ever forgave you for the time you snuck into our house and into my room to wake me up. Yeah she got pretty mad, almost killed you. But she didn't kill you. She couldn't. No one could…

Right? Right?

Come on, answer me. No ones saying anything; even Ino-pig has fallen silent. Everyone in Ichiraku isn't speaking, all staring at the chuunin with dark and accusing eyes. Huh? Why is the ground coming closer? My legs didn't collapse, did they? I'm not hunched over on the ground, clutching at my heart in a desperate attempt to make it stop breaking, am I? You didn't mean that much to me, did you?

Come on, answer me. I know you can, because I know you're not dead. Your lively voice isn't gone from this world forever, to be left as a memory. Your grinning face isn't just going to be on faded photographs, is it? Your sapphire eyes aren't going to be just a lingering memory that I'll look back on when I'm older to smile at softly, are they? Your bright yellow hair isn't going to be just like your father's, the Yondaime's, a slowly fading tuft in the sunset, your speed just the same. It isn't going to be a memory, is it? You're going to be there, and we'll one day go out for ramen again, just like you always wanted. You'll finally get that date you wanted, and we'll laugh like old times, tell stories and just hang out. Like we used to.

We will, I know it. Come on; just answer me, will you! Dammit, Naruto! Stop fooling with me! You're alive, I know you are; you're alive. Make what the chuunin said be a lie, let it be some cruel joke you've cooked up, just to see if we really care about you. We do, I swear it, we really, really do. So come out of the shadows or wherever you're hiding and prove the chuunin wrong. Prove the whole world wrong like you used to, like you still will. Are you pretending to be a bowl of ramen again, trying to fool us?

Come on, Naruto. Where are you? Where is your bright smile, your cornflower eyes, your sunny blonde hair? Where is your orange jumpsuit, your constant companion? Where's the hitai-ate that you're so proud of; come on, Naruto, where is it? Where are you? Because I know you're here, somewhere. I know that this is a joke; a cruel, cruel joke that you've pulled on us. Trust me, Naruto, its working. So please, please, come out of hiding.

My eyes can't see; all I can register is a blur of color, a palette the color of the sky for a moment, before darkness consumes my eyes and I feel something pulling on my arms. It's Ino, holding me back from killing the chuunin with the chakra surging through me. I desperately try to wrench my arms away from her, but to no avail. She's gotten her arms locked around my torso, her own hands grasping my wrists to keep me from making seals. I can see the chuunin turn tail and run, back to the Hokage tower, yelling ahead for Tsunade-sama. Once he's gone I hope Ino will release me so I can go chase him, or go find you, but she holds me fast against her chest. I can hear the beats of my heart, erratic and loud in my ears, as my breath puffs out in large gusts.

Tsunade-sama returns with the chuunin and she looks at me with sad eyes. I want to scream at her, but she's beside me in a flash, needle in hand. Whispering, "I'm sorry Sakura…" she injects something into my arm, and the fast acting drug starts to make the world hazy. The ceiling swims in and out of focus before I collapse against Ino, tranquilized.


I awake, strapped to a white bed in a white-washed room with thick leather cuffs around my wrists. Similar bands are wrapped around my ankles, I can feel their thickness, the grimy surface of the inside of the leather scraping against my skin. Again and again they scratch, as I struggle against the bonds, fighting the sedative that has poisoned my veins. I can't access my chakra, my body is too disconnected from my mind to do so. My back arches as I strain at the leather, the bed shaking beneath me as I thrash mindlessly on the mattress, mouth open in a silent scream. Finally, defeated, I lie down again, calming my breathing, attempting to assess the situation. Twisting my wrist, my fingers scrabble against the metal grommets and the buckle frantically, but to no avail.

Wishing for my senbon or other devices, which I don't have, because I'm dressed in a revealing medical gown, I make do with what I have. I sink into the bed as much as I can, pressing my back deep into the thin mattress, feeling my spine dig into the protruding metal springs. I bring my hands as close as I can, and my fingers tug at the leather helplessly. However, my scrabbling seems to have some affect, since the buckle's hold soon lessens, and I'm able to undo the thick straps quickly. I undo my other wrist and both of my ankle restraints before the guards come rushing in. I stand in a defensive position, ready to fight, but the door opens and Tsunade-sama steps in. She motions out the guards and they leave, looking sullen.

"Sakura." She sits down on the edge of my bed and I drop my defensive pose, but remain standing, looking down at her in what I hope is disdain. "Sakura," she repeats, "sit down."

Sighing, I sit down next to her and she looks at me, her normally honey-brown eyes puffy and red. "Sakura… I'm so sorry… for your loss… Naruto… h-he was l-l-love-ed…" She's stuttering like Hinata and I put my arm around her shoulders, and she leans slowly into the embrace. She leaves later, but doesn't replace the bonds around my ankles and wrists. I promise her I won't run away; I have to say something at the funeral.

Your funeral is a week later, but all it really is a wake; really only a way for everyone to grieve freely. Everyone is here, everyone I can think of that is. Donning my pitch black robe, tying the knot in front of me, I wonder if I really should say something. Kiba and Shino were the ones to find you, they were the ones who burned your body on the spot, only leaving the hitai-ate and the First Hokage's necklace behind. They should say something, because they were the only ones who saw you dead. Maybe I shouldn't believe them, I think, as I step up to the platform to speak in your memory. My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. They're all looking at me expectantly, but I can't speak. I collapse to the floor, yelling that you're not dead, and to take Kiba and Shino away.

You're not dead, you can't be! I cry out as ANBU guards come to take me away. I struggle helplessly as they drag me to Tsunade-sama, who slips me a pill that takes the pain away.


When I awake again, more thick leather straps cuff me to the bed, the cords crisscrossing my body, tying me to the bed, and into my head. I retreat into my mind. I can't help it. You're gone and you're not supposed to be.

People visit me now, occasionally someone I know or care about, but my eyes can't focus; my voice won't work to tell them things that go on inside of my head. They can't see my horrible nightmares that I wake from, sweating. They cant see me when I tear with my teeth at the leather that holds me down, struggle helplessly against the bonds that keep me restrained. They don't know how many times there has been anesthetic stabbed into my veins, they don't know how much it hurts to go into that dreamless sleep. They don't know my pain, Naruto. They don't know how much my heart bleeds for you, Naruto. They don't know that you're still alive, Naruto. That you're still alive to me, at least that's what I convince myself to believe.

But you know that, don't you Naruto?


mwahaha. am cruel. poor, poor sakura, going insane like that, over naruto. you all thought she would do that for sasuke, ne? nope. she goes insane over naruto. (shakeshead) poor, poor sakura.

next up- Gaara. how does the new kazekage react to Naruto's death, and the death of the Kyuubi as well?

I'm thinking that Sasuke should be last, since he's the closest to Naruto. besides, his is the one i'll have the most fun writing.