Memoirs of a Shinobi
It is here, in Sunagakure, that we learn of your death. A huddle of sand-whipped buildings surround a short earthen tower, the ripplinggrains ofwhite spread out around the village, as though it were drowning in a sea ofashensand.There are no people surrounding the tower that are mourning your death, for no one yet knows of it yet, as it is late at night.As the wan moon sheds her soft light over the pale sands, we see a jounin rushing across the dunes, eyes wide, sand hitai-ate glinting in the night's ghostly light. The jounin rushes towards the tower, stumbling before the entrance, but continuing on. A roar of rage comes out through the highest window a few minutes later, and we know from who it came.
Indigo Skies of Remembrance
+Gaara+
taking you, with a cry of something no one recognizes; no one knows…
the monster inside, freeing itself with a fight to a place
you cannot go, cannot find the beast that makes you this way.
giving into the growing desire for blood on your fingertips.
a dance across your skin; a bitter smile from within that red will trace…
It was nighttime when the messenger arrived. I was awake, obviously, because of Shukaku, and was sitting at my desk when someone pounded on the door. It being almost midnight, I wondered who the hell it might be. Surely something had to be terribly, devastatingly wrong for me to be bothered this late, regardless of whether or not I slept. I was still the Kazekage, and I commanded the highest degree of respect and order over my shinobi. Insolent ninja, I thought disdainfully to myself as I motioned to the door with my hand and sand wrapped itself around the doorknob and opened the door.
Except that the jounin that barged through the door was anything but insolent, at least most of the time. And he didn't wait for the door to open by itself like he knew it would, he simply pushed straight past it, barging into my office like he owned it. Which he didn't, I liked to point out to myself in my moments of slight melancholy, when I felt as though my order wasn't being upheld. He reached my desk and was huffing slightly, bent over, and I waited for him to speak, eyes half-lidded in a façade of disinterest. In fact, I was very interested in what he had to say, but if I told anyone that, they could use it against me. At least that's what Shukaku said, but who the hell listened to him anymore? Except me, of course.
Finally, though, the jounin stood up and managed to gasp in a trembling voice, "Kazekage… sir… Tsunade-sama told me… to tell you… that… Naruto-san… he died…" He must have said something else after that, but I couldn't understand it. I couldn't hear anything except the beating of my heart, pounding in my ears. My heart was a new addition to my body when I became Kazekage; I found it useful sometimes, it helped me express what I wanted to say to Temari or Kankouro, without having to threaten them. I must have been just staring at the jounin, some sort of surprised expression frozen on my features, since he leaned towards me, asking me if I was okay.
I don't know what happened then, something in me must have snapped.
"WHAT?" I exploded, standing so quickly my heavy chair fell over with a clang onto the wooden floorboards. Slamming my hand onto my desk, I raged, seething inside, a look of pure fury on my face and in my eyes. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DEAD!" I roared again, and the jounin stumbled back across the room, fear rolling off of him in a sickening odor. I could feel the seal within me breaking, Shukaku's power pushing past the chakra swirls and binds, could feel the tension of Shukaku's chakra within me mounting, and I wondered how long I could keep control. The bloodlust I hadn't felt in so long came back, full force. I needed his blood; I craved the smell of his life on the floor in front of me, needed to feel that power that I only got when I killed someone.
I needed a release from this pain that was slowly poisoning my heart, killing me from the inside out. The pain clawed at my stomach and rose to my throat, blocking the air from reaching my lungs. It was strange, this feeling, this ache that I held in my chest. I had never before felt something like this, and to tell you the truth, it was not pleasant. Clenching my fists so tightly, blood seeped through my fingers, dripping to the floor. Release, release, release, I thought, but it didn't stop. My eyes were burning with something vaguely familiar, but I didn't know what it was. Was this what they called heartbreak?
Breath hitching in my chest, I closed my eyes and tried to calm Shukaku down. Leave! I cried into my mind, but he did not leave. His power raging through my veins, I opened my eyes, the normally blue-green depths turning a sickening black and yellow. I raised my hand and yelled, "GET OUT!" The jounin turned and ran, slamming the door behind him.Leave me! I yelled at Shukaku again, but he appeared not to have heard me. His chakra ripped at my skin, almost burning it on the inside, and I cried out in pain. A familiar consciousness pressed against my own mind and I recoiled mentally from its presence. Shukaku, get out of my mind! I screamed as loudly as I could, not knowing if I really yelled it, or it was just in my head. Shukaku's presence faded as my willpower pushed back his words until they were just a whisper in my mind.
The kyuubi's gone as well you know, Gaara.
I know, but I don't care!
You should be rejoicing. Your rival has died… Why are you feeling this?
I could feel the pain in my heart spread as Shukaku focused in on the feeling. I don't know! I thought.
There's something missing, isn't there, Gaara?
Yes, there is. Naruto's missing; he's gone.
I've lost a rival as well, you know. Kyuubi and I always fought…
Naruto's not only my rival! He's… He's…
He is nothing to you! You want to kill everyone you've ever known, ever had to come in contact with. He was no different than everyone else. You do not… feel for anyone… ANYONE! You love only yourself! No one else. No one else cares for you, so you care for none.
No! He cared for me… He was my friend…
Liar! He cared naught for you, as no one else does. You are alone, but for me, and you always will be. Your killing nature separates you, elevates you above all the rest.
I do not wish to kill anymore, unless necessary… You know that!
No! You wanted to kill that jounin. You wanted to feel that rush of power, the surge of adrenaline, wanted to feel his blood on your fingertips, craved to hear his dying words. You wish for his blood against your skin, his writhing, dying body against your hands, you dream of killing everyone you know… You dreamt of massacring this village last night, just because you craved the screams for mercy, the dark blood contrasted against the pale sands… You crave, you dream, you wish, you need blood to survive.
No! I do not! Naruto cared about me, he knew me more than everyone else! He understands what its like to be separated because of what lies within you, he knows me better than you ever will! I don't care what you think; I know what you felt for the Kyuubi. I don't care if you hated him, but don't hate Naruto too, you bastard! You're just like everyone else, everyone I hate…
If you hate me so much, kill yourself. Release yourself from this pain that haunts you…
I can't! Mother protects me, and I can't escape her protection that bars me from pain, but also from liberation. You know this, yet you expect me to escape?
You can break the spell anytime you want; you just enjoy lingering in your pain.
If that's what you believe. But what you believe may not be true.
I know, Gaara… I know…
His voice was growing softer, choked with more emotion than I had ever heard him have before. He was close to me… He was one of those few… Those few that understood…
I know what you mean, Gaara… He was special to you… one of your few friends… He gave you purpose… he gave you a glimpse into a life you had never experienced, yet knew so much about… He knew you as well as anyone… that feeling you have; I know… what it is… Because I feel it too.
I struggled to stand as Shukaku's presence faded away; leaning heavily on my desk for my strength had left me. Standing, I wandered over to the window, the silvery light of the moon filtering in through the ancient panes, forming a crisscrossing pattern on my light skin. I let my forehead rest against the cool glass, closing my eyes against the tears that threatened their pale blue-green depths. I wish for sleep but it never comes, it never will come. The days fly past and I'm left in a timeless rift in the cords of life.
No, no, no, no… You weren't supposed to die… You were so real, so pure… You were so free like the birds that flit above the sands, you were the moon on a night so empty, as it hangs heavy in the sky. You were the night, ever changing, never once the same as it was before. I know, staying up many nights, watching the sky and waiting, searching for something that will never come, that you are like the night. Your eyes, like the twilight as the sun fades in the west, to rise again.
And as the ocean blue sky fades to cerulean, I always watched as the stars began to appear, dotting the darkening skies as I wished for sleep. You were so similar to the night, always fading in and out, darkening, then to light again as though a candle had touched your skin. You were, on some nights as the cloudy skies were covered with a thin orange pane of color, all I could think of. Your words reverberated around my head as the silence of the night consumed the daily noises. It was all I had to live for. All I had to breathe in as the sulfuric salty sands blew into the air.
And as I lay there on the roof of my home, I came to realize you were my friend. It was a strange feeling, and I tried fruitlessly to rid myself of it, but on some level, I was pleased. You changed me, your words and your eyes and your smile, you changed me into realizing that there was something for me to live for. I don't know how you did it, but you changed the way I looked at the world. I don't want to kill anyone anymore, not without Shukaku forcing me too. And even then I wish not for it, not for the silence, the shame that snakes through me as I look into the eyes of my prey.
I don't see the darkness the same way anymore. The night is my memory of you, always around me when I need it the most, hiding me from my fears, rescuing me from the depths of my twisted mind. And in that hushed time between days, I remember you. You gave me strength, you gave me a heart, you helped me find my soul. The quiet remembrance of you helps me live through those days when I think I never want to deal with anything anymore and just want to let go. The darkness reigns in the night, but your moon sheds its silvery light over me, the cool breeze of your soul washing over my tired skin.
You weren't supposed to die, but you did.
Even so,my eyes are no longer empty; there is no more loneliness behind the dark and heavy lids of mine. Your memory gives me strength as I slip down the pale dunes, blood rolling beside me, weighted with the souls of their owners. The tears I used to cry late at night are alongside of me as I fight one more battle, the dark sky not ominous but full of hope. You transformed me, the mutated larva, into something beautiful I never dreamt to become. You were the catalyst that changed me from a bloodthirsty, malicious monster, into something human. Here I fight for my people, and it is you that brought me here.
You gave me the strength for metamorphosis, and the strength to break free of the mold that held me. And for that I'll ever remember you, and thank you, Naruto.
beh sooo lame.. i know.. if anyone can tell me what the hell i was writing about in the middle part, please tell me?
oh yeah reviews.. thanks SO much! xD
Lady Kagome0101 - i'll explain it very soon.. i promise!
madnarutofan- just so you know... i didnt plan on making her go insane.. i really was saving that for someone else... xP but im sorry if i made her.. uhh... not to your liking? but really i kinda dislike sakura.. oh well...
Kai- haha im planning on writing kakashi.. what i meant last time was that the last of the series of memoirs would be sasukes.. i didnt mean only sasukes was left.. xP
Preventer Squall- "That's just evil! Not the Sakura going looney part, which I found rather amusing, but Naruto keeling over. " haha it made me kinda laugh too.. even tho its cruel.. oh well.. xD oh and um to answer ur question.. i think i have it how he died.. you'll just have to wait!
ShinobiFighter101, ffgirl-07, BLAH BLAH BLAH likes the story- thanx!
Big Daddy Cool -oh um i didnt mean to make it seem as though she loved him.. i just meant like.. how you love your friends, you know?
Hatake Naruto- i.. uh.. umm.. okay? xP i didnt mean to make it seem as though they loved each other? srry.. but.. take it how u want..
lala.. oh can u tell me.. next chapter is either going to be temari and kankouro... or shikamaru... im not sure if i should include temari and kankouro.. but.. tell me.. would you? see ya!
