"So...where are we going, exactly?" Scharnhorst asked, breaking the long silence between us. It had been that way since we had begun the trek up to the top of the hill, both of us afraid to start the conversation we'd been avoiding for months now.
"There's an overlook that gives you a fantastic view of the base and the harbor, should be perfect for the fireworks show." I answer, gesturing up to the rocky outcropping up at the top. "...probably should have brought a blanket."
"Pulling out all the stops, I see," she snarked.
"Hey, I didn't even know you were going to show up tonight!" I snapped.
"Neither did I!" she fired back. "I thought it'd be another quiet night at home when Gneisenau barged in, forced this cheongsam on me, said 'My sister should think about something other than fighting,' and shoved me out the door!"
I paused in my ascent and turned to face Scharnhorst, looking her up and down in the dress she was wearing. "She already had that made for you?"
Scharnhorst likewise stopped in her tracks, her expression puzzled as she tried to answer the question. "I...don't know, actually. She could have been making it for herself and given it to me. We're about the same size."
Unbidden, the image of Scharnhorst wearing Gneisenau's Halloween costume popped into my head and I felt my cheeks grow flushed as I quickly glanced back up the hill. "G-good to know," I weakly mumbled. "C'mon, we're almost to the top."
But she knew my thoughts all too well, even after so many months apart. "You're picturing it, aren't you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I lied. Badly, I might add.
She let out a short, harsh laugh. "Sure you don't. And since you don't know what I'm talking about, allow me to further confuse you by telling you there's no way you're getting me in that outfit. Ever."
Damn. "Yep, completely lost now," I said in a none-too-innocent voice as we crested the hill. "Oh, look, here we are."
Whatever Scharnhorst's sharp reply would have been died on her lips as she saw the entire base and harbor laid out before us. "Damn, this is a great view," she gasped quietly. "How come you never told me about this sooner?"
"We were always busy, and then…" I paused, not sure if what I was about to say would blow up this fragile detente we'd established. "..and then you wanted nothing to do with me."
Scharnhorst flinched as if struck and quickly looked away, emotions warring on her face. "Look, it's just...it's easier if there aren't any complications in my life. Just wanna train and fight, not sit around like an idiot because you got distracted by some girl who wants to run your life. I warned you-"
"And you were right," I interrupted. "And I am so, so sorry. It eats at me every goddamn day. If I could go back in time and fix one thing in my entire life, it would be not listening to you when it matters. Because not having you in my life hurts, and it hurts twice as much because I know it's my fault. I miss you."
Her expression softened, and she glanced back over at me, her arms folding over her chest. "Is that why you and Gneisenau set me up tonight?"
I emphatically shook my head and held up my hands. "Look, I had no idea what she was doing. She just kicked me out of the office and told me I should go buy a candy box while I was at the festival."
Scharnhorst turned back to me, her eyebrow raised. "Just out of the blue, no warning?"
"Well...sort of," I sighed and hesitated. "It was right after she found out what I'd done to recover the gift you got me."
Rather than placate her, the answer seemed to upset her even more. "So you did get it...and what, you weren't going to tell me?"
"I would have if you hadn't told me you didn't want to see me again right after I found it!" I angrily snapped. The wounds were beginning to reopen, and all the stored, toxic emotions that had been building up in both of us were seeping out.
"Convenient how you found it after you kicked your consort to the curb!"
"I got rid of her because she was interfering with our relationship! And because she threw your gift out!"
"Then how'd you get it, then?"
"I dove into the dumpster and went through every goddamn bag of trash until I found it!" As the sound echoed off into the distance, I wondered just how far the sound traveled and if picking this spot for a private conversation was a less-than-ideal choice…
Scharnhorst froze, shocked as she took a half-step back. "You what?"
"You heard me." And so did half of the damn base, if I'm unlucky…
Her eye slowly lowered until she was staring at the ground in stunned surprise. "Why didn't...why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Gneisenau tell me?"
"I didn't tell you because there was no time," I shrugged, "and Gneisenau didn't tell you because she didn't know until today. I think as soon as she found out, she put her little plan in motion for us to meet and...I don't know, get this all out. A candy-fueled crucible of sorts."
There was a long moment of silence as Scharnhorst continued to look at the ground, her mind trying to come to grips with everything. "I just…" she let out a long sigh of frustration and ran her hand through her hair. "Goddammit, why couldn't you have just been some stupid horndog jerkass!"
"I'm...sorry?" I offered half-heartedly, not sure what prompted that sudden outburst.
"Look, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not good at socializing with other people. Or most kansen for that matter. I was made for fighting, it's what I'm good at, and when I'm not fighting it feels...weird. Like I'm supposed to be doing something else. It's confusing. But when I'm with you…" She sighed again and turned away, taking a few steps towards the edge of the overlook before turning back around to face me. "When I think of a life outside of combat...I feel...that...maybe...when I'm with you...I can find my way."
In the pale moonlight, I could see how uncomfortable she was, how vulnerable she was. She was baring herself to me, and my heart went out to her. "Scharnhorst…" I whispered, reaching out to her.
Her head snapped up, her eye blazing with anger and hurt. "And that's why it hurt so damn much when you didn't show up. When you abandoned me! I couldn't see the path anymore and I was just...lost…" Tears flowed down her cheek, and I couldn't hold myself back any longer.
I crossed the short distance between us and wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. "I won't leave you again, Scharnhorst, I promise," I whispered softly. "Never again. I'm here for you."
Her arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly like when we first met, and I could feel her shudder and sob. "What...what if you do?" she sniffled.
"Then you have my permission to end me because I couldn't live with myself," I whispered into her ear. "I felt bad enough before I knew how you felt. If I ever betray your trust like that again, I don't want to go on knowing I've hurt you like that." She nodded and sniffled again, her arms growing even tighter around me. I added softly, "New rule: you need to schedule something with me, anything at all, come to me directly. Call me, stop by the office, slip a note under my apartment door, any way you wanna get in touch. No more third parties, no more chances someone tries to interfere with things. And if someone tells you no, ignore them anyway. I'll set them straight later. Deal?"
She nodded again and squeezed me one last time before she let me go, taking a step back as she wiped the tears from her face. "S-sorry…" she stammered as she turned away from me, looking back out on the harbor. "Don't know what got into me there…"
I wiped a few tears from my own eyes as I smiled reassuringly, even if she couldn't see the gesture. "It's alright," I replied, not wanting to push her too hard. "Letting go of something you've bottled up for a while is inevitably...messy."
"Yeah, well, doesn't mean I have to like it," she grumbled, the vulnerable part of her disappearing once more behind her defenses.
"I don't think anyone ever does."
She spun back around with an exasperated look on her face. "Then why the hell does everyone put up with it?"
"Bottling stuff up?"
"No, the whole...interacting with people thing," she elaborated with a wave of her hand. "Seems like too much work and pain."
I chuckled and shrugged as I stepped forward to stand next to her. "Well, for starters, nothing would get done without relationships of some kind so we kinda have to do it. The rest of it...let me put it this way: did you enjoy our sparring sessions?"
Scharnhorst glanced over at me with a curious look on her face. "Yeah."
"The time we spent together?"
"Uh-huh."
"If you could do it all over again, knowing you'd have to go through that pain, would you do it for the fun you had in the meantime?" It was a dangerous question to ask. If the answer wasn't what I thought it would be, this whole point could blow up in my face.
Fortunately, her answer was exactly what I thought it would be. She glanced over at me, then back out over the harbor before she slowly nodded. "...yeah. Yeah, I would."
I smiled and let out a huge internal sigh of relief. "There's your answer. Because sometimes the happiness you find eclipses the pain, and when you find someone who does that, you keep them around."
"And what about people you don't?"
My answer was immediate and deadpan. "You send them on long patrols with Albacore."
Scharnhorst's harsh, barking laughter echoed over the hill and this time I'm certain the entire base heard that one. "Still can't believe you actually did that."
"Goddamn right I did," I grinned. "She violated just about every professional and personal boundary all for her own self-interest. If it were up to me, I'd have had Albacore drop her back off at the Sakura Empire."
"So why didn't you?"
I shrugged helplessly. "High Command overrode me on that one. Didn't want to cause an incident with the Sakura Empire over what they saw as a personal matter."
"Nuts to them," Scharnhorst spat, then took a look around. "Beaurocratic bullcrap like that is one of the many reasons I like to stick to fighting."
I ruefully shook my head. "As I've said before, can't be fighting all the time. Can't be so one-note your whole life."
"That's rich, coming from you, Admiral Lives-In-His-Office," she retorted. "When was the last time you got out of the office for longer than a lunch break? Hell, when was the last time you put to sea?"
"...when I found you," I sheepishly admitted. "But someone's gotta run the base!"
Scharnhorst refused to let me hide behind that. "Blah blah blah. Didn't stop you from going on that excursion the first time, did it?" She sighed and looked away for a moment. "It's just...unbelievably frustrating because I know you can be more than some desk-bound paper pusher. Wanna talk about one note? At least my note has explosions and action in it."
She was right. As much as I wanted to deny it, I knew she was right. I also knew she was deflecting. "You're right," I conceded. "I can get out there more often, but I get into a comfortable rut sometimes and it's hard to break out of it. So I'm going to make it a point to get out there and sortie more often with my fleet." I waited for that smug grin to appear on her face before I let the other shoe drop. "What about you? What are you going to do other than fighting?"
Her cheeks flushed red and her eye widened in surprise as I got the better of her for a change. She sputtered for a second before she folded her arms over her chest and faced away from me. "I...I dunno, okay? Catching me out like that...jerkass."
I took a step towards her, trying to suppress my grin as I savored this rare victory. "What is it about not fighting that scares you so much?"
That embarrassed, flustered expression quickly changed to one of genuine fear, and this time she spun around on her heel. "It's just...what I was made for. Feels weird doin' anything else." Before I had time to press the issue, she quickly changed track. "So...we gonna go back down and see the fireworks now? I don't think we'll get a great view of firecrackers from up here."
As much as I wanted to finally get an answer from her, I'd had enough emotional turmoil for one evening, and I didn't want to rock the boat too much. "No, they're setting off actual fireworks tonight as well. This was private, out of the way, gives us the best view of the fireworks show, and we don't have to try and have a conversation over the sounds of firecrackers going off."
Almost as if on cue, the faint staccato popping noises of a chain of firecrackers bursting echoed from the port down below. We both sighed and shook our heads, almost in unison. "Bah," she spat. "If they wanted a big bang, they should just get a naval cannon salute."
I chuckled as I took a seat on the grass and looked up at her as I patted the space next to me. "Anything to fire your guns, huh?"
"Damn straight," she grinned wolfishly as she sat next to me. She paused for a moment as she got comfortable, then said, "Actually, that gives me an idea…"
"Uh-oh," I quipped.
"Shut up," she chuckled as she gave me a playful shove. "So fireworks are just a bunch of gunpowder stuffed into a rocket, right?"
I slowly nodded along, curious as to where this was headed. "Crude, but apt."
"About how big are those rockets they're using for the show tonight?"
"Oh, I dunno," I sighed as I gave it my best guess. "I'd say...maybe a foot long, six inches in diameter."
Scharnhorst gave me a satisfied nod and continued. "So, what if we made a fireworks shell we could fire out of, oh, I don't know, say an eleven-inch canon?"
Now things were getting interesting. "...go on."
"I mean, just think of the size of the explosions! We'd be able to light up the night sky!"
"This sounds like a massive waste of time, resources, and energy," I began before I let the grin split my face. "But I love it. Might be a waste, but what the hell, I'll run it by Saratoga. Maybe she can work on it in her spare time instead of thinking of ways to prank people."
She gave me a rare genuine smile. "Thanks, Commander."
"I think we're past the need for formalities when we're outside of the office, Scharnhorst," I smiled back. "You can call me Kurt."
Her smile got brighter as she nodded. "Kurt. Alright."
Suddenly, the popping of firecrackers down below was split by a sudden sharp whistle, and we both turned to see the first firework arcing skyward on a trail of sparks before it burst into a beautiful red blossom. It was quickly followed by several more, lighting up the night sky in beautiful hues of reds, greens, and blues. Beside me, just barely audible over the sound of the fireworks, Scharnhorst gasped, and I turned to look at her. She was staring up at the sky in wide-eyed wonderment, simply enjoying the beauty of the moment. And at that moment, I found her utterly beautiful. While I think the groundwork was laid months ago, that night was the first step we took towards growing closer together…
The next morning felt brighter somehow. While we still felt the chill touch of winter, it didn't seem to bite as deeply today as it had yesterday. I found myself smiling at random points throughout my morning routine, excited to get started, even if it was more paperwork for the first half. And of course, I was eagerly looking forward to my sparring session with Scharnhorst at lunch today. I wanted to put those new moves I'd been studying to the test, and while I was certain she'd win as she always did, I was hoping I could at least put her on the back foot this time.
And I wasn't the only one starting the day in a good mood. When I entered the office, I found Gneisenau waiting with a smile of her own.
"Guten Morgen, Commander," she greeted me as I got settled in. "I trust you had a good evening, ja?"
My smile grew brighter at the memory of last night. "Very good, yes. Thank you, Gneisenau. Hadn't realized you were so devious, but I'm damn glad you are."
"It was my pleasure," she said with a humble bow. "You two had been miserable for the past couple of months, and it's nice to see you in much better moods today."
Something she said caught my attention, and I tilted my head. "Hang on. I thought you said Scharnhorst was doing fine whenever I asked about her."
"And she was," Gneisenau carefully said, aware of the tightrope she was walking. "In a sense. She threw herself into her work, into her training, but...when she was with you, Commander, there was a spark. Something I don't ever see unless we're in the fiercest fighting. But you managed to bring that out in her without unbelievable levels of death and destruction, and when you two...parted ways...that spark vanished again. So in a sense, she was fine, she was as she was before she met you, but...for a while, she had been better."
The revelation hit me like a punch in the gut as I numbly sat fell into my chair. "Why...why didn't you tell me?"
"Because you weren't fine," she stated. "If I told you that she lost that spark, you would have wanted to fix it. I knew Scharnhorst wanted nothing more to do with you, so if you tried to help, it would have made things much, much worse." She shrugged. "Or at least, that's what I assumed. It was a theory I didn't want to test."
"Fair enough," I muttered as I went over the possible scenario in my head. "And you're probably right." I hesitated for a moment, then steeled myself and said, "Last night...when she came back, was the…?"
Gneisenau smiled warmly and nodded. "It could have lit up the room."
Whatever lingering doubts and worries I had about Scharnhorst and I were swept away in a tidal wave of relief and joy. I smiled broadly and nodded once. "Good...good… Oh! That reminds me, I need to run an R&D request down to Saratoga when you get the chance."
Her smile suddenly died, replaced by a look of horror and disbelief. "Nein," she whispered. "She didn't."
My own smile grew and I perked up. "Oh, she told you about it already?"
Gneisenau stared at me, stunned at what I'd just admitted to. "I thought she was joking."
"Which part, the shell or me going along with it?"
"You going along with it," she said with a shake of her head. "I thought you'd never go for something so frivolous."
I smiled and casually shrugged. "It'll keep Saratoga busy, so fewer pranks, and if she can make one, it'll make Scharnhorst happy. Win-win in my book."
Gneisenau grinned ruefully. "Despite my reservations, I will go ahead and pass your request along, Commander. I hope this doesn't blow up in your face."
"Mine or Scharnhorst's," I chuckled. "Unless you're willing to help test it?"
A look of horror and revulsion crossed her face as she emphatically shook her head. "I think I liked it better when you two were miserable," she said with a sly grin that took any sting those words might have had.
"You've got no one to blame but yourself for this," I reminded her.
She looked at me, a soft smile on her lips before she nodded once. "True. But I think a few fireworks shells and singed eyebrows is worth seeing your spark again."
With that, she turned and headed back to her desk. I watched her go for a moment, trying to figure out what she meant by your spark. Surely she meant Scharnhorst's...right? And then I realized how much I'd been smiling today, the good mood I'd been in, all of it. That old, familiar feeling in my chest… I knew what that meant.
I was falling for Scharnhorst.
Uh-oh.
A/N-Huzzah! Our main characters reunited once more! And like a delicious roux, the plot continues to thicken. What will come next for our proto-couple? Tune in next week! But before that, keep an eye open for that extra surprise. It'll be posted to both Reddit and my twitter page ( admiral_fluffy). Until next time, fair winds and following seas!
