Oh no.
No no no no no no no. This cannot be happening. Not now! We just patched things up, I finally got my friend back, maybe my best friend, and now I had to go and develop feelings for her? What was wrong with me?
"Friends before lovers makes for a stronger bond, Kurt." My mother's voice echoed in my head. "I've got no better friend than your father…"
"Thanks, Mom," I grumbled under my breath as I rested my head in my hands, pretending to diligently study the daily fuel consumption reports. When the numbers didn't magically rearrange themselves into the answer I was looking for, I lifted my head up and leaned back in my chair, my mind still racing. And then my brain dropped another bombshell on me.
What if Scharnhorst feels the same way?
Before I could reign in my imagination, it had already run wild with the idea of us confessing our love to each other, spending happy moments with each other, and ending each night in a passionate embrace. I tried to quickly suppress such ludicrous thoughts and shook my head. Now I was just letting my mind run wild with crazy, unsupported ideas. We'd just gotten back to being friends, there was no way she'd want to jump into a romantic relationship with me, especially given her dismissive stance against love in general.
I took several deep, calming breaths and tried to calm down. I was probably blowing things out of proportion. In all likelihood, I was just really happy to have someone again who I could talk to, to spend time with, and I just confused that platonic happiness for romantic feelings. The more I thought about it, the more I managed to convince myself that was the case. Just some crossed wires in my misfiring brain, that's all. Yeah, that was it. After a few moments, I'd put all that behind me and happily got back to work.
The day seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, it was lunchtime. As I filed the last report before leaving, I glanced over at Gneisenau, who had a knowing grin on her face.
"Good luck, Commander," she smiled as she shooed me out the door. "Tell my sister I said hello."
I couldn't help but return the infectious smile with one of my own as I gave her a wave. "Will do!"
I made it to the gym five minutes early, only to find Scharnhorst ready and waiting for me. Her eye widened in surprise and then darted to the clock on the wall to make sure she was reading it right. She quickly covered her shock with a rakish grin as she sauntered over to me and casually tossed a training sword to me. "Was wondering if you were gonna make it."
I managed to catch the sword in mid-air without looking like an idiot and took a few practice swings with it. Heavier than I remember. "Don't even," I chuckled, "I saw the look on your face. Besides, did you really think I'd pass this up after all we went through to get back here? Not even the Sirens could drag me away from this."
Scharnhorst idly twirled her training sword in her hand. "So, how much of the book have you read?"
"About half," I answered as I saluted her with the blade and took up a ready stance.
She returned the salute with a solemn one of her own and slowly moved into her own ready stance. "Alright then," she grinned wolfishly, "Show me what you've learned."
Without a second's hesitation, I darted forward with a high attack, our blades ringing out as she deftly parried and pushed back. I stepped back as she countered, and it was all I could do to hold onto the sword as I blocked her blows.
Scharnhorst paused for a moment as she assessed the initial clash. "Form's looking good, but you look a bit winded. Looks like you've been spending too much time pushing pencils up in your ivory tower."
I shrugged, feeling the sweat already beginning to drip down my forehead. "Yeah, well, base won't run itself."
"Bah!" she spat as she lunched at me with a high attack of her own. "That's no excuse and you know it!" I barely got my blade up in time to parry, this time pushing back with a strike at her midsection.
"Gimme a break!" I shot back as she batted my sword away. "Who else was I going to spar with?"
Her blade flashed as she counterattacked again, and this time, I wasn't quick enough to parry. She caught me right on the side, and I grunted as I felt it, even through the padding. "Dunno," she shrugged. "Maybe try rock climbing or jogging or something. Just get out of that damn office for a change."
An interesting thought ran through my head, and I grinned at her. "And what'll it take to get you into someplace nice, quiet, and introspective for a change?"
"A cold day in hell," she deadpanned.
"I'm serious," I said, trying to keep the grin from my face. "You want me out of the office and I want you to not focus solely on combat. Sounds like there's a compromise just waiting to happen."
"Or a fight waiting to happen," she snarkily replied. Before I could say anything else, she sighed and seemed to give it some serious thought. After a moment, she looked around and walked over so that only I could hear what she was about to say. "Look...maybe I could be persuaded to read another...poem or two." She caught the look of surprise and delight on my face and quickly added, "B-but you've gotta get out of the office and do something with me in return!"
"Of course," I happily agreed. "Just name the time, place, what I'll need to wear and I'll be there. Are there any preferences for specific authors or poems?"
She shrugged and looked mildly uncomfortable as she rubbed the back of her neck. "I dunno. Just...pick out a couple you'll think I'll like and we'll go from there."
I nodded eagerly as I stretched my arms, waiting for the pain in my torso to subside. "Okay, I'll peruse a few books from my collection."
Some of the unease had begun to fade from Scharnhorst, and she nodded slowly to herself. "Good, good...now, I think we've got time for another couple of rounds before we've got to grab lunch."
I simply smiled and raised my sword in salute.
That evening, I went home and spent a few hours perusing my book collections for poems I thought Scharnhorst would be interested in...and few I thought she might not. She could always surprise me and latch on to something I wouldn't have guessed. It was one of her better qualities; the ability to just come out of the blue with something unexpected and challenge my perception of her. Having set those books aside for whenever our free time would allow it, I called it a night.
The next morning, I found Belfast in the office as my temporary secretary while Gneisenau and Scharnhorst were off on a training exercise. Which is the first thing Belfast brought up when I walked in the door.
"Good morning, Master," she curtesyed before grabbing a report from her desk and handing it over to me. "I hate to start off the day on such a bad note, but...I thought you should see this…"
With a growing trepidation and rising sense of dread, I took the sheet of paper from her hand and skimmed over it. It was the roster for today's training exercise, which, in and of itself wasn't unusual. Gneisenau let me know ahead of time and had already picked out Belfast to replace her for this morning. As I continued through the roster, however, one name jumped out at me.
Taihou. This time, however, she was on the opposing team.
"Oh boy," I sighed. "Well, it was inevitable for this to happen at some point…"
"Would you like me to call over and have them change the roster?"
Honestly, I thought long and hard about it. On the one hand, I knew for a fact Scharnhorst is still nursing a Yamato-sized grudge against Taihou for what she did and would likely act recklessly. On the other, I can't step in and switch out the roster without a damn good reason, and "these two don't like each other" isn't good enough in my book. "No," I finally answered with a slow shake of my head. "Hopefully they'll be able to get out their frustrations on the battlefield."
The head maid smiled politely and dutifully curtsied. "As you wish. If you don't mind me asking, Master, what seems to be the source of the bad blood between the two of them?"
"Me," I answered with a humorless grin. "Taihou thought Scharnhorst was a rival for my affections and used her position as secretary to keep us apart."
Belfast frowned and peered over at the report again as if it would glean some deep dark secret from it before glancing over at me. "If you don't mind me asking, Master, why does she view Scharnhorst as a rival? I thought your relationship with her was strictly platonic."
"It is," I partially lied. It was way too early in the morning to unpack those feelings right now. "But my friendship with her also means I'm spending more time with her, which made her something of an...unknowing rival to Taihou. And she was operating under the misguided assumption that if she were to remove Scharnhorst from my life, I would willingly jump into her arms."
"I see…" Belfast nodded as she thought things over. "...would you?"
"Pffft," I scoffed. "She's already done enough damage to my relationships and violated far too many personal boundaries for me to even consider her as a romantic interest. And even if she hadn't...no, it wouldn't have worked out. She's more than willing to just...go along with me than voice an objection."
"I do recall you expressing a desire for someone who…'challenged you', correct?" she asked with a coy grin.
Something was off here. I didn't recall talking to Belfast about my romantic escapades(if one could even call them that). "I did...but how did you find out about it?"
Her coy grin got bigger and she unhelpfully shrugged. "Oh, word gets around. I wouldn't worry about it too much, Master. You know how quickly gossip can spread on the base."
"True," I sighed as I handed the report back to her. "So what's the latest scuttlebutt flying around this morning?"
"Oh, not much," she demurred. "I think the biggest news is that you and Scharnhorst are friends once again, and happier for it."
I blinked, not sure I'd heard that right. "That's the biggest news in base gossip? A mended friendship? Must be a slow news day," I scoffed.
"Well, it's less about the event so much as it is about whom it concerns," she explained. "This shouldn't come as a great shock to you, Master, but we take your well-being seriously, and when you and Scharnhorst had your little falling out, well, it affected you. Perhaps you didn't realize it, but it certainly showed."
No, I realized all too well how bad it had hurt me, but I didn't realize I had been wearing my heart on my sleeve the entire time. "I'm sorry if I worried anyone," I weakly began, but Belfast emphatically shook her head.
"Nothing to be sorry for, Master. Things happen beyond our control, and we all find ourselves hurt from time to time. We knew it would pass, one way or another, but it was still quite uplifting to find you in such high spirits yesterday."
"Well...that's good at least," I muttered as I quickly looked to extricate myself from this suddenly personal conversation. Serves me right for asking. "In any case, I'd like to see the results of that exercise when it's completed. I want to see if my suspicions are correct or not."
"As you wish, Master," Belfast curtseyed and turned to head back to her desk before turning back around again. "Oh, and Master, I left you a hot cup of tea on your desk to get started…"
While Belfast and I didn't have any outstanding chemistry or synergy, we were still an efficient team, and work continued at a relatively good pace. Until the results from the morning's exercise came in, that is.
Belfast hurried over to my desk, the report in hand and a mournful look on her face. I glanced up at her from the annual ammunition expenditures and knew immediately how it went. "That bad, huh?"
"I'm afraid so," she nodded as she set the report down in front of me. "Dead last."
"What?" I exclaimed as I snatched the report and began poring over it. Unfortunately, it was just as Belfast said: Scharnhorst had placed dead last. Literally. She had been listed as "sunk" just two minutes into the engagement. According to the report, she'd taken off on her own, steering a direct course for Taihou. Even with Gneisenau providing belated support, it hadn't been enough to save her, and she'd been sunk by a combination of gunfire and torpedoes. Pointedly, Taihou herself had been the one to administer the coup de gras, a gesture I'm sure would only infuriate Scharnhorst further.
I set the report down and leaned back in my chair as I let out a long, drawn-out sigh. "This is hardly the first time she's refused to back down from a challenge," Belfast added, still dutifully standing by my desk.
"Yeah," I groaned as I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "It's a thing with her. 'In Scharnhorst's dictionary, the word-'"
"'-retreat simply doesn't exist!'" she finished for me. "She's made that plain on a number of occasions. She seems to show a reckless disregard for her well-being in battle and while she's skilled or pugnacious enough to fight her way out of it, it was only a matter of time before someone was able to figure her out and set a trap."
"And now it's likely Taihou will do this again and again and again either out of spite or a misguided attempt to win me back…" I leaned forward, gathered up the report, and handed it back to Belfast. "Thanks for keeping me up to date on this, Bel. I'll have a word with Scharnhorst at our sparring session today."
A bemused smile crossed her face as she took the report back. "Challenging a woman like Scharnhorst when she's armed?" she teased. "You are a bold one, Master."
"Hey, at least I'll be wearing padding then," I quipped. Well, that, plus it would be easier to make my point in the sparring ring. I only hoped she would be able to listen…
The sound of clashing swords rang out through the gym as Scharnhorst and I crossed swords, deftly parrying and countering each other's blows. After a particularly tense and rapid flurry of strikes, we both took a step back to catch our breath.
"You're getting good at this, Kurt," she grinned as she slowly lowered her blade. "A few more weeks and you may finally be able to have a fraction of a chance to beat me."
"Oh, that victory is coming sooner than you think," I grinned back as I mirrored her actions. "I've been studying your patterns."
"I'm not as easy to read as you think," she fired back as she stretched her arms one at a time.
For a split second, I hesitated. This was as good an opportunity to discuss this morning's exercise as I've had this session, but I was afraid I could damage the relationship again. Ironically enough, I took a page out of Scharnhorst's "never retreat" playbook and charged ahead. "Tell that to Taihou."
She froze mid-stretch, and her blue eye blazed with barely contained fury. With deliberate slowness, she grabbed the blade and resumed a fighting stance. "You really want to go there? With her?"
I swallowed hard and lifted my blade, preparing myself for what I expected to be my hardest fight yet. "You know she's gunning for you because of us, right?" I stated, my muscles tensing. "She's trying to provoke you into doing something stupid and then punishing you for it."
"Enough talk," she growled as she lunged forward, bringing her sword down in a high arc.
I deflected the blow, but only just, the strength of the impact sending a jolt of pain down my arms. I pushed back as I jabbed with my sword, aiming for her chest. "You've got to know when to fall back, otherwise she's going to keep doing this to you," I grimaced as she batted the blade away.
Scharnhorst snarled at the mere suggestion of a retreat. "Not gonna happen," she snarled, lunging forward with her counterattack. "Besides, you're one to talk. If there's even so much of a mention of your ex-girlfriend, you go blank."
There it was. There was the opening we were both looking for. I pretended to falter, to "go blank" as she put it, and when she moved in for the kill, I did what she least suspected-I ducked out of the way. The look of sheer surprise on her face alone made it worth it as I darted forward, inside her guard, and grabbed hold of her wrists. While grabbing hold of her with my hands, my foot snaked around and swept her leg, throwing her onto the mat.
The swords clattered to the ground, and I thought I heard someone gasp as I found myself atop Scharnhorst for a change, with a smug, victorious grin on my face. "And I do believe that is a pin, Fraulein Scharnhorst," I smirked.
She simply stared blankly at me, momentarily unable to comprehend that she'd lost. Then her old self returned, and she gave me a wicked grin. "So it is," she said. "Have to admit, I thought that would still work."
"It's been a few months," I shrugged. "Moved on, gotten over her."
Something mischievous twinkled in Scharnhorst's eye. "Oh? Found someone new, have you?"
For a moment, I froze, fearing that she somehow knew I had feelings for her. That was all the opportunity she needed. Her leg hooked around my foot, she bucked her hips and rolled me over. Now, once again, I found myself in our usual position: me on my back, Scharnhorst on top of me, and a victorious, smug smile on her face.
As she looked down at me, and I up at her, our eyes met. Whatever snarky comment either of us had died as we each saw something. We didn't recognize it at first, something hidden behind layers of defenses and wounded hearts, but as we tried to discover what was in the other's eyes, those defenses fell away, until, at least, we realized what was buried there and what we'd just exposed to the other. The attraction was mutual. Scharnhorst and I had feelings for each other.
We both stiffened, going completely still as we broke eye contact, trying to figure out the magnitude of what we'd just discovered. After a second, Scharnhorst got off of me and sat on the mats, facing away from me. I sat up and faced away from her as well as I tried to work through this sudden revelation. How long had she had those feelings? Did she realize she'd even had them before now? And the most important question, what do we do about it? Lunch was definitely going to be awkward, that was for sure…
Scharnhorst seemed to realize that at about the same time I did and spoke up. "Commander...uh, Kurt, uh, Commander Admiral Kurt...I uh...I just realized I have an important thing to do so I'm going to uh...skip lunch if that's okay with you?"
"Yes!" I answered, a little too enthusiastically, I might add, as I seized upon the opportunity. "Yeah, no, that's fine. I forgot I had a thing...at the office...with all the paperwork."
"Right, yeah. Paperwork. Gotcha." She eagerly agreed.
"All of those...reports for...uh...reporting. Very important."
"Mhm."
The dreaded awkward silence descended upon us, and I decided to leave before it became even more oppressive than it already was. "Well, I'm going to go then. See you later?"
"Y-yeah!" She nodded, glancing back at me as we got up before we each slunk away to our respective locker rooms.
As complicated as I thought things had already gotten, little did I know they were about to get much worse…
After showering, I swung by my quarters to pick up a quick bite to eat instead of stopping by the mess hall. I didn't want to accidentally bump into Scharnhorst again, and I needed to clear my head more than anything right now. The weather was beautiful for early February, so I decided to take a walk around the base, get some air, and hopefully some perspective.
The foremost question on my mind was what were we going to do about our feelings for one another? I saw it in her eye, as plain as day, and I know she saw it in mine. It was no longer something I could hide, something I could just brush off as a momentary infatuation. This was something we had to address, to confront. Our relationship was going to change again, of that I was certain. But if it changed into something romantic, could it survive? Or if we kept it platonic, would we wonder about what might have been?
By the end of my walk, I had more questions than when I started, and to make matters worse, trouble seemed to be brewing down at the mess hall. Several kansen were running towards it, piling in with what seemed to be eager anticipation. I didn't recall there being an ice cream social on the menu today, so I headed over to check it out. As I got closer, I could hear two voices over the din, one screaming angrily and the other shrieking in terror.
When I finally pushed my way through the crowd, what I saw shocked me. A table had been upended, chairs scattered everywhere and Taihou was on the floor, shrieking like a plucked chicken as she clung to Cleveland, who seemed to be both consoling and protecting her from her assailant. Her assailant, much to my horror and dismay, was Scharnhorst, who was still shouting invectives so vulgar they are unfit to print here(or anywhere else, for that matter) as she was being held back by Alabama, Shangri-La, and Intrepid. I watched this train wreck continue for another few seconds in stunned silence before I found my voice.
"WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HELL IS GOING ON?!" I bellowed, and everyone immediately stopped to look at me. All of them looked shocked, Scharnhorst looked downright terrified, and I could see Taihou beginning to try and spin this in her favor.
She was the first to speak up as she began to crawl forward, "My Commander, this...this...vile beast-" she began, pointing at Scharnhorst.
"Stay there," I ordered her, and she quickly stopped, sitting down and pulling her legs up to her chest. "Is this true?" I asked as I looked at the rest of the group.
Scharnhorst stepped forward, her eye unable to meet mine. "Yes, sir," she meekly answered. "I threw the first punch."
Goddammit. I sighed but kept my stern expression as I ordered, "My office. Now."
I stayed silent the entire walk back, and Scharnhorst stayed a respectable distance behind. While I'd seen her cowed on occasion, I don't think I'd ever seen her this...humbled before.
When we made it back to the office, I opened the door and stood aside to allow Scharnhorst to enter first. We still were avoiding each other's eyes as she slipped inside. Belfast looked up from her work with a smile, but that quickly died when she saw the look on her face.
"Give us fifteen, Belfast," I curtly stated, and she quickly nodded and hurried from the room. Once she had left, I shut the door behind her, locked it, and looked over to Scharnhorst. "Take a seat."
Scharnhorst was standing at attention, dutifully facing my desk, presuming I would be sitting there for this dressing down. "I would prefer to stand, sir," she quietly answered.
"I wasn't asking," I growled. "Seat. Now."
She hesitated for another second before she took a seat, and I waited for another second more before I let out another long, aggrieved sigh. "Dammit, Scharnhorst," I began, "I can't let something like this slide, not with the scene you caused. What the hell got into you?"
She continued to look forward, pointedly avoiding my gaze. "I'd rather not say, sir."
"You'd rather not say," I repeated, almost incredulous. "Your future as part of my command is on the line, and rather than offer up any explanation to save your skin, you'd rather not say? Are you kidding me right now?" I walked around to my desk, leaning down to get a good look at her face. "I need to know what happened."
She avoided my gaze again and folded her arms over her chest, but now I could see she was clearly upset, on the verge of tears by the looks of things. "I don't want to talk about it, sir." she emphatically repeated.
I stared her down for a few more seconds, waiting to see if she would crack. When her resolve held, I let out a noise of frustration and straightened up again, shaking my head in disgust. "Fine. Stay there," I ordered her as I made my way to the door. "There were other witnesses besides you and Taihou. Between them, maybe I'll get the truth of what really took place."
As I put my hand on the doorknob, Scharnhorst finally said, in a quiet and broken voice, "It was about you."
A/N-What could it be, oh, what could it be? Guess we'll have to find out next week! In an update on the character poll, currently, Takao still remains in first place, but August von Parseval's rallied and made some strides with less than two weeks left. Until next time, fair winds and following seas!
