Hello to the world from the regretful-but-have-to-take-it-easy writer of this lovely (I hope) story! I apologise, but the updates might not be as frequent as every week, which they haven't been for a while (I was really proud of that when I started posting this :P), but I keep on writing! I hope you all have a wonderful day/night wherever you are, and enjoy this next chapter :)
Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries
It was bright in the room when my eyes fluttered open. Too bright. Closing them again, I felt my fingers and toes twitch when my body started coming to.
''She's awake!'' someone called, instantly being hushed by another person. I couldn't tell who it was, but they sounded familiar.
Begrudgingly opening my eyes, I blinked a couple of times before I could make out anything. It wasn't actually that bright, light just seemed to annoy my eyes.
''W-what happened?'' I croaked. ''W-where am I?'' My throat was dry and my chest felt heavy trying to get the words out.
''You're in your room,'' a familiar voice told me.
I flew up in shock, but fell back against the bed immediately because my body didn't seem to have the energy to keep me in an upright position.
''What happened?'' I asked again with cough and looked around groggily. Elena was there, so was Bonnie. Every time I blinked they became clearer.
''What do you remember?'' Elena asked, gazing at me carefully.
''N-nothing,'' I said, smacking my tongue against my dry pallet. ''I think.'' I tried to remember something, anything, but came up blank.
''Jonas set fire to the Grill,'' Elena said mournfully. ''He blocked all the exits. We found you on the floor when we could get out.''
I frowned. ''On the floor?''
''It must've been too much for you, all the panic, you know?''
Pain flashed through my head and I brought a shaky hand up to touch my temple, moaning. ''Ow...''
''I think...'' Elena gulped. ''I mean, you were pretty bad. Physically, too. Someone might've kicked at your head.''
Frowning, I traced the skin on the side of my face. It was coarse and tender, probably covered in dried up blood or just the roughness of scabs.
''Is...'' I swallowed. ''Is everyone okay?''
Elena opened her mouth to say something, only to close it again and throw a quick glance at Bonnie.
''Yeah... now, at least.''
''What do you mean?''
''Look, you need to rest,'' Elena said. ''Really. I'll tell you everything later.''
I wasn't really happy about it, but my mind was so clouded that didn't fuzz over it for too long. Just when my eyes were about to shut close I jerked awake, realising something.
''Work!'' I exclaimed, shuffling, trying to get up but my body didn't do what I wanted it to. ''Work, I have work tonight!''
''Ev, I don't think the Grill is going to be open today,'' Elena said calmly.
Relaxing again, I let out a confused sound. ''Oh.'' I remembered. ''Of course.'' Frowning, I touched my bruised head again. Maybe I had a concussion?
I felt two hands gently press me back against the pillows again and I closed my eyes voluntarily this time, letting out a breath that felt like the weight of the world in my lungs, and my body relaxed slightly, falling asleep to the hushed voices of Elena and Bonnie whispering words I couldn't make out.
When I woke, I was alone. Adjusting to the light and and managing to focus in on everything around me was much easier this time around, so the sleep had obviously done me some good. How long had I been asleep for? I frowned, trying to find my phone.
''You're awake,'' Elena came in through the half-open door and smiled at me. ''We didn't want to wake you, so we let you be alone.''
I nodded, still feeling a bit out of sorts. ''What time is it?''
''You've been asleep for...'' Elena looked at her phone, ''ten hours, give or take.''
She came over and sat down on the edge of the bed. She motioned towards something on the nightstand next to me. ''I got you some water. You should drink.''
I reached out for the glass with a shaky hand and took a sip, feeling a little better almost immediately, because my throat was still really dry.
''You look a little better,'' she commented.
''I guess,'' I frowned, staring absentmindedly at the glass in my hand.
''What's wrong?''
What was wrong? Apart from feeling like a big lump of jelly, I was angry. Angry and frustrated beyond belief. I suppose I should be grateful I was well enough to have energy to feel like that, but it was like my insides were boiling and a part of me just wanted to punch a whole through the nearest wall.
''I need to learn how to control this,'' I said through gritted teeth. ''I have to, I mean, look what happened! I couldn't do anything! I couldn't help anyone, I couldn't-''
''It's not your fault,'' Elena said.
''But it is!'' I exclaimed feverishly. ''I can't control this... this thing, so of course it's my fault!''
''It's not your fault that you are who you are, though.''
''I should be able to control it,'' I whispered, sinking, defeated, back into the pillows. I felt my forehead getting hot and sweaty from the energy running through me.
''Then...'' Elena looked determined. ''I'll help you.''
I gazed up at her. ''What?''
''You heard me,'' she said.
''But...'' I paused. ''How? How can I prepare for something like yesterday?''
''We'll start with the easy part, the projecting-thing,'' she decided. ''You have to start somewhere, right?''
I turned my eyes to my now tightly clasped hands.
''What is it?''
I debated whether or not I should tell her. We had established some kind of friendship over the last months, but I always hesitated when it came to opening up to people. I was so used to bottling my emotions up so that they wouldn't seep out and cause trouble. Thinking about it now, it was probably worse to keep everything in – but I was so used to it.
Meeting her eyes briefly, I drew a shaky breath and stared down again.
''I'm scared,'' I whispered.
Elena sat down next to me. ''I know.''
She reached out her hand and put it on top of mine before I'd even realised what she'd done.
''No! What are you-''
''You don't have to be scared,'' she smiled tentatively. ''See?''
I paused, and realised that I didn't feel anything.
''I don't feel any different – even though you're scared,'' Elena told me with an encouraging smile. ''It doesn't happen all the time, does it?''
''No,'' I mumbled, ''but-''
''I mean, you must've touched your mum thousands of times,'' she continued. ''Does every touch mean that you read or transfer something?''
''No, but-''
''Then you shouldn't have to be scared, especially not if we start practising,'' she concluded.
''But,'' I said meekly, one last time.
''I know you're brave, Ev,'' Elena looked at me seriously. ''We were kidnapped together, you know.''
Grimacing, I squirmed and clenched my fists. ''That's just... I've had this my whole life, you know?''
It wasn't really the easiest thing to face what you'd spent your whole life avoiding. I knew I had to make it work, I had to. But I was so, so scared when I was on the brink of actually doing it.
''So...'' Elena asked carefully after a while of me debating in my head. ''Are you up for this?''
I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath, filling my lungs, and then slowly letting it out. I nodded, albeit hesitant. ''But maybe later...'' I frowned, thinking that I'd forgotten something. Slapping my hand over my mouth, I gasped. ''Where's my mum? Does she know what happened?''
''She called your phone, so I told her you were a little shaken up but we took you home. She sent someone here to check your head, too. You might be a little sore for a week or so, but nothing serious.''
''Oh,'' I breathed. ''Good.''
''By the way,'' Elena said, and she had that tone in her voice that I'd learned she only had when she was about give bad news. ''Katherine's out of the tomb, too. So be careful.''
''How'd she get out?''
''Elijah's compulsion wore off when he died'', Elena said with an irritated look on her face.
Frowning, I prepared myself to ask a question I'd wanted to ask for a while.
''Elena...'' I began. ''How can you talk so... I mean... How can you talk about death so easily?''
She smiled tiredly. ''It's not normal, I know,'' she said, looking a little sad. ''But it's been my normal for so long now. And...'' she inhaled. ''If it comes down to the people that I love getting killed, or me, I know what my choice is going to be.''
When my mum got home, she made a lot of fuss so Elena and I decided that she'd come back later that night when things had calmed down a bit, and I was in the middle of playing a game on my phone when I heard my mother calling from downstairs.
''Honey, Elena Gilbert's here!''
''Coming!'' I shouted back and put the phone aside, jumping off the bed with new found energy and taking a quick look around to make sure my room looked okay, and then skipped down the stairs and saw the brunette in the doorway talking to my mother. My legs felt a little weak and my head throbbed from time to time, but otherwise I felt a whole lot better.
I could tell by my mother's expression that she was happy that I seemed to be hanging out with more people than usual. Sure, she'd basically only learned it yesterday, when Elena called her to say that I'd passed out, but I knew she was pleased nonetheless.
''Okay, so how do we do this?'' I asked Elena when we sat facing each other on my bed, my bedroom door closed.
''Well, it's up to you,'' she began, biting her bottom lip absentmindedly, ''maybe... shielding yourself first?''
''But it's really hard to try to feel something in particular,'' I pointed out with a frown.
''I'll give it a shot,'' Elena shrugged and closed her eyes. She crinkled her nose in concentration and lines creased her forehead. She looked like she was focusing intensely for a few seconds, until her face relaxed and her lips parted in a small smile.
I tentatively reached out and put the tip of my trembling fingers on her outstretched hand. The moment my skin touched hers I felt them warm up, the heat spreading from the tip of my fingers to my whole hand, my arm, my whole body. It wasn't overwhelming, but I could still feel something that I knew came from her.
When I pulled my hand away, she opened her eyes. ''So?''
I sighed, adjusting my pony tail. ''This is never going to work.''
''Hey, don't give me that,'' she threw me a look. ''What happened?''
''Well...'' I tried to shake the feeling off, because it still lingered on. ''I could feel what you felt, so it obviously didn't work.''
''We just have to try again.''
After a few more tries, the hopelessness started to completely take over me.
''Why isn't it working?'' I cried. ''I've accidentally touched people before and not felt anything?''
''Maybe because you're really focused on this now?'' Elena offered.
''Maybe...'' I let out a heavy sigh. ''Okay, let's do it again.''
''Sure,'' Elena said and closed her eyes for what felt like the trillionth time.
I waited until she relaxed again, and then I took a deep breath and tried to focus again. All those books and movies where someone put up a mental barrier never really explained how it could be done. I felt so silly trying to ''shield my brain'', like a complete moron, but at the same time I wondered why I hadn't tried it before.
When I touched her this time, I expected to get all tingly and warm all over again, but the feeling never came. I frowned, but didn't remove my hand, or my focus.
''Elena,'' I mumbled, keeping as still as possible. She hummed in response. ''I think it's working.''
''Really?''
''Yeah,'' I said, a smile tugging at my lips. ''I think-''
I'd started to feel prickling in my fingers and immediately drew my hand back, opening my eyes.
''Well, it worked,'' I said gloomily, emphasising the fact that it lasted way shorter than I wanted it to.
Elena's brown eyes lit up and she beamed at me. ''That's amazing, though. See, I told you you'd get it! How did you do it?''
I felt really childish explaining it to her, even more so than I did to myself in my own head. But she didn't seem to mind, maybe because she was so used to strange things by now that nothing faced her.
We tried it a few more times, and it worked every time as long as I concentrated enough. After a while I was completely exhausted, my eyes drooping.
''Thank you, Elena,'' I said sincerely. ''Really. You don't know what this means to me.''
''I can imagine,'' she said, giving me a hug. ''We'll keep working on it.''
After Elena left, I went into the kitchen to grab something small to eat, and just as I was putting my foot on the first step in the staircase my mum called me from the living room.
''Yeah?'' I popped my head past the wall, looking at her. She turned half-way so she could see me from she sofa, and smiled.
''So you're hanging out with Elena Gilbert?''
''I suppose,'' I chewed, lowering the apple from my mouth.
''Anyone else new in your life I've yet to meet?''
Obviously, she meant the ''mystery guy'', but he was dead, and I wouldn't tell her anyhow.
''Caroline Forbes, Bonnie Bennett,'' I counted. ''Sometimes Stefan Salvatore, but mostly because he's Elena's boyfriend, so we just end up at the same place a lot.''
I even surprised myself with how easy it was to sound normal talking about it. To my mother it would sound like we went to the movies, hung out and had pizza or something, when the truth was so much worse. Most of the time. The girl's night had been really fun until the fire happened.
Mum didn't look so tired. Sure, her blonde hair was dishevelled and she had dark circles under her eyes, most likely from working late, but letting out her feelings seemed to have lightened her a little. That made me happy.
''I'm glad you're making friends, honey,'' she said with a smile.
''You make it sound like I'm completely anti-social,'' I huffed.
''You know what I mean.''
I smiled sheepishly. ''Yeah.''
When I got up to my room, I put the plate on my desk and went to close the curtains for the night. But, instead of closing them and turning to my computer for some shows to watch, I opened the window.
I half expected a hands-in-pockets suit clad man to stand there and stare up at me – not like he had done that many times before that I knew of – but the back yard was empty. I tried to tell myself that this wasn't some kind of Stockholm Syndrome-thing I'd started to develop, but I felt weird knowing that my friends had staked him. I couldn't explain it in any other way than that - I felt weird about it. Like I didn't want him to be dead, but not knowing if it was only because I didn't want people I knew going around killing people, or because a part of it consisted of something else. Something else having to do with who'd gotten killed.
I pushed the thought away quickly. I didn't need that to confuse me now. Elijah was dead, and that was it. Period.
There were so many things going on right now, I didn't know how to keep track of everything. Elijah's death, Katherine – whom I'd had the luck to only run into once – getting out of the tomb, and, especially, last night's absolute chaos.
To be honest, I didn't really know how to deal with what had happened last night. Maybe I didn't need to deal with it. I mean, as soon as I'd gotten a bit of my energy and strength back, it was like everything just passed me by like normal. I didn't cry about it, and I didn't curl up on my bed with my teddy bear or cover myself with three blankets and a night light on.
Elena said that this world was basically her normal now, and it seemed, somehow, I'd started to adapt now too. Did I want to? I don't know.
But it sure was easier.
Thank you for the kind reviews by the way, you're all awesome :)
