A/N: Again, important reminder that this is Day 3 of the season 1 finale! If you're like me and usually click the "newest chapter" button, make sure to read Chapter 26 and 27 if you haven't already. Anyways, as Zain knows, I've had plans for a while now to incorporate a little bit of Christmas into this chapter. Finally worked it in today! It's a small headcanon, and I hope it flows okay. Thanks to Zain for the review – I'm glad you found the chapter helpful and relatable, and I hope you like the Otonashi/Kanade stuff in this chapter!
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings, and enjoy!
[Chapter 28]: Parted
Otonashi told him exactly what he'd missed out on when he left the graduation party early. Yuri had been the next to leave not long after him, which was surprising. He had imagined that as leader she would be either the first or the last to leave. He'd opted out immediately so he didn't have to see or hear her tearful goodbye speech (which had apparently gone to Kanade).
Hinata had insisted on going next, even though Otonashi had offered ("Don't leave Kanade behind," he'd protested). Otonashi would later thank him a million times for enforcing this, for reasons that would be soon revealed. Left alone, Otonashi and Kanade had gone outside to spend a little more of the morning together. That was when he told her how he felt. Her response? Nothing but silence.
Boohoo, Ayato had wanted to say. Still not as bad as you must have been worth forgetting. But obviously, the story wasn't over.
Kanade told him why she was reluctant to reply. She had come to the afterlife to thank him for extending her life. She'd guessed it was him when they first met and she stabbed him in the hollow chest ("It's okay, she was just doing what I told her to," Otonashi had hastily explained to an aghast Ayato). He regained his memories from listening to her heartbeat when she was in that coma, because it was his own. And that meant she could finally fulfill her one regret.
"I told her I loved her. She thanked me. And she was gone," Otonashi said softly. "Vanished while she was still in my arms. Then it was just me."
"Just you," Ayato repeated, numb except for the goosebumps on his arms. "All alone in that world."
That was one of the worst fates he could think of. Being alone in the Afterlife, left behind, without the person he loved.
"But… you moved on," he pointed out. "You found her again."
"Not right away," Otonashi told him, smiling despite himself as a little girl ran squealing down the park trail chased by her mother. "Losing Kanade was hard for me – you know the feeling. My emotions got all mixed up, unstable. It tied me to that place. I needed some way to clear my head. I stayed for a while, became the student body president—"
"Wait a minute, aren't you a little older than me?" Ayato interjected. "You stayed that long… How does that work?"
Otonashi shrugged.
"How did Kanade get there before I did?" he said. "How is Iwasawa not a decade older than us? Time is either really weird down there, or reincarnation, even fate, doesn't play by our rules."
Ayato motioned for him to go on.
"I realized after a while… what I needed to do to make me want to move on." He played restlessly with his wedding ring. "I wanted to go after Kanade, sure. But initially I'd asked her to stay there with me. Because I wanted to make sure there was someone there who could help lost souls. If that couldn't be the two of us, I had to find someone to take my place."
"A human," Ayato considered. "But didn't Yuri say there weren't a lot of them? Not a lot of people like the Battlefront?"
Though now that he thought about it… if humans were that unheard of, there really wouldn't be much of a point to Otonashi staying behind to help them.
"I guess if they're rare, I got lucky," said Otonashi. "One day I just followed the sound of teenaged angst and there was this guy throwing a fit in the middle of a test. He rebelled against me, so I told him where to find me if he needed help. I became his mentor. His name was Maeda…"
A nostalgic grin crossed his face.
"Great kid. Real pain in my side at first, but in the end he became another friend carved into my soul." He leaned back, looking up at the sky in deep thought. "He showed me he could be a strong leader. I wonder if he's still there."
Ayato had to admit, that story was one of the reasons he still admired Otonashi. It was his selflessness that had kept him apart from Kanade for so long. His dedication to leadership and helping people find their way… it made him feel small in comparison.
So he added, rather petulantly, "Then you graduated, gained new life, and found Kanade again. Happy ending." He tried to lean over for a look at Otonashi's phone sitting on the table between them. "What time is it? Aren't you a doctor – shouldn't you be at work?"
Ayato's impatient urge for a subject change didn't offend him. Instead, he smirked sort of wistfully.
"Yeah, that's actually another thing I wanted to talk to you about," he said, self-consciously rubbing the back of his head. "I have this rule about making time for friends and family." He started to get up. "Long story, though, I guess you do have to get back to work soon—"
"Not really," Ayato said quickly, before he could stand. "I'm pretty sure my boss has been pushing the same agenda as you."
With a satisfied smile, Otonashi sat back down.
"Well, as I was saying," he continued on. "Kanade and I did meet again in this life, but I was a slacker and she was student council president. She didn't like me skipping school, and I didn't like some star student scolding me, because I got enough of that with Hatsune…"
Otonashi didn't know what to do as he walked home from the hospital that day.
Hatsune had caught an illness recently and suffice it to say it was not meshing well with the cancer. She was doing way worse. It was so hard to see her like this. He would do anything to make her feel better. Except that usually entailed buying her some manga to read, or a coloring book, or bringing in his video games and letting her watch and even play against him.
Today she had told him she didn't want a manga this week. She wanted him to find a tutor.
It was no secret that he wasn't doing well in school… in any of his classes. He told her over and over that studying was not as fun as she imagined it to be. She told him that studying would benefit him in the end, and insisted that learning new things was a joy in and of itself.
He told her when she grew up, she should be a teacher. And then she could be his tutor.
She'd laughed so hard at the thought of him being a thirty year old man in her own class that she thankfully didn't notice how his face had fallen at the mention of her living to be that old.
His sister was so optimistic. Why did she believe in him so much?
How could he ever let her down?
He stared straight ahead mindlessly, feeling the weight of his books in his backpack as he passed building after building. He didn't even know what he wanted to do with his life. Bringing up his grades was hopeless. He was hopeless…
The person leaning against 10Q LL Angel looked like a familiar face, but the thought was fleeting as he walked by. On the other hand, the humming didn't escape him. It was a familiar tune he couldn't put his finger on, and his mind's insistence to make the connection stopped him in his tracks. He turned slightly to listen close. Then, as he spotted the source, her silver hair and fair skin registered in his brain.
The student body president! Kanade Tachibana!
An idea popped into his head, but he had to act quickly. She was closing her phone and starting to walk away. Desperate, he scrambled after her as fast as he could, reached out, and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Tachibana!" Otonashi gasped when she turned around. "Help me!"
"Wait, how could she have known the song then?" Ayato asked. "All those years before the concert…"
Otonashi wasn't fazed by the question. "The same way Iwasawa knew it, I guess. That's what I always figured."
"But I don't recall that I've ever hummed the song in my life," he said, thinking back.
"I think it just affected Kanade in the Afterlife more than it did you," Otonashi said with a shrug. "You weren't all that impressed with it, remember? But Kanade loved it."
That was true. It was a good song, with a strong message. He'd just been too busy making a fuss over the school speakers to appreciate it the first time around.
The second time he heard it, he could safely say it made an impact.
"If that's the case, though, I wonder," Ayato mused, "why knowing and humming it didn't bring back either of your memories at the time."
Otonashi laughed warmly, as if at a funny inside joke.
"Well, as much as Kanade loves to argue for it, just humming the song doesn't do the trick."
To Otonashi's amazed relief, Tachibana had been so surprised and charmed by his heel-face-turn and desperation to do better that she agreed to be his tutor without too much groveling.
She helped him focus on studying and he helped her take breaks. It was a brilliant symbiotic relationship (mutualism, she called it). He never thought this would happen, but Tachibana – Kanade – became his friend so fast his head spun. So did his grades.
Soon, Kanade was even accompanying him on his Hatsune visits. His sister was so eager to meet the tutor who had managed to make her brother smart, while Kanade couldn't wait to know the little sister who had gotten him to actually care about school.
Did he mention how hilarious these girls were?
Despite their gentle teasing and ganging up on him, seeing Kanade and Hatsune get along like this made his heart soar. It was nice hearing Kanade talk to Hatsune about high school and her gardening club while he conversed with doctors about his sister's condition. She even started bringing in Hatsune's favorite flowers from time to time. Hatsune would gasp at every single one of them, with a smile that lit up the room. Seeing her so happy made his day that much brighter.
Once, while Otonashi was fluffing Hatsune's pillow, Kanade said something to him that caught him off-guard.
"Maybe you'd like to be a doctor," she told him. When he blinked at her and made a small confused sound, she pointed out how caring he was being with Hatsune. "And just now… you talk about her condition so easily. And you're always observing what the medical staff do for her."
"I don't know," Otonashi said, feeling bashful at the compliments. But maybe he did know. He really liked being able to help her.
"It's a great idea!" Hatsune was beaming as she hugged her newest manga to her chest (now that Otonashi was doing well in school, these were her regular gifts again). "You should do it, bro! You should be a doctor!"
He'd only started improving his grades this year, and they were talking to him about a medical career? Wouldn't that be really hard? It was a little overwhelming… but weirdly enough he meant that in a good way.
Hatsune was practically bouncing in her hospital bed with excitement.
"Dr. Otonashi!" she cried, which made him smile just a little bit. "You could take as good care of people as you do with me! And then you'd make enough money to buy a big house for me, you, and Kanade."
"Wait, what?" Otonashi stammered.
Hatsune's confidence didn't waver one bit. "Because you and Kanade are going to get married someday. Right, bro? You would make a cute couple."
Otonashi choked on air. Kanade merely smiled at him.
After that, Hatsune had been a little more discreet but obstinate about the topic. She raved about how wonderful it would be to have Kanade as a sister, and whenever he came to visit her alone she encouraged him to ask her out. She could tell he liked her a lot. And, well, his sister had always been perceptive.
It was around December when she made another secret gift request. He'd passed along the idea to Hatsune that he could sneak her out for Christmas to see the trees and lights she loved so much. He could almost get his fill of Christmas lights from the joy in her eyes as she squealed her gratitude. But then—
"On one condition," she said, sobering up immediately.
"What's that?"
"Ask Kanade to come with us!"
Otonashi reddened at the fierce grin that crossed Hatsune's face. "Seriously? C'mon…"
Hatsune gave him her most innocent doe-eyed look in return. "You don't want to spend Christmas with her?"
"It's not like that. I just know where your mind is going," he said sternly, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. "Be honest. Is this going to be like a date?"
"A sort of date." When Otonashi huffed, Hatsune grabbed his hand. "You know it wouldn't be the same without her!"
Otonashi sighed, unable to disagree. "She won't like the 'sneaking you out' part."
"She'd do it for us," Hatsune insisted. "I just know it."
"Alright," he said, caving. "I'll ask her."
"Yay! Thank you, bro!"
He was right to take her word for it, because on Christmas evening he found himself taking in the sights of a festive downtown, piggybacking Hatsune with Kanade at his side. The formerly strict student body president's reluctance to violate hospital regulations had been fleeting, and she merely waited outside while Otonashi slipped his sister past the staff. Maybe he'd been a bad influence on her. The thought made him grin even wider as he watched her excitedly point out all the beautiful trees to his similarly dazzled sister.
It was snowing in speckles that night, and their breaths came out in silver clouds. Kanade admired her own, catching snowflakes on her gloves.
"It's very cold out, isn't it…" She glanced over her shoulder. "Are you doing alright back there, Hatsune?"
"Yeah." Hatsune's small voice was muffled against Otonashi's neck. "Everything's so pretty."
"Really pretty," Otonashi agreed, smiling. "By the way, Kanade and I pooled our money together, and we want to get you some presents."
"We'll go wherever you like; you can pick out whatever you want." Kanade grew more and more cheerful with each step, slowing only to look left and right in amazement. "Look, Hatsune, there are so many stores to choose from."
Otonashi hadn't had a Christmas as merry as this in such a long time. Seeing Kanade's eyes twinkle like this…? Hatsune really knew what she was doing when she told him to invite her. Maybe it could be like this every year. The thought of it raised his spirits even more than the Christmas tree straight ahead, which was slowly climbing over the horizon as they walked.
"And after that, we have reservations for dinner. Kanade's parents took her there for her sixteenth birthday, and it's been her favorite restaurant ever since." He was rambling, but he had to talk so he could keep Hatsune awake. Her grip had loosened a bit on his shoulders, and he suspected she was drifting off. "She says they have full course meals. Isn't that amazing?"
"You're going to get so full," Kanade said with a giggle. "Your brother will need help carrying you back."
Otonashi started laughing too; her sense of humor was usually something he never saw coming, but also her laughter was more musical than any Christmas carol he'd ever heard.
"Guys?" Hatsune said wearily behind them. "Thank you."
This earned her a smile from Kanade. "Thank you for inviting me," she said to both of them, though her eyes were on Otonashi.
"It wouldn't be the same without you," Otonashi said honestly (secretly giving Hatsune a little nudge).
He and Kanade shared a grin and pressed forward, chatting all the way down the well-lit streets. Through careful teamwork, tonight had been well planned, and he could feel Hatsune smiling to herself behind his back as he and her "future sister-in-law" took in the Christmas beauty together.
It was only when Kanade asked a question and was met with only whistling air, when she repeated "Hatsune?" until both pairs of footsteps slowed, that he truly felt the winter night's chill.
After his sister's funeral, Kanade was there for him every step of the way. She was perceptive too in her own fashion, and knew this would make him study even harder to get into medical school like his sister wanted. She brought him Key coffee when he needed it and he took her on mapo tofu breaks. One moonlit night, two months after Hatsune died, they were standing right outside the 10Q LL Angel building between the hospital and their favorite restaurant when he asked Kanade to be his girlfriend—
"I'm sorry about your sister, but I don't see how this isn't a peaceful fairytale love," Ayato said, which he hoped wasn't as insensitive as it sounded.
Otonashi nodded. "I'm getting to that."
Kanade did teach him to study and work hard towards being a doctor, but the truth was, she may have done too good of a job.
After high school, they got engaged, but Otonashi kept putting off the wedding. Studying and medical school just made him so busy. He made a promise to Hatsune and Kanade, so becoming a doctor was his top priority. In all his dedication towards that promise, he neglected to prioritize a different one – becoming a husband. Or even being a fiancé.
Two, even three years passed and he was still pushing the wedding date aside because of school and training. That was when Kanade pulled him aside. She thought it was best that they spend some time apart instead of always waiting around for each other. With that in mind, she moved in with a friend, deciding to make the most of her time and life while she let Otonashi work hard on what meant a lot to him.
Otonashi was heartbroken that she left. The only thing that kept him going was the thought that "maybe it's for the best." He was miserable, but resolute in his goal. And so life went on without her. If it really was life.
Then October rolled around. Kanade was still living with her friend Mai. They'd been having great fun together while the season was warm, but as autumn closed in, Kanade was missing Otonashi terribly. When Mai heard about a concert that was happening in Shibuya, she took Kanade with her to cheer her up. Maybe it would make her forget about him for one night.
This concert, however, did just the opposite. That night, she remembered why being a doctor meant even more to Otonashi than he realized. And she remembered why they should be together.
Meanwhile, Otonashi chanced upon Iwasawa's performance on a TV at the hospital and promptly flipped his lid. His very first thought was to call Kanade immediately, but the surge of memories made him so dizzy that his coworkers swarmed him like ants. They made sure he was okay, but after that, they kept him too damn busy to do anything about it.
During that time, doubts filled his mind. Maybe Kanade hadn't seen the concert. Maybe she didn't have her memories back.
Maybe she didn't even want to talk to him.
So he didn't try.
But Kanade sensed deep down that it was possible Otonashi had seen the concert too. Call it a heart's instinct. She decided one day to wait for him at their spot – the 10Q LL Angel store where it had all started. It was between the hospital and the mapo tofu place where they used to go on dates. When he started training and working at the hospital, it became his regular stop during lunch breaks.
Wanting to be subtle, she found herself a hat and wore her hair differently. Then she leaned against the store in wait. As soon as she spotted him in the crowd, she began to hum "My Song." It was a test to see if he remembered and would notice her.
Sure enough, the soft tune tickled his memory and made him freeze. He hesitated, taking a moment to register the song, then turned around. It was Kanade, and she was starting to walk away. He panicked, putting the pieces together and realizing Kanade had heard the concert.
She remembered. She had been waiting for him. And now she was walking away like he had failed her test.
Rushing after her, he reached out and grazed her shoulder just like before…
"I felt so lucky to have her in my life again." Otonashi rubbed his ring finger, a faraway look in his eye. "I'm never going to take that for granted."
The weight of his friend's words wracked his insides with inescapable discomfort. He had known that joy, for about ten seconds in Noroi when she hurled herself out the door into her best friends' arms. He'd thought he was going to know it again back at the bridge when she requested his hypnotism.
But it would never be like that with them. It just wouldn't.
"So now you know, we're not perfect," said Otonashi. "She left me too – twice, actually – and I neglected her. We had a breakup of our own."
Sounded to him like they parted on pretty good terms, but he kept that thought to himself.
"There are always bumps in the road, Naoi. Always some sort of interference," Otonashi continued in what Ayato bitterly but silently called his "wise doctor" tone. "But the concert helped us reconcile."
Ayato scowled down at the table. If his friend's goal was to establish common ground, that last part had dreadfully backfired.
"What's the point of all this?" he muttered.
Otonashi reached over and touched his arm; when he looked back up from the contact, his friend's eyes were earnest. "Whatever force works against us, love works harder."
Clearly he meant every word of that. Of course, why wouldn't he? A heart, an afterlife, and a song had brought the two of them together. Hinata and Yui had a baseball and a promise – a promise the song helped him make good on.
What did he and Yuri have? Bloody fingers, broken pottery, Kimito, a lightning bolt… literal magic working against them!
Iwasawa's heartfelt ballad had resulted in three things – a proposal, a reconciliation, and a divorce. One of these things was very plainly not like the others. It didn't belong.
Maybe love worked overtime on Otonashi and Kanade (and very likely on Hinata and Yui). But if it had ever given a shit when it came to him and Yuri, it was for damn certain taking a lunch break.
Or it had quit altogether… or it had rushed back to its desk to rectify a horrible mistake.
Because despite Otonashi's compelling story of a love lost and found, his and Kanade's romance was still just that. A well-crafted fairytale, with its own ups and downs, destined for a published happy ending they could read to kids. And Ayato and Yuri's was pages upon pages of gibberish and mess that Fate had crafted while falling asleep face-down on the keyboard. But hey, Yuri had done a hell of a good job with the backspacing!
That Otonashi would even begin to make a comparison… it frustrated him to no end.
"So what you're saying is," Ayato said evenly, drumming his fingers on the table, "the two of you got back together because you remembered that you loved each other in the Afterlife."
Otonashi flinched, possibly realizing his mistake.
"We got back together because we remembered what we meant to each other!" he stressed.
"Nakamura isn't interested in remembering," Ayato said darkly.
Curious sympathy softened the crease on Otonashi's forehead. "And you?"
He frowned again. "I have to get back to work."
Otonashi didn't press the matter further. They stood up and left the park, walking in mostly silence after that. He offered to give him a ride to the train station, but Otonashi shook his head and pointed in the direction of his car.
"I don't do trains," he said.
At least they parted ways on a laugh – albeit a dark one.
Ayato wasn't a fool. He knew what the visit had been about in the end, peace offerings aside. All that talk about love overcoming obstacles? Love being more powerful than anything else? Otonashi actually wanted him to take a shot at true love's kiss.
It was a good thing he hadn't outright suggested it, or else Ayato would have laughed in his face.
Knowing Otonashi and the curveballs life had thrown at him, he could see how that appeared to be such a simple solution in his eyes. It would work like a charm with him and Kanade, and even enrich their romance knowing their love was true.
But Otonashi had to get this analogy out of his head!
There was no parallel. Remembering what they meant to each other may have reconciled Otonashi and Kanade, but it shattered him and Yuri on the same night. That had been the damn problem! What was Otonashi thinking?
After the concert, remembering who Yuri was to him in the Afterlife had made him feel like a subordinate. At the baseball game, remembering who she was to him in this life had sent him on a downward spiral into unrequited love. False, uninformed, unrequited love.
He'd lost himself loving her again. He'd made himself too vulnerable. There was no way he was going to make the same mistake twice and even think about true love's kiss.
She didn't love him, she said so herself. So why should he bother?
Why should he bother when, unlike Kanade, she had never sought him out and tried to fix what was broken? When she had actively made things worse?
At home, Ayato lingered in front of the bathroom mirror and took a long hard look at his reflection. Staring out at him was someone soft, dull, and vulnerable. Someone who had regressed too much and been broken as a punishment. He glared in disapproval.
Yuri obliterated much of the person she used to be in this life. Maybe he needed to do the same.
A/N: And that's where I'll leave you for now. Otonashi/Kanade backstory for Christmas! I promise to work hard and get some more chapters written, so I can come back with a steady updating schedule sooner rather than later. When we come back, Naoi and Yuri's dynamic is drastically changed, the Battlefront finds another former member, and Yui reveals GirlDeMo related hopes and dreams.
Thanks for following along, and I hope to pick this back up in March! We'll just see how it goes.
~Caroline
Preview:
"Why is he here?"
"I know Girls Dead Monster better than any of you!"
"It seems you do need me after all."
"I would have liked seeing the concert alongside you."
"What are the odds, though?"
"I think that's Yuri's story to tell, not yours!"
[Chapter 29]: Songful Scheme.
