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''Okay, bye''.
I hung up and put my phone on the desk beside me. Elena had called in the middle of one of my searches trying to figure out what to call myself, and she told me what Elijah had told her. Apparently, he and Klaus were brothers. Figure that.
I had to sit and process all that she had told me for a while. From what she had told me, Klaus was even more frightening now that before. I mean, I thought I was strange; not finding anyone else like me, and no one else seemed to know what I was. But being both a vampire and a werewolf at the same time? Geez.
Eventually snapping out of it and getting on my feet, I went out of my room. ''Mum?'' I called down the stairs. I was pretty sure she didn't have work today, and my guess was confirmed when I found her on the sofa playing with her phone.
''I was going to go get some groceries later, want to come?'' she asked without looking up. I sat down next to her and brought my legs up, resting my chin on my knees.
''I have work 'til four.''
I stared at some crumbs on the coffee table in front of me. My mum had accepted and supported that I wanted nothing to do with my powers. She had accepted that I never wanted to talk about it, or have anything to do with it, over the years. So, me building up the courage to ask her what I was about to ask her wasn't really easy.
''Can I...'' The words stuck on my tongue. Mum glanced up from her phone and immediately put it away when she saw the look on my face.
''What's wrong?''
''Nothing. Nothing's wrong, I just...''
She shifted so that she sat facing me. The necklace I bought her hang around her neck. ''Tell me.''
….Here it goes.
''Lately... I've been practising.'' Wiping off my sweaty palms on my pants, I tried not to look at her, because if I did that I might lose the courage I'd built up. ''I don't want to be afraid of... it... anymore.''
Letting out a heavy but relieving sigh, my eyes finally traced their way up to meet my mother's gaze.
The thing is, I wasn't really afraid of her reaction. I knew she would support me no matter what. I was, still, scared of talking about it, mentioning it, having anything to do with my powers at all – because acknowledging them made them real. And I'd never really wanted them. Now, however, controlling them, and not just ignoring their existence, was actually something that could save people's lives; and, I shuddered at the thought, my life.
Being thrown into this mess had almost gotten me killed a few times already. I needed to be able to use my powers to their full extent – that I knew of. Both for myself and those around me who, I had to admit, were slowly becoming my friends.
''You've been practising?'' she asked.
Maybe I shouldn't tell her about getting help from Elena. She wouldn't believe me if I told her that I'd made such good friends with Elena that I'd trusted her with my secret.
''Yeah...'' I affirmed, ''well, as well as I can. I was wondering if...'' I sighed.
''You want my help?'' she suggested with a small smile on her lips.
''Not if you don't want to, or think it's a good idea,'' I quickly added. ''But... I would really like it if... well, if...''
''You think it's possible to control it?''
I paused before I answered. ''Yes, I do.''
''Of course I'll help you, honey,'' she looked at me like I was crazy. ''You know I'm there for you no matter what, but I've always hoped you might come to feel a little more at ease with this.''
''You have?'' I asked, surprised.
She nodded. ''I just never wanted to push you... this has been hard enough on you as it is.''
Her phone vibrated on the table, but she didn't check it. Instead, she put her hands in her lap. If I knew what the next thing she said would be, I would've gotten out of there quicker than lightning.
''May I ask if this has anything to do with that handsome man we had over for dinner?''
''Look-'' I began, but struggled to figure out what to say. My mother, just as Sarah, obviously thought that Elijah and I were a thing.
''No, let me just say something first,'' she cut me off and got that look on her face that had me guessing her next words would be awkward. ''I know I joked about him being older, but that really doesn't matter. And he's around thirty, maybe? That's not so bad.'' She smiled. ''And he's nice.''
If I knew my mother, she had looked forward to this day. Back when I was in school, she would sneak in some comments about boys now and then. It wasn't that I was completely uninterested, I had just never had the time for that stuff. And mum always wanted me to be happy; so, now, she probably equated Elijah and me with happiness. How was I going to get out of this?
''It's... complicated.''
I met her gaze and it felt like she was searching my eyes for a more explicit answer. But, I didn't know how to answer it any better than that.
''Well, you're all grown up. I trust you know what you're doing.''
''Yeah...'' I cleared my throat, really hoping to get as far away from this topic as I could, as soon as possible. I decided to change the subject. ''You want to get the shopping done now?''
She eyed me absentmindedly, but when I waved my hand in front of her face she snapped out of it and got on her feet.
''I'll drive,'' I decided as I followed her to the hall and out the door, grabbing the car keys from a hook on the wall on the way.
She still hadn't said anything as I pulled away from our house, and it actually kind of worried me.
''You okay?'' I asked tentatively.
When she didn't answer, I glanced over at her. She was staring straight ahead, but her eyes weren't focused on anything, and they were almost glazed over.
''Mum?''
''Sorry, I was just...'' she stopped, taking a deep breath. ''You know he – Elijah – reminds me a bit of your dad?''
I frowned. ''How so?''
My dad died when I was little, I had no memory of him, and we rarely talked about it. But now and then, mum got lost in her own mind thinking about him. My dad was an only child, and because of that, I knew we payed for his parents – my grandparents – eldercare, even though I'd never met them.
''It's just a feeling,'' she mumbled, and glanced at me with a soft smile. ''Maybe it's the way he looked at you.''
I gripped the wheel a little tighter. Not knowing what else to do, I decided to play along a little bit.
''If you told me he acts like him then that would be a kinda weird,'' I grimaced. ''So I guess that good?''
Mum snorted. ''No, nothing like that.''
She interpreted his interest in me as interest in me. I knew that wasn't the case. But I had to admit that he seemed to only get more curious and strange every time we met.
We got our shopping done pretty quick, and I had just about time to get home and help get everything in the house before I had to get on my bike and ride towards the Grill, and work.
My shift at the Grill had been uneventful as could be. Stepping outside and letting the door close behind me, I dug around in my bag for the key to the bike lock, and groaned when I had to dig around in my coat pocket for it instead. When I finally got a hold of the little steel devil I slung the bag over my shoulder and looked up.
''You should consider another way of greeting people,'' I said weakly, when it felt like I could breathe again.
''Walk with me?'' Elijah asked.
I hesitated, but nodded. I unlocked my bike quickly and led it next to me.
''Can I tell you something?'' he asked, as we followed the side of the building and took a right turn to the main road.
''Yes.''
Face wipe of emotion, his gaze swept from me to the row of buildings across the street.
''I have...'' he paused. ''I had a family.''
''Klaus,'' I said, recalling what Elena and I had talked about over the phone earlier.
Elijah put his hands in his pockets. ''Niklaus is my brother,'' he confirmed. ''If you've talked with Elena, then you know that he wasn't the only one.''
''She told me there were more, but I don't remember how many...'' I tried to dig back into my memory.
''Seven, including myself,'' he smiled bitterly.
I eyed him curiously. Where was he going with this?
''My brother disposed of them.''
He met my gaze with an intensity I wasn't prepared for, and my breath hitched in my throat.
Bringing my gaze down to the pavement under my feet, I tried to let it sink in. He was making it seem like all that he had done, every threat and death – that I knew about – had been revenge for his family. I tried my best to wrap my mind about it, but somehow it just came to a halt.
''I say this to you because I think that you might understand.''
And here I was thinking that I absolutely could not understand. Really not knowing where he was going with this, I let him continue nonetheless. What really stumped me was how he chose to talk to both Elena and me about it. Elena, I could understand, considering everything... but me? I mean, I still didn't get why he hadn't just compelled an answer out of my mother about what I was.
''I've been alive for a very long time,'' he began. ''And I believe that... we are forever bound to those with whom we share blood.'' His dark eyes landed on me. ''But we cannot choose our family.''
I had a hard time looking away. His eyes were so intense, and for once it actually felt like I was getting a glimpse of him.
''And...'' he continued. ''That bond... can either be a strength, or a regret.''
I was quiet for a brief moment before I spoke. ''Why are you telling me this?''
''It's just a feeling.'' Yeah, I got plenty of those intuitions. ''My family...'' he went on, but stopped. He was probably referring to his other siblings. ''It's what's most important?'' I tried. He nodded.
''But Klaus...''
''Like I said. Either a strength or a regret.''
''He is your brother, though. Can you really...'' I gulped. ''Could you really kill your own brother?''
Elijah chuckled humourlessly. ''If you knew what he has done, what he is capable of, perhaps you would not be so quick to judge.''
''I'm not judging,'' I objected gently. ''I'm asking.''
''You are... something else.''
He sounded almost surprised. Maybe he expected me to hate him, or something. But I was just trying to understand. He wanted to know every player on the board – maybe I could play that game too.
''I don't understand why there has to be so much... so much...'' I didn't know what word to use. Evil? Should actions be seen as separate from the cause, or as a means to an end?
''When you have lived as long as I have, you learn to fight fire with fire.''
I don't know if he meant it to or not, but something in his tone was slightly condescending. I was quiet for a second, before I blurted out:
''Don't judge be by my age.''
I hadn't even noticed that we had almost come to a full stop. Increasing the pace a little, I kept my eyes in front of me, avoiding the man next to me.
He didn't say anything, and I could only guess – actually, I couldn't even do that – what he was thinking. We walked in silence for a while, turning around another corner, bringing us around the block, and soon back to the Grill.
''Elena has chosen to trust you, you know,'' I broke the silence after a while.
''I know.''
''And this whole... plan. It depends on you.''
''I know,'' he said again. ''You don't trust me.''
I didn't answer.
''I don't expect you to. You are not as frightened as before, though.''
''That's a human thing,'' I mumbled, throwing a glance towards him. ''Adapting.''
''You were already part of this world, Evangeline,'' he insisted.
I scoffed. ''I was literally dragged into it.''
''Your gifts, whatever they may be, already assured you a place in it.''
''Yeah, well...'' I trailed off, feeling like I could not finding words good enough to say. And you always seemed to have to choose them carefully around him.
When we neared the next intersection, I realised that the conversation was close to an end – and something had been nagging me for a while.
''Can I ask you something?'' I hoped I didn't overstep any boundaries. But, so far, the conversation had been harmless – despite the topics.
''Of course. As long as it does not require me to get answer from you as well. Unless you are willing to give one.''
''Why do I get the feeling that you... I mean,'' I swallowed. ''You treat everyone as disposable at first sight. Why?''
He didn't answer right away. At first, I thought that, maybe, I'd crossed a line, but then he opened his mouth and spoke.
''Like I said.'' He paused. ''I am over a thousand years old. When you live that long, you don't get close to that many people.''
''That doesn't mean you have to see people as disposable,'' I argued, thinking of how much I feared for my mother, or any one else, to end up in the way of someone in all of this.
''I would do anything to protect my family,'' he replied quietly.
How could he be so... so... nonchalant? I trying not to judge, but to understand.
''Fight fire with fire,'' I echoed his previous statement bitterly. ''You threatened to use my mother as leverage to get to know what I am. How is that to protect your family?''
''You are part of our world. I usually make it my case to know every player on the board. And right now, that board is Mystic Falls.''
''We're all part of the same world,'' I whispered under my breath. ''I wish people could see that.'' I knew that he'd probably heard me, but he didn't reply. The discussion had come to an end, it seemed.
The restaurant was in our sights again. Passing us were people on their way home from work. Home from their normal workplaces, and home to their normal families. I had never been normal, I knew that, but at least my life hadn't been like this before. I still wasn't sure what to make of it. As it was, I was just trying to get through it with as few scraps as possible.
''Well...'' I said as we stopped at almost the same place we'd started. Elijah had his hands in his pockets, looking at me with eyes that I couldn't decipher for the life of me. ''Here we are.''
''Indeed.''
''I need to get home, so...'' It felt really awkward.
''I will leave you to it,'' he nodded.
Turning my back to him; I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before getting on my bike to pedal away.
''Evangeline?'' he called out smoothly, having me turn around.
When our eyes met, he offered me a small smile. My heart skipped a beat. Not because I was nervous, or because I was frightened or anything. No, it probably did that because it was a friendly smile; a soft smile; and, as far as I could tell; a real smile.
''Thank you.''
I hadn't really been prepared for that, so when I tried to respond, all I could come up with was a tentative smile back and then turning my back to him again.
He had disappeared when I turned around a second time. Looking around, everyone seemed to go about things as usual, not noticing his whooshing away. Why would they though? I sighed, trying to shake it off.
I still hadn't shaken it off by the time I got home.
Later that night, I hesitantly practised with my mother in the same way I had practised with Elena. I didn't tell her about the making-people-fall-asleep thing, as that would have me explain how I found it out. That was not an option, and I had no idea how to concoct a plausible lie. I sucked at lying.
I realised that it was probably good to get my mother's help not only because I could practise more, but also because it might be useful to try it with another person. Everyone was different. I didn't know if that affected me in any way, but it could.
When I was lying in bed trying to sleep, all I seemed to be able to do was stare at the ceiling above me. Elijah had been in an even more talkative mood today than seemed usual. His goodbye made me think he actually appreciated our conversation – but something in me made me question his motives. I didn't know him. If it kept going on like this, perhaps I would – but that would never happen if I always questioned him for having any ulterior motives.
God, he was just so frustrating. I never knew where I had him. I never knew what to expect. The small smile on his face today had me totally overwhelmed only in itself – not to mention the conflicting thoughts that swarmed my head about it now...
On the surface, when he wanted to, he was so polite and clever, but then he did things like smash people's heads off, or throw threats around him like he didn't have a care in the world. But obviously, he did care. About his family.
He could be absolutely terrifying. But he could smile. That was something, at least.
I actually created a mood board/mind-map for this story on a big piece of white cardboard that I hung on my wall... because sometimes I get lost in what I've written, what I'm currently writing, and what I plan on writing. I'm probably going to do that for other stories in the future as well... It's honestly very useful!
This chapter might have Ev coming off as pacifist – which she is to an extent, but not completely. Just thought I should point that out.
