Paris, la France, le monde... je suis vraiment désolée. C'est tragique. Je suis devastée.


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Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries, only my own characters and plots


I checked my phone for what must've been the tenth time in only a couple of minutes. I didn't know if Elena and Damon were alright, if they'd found anything, if they were on their way back... Could I have gone with them? Yes, I guess. But should I have gone with them? Probably not. So I just had to get myself together and deal with the not knowing.

The sudden vibration from my phone had me on high alert, and I answered breathlessly:

''Hello?''

''Hello, Evangeline,'' a familiar voice sounded through the phone. ''It's Carol Lockwood.''

''Mrs. Lockwood!'' I said, my heart dropping in disappointment. She didn't call me often – never, actually. ''How are you?''

''I'm good, dear, thank you,'' she said. ''Look, I was hoping for a last minute favour.''

''Okay...?''

''The Night of Illumination is coming up, as you may know. I need someone to compile appropriate posters.''

''Okay...'' I paused, thinking that asking why might come off as impolite, but before I even got to consider it further she went on.

''You're certainly qualified,'' Mrs Lockwood said. ''Those summaries you wrote for the Historical Society really were wonderful.''

''That was in high school,'' I replied. ''I haven't written anything for you guys for years.''

''Oh, I know, but I was really hoping you would say yes.''

I knew she had other people she could ask, but she obviously knew I would say yes without almost any fuss. That had to be why she called me, and not someone else.

''Sure, I'm there to put up lanterns anyway.''

''Oh, that's great,'' she said, sounding thrilled. ''Thank you very much!''

''No problem,'' I said, and after we hung up I tried my best to keep myself occupied. Soon, though, I didn't have to make too much effort on my own. As soon as I heard the front door open and my mother call from the hallway, I scuttled down the stairs.

''Guess who just called me?''

My mother greeted me with a smile, and put a couple of grocery bags on the floor. ''Selma from housewives?''

''In your dreams. No, Carol Lockwood.''

She frowned. ''What did she want?''

I grabbed one of the bags and brought it to the kitchen. ''She wanted me to fix a bunch of things for the lightening ceremony,'' I said, opening the fridge.

She hesitated. ''That's... fun?''

''I guess.''

Panting slightly, she carried the last of the groceries into the kitchen. She gave me a hug and sat down on a chair, letting out one of the loudest sighs I'd ever heard.

''You okay?'' I raised an eyebrow at her.

''Mhm,'' she hummed, closing her eyes. I chuckled.

''Here,'' she said suddenly, and reached out her hand. ''Hold my hand.''

I took a deep breath. ''Okay.''

After opening up to my mother about wanting to practise, and then actually going through with it, things were going really well. It still put me off though, and I got these strange twitches when my brain told me to touch someone before I could register what I was doing.

I grasped her hand, and focused.

''So?''

''Can't feel a thing,'' I said, filled up with pride. ''I don't even have to focus as much as before.''

''I'm glad,'' my mother smiled. ''Now, please make me some lunch.''

Shaking my head, I let out a laugh, and started making a salad.


Later on that day, I was sitting by the computer doing one of my searches again when my phone rang. I'd actually managed to put my mind to other things long enough to be surprised when I saw the caller id.

''Elena?''

''Ev,'' she said. ''Can I come over?''

''You're back?'' I asked in surprise. ''Yeah, sure.''

A little while later I sat cross legged facing her on the floor in my room.

''How did everything go?'' I asked her, eager and anxious at the same time.

She shrugged. ''Well, we found them.''


A knock brought us out of Elena's retelling of her and Damon's trip to Chicago. I turned my gaze and saw mum's head peeking in through the slightly open door.

''I thought you girls might want some snacks,'' she said, and entered with a tray in her hands.

''Where did you hide that?'' I accused her and looked at the chocolate bar. ''I didn't know we had any.''

My mother shrugged, a sneaky smile on her face. ''I've changed the hiding spots.''

Elena looked between my mother and I with an amused look on her face.

''Thanks Mrs. Moreau,'' she said with a grateful smile.

''I've told you to call me Janine,'' she scolded jokingly. ''By the way, do you want dinner?''

''Sure,'' Elena replied.

My mother nodded. ''Okay. I'll leave you guys to... whatever boys you're discussing.''

''Wow, mum,'' I said. ''Assume we talk about boys? When there's so many other things girls our age could discuss-''

''Sorry,'' she apologised sheepishly. ''Makeup? Singers? School?''

''Exactly!'' I cheered. ''Thank you.''

She shook her head and laughed before she left my room.

''I know I've said it before,'' Elena said as soon as we were alone, ''but your mum is so nice.''

''Yeah,'' I frowned. ''But I can't believe she hid these from me.''

Elena giggled. ''One second you're super close friends-''

''And the next she's a parent again,'' I finished. ''Don't worry, we get a long really well, but she's still my mum.''

As we dug into all the good stuff mum had left for us, I-want-to-say-something-but-I-don't-know-if-I-should was written all over Elena's face.

''Okay,'' I said. ''Out with it.''

She made a face. We knew each other pretty well by know.

''I never asked you,'' Elena began. ''I mean... I never asked you about Elijah.''

I closed my mouth and let my hand sink to my lap, all thoughts of chocolate out the window. ''What about him?''

She gave me a look. ''He never came to see you after the ritual?''

I shook my head no. ''It was a little strange, sure, but why would he?''

''I just thought that... I don't know. He seemed so interested in you.''

Grimacing, I pinched the bridge of my nose. ''By asking me about it everyone seems to suggest he means something to me too.''

''He doesn't?'' Elena asked. ''Not even in that 'interested' way?''

''I don't know!'' I said, exasperated. ''Not at first. But then... a little, I guess.''

''I'm not trying to force a confession or something.''

''I know,'' I sighed.

''What would you do if he came back?''

I thought about it for a short while. ''You know what he did,'' I finally said. ''And I know why he did it.''

''That's it?''

''That's it.''

Rearranging myself so that I had my back to my bed, I stretched my legs out.

''I saw him,'' Elena said suddenly. I wasn't prepared for her sudden mood shift, so I struggled a little to breathe normally when it washed over me. ''I talked to him.''

''Stefan?'' I pressed. So far, she'd only given me the overview of everything. She hadn't went into much detail, and I hadn't pushed her; but she never got as far as to tell me this.

''He said...'' her voice faltered. ''He doesn't want to come back. He doesn't want me.''

''I don't believe it,'' I said, bringing my knees up to my chest and resting my head on them. ''Don't think like that.''

I think all of us had been so convinced on Elena's hope that the thought of it faltering never even occurred to us. It caught me by surprise, to say the least.

''Has he switched?''

''I don't know,'' she replied in a murmur. ''I don't think so, but I don't know.''

''Elena,'' I paused, trying to find the right words. ''Can I tell you something?''

She drew a shaky breath, and nodded through the tears that were filling up her eyes and escaping down her cheeks. She angrily wiped them away.

''Do you remember what I told you at your birthday? Stefan loves you.''

''He loved me, you mean,'' Elena whispered.

''No, in present tense,'' I said. ''He loves you.''

She still looked like she didn't believe me, so I continued.

''I'd like to think I know a thing or two about emotions, okay? And, like I said, they don't just go away like that. Isn't nature all about balance?''

''Bonnie talks about that,'' Elena added quietly. ''With magic.''

''See?'' I smiled excitedly. ''Look, I still don't really understand this whole switch-business, and I don't think I ever could – I mean, completely – unless I was a vampire myself... But, if someone shuts it off, there has to be something fighting against it, no?''

Elena shrugged. ''What if he's compelled?''

''You said it yourself, you don't think he's turned it off,'' I reminded her. ''Besides, I'm just speculating. And if it goes for the switch, shouldn't it go for compulsion as well?''

''Isn't vervain the, like, counterweight to compulsion?'' Elena asked with a frown on her face.

''Sure,'' I said. ''It's one. But listen, emotions and free will and all that – that's way too complicated. There has to be other ways than just a plant.''

''You're getting too brainy, Ev,'' Elena said, the ghost of a smile on her face. I took that as a small victory.

''It makes sense though,'' I hesitated, ''right?'' My thoughts were racing. Even though I hadn't really provided myself with an answer. It somehow felt as if I was slowly putting together a puzzle, but I had no idea what the picture was.

''I don't know,'' she said, suddenly erupting into sobs.

''Hey,'' I tried to awkwardly comfort her by rubbing circles on her back. ''It's okay.''

Her whole body trembled in uncontrollable sadness, and I took a few deep breaths, feeling my hand twitch against her back.

''To cry, I mean,'' I added softly.

Elena made a frustrated sound and raised her shaking hands to her face, pulling at her hair. ''I-I'm only making it worse for you, I'm s-sorry.''

''I'm fine,'' I said, and it wasn't a lie. I was coping better than expected.

I tried my best to make her feel better. I knew her sadness wouldn't just disappear, and she deserved to let go of everything she kept locked up inside.


We spent the rest of the night talking, watching movies, and clearing the freezer of ice cream. My thoughts were still concentrated on what I'd come to realise, but we'd both silently agreed to not talk about anything related to the supernatural from then and on.

I'd dragged an extra mattress up the stairs, figuring I'd sleep on that and offered Elena the bed, but she'd refused.

When I stifled a yawn for the third time, she decided that we should cut the lights.

''You're not tired?'' I asked, looking her over. She had dark bags under her eyes and she looked rather pale, but her eyes seemed alert.

''Not really. I mean,'' she added, ''I haven't slept very well lately.''

''One would think that should make you tired.''

She laughed humourlessly. ''Yeah.''

Once we both had gotten settled in, lights off, the only sounds I could hear were faint voices from the TV downstairs and Elena's not so steady breathing.

''Ev?'' her voice cut through the dark.

''Yeah?''

''I...'' she paused. ''Do you think you could help me sleep?''

I leaned up on my elbows, looking towards the end of the bed. ''I can try,'' I said. ''If you're sure.''

''I'm sure.''

Swinging my legs out from the covers and over the edge, I turned on the lamp on my desk, spreading a dim glow throughout the dark room.

''What do I do?'' she asked when I came over to her.

''Just make yourself comfortable, I guess. I think you won't even realise it.''

''Ev?'' she mumbled, her eyes closed and head on the pillow.

''Yes?''

''Thank you.''

''You're welcome,'' I replied softly, and gently placed my hand on her hand. After wishing her to sleep, I saw her body relax. It worked.

I put the blanket I'd offered as a makeshift cover over her and sneaked back into bed. Not that I needed it at the moment, but I thought it would be nice to be able to do that for myself.


A few days later, I found myself dressed up in a flowy summer dress on Lockwood grounds. If there was one thing besides supernatural beings that this town didn't have any shortage of, it had to be founder's parties. Thanks to them, I had ten dresses in my wardrobe rather than three.

It was sunny and warm outside, but out of politeness or custom or something you went through the house first. My mother had imprinted that in me so well that I felt itchy all over at the thought of going around the house rather than through it.

''Evangeline!'' Carol Lockwood greeted me with a big smile on her face. She'd caught me by the back doors, scouring their massive lawn for any sign of my friends. ''I'm so glad you could come!''

''Hi, Mrs. Lockwood.''

''How's your mother?'' she asked.

''She's fine,'' I replied. ''She's working.''

''Of course, of course... How are those posters going?''

''They're coming along fine, Mrs. Lockwood, '' I replied politely. ''I'm practically finished.''

''Wonderful! Well, let me know if you need anything,'' Mrs. Lockwood kept on smiling, and with that, the small talk was thankfully over.

I didn't really know what to do at events like these, but I knew Elena should be around, and Caroline never missed out on these sort of things. Bonnie was back from her dad's, too, but I didn't know if she'd be here or somewhere off with Jeremy.

Eventually, I found all three of them on a bench in the gardens, away from the crowd.

''I have an identification spell that might be able to tell me what magic affected the necklace,'' Bonnie said as I approached them from behind.

''Magic? What'd I miss?'' I asked. All but Caroline jumped in surprise, but relaxed as soon as they realised it was me. Bonnie had a grimoire spread out in her lap, and a necklace in her hands.

''My necklace burned me this morning,'' Elena explained. She was still looking slightly sleep-deprived, but had the same glow and determination in her eyes as always.

''That's weird.''

''It's going to take a while, so tell me if anyone's coming, okay?''

While Bonnie focused, I went and stood in front of them instead; both to make conversation easier but also to pose as a lookout. Caroline was probably enough, but still. There was no room on the bench.

''So, you're not, like, switching Salvatores, are you?'' Caroline asked Elena.

''What?'' Elena choked.

''Caroline,'' Bonnie mumbled, eyes closed.

''Stay focused,'' Caroline chided her. ''As your friend who worries for you daily, what is the deal with you and Damon?'' She turned to me. ''You can tell, right? Can you feel anything?''

I shrugged. ''I can't feel. But he cares about you. ''

''See?'' Caroline turned back to Elena. ''There you have it.''

Elena had a exasperated frown on her face. ''Why are we even talking about this?''

''Hey, guys,'' Bonnie interrupted. When I turned my eyes to the left, Elena's necklace was floating in the air in front of Bonnie.

''What are you doing?'' Caroline asked curiously.

''I'm not doing anything,'' Bonnie said. ''It has its own magic.''

''That's...'' I gulped.

Caroline's head turned faster than I thought possible. But, she was a vampire. ''Someone's coming.'' I looked over their heads and saw a couple wandering towards us.

Bonnie smacked the grimoire close and grabbed the necklace. ''I need to look into this.''

''If I can't ask about Damon,'' Caroline began, as they got up and we slowly made our way towards the house. ''Can I ask about Elijah?''

''You too?'' I sighed.

''What?'' Caroline stared at me, wonder written all over her face.

Elena nudged her gently. ''I've already acted inquisition.''

''Well, there had to have been more than one inquisition,'' Caroline said. ''More than one inquisi... inquisitor.''

''There was,'' I said, a smile tugging at my lips.

''He hung around you a lot,'' Caroline continued, when she realised that I hadn't cut off her opportunity to dig into it completely. ''That was strange, right?''

''Yeah,'' I replied. ''It was. I figured he just wanted to know what I am.''

''He could've done that so easily though,'' Caroline said.

I shrugged. ''I have no idea why all that happened. But that's over now, right?''

''We can hope,'' Caroline said with a sigh.

''You okay?'' I prodded Elena with my elbow. She'd been so quiet.

''I guess.''

''Hey, did Stefan ever tell you where he got the necklace?'' Caroline asked.

''No,'' Elena replied quietly. ''And I never asked.''

After mentioning Stefan's name, Elena shut herself out of our conversation completely. When I glanced at her, she had a deep frown on her face and she kept her gaze down to the ground. I'm not sure if Caroline noticed or if she was too engrossed in discussing the upcoming school year – her ever favourite topic these days.

''Bonnie, Caroline, can I ask you guys something?''

''What's happened?'' Bonnie asked me, misreading the look on my face.

''No, nothing's wrong,'' I shook my head. ''But I have something I need to know.''

''Okay...''

Caroline nodded in agreement. ''Shoot.''

''What do you know about that vampire switch-thing?''

''Well,'' Bonnie began, and looked around to make sure we were still away from anyone's earshot. Elena was still in a world of her own. ''Not much more than any of us, I think.'' I looked at Caroline, who shrugged. ''Why?''

''I've just been thinking,'' I replied, biting into my lower lip.

''Have you asked Damon?'' Caroline piped up.

''No,'' I replied. ''I haven't had the chance yet. Could you guys maybe help me find out whatever we can? It's important. I mean, I think it's important.''

Bonnie looked at me incredulously. ''Sure. I'll look it up – see if there's anything.''

''I've just...'' I frowned. ''I've got this feeling.''

''Then I guess I should definitely look into it?''

I smiled. ''It would be appreciated.''

When we went among the rest of the guests things never did end up feeling quite normal. Out of the four of us, Caroline had it easiest to move on and focus on everything else. Bonnie and I discussed the switch, and I filled her in on my thoughts I'd already shared with Elena. The latter stayed quiet apart from some brief and polite smalltalk with some of the other guests.

The start of term was fast approaching. I knew that I'd have enough money saved soon to get out of Mystic Falls if I wanted to. I'd always had conflicting feelings when it came to leaving. I wanted to go to school, but I had also gotten into a somewhat comfortable routine here. And now, with everything that was going on, I was starting to feel even more conflicted. I had ties here that I couldn't just break.

I turned hands, palms facing up, and stared at them. They looked just like any other pair of hands to me. Even when I tried to find something strange about them – because there should be – I couldn't. I had too much unfinished business here to go to college next spring. I supposed it could wait. Maybe I should just leave it up to time to decide where I was going. When I was going.


Whenever I see or experience a mother bringing snacks on a tray I can't get Mean Girls out of my head.

I'm not sure I like how this chapter turned out, but oh well... Next chapter will be a somewhat special one!

Also, I tried to paste the Spotify link in my profile, but for some reason it doesn't work? I mean, it's there when I edit my profile, but it's never in the update. Any thoughts?