I used to love Twilight when I was younger, I don't really anymore after reading them again; however, I bought Midnight Sun anyways – and I can't stop laughing at this sentence:
''It was no accident we were most often seen in the Volvo – a car celebrated above all for its safety.'' (Meyer 2020)
It's hilarious to me. Maybe because I'm Swedish? I don't know.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries, only my own characters and plots
Mikael didn't come to see me. Not that I knew of.
Damon had been specific. And right. If I tried to find him, I was basically placing myself directly in the line of fire. I trusted Damon's judgement, most of the time. This time was one of those moments, but...
He was the only one right now, the only one who knew.
I'd spent so much time wondering, looking. So many hours searching, and the only viable lead up until now was gone and probably wasn't coming back.
I was at home, pacing and trying to get a grip on myself. I just couldn't sit still. I wanted to go outside, I wanted to find him. I wanted to know. It was eating me up.
I'd listed to pros and cons over and over in my head, and always came up short. No matter how much I agreed with Damon and everyone else, the last thought that popped up was always that I was prepared to face that if it meant finding out what he knew.
Let's say I would try to find him. How would I do it? Would I just go out in the street and call his name? Not one of my friends would ever get in contact with him for me. I could go through the contact lists on either Stefan's or Damon's phones, but that was a stretch.
Then there was Rebekah. I didn't know how much she knew. She might not even know her father was here.
So, there were two possible routes to take. I set them against each other in my head – and still couldn't decide.
''Damn it,'' I muttered, running one hand through my hair, and then took a quick look around the room. There was a dust cloth in here somewhere. I found it on the windowsill, and grabbed it.
Minutes later, I'd dusted off half my room. When I'd finished it all, I rushed downstairs; only to find myself at a loss. What was I supposed to do? I had to do something. I had to keep busy. Or should I go out?
I was just about to go and grab my jacket when I heard keys jangle outside.
''Oh,'' my mother laughed when she opened the door and saw me there. ''You scared me.'' She took off her coat.
''Sorry,'' I said, looking past her at the rain drizzling down outside. I had to get to work in that later.
''So how's your day been?'' she asked, passing me and through the door to the kitchen.
Frustrating.
Horrible.
I don't even know.
''Could be worse,'' I said and followed her halfway, leaning against the doorframe.
She grabbed a glass and filled it up with some water. ''Anything I can do to make it better?'' she asked, then taking a sip and looking at me over the rim of the glass.
''Not really,'' I said quietly.
''When are you going to work?''
''An hour.''
''You sure you're up for it? You look a little tired.''
''Yeah,'' I said. ''It'll be fine.''
I went to work with my mind somewhere else. That I managed to remember to write down people's orders was a miracle, and a couple of times I didn't even get them right.
''Why so jittery?'' Sarah asked and stopped next to me, a tray of dishes on her arm. She hadn't been upset when I'd sent her a text, the first one since the Night of Illumination. She'd known it was bad, and thought I needed time to recover.
''What do you mean?'' I asked.
''You've been looking at the door every other second.''
''I have?'' I asked, honestly a little surprised because I only remember glancing that way a few times.
''Mhm,'' she hummed, nodding her head. ''You okay?''
No.
''Yeah.''
I don't think she believed me, but she let it go. After she commented on it, I caught myself looking at the entrance several times.
Why would he drop something like that, act all surprised, and then just walk away? What did he know? Why wouldn't he show up again?
I tried hard to suppress the anger I was feeling. Pressing my fingers against my forehead, I mumbled to myself: ''Stop it. Stop it.''
A cold breeze swept through the room, followed by someone wiping their feet at the door. My eyes immediately went to the source of the sound, but of course it wasn't him. What was I thinking? What vampire I'd ever met made that much noise?
I had to shake it off. Walk it off. Yeah, I'd walk it off. Some order's were ready, so I went to get those. By the time the round for dropping them of was finished, I'd managed to get two orders mixed up, spilled a customer's Pepsi, and stuttered incoherent mumbles of apologies.
With trembling hands, I sneaked off to my locker and slid down to the floor, back against wall. The sounds from the restaurant were reduced to a low hum. The fluorescent light in the ceiling irritated my eyes, small coloured spots danced around the room before I got used to it.
Maybe I should just try to find him. Ignore all the cons and just go out there and find him. He probably wasn't far away from town, not if they were preparing to get Klaus.
I wanted answers. He had them.
The door opened, and the buzz from the restaurant grew louder before it went down when the door closed again. ''There you are!'' Sarah exclaimed. ''Where- why are you crying?'' She crouched down next to me. I hadn't even realised that I had been crying.
''I-'' I croaked, ''I just had to take a break.''
Even though I was a little scared to meet her gaze, my eyes fluttered to hers and down to the floor. I saw her worry. Felt it too, much to my dismay.
Her pointing out my crying somehow made it worse. Tears ran down my cheeks and there was no stopping them. I let out a strangled whimper and buried my face in my hands.
''Hey,'' Sarah comforted. ''Hey, it's okay. Whatever it is, it's gonna be okay.''
She sat with me until my cheeks were dry. For however long that was, nothing went through my head. I just cried.
Sarah had scooted over next to me and sat down. ''You don't have to tell me what it is if you don't want to,'' she said after a while. ''But I'm here.''
I wanted nothing more than to just let it all out. Tell her everything. But I couldn't. I'd keep it all in until I exploded if I had to.
But, maybe... Well, I couldn't lie. Maybe I could just...
''What would you do,'' I began, my voice hoarse, ''if you had two things to chose from. One of them meant finding out something that's really important to you, but you don't know if you could trust the person telling you about it. The other one would mean not knowing, but you'd be saved all the stress.''
I glanced at Sarah. She looked like she was thinking, eyes squinted and frowning. ''I think...'' she said slowly. ''I think I would want to know, then try to figure out for myself if the information is true.''
''It's not so much the information being untrue as it is not being sure what the person might do,'' I tried to clarify. ''He or she could tell the truth but might want something in return that I can't give, or something like that.''
Sarah turned and looked at me seriously. 'What kind of information is it? You're not in trouble, are you?''
I shook my head. ''Not... exactly. It's to do with finding out about my family. My ancestors. It's just... the person who knows about them isn't quite... well, he's not-'' I struggled for the right words. ''He's not really the best person out there.''
''You know him?''
''Only a little.''
''If you put yourself in any danger, I don't think it's worth it,'' Sarah said.
I couldn't very well tell her that I was pretty much on the brink of not caring. It was finally within my grasp, and it was so easy for desperation to kick in.
''Maybe we should get back,'' I said, getting my phone phone from my pocket and checking my face. It wasn't hard to miss my bloodshot eyes.
''You sure you're up for it?'' Sarah asked. ''You could leave early, it's not too busy today.''
''No,'' I said, pushing myself up from the floor. ''No, I need something to do.''
''Okay...'' She sounded doubtful. ''But you can take it easy.''
Right before we were about to go out the door back into the restaurant, Sarah put her hand on my arm. I flinched, but tried to relax. She looked me straight in the eye. ''You can talk to me about anything, you know that, right?''
''Yeah,'' I replied, trying to keep a straight face. ''Of course.''
She offered me a hesitant smile. ''Good.''
I struggled against breaking down for the rest of my shift, and I think Sarah noticed. Every once in a while she would come up to me, and place her hand gently on my back. I wanted it to help, but mostly I still felt completely out of it.
''Hey,'' Sarah asked when we were about done, the both of us. ''You want to take a walk?''
I looked at her and she was everything I wanted to be at the moment. Content, not worried about myself, and secure enough to focus on caring about others.
''Sure, that'd be nice.''
We walked through town with no decided destination. It was cold, but the crisp air was good. It helped keep me on my toes. The autumn leaves set the world on fire. Every other tree was a beautiful orange, red and yellow cloud against the pale sky. It was beautiful.
Sarah told me about the cat she and her mum got together. A tabby rescue they named Chili, because apparently her mum loved chili stews more than everything else edible. I tried to listen, I mean really listen. No distractions. But it was hard.
''You ever wanted a cat? Or a dog?''
''When I was younger,'' I replied. ''I'm not against it, but I'm not really... in a point in life where it would be right, you now?''
She nodded.
''It wouldn't be fair to the animal,'' I continued, raising my gaze to the sky that was beginning to darken. We walked slowly, and I kicked at a pebble, keeping it in front of me.
''There's stuff I've always wanted to find out,'' I said, when the topic of pets died out. ''Think of it like... genetic disorders. I want to know if I'm at risk of having the same affliction that someone in my family had too.''
Sarah shrugged. ''Then I'd take a DNA test.''
''But they don't show everything,'' I said. ''Not everything... psychological.''
''You think you're at risk for something?''
''Maybe.''
''You don't have to be scared,'' Sarah said. ''I'm not sure exactly what you're talking about, but I've got Alzheimers in my family. It's scary sometimes, but there are good medicines for that now, that really help slow it down.''
''What if you think you already have something,'' I began, searching for what to say, ''but aren't sure to what extent? Or that you don't know exactly what it is?''
Sarah was quiet for a while. I sighed, exasperated. ''I'm not making any sense, am I?''
''No, it's not that,'' Sarah hurried to say. ''I'm just thinking... what if there's somewhere else to find all that stuff out? Maybe you could look it up?''
''I'm not sure I can,'' I said. ''I feel like I've looked everywhere I can... or know to look. I feel like he's my last chance.''
''Is he the one making you feel like that or-''
''No,'' I shook my head. ''No, it's just me.''
''Hm... I could help you contact someone if you'd like?'' she offered.
''No, that's okay.'' I didn't want to send Sarah on a wild goose chase after something that she wouldn't ever find.
''I just have to figure it out.''
I knew I was lucky to have a friend like Sarah. I just wish I could be completely honest with her. But, the less you knew the further away from trouble it would keep you. And I didn't want her hurt. I didn't want her dead.
We hung out until dinner time, and then she went home with me to make sure I got there alright. I probably would have, but she insisted and I didn't want to offend her.
When I closed the door behind me, I was met by an empty house. Mum was at work. Letting out a deep sigh, I kicked off my shoes and threw my jacket on the floor by the hallway closet. There were barely any lights on, but I didn't care. Stepping through to the kitchen, I turned on the light above the kitchen table and opened the fridge to look for leftovers.
I didn't realise I'd been staring into the fridge without even looking until the warning buzzer went off. I shut the door quickly, without taking anything.
It was so quiet, but still so loud. All I heard was the soft humming of the freezer and my own heart beating in my ears. Only, they completely took everything over. My head was filled with static, and I was disgustingly aware of the sound of my own blood being pumped around my body.
Suddenly the doorbell rang, and my heart started beating faster. I stopped myself from rushing to the front door. I was safe in here, as long as I was the one who opened the door. As safe as I could be, at least.
It was Elena, with Stefan and Damon behind her.
''Hi,'' she said, and she seemed nervous. ''Can we talk?''
''Sure,'' I replied, feeling my forehead crease when I saw the looks on their faces. They might think they were hiding them, but it was completely obvious to me. ''Come on in.''
''Is your mum home?'' Stefan asked, grabbing Elena's coat and putting it on a hanger.
''She's at work.''
''Good.''
I made a weary gesture towards the living room, and followed them all in there. Damon usually made himself at home right away, but he was nowhere near the couch.
''So,'' I began slowly, looking at them. They all looked somewhere else. ''I guess this isn't a social call?''
One could have heard a pin drop. They were almost squirming where they stood, filling the air with nervousness. Finally, it was Elena who broke the silence.
''We're gonna make a move on Klaus.''
I figured there had to be something serious.
''Make a move?'' I repeated. ''What are you gonna do?''
''You heard Mikael,'' Damon said. ''If we get Klaus back here, he'll kill him for us.''
I stared at them in disbelief. ''You make it sound easy,'' I said quietly.
Stefan looked grim. ''It won't be,'' he said. ''But it has to be done.''
''And we've finally got our golden ticket,'' Damon chimed in. I could tell he wasn't quite sure. None of them were. It was all in the eyes. But, I think it had more to do with something else.
I understood, so I nodded. ''I guess you don't want me there?''
None of them said anything. Elena looked like she was struggling for words, Stefan frowned apologetically, and Damon stared at a magazine on the coffee table.
''Don't worry about it,'' I said. ''Honestly.''
I could almost hear it. What if I flip out like last time? That's not a risk worth taking.
That was how it was. I just hated it. If I'd been asked before I got involved in everything, I might've not wanted to. I was pretty sure I still didn't want to, but I hated put on the sidelines because I wasn't strong enough. Emphasis on the strong enough part. I wanted to be strong enough. Useful. Be able to help.
Something was messed up right now. I'd be a fool not to notice it. I'd fried a circuit, or something. I wouldn't be able to do anything, even if I wanted to.
''We wanted to fill you in,'' Stefan said admitted.
I sighed, and sat down on the couch, looking at them expectantly. ''Shoot.''
''Well,'' Elena said, and hesitated to sit down but decided to anyway. ''We can't tell you everything. But we wanted you to be prepared, just in case Klaus sees through Stefan.''
''You think he won't notice you're not the same as when he left?'' I asked.
''Hopefully he won't,'' Stefan replied, glancing at Elena.
''Mikael wants him dead,'' Elena confirmed. ''And he's powerful.''
''Then how come he hasn't killed him yet?''
They didn't have an answer to that, and I didn't either. Who was more powerful? Mikael or Klaus?
''So, when is all this going down?'' I asked, clasping my hands together on my lap.
Elena had a guilty look on her face. ''Soon.''
''Have you talked to Mikael?'' I pried, trying to ease the subject into the conversation.
She frowned. ''Why?''
''She wants to talk to him and see what he knows,'' Damon said, his blue eyes piercing into mine.
''I don't think that's a good idea,'' Elena said.
''He's the only-'' I stopped and took a shaky breath, closing my hands, squeezing them into fists. ''You don't understand. He's the only lead I have right now, and-''
''I know,'' Elena cut me off. ''I know, Ev, but-''
''No, you don't know!'' I said loudly, feeling my body heat up. The surprise in her eyes made me look away in shame.
''I'm sorry,'' I said quietly, unclenching my hands. ''I don't know what's going on anymore. You need to understand, if he does-''
''He'll use you,'' Elena said.
Then let him, a harsh voice sounded from the darkest corner of my mind.
''Maybe it's worth it,'' I whispered, staring at my shaking hands.
''I don't think it will be,'' Elena said sadly.
It was Friday, and I had been on the edge of my seat all night. They hadn't told me when everything was going to happen, but with the way I was feeling I was pretty sure I knew.
I'd walked around all day, pacing back and forth. Luckily, I kept most of it confined to my room, so my mother didn't know about it. If she'd seen me like that, I don't know what I would try to come up with. I'm just waiting for my friends. They're probably off killing a vampire. I'm freaking out.
By the time the sun set and everything outside the windows was pitch dark, a kind of calmness came upon me. Well, maybe not a calmness. Maybe my body had just grown tired of worrying.
I tried to concentrate on the TV when I joined my mother there after dinner. Right when a woman came out in a fifteen thousand dollar dress, I was filled with a feeling of terrible dread. Like something was wrong.
The feeling wouldn't go away. My mother yawned, and got up from the couch. I was clenching the edge of it, scratching the fabric.
''Night, honey,'' she said and stroking my hair and kissing the top of my head before she went upstairs to get ready for bed. I listened to the shower run, the door open and close and her footsteps thump through the ceiling. Then it went quiet.
I turned the TV back on, aimlessly swapping channels. This late at night nothing interesting was ever on, and even if there was, I probably wouldn't really watch it anyway. I just had to keep my hands busy, my mind busy. I at least had to try to ignore my speeding pulse.
I'd frantically gone through the whole list of channels two times when the front door opened.
Jumping to my feet, I grabbed the thing nearest to me.
''Ev?'' Elena's voice called quietly in the hallway. I put down the candle stick and when I came out of the living room, I was met with Elena's face, pale and scared.
''What?'' I whispered.
She took a deep breath before she spoke.
''Mikael's dead. Klaus knows.''
The words were like ice.
''What?'' I whispered. I felt cold.
''He's so angry. He- We need to get you somewhere safe, somewhere he can't-''
I saw her mouth moving but I didn't hear a word she said. All that was on my mind was the fact that now I had no chance of finding out whatever information Mikael had about me.
A silent storm was brewing within me. So much anger, and it never surfaced. Instead, I stood there like a statue, with an unfocused gaze and ice in my veins.
''Are you hearing me, Ev?'' Elena's voice pushed its way past the barrier I had up when she came closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder.
''What's he gonna do?'' I heard myself say.
''What are you talking about?'' Elena pleaded. ''We gotta go! Caroline is going to take care of your mum, but right now-''
All I heard was my mother mentioned and then I tuned out, only the image of her in my head.
''Fine,'' I said. ''Take me wherever you want.''
Elena looked stunned. ''Klaus could kill you,'' she said. ''And I don't want to lose one of my best friends. No matter what she's going through.''
''How did it happen?''
Elena looked down at her feet.
''How did it happen?'' I repeated, heart beating hard.
''I thought he was back to normal,'' Elena said, her voice quivering. ''We all did, and he was, he was just... he was still compelled. And... Stefan gave Klaus an opening.''
''So I only got him to turn his switch back on,'' I concluded slowly, staring at my hands.
Elena grabbed me by the arm. ''We have to go.'' She pulled me towards the front door. ''We'll get you clothes, anything you need, there isn't any time.'' Pulling the handle down, she was just about to usher me outside when she stopped dead in her tracks.
In the dim glow of our porch light I could see a man. He held his arms out, smiling. ''Ladies.''
I don't know if I'd ever actually taken the time to think about how Klaus actually looked. Unlike his brother, he looked like he could blend in seamlessly wherever he wanted to. The smile on his face was awfully calm, and he'd placed his hands behind his back expectantly.
''You're not getting her,'' Elena said, positioning herself in front of me.
''Come now, Elena,'' Klaus said slowly, his British drawl like honey and sting. ''You know I am.''
She shook her head. ''You'll have to get through me.''
Klaus lowered his gaze, a strange smile playing on his lips. Then he looked behind us, and said:
''Janine, love, come on out.''
''Mum?'' I choked. I thought she was upstairs, asleep. ''No, get back inside-''
''Janine, how about you tell these girls how this is all gonna happen?''
My mother passed us from behind. She had nothing but tights and a t-shirt on, and it was freezing outside. Her eyes were blank, and she stared right ahead as she went to stand next to Klaus. I wanted nothing more than to reach out, grab her, and pull her back inside.
''If my daughter doesn't go with Klaus,'' she said, her voice hollow, ''I die.''
Earlier, when Elena broke the news that Mikael was dead, I had been angry. For a moment furious, even. And that was nothing compared to the emotions within me now.
''Release her from your compulsion, and I'll go,'' I said to Klaus, and when I met his gaze he smiled at me.
I could hear Elena shuffling beside me, and when she drew a breath to speak I stopped her.
''It's my mother, Elena.''
''You have no idea what-''
''I don't care,'' I replied cooly, still staring into Klaus' eyes. ''I don't care. Please make sure she's okay.''
My legs didn't give out from under me, they didn't even tremble, when I walked towards him.
''Release her from your compulsion,'' I said again, ''and you can take me wherever.''
That damn smile of his, like he knew everything. He let my mother go, and before I even got the chance to see how she was or explain, he grabbed me and we were gone.
He took me to a car. I must've stared at it funny, because he said:
''For your comfort.''
He drove us through town, but never out of it. After turning off the main roads, I lost track of where we were. Don't know why I tried. What would it matter where I died?
''So, where are we going to bury me?'' I asked, looking out at the darkness.
''Oh, I'm not interested in taking your life,'' Klaus replied, tapping his fingers slowly against the steering wheel. ''Well, not in killing you at least.''
That took me by surprise. ''Then what?''
''Don't worry, love,'' Klaus smirked, winking at me before turning his eyes back to the dark road. ''You'll see.''
I'm not super happy with the flow of this one, but here it is. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Until the next one (I think you'll like it!).
