A/N: Alright… I'm sort of sad cause not that people have reviewed on the last couple of chapters. Thank you to GREEN rox my sockx for your review. Anyways if people want me to keep writing on this story they should review it… :) Enjoy this chapter.
I Write For Me
November 21st: Journal Entry #10
It's about two o'clock in the morning. I can't sleep…I don't know what to think about today. All I know is I cried in front of my father, the Dark Lord, and his minions. Isn't it funny that that's the only thing that sticks in one's mind after such a stressful ordeal? I guess it is merely because I have shamed myself and will forever be known as the boy who cries at important Death Eater events. I don't know if I am considered to be a Death Eater or if I have committed treason already by fleeing the scene. I couldn't have possibly already wronged the Dark Lord by running terrified out of his chambers could I? I know he's probably not too happy with me right now but could he be out for my blood? If so then my instincts did not betray me when they told me to run and never come back. I guess I have in turn, reached my sanctuary then. My safe haven from the rest of the world and I shall not leave it for anything. Not even Hogsmeade's luscious Honey Dukes store…although I would really like some chocolate right about now. I believe it would make me feel better.
I feel rather guilty for I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to mother. I ran past her without even glancing her way but it was merely because Satan was hot on my heels and I had to run my fastest. He was right behind me! If I had slowed down to have a tearful goodbye he would have probably obliterated me on the spot, seeing as I have humiliated him in front of his "friends." Father I mean. Oh bugger.
Draco shut his journal and sighed, turning over on his side to draw open the green and silver curtains around his bed. He put out the light at the tip of his wand, which he was using to write by and quietly slid open his nightstand drawer. He froze midway in setting it down inside the drawer and decided not to. He didn't know why but he wanted to keep it with him. His wand as well. So he put the two items under his fluffy pillow and lay sprawled on his back in the shape of an "x".
He wore a T-shirt to bed and he could see the Dark Lord's mark on his wrist. They put the dark mark on your left wrist for the same reason you place a wedding band on your left hand. It led to your heart and in this case was supposed to be a mark of loyalty. Draco looked at it looming at him and he glared at it. He then quickly stuck that wrist under his green sheet and fell asleep that way, at long last. Although it wasn't a very peaceful sleep.
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The next morning in DADA an owl flew through the open window and landed on Draco's desk. It was Dumbledore's owl. Draco took the envelope off of the owl's outstretched talon and unfolded it.
There in Dumbledore's neat scrawl:
Mr. Malfoy,
I would really like you to come meet me after class. I believe we have something to discuss. I expect you to arrive after class. Don't be late. The password is gumdrops.
Sincerely,
Dumbledore
Draco folded the note and placed it in his robes front pocket. He reached down and pulled his left sleeve down over his hand and placed his wrist on the desktop. He then returned his attention back to the class.
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Draco clenched his teeth when he reached the gargoyles in front of Dumbledore's private office.
"The password?" one of the gargoyles asked in a deep growl.
"Right, it's…" Draco cringed more, looking down at the paper. "Honestly why is it so fluffy?" He meant it in the sense that the word was simply just too happy and feminine to be heard coming out of his mouth.
"Fluffy is not the password," the gargoyle said.
"No it's not," Draco snapped. "Gumdrops."
The gargoyles leapt out of the way to let the blonde past. He quickly made it up the spiral staircase, even though it was already moving him towards the door and knocked.
"Come in," Dumbledore said.
"Ah! Mr. Malfoy. I'm glad that you've come right on schedule. Come have a seat," Dumbledore said cheerily. Draco did as he was told unsmiling and stared at the elderly wizard through his cold gray eyes. So much like his father's Dumbledore thought.
"When your father owled me two nights ago, it was to tell me that you'd be gone at least a week for your grandfather's funeral. And yet, you arrived the same day that you departed. Well you arrived in the evening, but you know what I mean," Dumbledore said. "And without shoes, may I add."
Draco looked down at his feet, taking in his shiny black shoes.
"You also seemed to be in a state of shock," Dumbledore went on. "You've been coming here for four years. I daresay one gets used to seeing his students present themselves in certain ways. Like Granger for instance. (Draco glared at the mention of the mudblood's name.) She walks proudly, with her head held high. I always know when something is not going right with her because her shoulders slump and her hair is in her face.
"And you Mr. Malfoy. I have come accustomed to seeing you strut around the school proudly, also with your head held high. Your robes never have one wrinkle on them, and you never have one hair out of place. You are always intimidating the first years, and picking fights with Potter and his friends-"
"I don't always start fights with them," Draco said glaring up at him. "Is this all you called me in to talk about? Or are you getting somewhere?"
Dumbledore chuckled. "Just let me finish, Mr. Malfoy. I am saying that you were windblown, your robes were wrinkled and you looked deathly pale. I find it slightly hard to believe that a funeral took place yesterday."
"That's because there wasn't one," Draco snapped, looking Dumbledore in his twinkling blue eyes, past his half moon spectacles. "My father lied. As he always lies to get me out of school," Draco said before he could catch himself. "He took me to a Death Eater meeting."
Dumbledore leaned forward, his long bony fingers connected at the fingertips. "And what happened at this death eater meeting?" he asked.
"Well? What do you think?" Draco asked suddenly feeling like he was talking to a shrink. "It wasn't a normal Death Eater meeting. It was my surprise initiation," he snapped bitterly, and with that being said, he rolled his sleeve up his arm to reveal his left wrist. Dumbledore stared at it, not seeming to be surprised.
"I see," he said. "And you didn't want to become a death eater? As I understood from you, it seemed that was your life long dream."
"It was," Draco replied sourly. "I don't know why though. When I finally got in front of the Dark Lord, I saw so many things I could be doing. So many good things. I never had any real desire to kill anybody… Sure I wanted to strangle the Golden Trio once in a while but I never wanted to kill any of them…" Draco looked at Dumbledore, his eyes wide with realization. "Have you ever had an enemy, that you loathe to a rather large extent, but one day you think about what it would be like if they died? Of a freak accident or were murdered?"
"I can't say that I have," Dumbledore replied. "I have had enemies… But go on."
"Well what I mean is, picturing Potty, or Weasel, or the mudblood dead, just doesn't fit. It's almost like, if they were gone, who would I torment? I believe I'd have a rather dull life if I had nobody to entertain myself with…" Draco replied.
Dumbledore chuckled.
"Or you just don't want to admit that maybe deep down inside, you're just as good as young Harry and his friends," Dumbledore replied.
Draco looked up at him. "I'm expected to be evil," he whispered.
"Yes but what do you want?" Dumbledore asked.
Those words echoed in Draco's head. What did he want? He believed he had an idea.
A/N: Tell me what you think! I hope you like this new chapter. If you want more please review!
