Tempter in the Flesh
You lie there at night, golden skin,
tousled hair, innuendo falling from thy lips.
Wanting to touch you, but I sit here, immobile.
Trying to tell you, but no sound escapes my lips.
Whilst you sleep, I caress you with gaze alone,
whisper sweet nothings in the silence.
The curve of your face melting into
the curve of ink on paper,
my ode to you.
He read through a few of his older poems, before uploading the most recent one. He didn't think it was as good, but the voices made it hard to concentrate, and the little he wrote managed to quiet them for a little while.
Specter
You haunt me.
The more you stay away,
the more I see you.
The other day, I
heard something, rumors,
that you'd forgiven her.
Defended her.
Tried to save her.
Dare I hope that
maybe, someday
I'd be the one?
Spike turned off the computer and snuck out of the lab, heading back to the basement to curl up and wait.
"Please Xander?" In the very deep depths of his soul, a tiny high-school voice that wasn't completely repressed was crowing in joy that Buffy Summers was begging him. The much larger part of him was violently recoiling from what she was begging him to do. But Buffy rarely lost a fight and Xander rarely won one, so the outcome of this skirmish had been decided long before it began.
"Fine. Spike can move in with me." Xander finally conceded. It would at least put the walk-in closet to some use, and maybe he would finally be able to dispel the lingering Anyaness that still tinged the apartment.
And if he made sure all the empty bottles and pizza boxes were in the dumpster before they came over, and his apartment was looking cleaner than it had been in a while, he told himself he was making it nice for Buffy.
We're going to Xander's. Spike silently marveled at the concept. When Buffy came to tell him, he'd been sure it was another hallucination. But he hadn't hallucinated Dawn yet, so he had to trust that they were real. He let them herd him out of the basement and into Buffy's car, Buffy driving with Dawn riding shotgun. Dawn fiddled with the radio, occasionally casting glances over her shoulder at Spike. Spike looked out the window and into the darkness.
"I don't know what you think this is going to accomplish." Xander said, sitting next to him. "It's not as if you're anything more than a monster. I don't know why Buffy didn't dust you long ago."
"We're going to Xander's. We're going to Xander's." Spike chanted quietly to himself as he began to rock ever so slightly. Dawn frowned, watching Spike.
"You think the soul makes a difference?" Xander continued. "It doesn't. Not for you. Nothing will ever make you good enough to be loved."
"We're going to Xander's." Spike repeated diligently. It stood to reason that if they were going to Xander's and the backseat had been empty when he got in, then this Xander wasn't real. Plus, Buffy and Dawn didn't react at all to Xander, so either they didn't see or hear him... or maybe, they agreed with him. "You're not real." he spat, not looking at the figure next to him.
"Oh, Spikey." Xander grinned. "Of course I'm real." He took Spike's hand and laid it on his thigh, just above the knee. "Don't I feel real?"
Sure enough, he could feel the rough denim of Xander's jeans, feel the warmth of Xander's skin under the thin fabric. He could smell the spicy scent of Xander in the close confines of the car, and almost hear his heart pumping away... But this couldn't be Xander. "You're not real." he said again, faith taking root in his soul. Suddenly the material dissipated under his fingers, and he looked down to see his hand half-in Xander's ghost-like leg. He gagged at the sight, wrenching his hand away and huddling close to the door.
"You just had to ruin the fun, didn't you?" Not-Xander said, still grinning. "All you had to do was believe in me."
He looked so much like Xander, that Spike was having trouble remembering that this was just a mirage. Spike shook his head, lacing his fingers together at the back of his head and pressing his arms together, covering his ears. "Get out, get out, GET OUT!" he screamed, voice escalating.
"As you wish. But I'll be seeing you again." Not-Xander winked, and vanished.
Buffy and Dawn exchanged a worried glance, and Buffy stepped on the gas a little harder.
Xander opened the door, stepping aside so Buffy and Dawn could enter. Spike, stopped by the invisible barrier, waited just outside the threshold. "You're gonna live in the small room there." Xander said, pointing at the room. Anya was so excited about it, went on for hours about the perks of a walk-in closet. It was only one-third full when we moved in, but I knew she was looking forward to filling it up. "It looks like a closet, but it's a room now." And it's the basement all over again. Except instead of the lounger, Spike will be living in my closet. I can't wait for the gay jokes to begin. "You're not gonna touch my food." And how not fun is it that I have to add 'blood' to my grocery list again? "I take the first shower and if I use up all the hot water, that's your tough luck." Who says I can't be evil too? Just because I'm letting him live here doesn't mean I have to be nice to him. Although, for some strange reason, he wasn't getting the usual thrill from insulting Spike. He turned to Buffy, squashing down the part of him that was waiting for Spike to toss insults right back, eagerly anticipating their usual verbal sparing. Spike being so damn quiet was grating on his nerves. "I hate this plan." Spike shifted outside the door, and Xander took a little bit of his frustration out on him. "Are you keeping up, or do you need some kind of English to Brit-slang-with-weird-expletives translation?"
Spike raised a hand and tapped on the barrier.
Xander turned one last time to Buffy, eyes begging her to reconsider the living arrangements. "Is there something more emphatic than 'hate'? Can I 'abhor' the plan?" She just rolled her eyes, and Xander sighed. "Fine. I invite you in. Baka." Xander frowned as the insult made Spike flinch. The vampire was most certainly exhibiting un-Spike-like behavior.
"Don't want your sodding food anyway." Spike retorted, and the tiny part of him cheered. Verbal sparring was on, bay-bee!
"Remind me again why he's here?" Xander pleaded.
"The school basement is making him crazy." Buffy explained. "We can't just leave him there."
"Fine." Xander replied. "Just make sure to go after him first if I wind up mysteriously dead and drained."
"Xander." Buffy admonished, but Xander didn't apologize. "Things are different now. He has a soul."
"I'm sure that will be a real comfort when you find my corpse. 'Here lies Alexander Harris. He was killed by someone with a soul'."
"What does that mean, exactly, that Spike is all soulhaving?" Dawn interjected, half to break up the tension and half from curiosity.
Buffy shrugged. "I don't know."
Xander blinked, and for a second he was back in high school again, Giles explaining that Jesse wasn't Jesse anymore. Buffy explaining that Angel was okay again after his little murdering spree, because he had his soul again. And now she doesn't know what kind of difference Spike's soul makes? Xander's brain wasn't computing.
"I'll go. This can't work." he heard Spike say, and he realized he'd zoned out of the conversation. There was something about the way Spike was so quiet that felt wrong. Xander shoved all the philosophical and moral ponderings for another time, and looked at Buffy as she argued.
"It will. It already is, okay? You know, you've been out of the basement for half an hour, and you've already stopped talking to invisible people." she said.
Spike snorted. "Bollocks."
Buffy fidgeted. "Okay, so there was that one episode in the car, but-"
Spike looked majorly uncomfortable, and Xander almost felt sorry for him. "No. Bollocks to the whole thing. I don't need your mollycoddling."
"It's not coddling." Xander interjected. Spike narrowed his eyes, and suddenly Xander felt like a specimen under a microscope. Dawn's watch beeped, and broke the spell. "Check out the closet, see if there's anything you need."
"We should probably be getting back to the house, Dawn needs to get ready for school." Buffy said. She and Xander hugged briefly. "Call me later, okay?"
Xander nodded and waved as the girls left. He turned back to see Spike watching him. "What?"
Spike shook his head and went into the closet-cum-bedroom, and closed the door behind him. Xander sighed. This was going to be fun.
