It's been a while! I have good news, though. I have finished this story! Including this one, there will be 10 more chapters. I'll go back to how this whole journey started, I think, with weekly updates on Thursdays. Hope some people are still interested to see this story through to its end :)


Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries


''This isn't working.''

I bit down on my lip and glared angrily at the fine dust in my hand – all that was left of the apple. A rush of frustration ran through me, and a second later I found myself staring at a hole in the wall.

''Sorry,'' I said. ''I'll fix it, just... sorry.''

Days had passed. So many days it felt like, and somehow I seemed to be going nowhere. Had I had the right mindset, I would have seen the progress I was making. Every day meant hating my new existence a little less – that hate replaced with adjustment.

I spent my time honing my strength. The results varied, the broken plaster on the wall was a testament to that. It was easier to crush something than I'd like it to be.

''It will.''

Elijah was looking at me with that far off, guilty look in his eye. I wondered how long he would see me in that way, like something gone wrong. Maybe I only saw in him what I was seeing myself.

I grabbed another apple from the counter and tried again. Tensing my hand around it, I focused on still keeping it whole. Unclenching my hand this time, it looked a little rough but didn't run through my fingers like sand. It should feel like a victory, but I took it with a grain of salt.


Elijah brought the inescapable to me one day. I stared at the glass in his hand, at the red liquid, feeling repulsed beyond compare.

''What is it?''

''Deer.''

My eyes wouldn't stop looking at it. I knew I had to drink it, but the more I stared the more I wanted nothing other than to run as far away from it as possible. Holding my hand out, I forced myself to take the glass from Elijah. So tense, I was so tense – maybe just seconds away from smashing it in between my fingers.

But then I smelled it.

It was a sweet scent. Warm and sweet and intriguing. I brought the glass closer to my mouth, feeling my teeth baring, feeling them changing in my mouth. Some kind of newly formed instincts took over, and I sipped from the glass without any repulsion.

Elijah watched me, waiting for my reaction.

I held the glass in front of me and eyed the blood before me. Disgusted, but the taste of it somehow took over. It left a strange aftertaste in the mouth.

''It's disgusting how... good this is.''

The effect was almost immediate. It was invigorating. I felt stronger, fresher, more alert. I put the glass down and put it out of my mind. If I didn't think about it maybe my stomach wouldn't want to empty itself.

''The pull you feel now is nothing compared to human blood.''

I hummed, wishing wholeheartedly that I would never be in a situation where I had to force myself to resist it. Control, that was what it was. I wasn't unfamiliar with the notion by now. And to get there, I had to practice.


So, eventually, I stepped outside for the first time, and nothing – not even hearing it through the walls – could have prepared me for what faced me there.

I could hear everyone. Their steps, their breathing, slow and steady or quick and uneven. I could hear their hearts beating. For a while I was more fascinated than disturbed. It was like comparing a photo to another one that was colour-enhanced. My gaze caught on different people and I felt like I actually saw them.

It was like that, for a while.

Then I began mistaking their heartbeats for my own; they all created an unsteady rhythm in my ears, fighting to be in the forefront. I couldn't tune it out.

My nails dug into my palms, painfully so, and I tried holding my breath to at least escape all the smells. It didn't help much.

I felt something run down my hands. Blood, my blood. Before my eyes, the wounds healed up and closed. For a moment, I only stared at it in wonder and forgot about everything around me. And, when the bustle of the city returned, it wasn't as loud.

Elijah was by my side, waiting. ''Let's take a walk,'' I said, adjusting the ring he gave me on my finger, overcome with a sudden surge of confidence.


I didn't hurt anyone.

Was is hard not to lose control? Yes. Impossible? I was beginning to think, no.

It was easier getting used to this new way of life because of the bubble I seemed to live in. I had no work now, I was far from my friends in Mystic Falls – all I had was Elijah's support and the ever present need to cope. More and more, it felt like I was living in a daydream. But soon, the restlessness came. It snuck up on me at first, and I mistook it for what were now normal, everyday, jitters. Then I started pacing around the apartment. And then I walked aimlessly around the city, usually at dusk, easing into the outer world. But, whatever I did, my mind was always elsewhere.

The daydream I had been living had to came to a harsh halt sometime, and I was violently pulled from it one day by a piercing ring from my phone.

It kept on ringing, and all I did was stare at it where it lay on the counter. If Elijah had been there, he would have advised me to pick it up, but I could only stare.

But then, in a flash, before what was most likely the last ring, I had it pressed to my ear. Eyes squeezed shut, I hoped for the best and prepared myself to try to sound normal.

''Hi.''

''Hey.''

Damon sounded tired over the phone.

''You sound strange,'' he said suddenly, and I felt like I'd just grabbed a mouthful of ice.

''I do? I'm just really tired.''

''So, what's up?

''Not much,'' he said, and it was clearly a lie. But I let him have it, too busy trying to cover up my own. ''Just checking in to see you're still alive.''

I wasn't ready for something as simple as Damon's wording to hurt that bad, but it did.

''I'm still here,'' I said, knowing what I said was true but the words still left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Maybe it wasn't obvious on his end, but the conversation that passed was very much unlike our usual ones. It was all pleasantries. Neither of us minded, aware of it or not, because we were both covering something up.

After hanging up, I leaned back and let out a heavy sigh.

I had turned, and still couldn't believe it myself. How could I then try to explain it to them? What would they think? What would Klaus do? Thoughts swirled in my head, giving me a headache. At least I thought they did, but maybe I was imagining the pain. There was so much to this new way of life that I had no clue about.

The more days that passed, the easier things got, sure. But it was a physical adjustment, more so than a mental one. In a calm setting, I could learn not to pulverise apples. Hopefully.


One night, I came back inside after a walk and found Elijah speaking quietly on the phone. I closed the door, thinking he would hear me then, only to remember how well vampire hearing actually worked. He'd probably heard me already.

Lowering the phone from his ear, he turned and looked at me. I couldn't quite pinpoint his expression. He looked glad, calm, to see me back, but uneasy.

''What was that about?'' I asked.

''Niklaus. He has been... neutralised.''

''Neutralised?''

Elijah slipped the phone into the inside pocket of his suit jacket. ''The Bennett witch cast a spell on him. He is still alive, but unable to free himself.''

''Why didn't they kill him?'' I asked, pondering their choice, remembering the ruthless parts of my friends I wish they didn't have – I knew at least some of them would be glad to be rid of him – until the answer came to me. ''Do they know they belong to his bloodline?''

''They might,'' Elijah replied. ''I cannot see who else.''

So, if Klaus died, so did Damon, Caroline, Stefan... Tyler, too. Part of me felt happy that my friends didn't have to kill another, despite who he was – but knowing how much danger they were all in with Alaric in the picture...

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. ''This is a mess.''

I felt stress growing in me at a faster rate than it normally would, and silently cursed having to keep holding things off. Looking at Elijah, I saw him looking at me, too. There was sadness in his eyes, and I knew what was about to be said would hurt.

''What are you going to do?'' I asked quietly, waiting, but not really wanting to hear the answer.

''The right thing,'' Elijah said. ''I will collect his body and keep him in that state for as long as Elena is still alive. He will be no threat to her that way. Alaric will follow, and when Elena's human lifetime has passed, then-''

''Wait, hold on,'' I interrupted. ''What do you mean?''

''It seems there is no end to my mother's atrocities,'' Elijah said bitterly. ''When she turned Alaric into an Original vampire, she linked his life to Elena's. They are connected.''

''If she dies, he dies?'' I asked.

''And if he dies, so does she.''

I tried to wrap my mind around it. ''This is... a lot. I don't know why I'm surprised, really.''

Controlling my breathing, I managed to slow down the accelerating sensations of fear and anxiousness in me. I thought of Elijah leaving. We had already been there, once. I hadn't been ready then, and I had no idea what to do now. And I thought of Elena, wondering how she was. We hadn't left things on the best of terms, but of course I still cared about her.

''If they agree to my terms, I will keep my word. You know that, don't you?''

He was hesitant, scared almost. I smiled gently at him. ''I do. But what about Rebekah? And Kol?'' Kol seemed to have packed up and left, according to Elijah, and he had been very straightforward about the deal to him. How long it lasted, we couldn't be sure until we met him again. But Rebekah, she was stubborn and intent on staying in Mystic Falls.

The frightened look in Elijah's eyes vanished, and his face turned grim at the mention of his siblings. I knew he thought they would listen to him, but would they?

''Together they have served centuries in coffins because of him. They will be glad to return the favour. They will do this. They will have to.''

I didn't know what to make of all of this. There was so much happening, so many people in danger. There were so many things that could go wrong. But I knew Elijah's plan was a good one, as long as it held up. And if I couldn't go with him... I had to find some way to deal with that. There was a pressure over my chest when thinking of him gone, in constant danger.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, focusing.

''He'll be sleeping?'' I asked after a moment, and opened my eyes again.

''He will be sleeping,'' Elijah confirmed.

''You'll be running?''

''Yes.''

There were so many things I wished right then. Things that would go away, things that would just... be.

''I don't know if I can.''

''I know.''

My heart felt attached to his, somehow, and the thought of him leaving was ten times more painful than it had been last time we had a conversation like this.

Still torn between safe, quiet, spaces and never being able to settle down, even for a short while, at least I knew one thing. To the best of my ability, I wanted to help.

''Let's go get him then.''

Elijah looked at me silently. He was probably calculating the risks with a new... with a new vampire and everything that could happen if I went back there. I had already been there, over and over.

''I know it's rash and it's a bad idea, but what else can I do? Let me do something with this,'' I gestured to myself. ''Let me come with you, as far as I can.''

Elijah considered what I had said. There was happiness in him, but so much doubt.

''If it's Alaric you're worried about, I've met him before.'' I moved in close to him, looking up into his eyes. ''Please,'' I said. ''Help me make myself useful, somehow. I need to see the silver lining in all this, and I'm sure this is the way.''

''You are useful,'' he said quietly, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. I shivered, leaning into his touch instinctively.

''I know,'' I replied. ''It's just... you know.''

He exhaled, fingers in my hair, holding on. ''I cannot stop you. But I can teach you how to defend yourself.''


I was by no means athletically inclined, and never had been, but I was never out of shape and stronger than I looked. Add to that my newfound speed, and I still wouldn't be a match for any vampire, especially not Alaric. When I started to realise just how much Elijah held back, I felt almost pitiful.

He showed me where to strike, how to strike. I aimed for his neck, but he was quick to grab my arm and spin me around, and he held onto my immobilised arm behind my back. His free hand nudged my upper back.

''You can't let them get to your heart,'' he breathed in my ear, and I had to remind myself what we were doing.

''Nor your head,'' he continued, trailing his fingers over my neck. I tensed, forcing myself to focus despite his touch.

I couldn't twist out of his grip if I wanted to, and I couldn't reach his skin. After a few seconds, he let me go slowly and I felt the loss of his heat like a breath of air being sucked out of me.

I shrugged, loosening up. Hopefully it would be easier when you didn't actually enjoy your opponent's presence. ''Again,'' I said, and prepared myself for a few more rounds of struggle.


I still had so much to learn. Like, I didn't get tired the same way as before. Elijah was patient and showed me what he could, but I still knew that my only chance against any vampire was my touch. And if said vampire knew about my abilities, it would be even harder.

It had been easy to get a hold of animal blood. I didn't have to steal it, like I was pretty sure others did, unless they went straight to the source. As long as I didn't think about what I was drinking, I was fine. There were times I couldn't push it aside, and nausea took over.

Elijah had some business to sort out before we left for Virginia, but they day came, and quickly.

Seated in the passenger seat of my car, I fiddled with my phone, flipping it in my hands anxiously.

I caught Elijah glancing at me, and stopped, trying not relax so I didn't break the damned thing. ''I need to let someone know I'm coming,'' I said. ''It feels weird not to.''

''Alright.''

I knew who to call without even thinking about it. Strange, considering how we started out – but somehow I got it now. I got it.

I pressed call and waited nervously for her to pick up.

''Hello?''

I drew a nervous breath. ''Caroline? I... I need your help.''


Not the strongest comeback chapter, but I'm just glad to be back, to be honest. Take care, everyone, and thanks for reading :)