Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries


When I got to the mansion, I slammed the front doors open so hard they flew off their hinges and cracked.

My fingers were tingling. I half expected them to be sparking when I looked at them, but no. I stopped and listened. First, nothing. Then, the soft click of a heel somewhere.

Flying through the corridors, moving on fuming anger and prepared to let everything ready to burst out, I finally found her. She stopped mid-step when she saw me.

''You.''

My voice dripped with venom. She looked at me, teary-eyed. For a second I forgot about Klaus and thought she had no right, no right at all, to be crying about anything.

''What?'' she said.

Shaking, I spoke to her through gritted teeth. ''I swear, I'll-''

''You'll kill me?'' she scoffed.

No. Even if I had had the last of the stakes in hand, I wouldn't. Because I wasn't like her. I moved, standing before her, staring into her eyes, wanting her to see what she had done, wanting her to feel it. My hand reached for her, but she caught it. That didn't matter, because my fingers made contact with the bare skin on her wrist and then I let it all go.

''Wha-''

She made a sound, but stopped as if she'd been jolted. For a while, she didn't move, and I saw tears build in her eyes, tears that weren't really hers, and I heard her breathing, her gasps. The sorrow in me grew tenfold when I remembered Alaric, and the image of Elena appeared in my head. I didn't take my eyes of Rebekah. I wanted to see her, to see her feel every hurt she had caused. She choked on sobs, and I held mine back, trying to focus, but everything was hazy, everything was cold-

She yanked back her hand, crying loudly. ''You think you have some sort of pathetic hold over me?'' she spat, wiping her face.

I met her gaze. She thought she was looking down at me, I knew it, but right now I was returning the favour. ''I wanted you to feel someone else's feelings for once,'' I said. ''Be a little empathetic.''

Rebekah glared at me. ''You will be grieved to know then,'' she said, ''that it did nothing.''

I heard her words, and I heard her lie. I saw through it, but that did nothing. I was still fuming at her, still hating her, not believing that anyone could be so coldhearted, so cruel, so completely careless with people's lives.

''You might have lived a thousand years,'' I said, ''but you still have a hell of a lot growing up to do.''


I left.

I couldn't bear to show my face to any of them. Guilt was gnawing at my bones, my very being, and soon it seemed there would be nothing left of me.

And I couldn't remember a time I had ever felt so angry. Like there was something uncontrollable inside me ready to blow up at any moment. Something terrifying. Anger towards Rebekah, towards the witches with all their damn spells, towards myself.

Running straight into the woods, I let the tears flow freely but tried to cry quietly, tried so hard, because I didn't want anyone to find me. Elijah had followed me to the house, and I could vaguely hear raised voices behind me. If Rebekah held him up, it would give me time to get away. My heart clenched at the thought, but the urge to escape was stronger than anything else, and all I could do was run.

Something had snapped within me. Balancing a tightrope between anger and sadness, somehow all I felt was a searing rage. I wanted to rip things, I wanted to punch a hole in another wall, I wanted to break something. Turn the earth upside-down, inside-out, back and forth until I could make things right again. But I couldn't. I couldn't make things right again, because they were all dead.

They were all dead.

I stopped.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't breathe.

They... they couldn't be. But then... flames. It had started with fire. Klaus' body, on fire. Alaric, slipping from my hands, growing cold in my head, not sleeping anymore, no, something else. Everyone else, not dead yet, but soon maybe. Soon, there would be nothing but death.

Alaric.

Elena.

She was somewhere, she was somewhere, not moving, not breathing, not... anything.

I clasped at my throat, still aching, and burning for something instinctual. Something rustled in the bushes behind me. Quicker than thought, I was moving again, running far, far away. I just had to get away.


Keeping on the move, I tried not to let anyone find me. The hours passed in a blur, but it couldn't have been more than a few days when I started to feel a change in my throat. Dryness, to the point of pain – and a yearning. It was there, always, every moment of every day.

It scared me. It egged on the carelessness I felt growing in me, the ruthlessness. I should've tried to find something to drink, somewhere, but I just couldn't. I couldn't go back to Mystic Falls, and I couldn't focus enough to track down an animal.

Wheezing at every breath, I tried to ease the soreness in my throat, but it only grew stronger. Impossible to ignore, impossible to control. The few times my mind cleared, I knew that as long as I stayed away, nothing bad could happen. As long as I stayed away, I couldn't hurt anyone.

So I kept going. Through thick pine forests, changing directions at the first indication of a sound that didn't belong. The only sounds welcome were birdsong, wind in the trees and my footsteps against the soft earth.

But that was wishful thinking. Every step, every minute, every hour that passed; I was accompanied by shouting voices, begging voices, and other voices I had never heard in person.

Voices.

Faces.

Names.

Klaus didn't scream when he died, but in my mind he did. It was a terrible sound, scratching and burning and never ending. That scream joined the choir of all the rest of them.

Elena.

Alaric.

The desperate sound of Damon's pleas – they were all ever constant in my head, and I eventually found myself screaming out to be free of the immense guilt. Only, I didn't expect someone to scream back.

''Hello?''

My head turned towards the sound, ears searching the woods for anomalies – and there it was. Steady feet walking over crunching leaves, branches brushing against sleeves. Whoever it was called out again.

''Go away,'' I whispered when I could hear the heartbeat. ''Please, go away.''

I felt the strange sensation of my teeth changing, and I fought against it. I fought against it, but I was so tired, so angry, exhausted, thirsty.

''GO AWAY!'' I screamed, but he only came closer. There he was. I could see the top off his head, backwards cap in black.

''Are you hurt?''

If he would have seen me, he would've still come closer. I felt courage radiate around him.

But he didn't see me.

He was so quiet, there was nothing but a low gurgling sound from his throat and then he went completely still. It was the most tempting thing I had ever had. It was warm and addictive, spreading through my body fast, sending every nerve into a euphoric trance. I couldn't stop.

His body was beginning to feel cold.

Cold.

Cold.

I broke free from his neck and stared at the mess. The man's eyes were closed, and he hung limp.

''No,'' I whispered, letting him drop to the ground gently. ''No.''

Everything was spinning. The sky, the ground, I couldn't tell up from down – and all that blood. I was shaking with disgusting excitement, and had never felt stronger or more exhilarated in my life.

Grinding my teeth, my breaths became more and more shallow as I stared at the body before me. What had I done?

Please, he had to be alive. He had to. To scared to get any closer to his wound, I listened for his heart. Faintly, it beat.

I had to help him, I had to stop the... the blood. Tears were streaming down my face, and I whimpered, covering my nose and mouth with my hand. It didn't help much.

''I- I-'' I cried, and looked at him once more before turning away.

There had to be someone else nearby, someone who could help him-

I ran again.

Blinking back tears, I had left his body behind but couldn't stop seeing it in front of me. He had to have a car, somewhere, there had to be a road...

There.

An engine.

I pushed myself harder towards the sound. Never in my life had I run this fast before. I knew why, god, I knew why and I wanted it out of me.

The driver slammed on the breaks when I stopped on the road in front of the car. Even if I had been standing closer, it couldn't have killed me.

Immediately after coming to a complete stop, the driver got out of the car. ''Hey, hey,'' he said, shocked, but assessing the situation. ''You okay?''

Still holding my hand over my mouth, I shook my head. ''I- I found him, he's hurt. There's... so much blood.''

''Someone's hurt? Where?''

I pointed. ''Straight in there, please, you have to help him.''

The man looked into the woods, and I could hear his heart beating. No, not again. Not again. ''Alright, you think you can show the-''

His words faded away into nothing behind me, because I was already gone.


I ran as far from any sound of civilisation I could. My legs were strong, carrying me far without tiring. It was still there, all that blood. Running through me, running...

Not slowing down much, I collapsed against a tree trunk with a loud crack. It was the tree, but it might as well have been my heart.

I just wanted it to stop. The hate, the anger, the guilt. The heart-wrenching grief snapping me in half every time I thought of them. I just wanted it to stop.

Sobbing, shaking, I bit back the scream breaking free as best I could, hissing and choking on it instead. Imagination and memories went wild in my head, flooding my thoughts with images of hurt and flames and death.

A body, pale, with empty, open eyes. Dark hair limp over still shoulders.

Tears, so many tears.

Running from a mass of blankly staring faces outside a church.

Running towards a coffin.

Angry faces.

Dark hair, dead eyes.

Dead eyes.

Dead eyes.

The scream was impossible to keep in. Everything left me with that scream – that scream and the constant thoughts of wanting it to, no, needing it to stop, to turn it all off.

And then, there it was. A hitch of breath, a crossroad within me, and I knew that as soon as I drew air again the choice would be made.

It seemed simple at the time. So simple.

So I took a breath, and I turned it off.


If you feel like it, reviews are always welcome :)