Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries


I had left town long ago, but I wasn't sure were I was. Moving through the woods rather than following any roads, soon everything looked the same. One time, I passed a small parking lot by a nature reserve. The sign there indicated I was far from Mystic Falls.

My phone rang a few times. I left it in my pocket, untouched, until it ran out of battery.

Never in my life had I been so cut off from everything. There were no tears, no sadness, no anger. It was the most peaceful I thought I had ever felt. I started to get so disconnected from the world around me that I wasn't sure if I even existed. I saw no one, met no one. There was nothing to trigger any reactions, any emotions still there – there was just me, treetops, and sky.

I wasn't even comfortable in the forest; but like this, with good eyesight and hearing and never feeling cold, I could go on forever.

It would be a still life, I thought. There was no telling if I would grow tired of it, but I didn't care. Right now was all that was. Green, brown, and blue all around. Lying down on my back, I watched the treetops sway in the wind. It was easy to get used to, this silence. Comfortable. There was no one to consider, no one to feel obliged to.

Freedom, it felt like freedom. Like I could breathe easily.

Eventually, though, I would have to find something to eat. My mouth savoured at the thought, but I knew the silence would disappear as soon as I moved closer to civilisation. No, animals would do well. Not that I knew how to catch one, but I was faster than them, so as long as I found one it shouldn't be a problem.

Food, sorted. Silence, immense. I could live like this for a while.


Days passed. How many exactly, I didn't really keep count of. So far, I wasn't bored at all. I hadn't felt this at ease in a long time.

I tried out my speed to get used to it for once. One time, I even climbed a tree. I sat at the top for a while, taking in the foggy view of the woods below, thinking it strange to be up there but grateful nonetheless.

Their faces found their way into my mind every now and then. They were better off without me, and I was better off without them. No guilt. No holding back. I could run how I wanted, be how I wanted; and most importantly, feel nothing.

Indifference had scared me once. I almost laughed that thought in the face now. How stupid of me. This was easy. This was how it was supposed to be, surely.


One day, at dusk, I caught a deer. Poor thing put up a good fight. The blood was warm and did its job satisfying the thirst, but only to an extent. I remembered the taste of human blood a little too well for my liking. It wasn't that I didn't like the taste, because I had, clearly. But I could also recall the whirlwind of emotions that came with it. And could I avoid it, I probably should – if I wanted everything to stay this way.

I left the deer lying at the foot of a large pine. Soon enough, nature would do what nature did and it would be gone. Feeling rejuvenated, I set off to welcome the night and the stars at the top of the tree.

It seemed, the higher up you got, the quieter the world became. When there was no wind, I imagined I could hear and see for miles. Settled on the top branch thick enough to hold me, I watched the moon move across the sky.

I wondered if I really could go on like this forever. Maybe not forever, but long enough, until I managed to slip away further down the coast, or west, maybe. Or north. Honestly, the possibilities were endless.

Reaching up and brushing a hand through my tangled mess of hair, trying to get rid of a few knots, something cold iced my cheek. I held up my hand against the sky. The stone set in the ring was the same colour as the night, same as everything around me. Dark. Still. Had the metal been silver, it could've almost disappeared into the sky behind it.

But it was gold. For some reason, it bugged me. I thought I had fit in so well here, that I had been able to disappear seamlessly. But I hadn't, really. Maybe it was only a matter of time before another hiker crossed my path. Maybe I had to take time to come up with a solid plan.

Just the thought of it made me want to bang my head against a wall. Those ideas weren't calming, they did nothing to bring about the peace I wanted. Nothing.

I pushed them aside, dropped my hand from my sight and leaned back against the tree, humming quietly as the moon slowly disappeared from view.


The first day it rained it caught me by surprise. Suddenly, everything smelled stronger. I ran quickly through it all, the thick blanket of scents, and tried to make out each and every one before they muddled in my head.

Senses in overdrive, I kept running until an opening in the trees stopped me in my tracks.

An open field of grass stretched out before me, home to scattered clusters of trees and stone formations on the ground.

I knew this place.

Oh, this was bad. This was very, very, bad.

Of course me not knowing east from west out here would bring me back somehow. This place was remote, on the edge of the forest and not prone to noise. The wide field hugged the tree line, and I watched from behind it.

It looked much the same as it did last time I saw it. Not a soul in sight.

Nothing would bring me to set foot there. At least, that's what I thought. But, I was pushed by a tiny voice, and this time, just this time, I would do as it wanted. No one was here, maybe I could do with a small change of scenery. I'd leave almost as soon as I'd gotten there, I told myself.

I passed Madeleine's grave, and looked at her name a little longer than I planned to. I knew very little of her life, not more than what Klaus had told me, really, but I almost snorted at the thought of our likeness. She was dead now, watching from somewhere, maybe.

After doing a lap around the cemetery, I passed something that caught me off guard.

A new headstone.

It was covered in flowers, fresh flowers, and candles, blown out by the wind. There was an inkling of hurt in me when I read the letters, and it was foolish of me to get caught up in them for so long. There was no need to decipher the feelings they gave me, but rather push them away; because I wanted nothing to do with them. They would only bring me back where I didn't want to go.

''Ev?''

Had I been that lost in thought? So absorbed that I hadn't even noticed someone coming up to me, only a few feet away? Cursing under my breath, I turned to face her.

''Sarah. What are you doing here?''

''What am I-'' she scrunched up her face in confusion. ''What are you doing here? You just disappeared!''

''Sorry.''

''I'm just glad to see you.''

There it was again, that pounding in my ears. A heartbeat. The smell of something warm, fresher than before. I scanned her, trying to find out where it was coming from. She had a bandage around her left hand.

''What happened?'' I asked, feeling my throat ache.

''Oh, I cut myself on some broken glass at work,'' Sarah replied, unaware of what was going on in my mind. What my instincts would have me do.

She didn't scream at first. It was shock, maybe. But she did eventually.

It was the same as that man in the woods. The same, irresistible scent, the same taste, the same invigorating feeling coursing through me. I felt strong.

Somewhere, some voice of conscience told me to stop, that I didn't want this, not really.

Suddenly, I was pulled from her. ''Don't,'' someone hissed in my ear, and I struggled against the grip holding me back from that scent, it smelled so good, better than anything I'd ever-

A guttural noise escaped my throat and I fought against my captor furiously.

''Moreau!'' the same voice yelled, and I then I was down against the ground, staring up at Damon's face.

''I need-''

''You don't need any more of that, you hear me? Calm down.''

The scent grew weaker, and then all that was left of it was a memory tingling in my nose and throat.

Damon relaxed his hold on my arms and slid off of me. ''You good now?'' he asked.

I shook my head, barely moving it from side to side, and stared at the spot where Sarah had been only seconds before. Something deep within me resembled disgust. I pushed it back.

''You're good,'' he concluded and patted me on the shoulder. He turned to Sarah's trembling form and grabbed her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his. ''Forget this. You were cutting your hair at home, and stumbled with the scissors. Go home.''

Vaguely, I heard the disappearing footsteps and listened to them until there was nothing.

The burning eased, but the taste was still on my tongue.

''It's been a while,'' he said after a moment of silence.

''Why did you do that?'' I asked, oblivious to the wounds made by my nails digging into my skin. ''Why are you here?''

''I was here for her.''

There was a faint jab in my chest. Running on almost animal instincts, my mind hadn't made the connection between the cemetery and...

I got on my feet, avoiding looking at Damon, wanting to avoid speaking to him even more.

''I should go.''

Maybe a little slower than I had been moving lately, I left him.

He made no move to stop me.


I couldn't let anything claw its way back into me. After days, weeks, maybe, of blissful detachment, the anger seething in me was strange and uncomfortable, and it was hard to control. If I fell back into it, if I let it take hold again, every little bit of peace would be gone.

Pushing the intrusive thoughts back was getting more difficult. Maybe it was the fresh blood making me this way, I didn't know. If that was the case, everything would go back to how it was eventually.

Heading out from Mystic Falls this time around, I tried to focus on directions much more than before. As far as my guesses went, I'd be fine until I lost track of the sun's movements across the sky. Probably.

The sun set and I stopped moving for a while. Settling myself against a tree, I listened to the sounds of the forest. I wasn't tired, and I didn't want to sleep.


I thought I was dreaming at first, that I actually had dozed off and gotten lost in memories past. But I was very much awake, much to my dismay. He shouldn't be here. He should go.

His voice was like a soft summer breeze in the middle of winter. ''Evangeline.''

I was on my feet in an instant. His voice rang out again, stirring things in me I had almost forgotten. ''Don't leave. Please.''

I couldn't seem to meet his gaze, but I felt it on me. ''What do you want?'' I asked, body tensing up, ready to leave.

''I want you to look at me.''

And I didn't want to look at him, but that little, teeny tiny voice that I couldn't seem to be rid of nudged me, and then our eyes met. If no one had told him before, he knew now.

''What have you done?'' he said in almost a whisper, like he couldn't believe was he was seeing. He seemed sad. The look on his face was a stab in the heart, stronger than the last few times. Everything must be closer to breaking free again. I couldn't let it.

Shrugging, I averted my gaze and let it follow the trail made by the root of a large tree. It climbed over the ground, dove into it. Moved as it could and as it pleased. I really wished he would just go.

''It is because of Elena.''

The simple mentioning of her name brought on a surge of anger in me that shouldn't be there. I bit down on my tongue harshly enough to taste blood. It healed in seconds.

''She would never-''

''You don't understand,'' I cut him off, speaking slowly. ''It's my fault she's dead.''

''It's my sister's fault.''

My eyes found his on their own, along with my body turning towards him, stepping forward as if to release all the tension. ''I bit my friend in the neck and drank her blood. And you want to know the best part of it? I enjoyed it. Do you know how good that stuff tastes?'' My lip quivered and I held back from mentioning the man in the woods. ''I almost killed her too, you know. Maybe I would have.''

I couldn't control my gasp, and immediately turned on my heels and walked away from him, away from everything erupting within me, bringing all the pain back.

''Come back, please.''

His hand tugged gently at my sleeve. I stopped.

Halfheartedly, I pulled against his hold. ''Don't.''

Elijah was quiet. Then he spoke, his words low and almost frightened.

''I love you.''

Something warm fluttered inside of me, familiar yet still so unwanted, and when I looked down he had my bare hand in his.

Twisting free, I took a step back.

When I met his eyes I imagined mine cold and unyielding, despite the storm brewing inside.

''You shouldn't.''


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