Chapter 10: You find the situation just a bit uncomfortable, you'd rather stay far away from reality...
Vows and Promises
Don't know where this feeling comes
from, can't stand to
touch her
and yet I feel drawn to her.
She'll never
understand,
hell, how can she when I
don't understand myself?
How can I give her my ring
when you already have my
heart?
How can I promise her my days
when you haunt my dreams
at night?
How can I vow to be hers, when I
would do anything
you wish of me?
Automatically I hold her,
coddle her, yet my gaze
keeps
drifting to you.
Astounding, how I can want
so much to marry
her,
when I only love you.
"""
"Jesse." A score of emotions crossed Buffy's face: surprise, guilt, nostalgia, and suspicion, before finally settling on wary acceptance. "Alive?"
"Living, breathing, and can enter uninvited." Xander confirmed, sitting on the arm of the couch. He crossed his arms, waiting to hear his friends' reactions.
"Okay. Does this make sense to anybody else?" Buffy asked.
Willow shook her head, and Xander said, "Nope."
"Just checking to make sure it wasn't just me." Buffy nodded slowly, adjusting to the new curveball the Hellmouth had thrown at them. "But that'll have to wait for now." Buffy turned to Xander. "I stopped at your apartment before coming here, and Spike wasn't there. Do you have any idea where he might be?"
"I don't know." Xander shrugged, "He is a creature of the night, Buff. He's probably out skulking in the shadows somewhere."
"Or turning people into vamps as we speak." Buffy muttered.
"You don't really believe that Spike's killing again?" Xander had only just realized that Spike had been writing him poetry for years - if he was killing again Buffy would have to dust him, and then... Xander wasn't sure. But he didn't want Spike to get dusted before he could confront him about the poetry. "Fangless is still chipped, isn't he?" Silence greeted his question, and he looked back and forth between his girls with an ever-increasing feeling of panic. "Guys?" Surely they'd tell him if Spike had gotten the chip out... wouldn't they?
"Yes, Spike still has the chip. But why would a random vamp lie about who sired him?" Willow remarked.
"How should I know?" Xander replied. "Maybe it's some kind of status symbol for the undead. My sire can beat up your sire."
"I don't know." Buffy said, "But we've got to find him, and figure out what's going on."
"We should probably check my place first. He might be home by now." Xander didn't want to think about Spike killing again, but the sooner he could be proven innocent the sooner Xander could deal with other things. He glanced over at Jesse, who was watching them silently. "What about Jesse?"
"Bring him with; we'll keep an eye on him." Buffy said, "Sorry, Jesse, but we can't quite trust you yet."
Jesse nodded, his hands in his pockets as he tried to look like a harmless kid and succeeded rather well. "I get it. Willow already explained."
"You guys go; I'll stay here with Dawn." Willow said. Buffy flashed her a grateful smile and headed out the door, Xander and Jesse following her.
"""
"How could this even be possible?" Xander remarked as he unlocked the door to his apartment. "You're sure he still has the chip, right?"
"Yeah." Buffy admitted. "I've seen it working. I just... I don't know."
Xander opened the door and conversation stopped short as he saw Spike sitting on the living room couch, watching TV. "Oh, hey, Spike. You're here." It was the first time he'd seen the vampire since realizing he was Searchforeffulgence. Spike looked the same as he always did, and yet Xander found himself searching every nuance of Spike's body language for a sign of the love that saturated each poem.
"Yeah, well, I live here now, don't I? Was wondering if you were planning on returning any time tonight." Was it Xander's imagination, or did Spike's voice carry just a hint of worry? Buffy and Jesse entered the apartment, and Spike sat up. "Well, this can't be good. You here at this hour. There trouble?"
"No, no trouble." Buffy assured him. "Well, there was a little trouble, but it was mostly of the usual hellmouthy variety."
Spike nodded towards Jesse. "Who's the kid?"
"Part of the trouble." Buffy replied. A sudden smile crossed her face, as if she just remembered something funny as she looked at Jesse. "Hey, you were turned by Darla, right? That makes you, like, Spike's uncle or something."
Jesse winced slightly at the mentioning of being turned, while Spike's eyebrow rose at the mention of Darla's name. "Excuse me?" He stared hard at Jesse. "That's no vampire. Have you gone daft, Slayer?"
"Jesse was turned by Darla a few years ago. He was," Xander stumbled over the word, bad memories drifting through his mind, "dusted, and now he's back. We're all very confused."
"Ah," Spike said, with a total lack of comprehension. "If you don't mind, I'm going to turn in before I drop."
He was halfway to his bedroom door when Xander's voice made him pause, "Wait, Spike."
"Yeah?"
There was something in his eyes when he looked at Xander... it was on the tip of Xan's tongue to blurt out about the poems, but instead he found himself asking, "Did anything... strange... happen to you tonight?"
Spike thought about that for a moment, his body turning to face Xander. "Strange?"
Xander shrugged helplessly. "Weird. Out of the ordinary. Ghosts trying to tell you things, or dead people suddenly alive again?"
"No ghosts recently." There was that losing time thing that was bothering him, but he figured it wasn't important. At least he wasn't talking to figments of his imagination anymore. "What about you two? Run into baddies tonight?"
"One." Buffy said, watching Spike intently for any reactions. "Vampire. Someone I used to know, actually. Guy named Holden Webster."
"You knew him, huh?" Spike said, a sympathetic look crossing his face. "That must've been rough."
"Yeah." Buffy murmured.
They stood in silence for a moment before Spike hooked a thumb towards his door. "If that's it then?"
"Yeah, that's it." said Xander. "Thanks, Spike. Good night."
Spike nodded, entering his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. Xander motioned towards the kitchen table for his guests to sit down and relax. "You guys thirsty?" Buffy nodded, so he grabbed them each a soda from the fridge. Buffy mimed writing something, and Xander found a piece of paper and a pen before sitting back down. He crinkled his brow in confusion as he passed it over to her. She glanced meaningfully towards Spike's room, and he nodded, understanding. "So. When are you thinking about getting a new TV? 'Cause I've heard those big screens are all the rage now." Xander remarked idly as Buffy scribbled out a note.
"Oh, I don't know." Buffy replied, passing the note over to him. "I think the other appliances would feel dwarfed if we bought a big screen. Plus, you know, expense-o-rama. No way could I afford one right now." On the paper she had written, Can you watch Spike today?
"Are you kidding?" Xander protested as he wrote out a reply. He had a big client today, but he would call the office and get it rescheduled. "Big screens are an investment in your future." He passed the note back to her, Sure. Consider it done.
Buffy laughed. "Yes, I'm sure everyone is turning in their 401Ks and investing in big screen TVs." She glanced at Jesse, and scribbled another note, and passed it back to Xander. I'd feel better if you aren't alone. Just until we make sure Jesse isn't evil.
"You'll see. In a few more years everyone will have big screens and you'll be left in the dust, and then you'll wish that you'd taken my advice." I'll call Ahn.
Buffy smiled her thanks and folded up the note, sticking it in her pocket until it could be disposed of before prying eyes stumbled over it. "Nah, I think we'll be fine. After all, if everyone has a big screen, then the only really cool people would be the ones who don't have one. Exceptions to the rule."
"""
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this." Anya complained quietly as Xander opened the blinds to let the morning sun in. She kept looking between Jesse's form on the couch and Spike's door, unable to decide which was the bigger threat. Jesse was fast asleep, but was suffering nightmares if the tossing, turning, and occasional sounds were any indication.
Xander yawned as the early morning sunlight spilled over him. He'd managed to stay up until Ahn had arrived, spending most of the interim on the phone with work, trying to explain that there was a family emergency and that there was no way he would be able to make the big client meeting. His boss was severely pissed with him, but had agreed to reschedule the client. Xander knew he was in for some major ass-kissing when he got back to work, but right now all he wanted was sleep. "You weren't that adverse to it on the phone." he replied under his breath so as not to wake Jesse.
Jesse whimpered in his sleep, thrashing weakly on the couch. Anya stared at him until he quieted again. "That was before you told me Spike was killing again-"
"Might be killing again," Xander interrupted, casting a significant glance towards Spike's door.
Anya rolled her eyes. As if she would ever underestimate vampire hearing. Still, she lowered her voice even more. "Might." she conceded, "And you didn't mention vamp-boy over here."
"Jesse. And he's not a vamp, not anymore." Xander corrected again. He picked up the blanket that usually lay over the back of the couch, shook the folds out, and draped it over Jesse's body. The boy unconsciously clutched at the blanket, the symbol of comfort easing his shudders. "I really appreciate you coming over."
"Yeah, well." Ahn crossed her arms and huffed, but Xander knew it was mostly for show. "I expect to be recompensed greatly for this act of kindness."
"Don't worry; I'll keep this in mind when I'm shopping for your Christmas present." Xander headed towards his room, only to be stopped by the note of nervousness in Ahn's voice.
"Where are you going?"
Xander turned back towards her. "To bed. I've been up all night. Need sleep now."
"You're going to leave me alone with them? Without even a crossbow or flamethrower to defend myself?" Anya said incredulously.
"You're not alone; I'll be just in the other room, ready to be help if needed. The point of this is surveillance, not intervention. If he tries to leave, don't confront him, just wake me up. And besides," Xander glanced around the living room of his apartment, "there's not enough space to properly use a flamethrower." The landlord still hadn't forgotten the scorch-mark that Xander had to have repaired after the Toth incident - Xander didn't want to think about the coronary that would probably ensue if the landlord found evidence of a flamethrower fight in the apartment.
"And what if vamp-boy tries to leave?" Anya said, gesturing at the sleeping figure.
"He won't." Xander assured her. "Jesse's harmless - I think he's more freaked out by us than we are by him. You'll be fine."
"I better be." Anya said as Xander turned back towards his room. "Because if I get vamped, I'm gonna bite your ass."
"Wouldn't be the first time." Xander grinned, shutting his bedroom door shut behind him.
"What was that?" Anya glared mildly at the door for a moment, before her gaze returned to the couch. Jesse. She didn't recognize him, but the name sounded vaguely familiar... Suddenly a memory surfaced and she placed the name. Opening the closet door, Anya pulled out a box and dug through the contents. Finding the object of her search, she put the box back in the closet and carried her prize to the chair, keeping an eye on the sleeping boy as she sat and opened the large book in her lap. Sunnydale Yearbook, Class of 1999, belonging to one Xander Harris.
"""
Several hours later, Anya had finished looking through the yearbook and put it down next to her chair while she sat through the morning and noon soaps when Jesse startled awake. He looked around the living room and froze when he spotted her. "Who are you?"
"Anya. I'm a friend of Xander's." Anya replied. "He asked me to come over for a little while."
"Where's Xander?" Jesse asked, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
Anya tilted her head towards' Xander's bedroom. "Asleep." She watched Jesse as he folded the blanket that had been covering him and set it next to himself on the couch. Curiosity got the better of her and she asked in her usual straight-forward manner, "So, you used to be a vampire?"
"Yeah, apparently." Jesse said, shifting under her gaze.
Anya raised an eyebrow. "Apparently?"
"I don't remember much." Jesse tried to explain, "And what I do remember is jumbled and confusing. It's slowly coming back to me - when I first woke up I didn't remember anything after my death."
"I was a demon." Anya offered, relaxing in her own chair.
Jesse evaluated her with a renewed interest. "Really?"
"Yes. For over a thousand years." Anya smiled in remembrance. Even though she didn't really want to be a vengeance demon anymore, she couldn't deny that those had been good times.
"How did you become human?" Jesse asked, shifting on the couch to sit on one leg so he could face Anya.
"I lost my amulet in an alternate dimension. It was my power center. When it was destroyed, I became human."
"Huh." Jesse said, absorbing the new information. He stumbled over the next question, hesitantly asking, "Do you miss being a demon?"
Anya thought for a moment, forming her answer. She considered telling him about returning to her demon status before seeking humanity again, but it was a long story and it really didn't have anything to do with his question. "Sometimes," she admitted. "When you're a demon, there are human rules and emotions you aren't bound to anymore, so it's easier. No fear, no guilt, only power and fun."
Jesse nodded. "I can remember that, the strength that being a vampire gave me. Xander tried to rescue me but it was too late, and I can remember looking at him and seeing every flaw and weakness that I no longer had, and feeling so superior. I could hear better, see better than I'd ever been able to before, and I had the strength to kill him before he could try to defend himself."
Anya understood and empathized with him. "It's the power that's the most seductive thing. Sure, it was a desire for vengeance that got me started being a demon, but after a while I stopped focusing on helping the girls and just enjoyed the havoc I could wreak with my powers. There were some times when I didn't even care if the girl's wish gave her any vengeance at all, as long as I could do some damage."
Jesse started to nod, but stopped. "Girls?"
"I was a Vengeance Demon. I granted wishes for scorned women." Anya summarized.
"Oh." Jesse frowned in consideration. "How is that different from a vampire?" He knew there had to be differences - after all, Willow had mentioned getting "all kinds" of demons. But vampires were the only creature of darkness he was familiar with, and he found himself interested in learning more about different types of demons.
"Sunlight isn't a problem, for one." Anya replied, "Neither are holy icons, and we can enter a house uninvited. We're not dead, are harder to destroy, and most of us carry our source of power in an amulet of some sort. And we have wait for a wish to be made. Once a scorned woman made a wish, then I could grant it however I wanted to. Usually I tried to make sure that the girl benefited from her wish, but it didn't always work out that way. This one time I granted a wish for Cordelia, and in the world I created for her Xander and Willow were still together, and they killed her pretty quickly. She didn't get any vengeance at all from that one."
Jesse blinked in shock. "They killed her?"
"They were vampires in that world."
"And still together? They were together in this world?" Jesse suddenly grinned, remembering the glance Xander and Willow had exchanged earlier in the evening when he'd brought up her crush. "I knew it. But why would Cordy care if Xander and Willow were together or not? She pretty much ignored and insulted us all through school."
"Well, she and Xander dated for a while before he cheated on her with Willow, which made Cordelia a scored woman which in turn called me." Anya was a little surprised at Jesse's expression. "Xander didn't tell you?"
Jesse's jaw dropped, and if he thought he'd been shocked a moment ago, this was a million times worse. "They dated? Xan and Cordy?"
At that moment one of the bedroom doors opened and Xander stumbled out, yawning and rubbing his face. He plopped down on the couch next to Jesse and ran a hand through his hair. "Morning." Jesse punched him in the shoulder hard. "Ow!" Xander rubbed his now sore shoulder. "What was that for?"
"You dated Cordy!" Jesse exclaimed, his face upset and betrayed. "How could you? I was in love with her!" He punched Xander again in the same spot, and Xander yelped in pain. "And then you cheated on her with Willow!"
"Somebody's been telling stories." Xander glared at Anya, who smiled back at him, completely unrepentant.
"He asked. You didn't say I wasn't supposed to tell him about that." Anya said.
"Yeah." Xander agreed, "Because if I told you not to, then that would have been the first thing you told him." Anya shrugged but didn't dispute it. Xander sighed. "Yes. Cordy and I dated for a little while in high school. It was torrid and passionate and very short, and she still took every opportunity to ignore me and insult me in public. Yes, I cheated on her, but that was only one kiss and because Wills and I thought we were going to die." Xander paused, thinking about something. "Hey, Ahn? Is there a patron saint of scorned men? Because I so shoulda gotten a wish when Cordy dumped me on Valentine's Day."
Jesse patted Xander on the back, his anger having vanished at the news that Cordy had given as good as she'd received. "Valentine's Day? Way harsh."
"Yeah." Xander said, and glanced at Spike's door which was still closed. "Any news from Sleeping Beauty?"
"Quiet at the grave." Anya replied. Xander winced at the pun, and Anya just smiled. "Have you searched his room for clues?"
Xander stared at her, confused. "Clues?"
"Trophies from victims? Killers like to keep trophies sometimes." Anya elaborated, "Scalps, necklaces made from human teeth, things like that."
"First of all, eww." Xander shook his head, indicating that he hadn't looked for any clues yet. "Second, even we don't find anything, that doesn't prove him innocent."
"But if there is something, that would prove him guilty." Anya pointed out. "Spike's still conked out, so why don't you go look now?"
"Me?" Xander exclaimed, "Why me? Why don't you go look? You'd probably recognize a trophy better than I would."
"Please." Anya scoffed. "You're the only one who can go in. It is your apartment. What would I say to him if he caught me? 'Hi, Spike. I'm snooping around your room, obviously, because I want more sex.' At least if he caught you, you could make up some excuse."
Xander closed his eyes and he remembered the pain and betrayal he'd felt when he'd seen Anya and Spike making the beast with two backs on the Magic Box table. It had hurt terribly to watch that and yet he couldn't look away from the screen, couldn't gouge his eyes out like he'd wanted to, could only stare in horror. A line of poetry drifted through his mind. They aren't you, but they carry your scent, the ghost of your touch...So near you for a second, basking where you'd been. The pain eased a bit, and Xander opened his eyes. "Okay, fine. I'll go look." He got up and went over to Spike's room, eased the door open, and slipped inside.
"So, you and Spike?" Jesse said, still looking a little shocked by her casual mention of sex.
"It was only the once." Anya brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, "And more comfort sex than anything else more meaningful, although it was interesting to sleep with someone other than Xander for a change. But I was still smarting from being left at the alter and Buffy had screwed over Spike again, and we both needed to escape from the pain for a little while."
Jesse's eyes widened as he put two and two together, "You dated Xander and he left you at the alter? Geez, is there anyone here who hasn't slept with each other?"
"Quite a few actually." Anya replied, "But enough of us have interlocked parts that it is very soap opera-like." She eyed Jesse thoughtfully. "How old are you? Xander used to say that sex was not a proper topic of discussion with parents, strangers, or children. If you haven't had sex yet then maybe we shouldn't talk about this. But I always wondered how virgins were supposed to learn anything about pleasurable interesting sexual positions or how to please their partner if nobody ever talked to them about it."
Jesse was blushing hard and avoiding eye contact, which made Anya grin. She might not be a demon anymore, but that didn't mean she couldn't still be a little bit evil and torment some men.
"""
Xander looked around Spike's room, letting his eyes get adjusted to the dark. No windows meant that it was very dim, and he'd closed the door to further mute Jesse and Anya's voices. Clothes were scattered around haphazardly, and other dark shapes littered the room. Xander made his way towards the middle of the room, which meant tiptoeing past Spike's sprawled figure in bed. He thought about rummaging through the drawers next to Spike's bed but he was afraid it would make too much noise, so he decided that could wait until after Spike had left the apartment.
His foot nudged a mug, and he picked it up. There was a dark layer of what had to be blood at the bottom of the mug, and Xander squinched up his face in disgust. Stupid vampires and their disgusting eating habits. He looked around and spotted two more mugs in the room. One had a similar dark ring inside, and the other one was still half-full with congealed blood. Gagging, Xander cradled the mugs as he made his way back to the door - there was no way he could focus on finding anything if he knew there were mugs gathering mold in the room. It was just too disgusting.
He was so distracted wondering if blood could actually mold that he didn't see Spike's boot in his path. He stumbled over the boot, his grasp on the half-full mug slipping and spilling blood on his shirt. Cursing under his breath, Xander set down the mugs on the floor and quickly stripped off his shirt, using a clean part of it to scrub at the spot on his chest where the blood had managed to soak through. The shirt dropped from nerveless fingers as a voice broke the silence.
"Xander. Mind telling a bloke exactly what you're doing here?"
"""
To Be Continued...
