A/N: Thank you Buckhunter, SnidgetHex, GuestM, PadrePedro, and Guest for reviewing! I actually had the nightmare monster in mind when I started this fic, but I then did a search to see if there was anything in mythology I could use the name of, and turned out the mara sits on top of people's chests and induces horrible nightmares, exactly what I was writing! The description is nothing like the myth, though, which is said to be womanlike.
Chapter 5
Merlin's face was cold, frozen tear tracks trailing like icicles down his cheeks. He was a failure. Again. How many times had he failed to save someone, or stopped catastrophe from happening? How many people had he let down? And that was with his magic, but without it? He was utterly useless. He was nothing without his magic, and still not good enough with it. The hopelessness and despair were suffocating.
Then he heard Lancelot's voice in his head, a snippet from a conversation long ago, of Lancelot telling him he is magic. It's not something he has; it's who he is.
Merlin lifted his head, blinking away tears at the darkness. He may not have been able to cast spells here, but he still had power inside him. Merlin closed his eyes and focused on steadying his breathing, willing everything to go still. He turned his concentration inward, reaching out to that thrum deep inside him that could never be extinguished.
Help, he called.
Light hit his eyelids, and he opened his eyes to find a glowing blue orb floating in front of him. It illuminated the abyss in a soft incandescence. Merlin looked up at the cliff side. It had seemed completely smooth at first, but the orb rose a few feet, casting a halo over a small chink in the onyx. Merlin reached up to grab a hand hold. The orb glided sideways, showing him another.
Foot by foot, Merlin hauled himself up the cliff face, the blue sphere bobbing along beside him and guiding the way. He finally reached the top and dragged himself over the edge, crawling away from it as quickly as he could. When he stood up, he staggered in horror at the sight that greeted him. Lancelot was still hanging in the inky web, and the mara had its tusks buried in his torso, no doubt sucking the life out of him.
And it had grown to five times its previous size.
"Stop!" Merlin yelled, surging forward.
The mara backed up a step, withdrawing its tusks, and shot Merlin a furious glower. With a raging snort, it charged. Merlin nearly slipped as he skidded to a stop and dove out of the way at the last second. The mara galumphed past and turned around to come at him again. They were right back to where they were the first time, with Merlin helpless to fight it without magic or a weapon.
Except…he wasn't without magic. He looked at the blue orb, still floating in place beside him. Holding out his hand, he reshaped the sphere into a long, glowing blue spear. The mara charged again, and Merlin arched his arm back to throw the weapon with all his might. It flew through the air and pierced the beast right through its skull. It screeched and crashed to the ground, sliding to a heavy stop. Green smoke began to leak out of it, and it shrank back down it its normal size. The blue spear was still pulsing, and radiant light began to seep through cracks in the creature's hide.
Merlin twisted away and threw an arm up to shield himself just as the light flooded the mara and exploded. When he turned back, the spear was lying on the ground and the creature was gone. Merlin spun toward Lancelot, still hanging limply in the cords. He snatched up the glowing spear and stabbed it into the base of the web. Blue light forked through each branch, and then they exploded into dust. Lancelot fell to the ground.
Merlin dropped down next to him and frantically grasped at his shoulders. Lancelot was cold and didn't react.
"No, no…" Merlin pulled him into his arms and patted his cheek. "Come on, Lancelot."
He tried casting a healing spell, but of course it failed. He was never very good at them anyway, and his spells didn't work here either. The wound was in Lancelot's mind.
Merlin looked at the glowing spear, then held out his hand toward it, melting its shape away and into a puddle of glistering blue. The liquid seeped into the pitch ground, bleaching away the darkness and spreading, until the black nightmare world had been transformed into a haze of soft light surrounding them.
Merlin held tightly to his friend. "Lancelot, open your eyes," he pleaded.
It was a long, fraught moment before Lancelot's eyelids started to flutter, and another prolonged moment after that as he struggled to fully open them.
"Merlin?" he said blearily.
"Yeah. It's over now, the monster is gone. No more nightmares."
Lancelot lolled his gaze around the ethereal glow. "Where are we?"
"Your dream."
Lancelot frowned at him in confusion.
Merlin shrugged one shoulder. "I came after you."
Lancelot let out a small huff of a smile. "Reckless as always, but thank you."
Merlin just grinned.
Time to wake up.
Arthur was so tense with worry that when Merlin moved with wakefulness, it startled him. Merlin pushed himself up with a groan. He looked wrung out from whatever he'd been through, but immediately looked to Lancelot, who was just opening his eyes.
"You all right, mate?" Gwaine asked, crouching down to help Merlin to his feet.
"Yeah," he replied tiredly.
"What happened?" Arthur asked. "Where's the mara?"
"It's gone."
Elyan went over to Lancelot. "You all right?"
Lancelot gave a subdued nod, looking even more haggard than Merlin. Arthur wondered what his nightmare had been about, but he wasn't going to ask in front of everyone.
Lancelot was shivering, so Gaius grabbed an extra blanket to bundle him up in, and Gwen volunteered to make him and Merlin some hot tea. Merlin looked cold too, but he said he'd get his own blanket from his room. Arthur followed him to the door.
"You sure you're all right?" he asked.
Merlin's expression pinched. "It was a rather harrowing experience," he admitted. "It wasn't even my nightmare, but I don't know, I guess being on the mara's turf, it was able to sense my fears." He ducked his gaze. "I got so overwhelmed with these feelings of despair and failure that I almost gave up," he confessed quietly.
Arthur reached out to clasp his shoulder. "But of course you didn't," he said with a smile.
Merlin tried to return it, though it came out as a grimace. "It was close," he murmured.
"You're not invincible, Merlin. I know you sometimes think you should be, but I don't expect that," Arthur said seriously. "None of us do. I know you did everything you could, and you saved Lancelot and the kingdom again. Focus on that."
Merlin nodded solemnly.
Arthur glanced back at Lancelot. "Anything I should know?" he asked softly.
Merlin looked grieved. "He was back in the Veil."
Arthur closed his eyes for a brief moment. "Alright." He'd check on Lancelot later when they could have some privacy.
For now, he went to tell the guards and other knights that they could start spreading the word it was safe to sleep again. Everyone would probably be sleeping on the job for a day or two, he thought wryly. Arthur could use a decent night's sleep as well.
After everyone had gotten some rest and had a chance to calm down after their strenuous ordeal, Arthur took the time to seek out his friends. He started with Sir Leon, who had thrown himself back into his duties full force, even though Arthur had made it clear everyone should take a few days to ease back into things. Arthur recognized the coping mechanism.
"Sir Leon," he called, drawing the knight's attention as he made his way down the hall.
"Sire," Leon replied. "Do you need something?"
Arthur gave him a sympathetic look. "I don't need anything, but I wanted to ask if you'd like to handle the funeral arrangements for Sir Caelen, or if you'd like someone else to do it. I know you and he were close, so it's entirely up to you."
"No," Leon said quickly. "I can handle it."
Arthur nodded and clapped him on the shoulder. "Ask for help," he said earnestly.
Leon ducked his gaze abashedly and nodded.
"Don't worry," a voice interrupted. Gwaine and Percival came around the corner. "We'll help."
Leon looked taken aback but also touched, and he nodded gratefully.
Arthur smiled, satisfied with this one. Next was Elyan, who may or may not have been avoiding Gwen. People were still recovering from sleep deprivation and stress. But Arthur knew he still needed to have a talk with his brother-in-law.
He found Elyan out on the rampart wall, looking out at the kingdom. Despondency weighed heavily in his posture. Arthur walked over and took up position next to him, also looking out at the beautiful vista. Elyan didn't say anything.
"I don't know exactly what you went through in that nightmare," Arthur began. "But I hope you know it was just that—your worst fears played out by a cruel creature. They weren't real."
Elyan dropped his head. "My father never got to see me become a knight, become better than the disappointment I was."
"I understand." Of all people, Arthur knew something about being a disappointment to one's father. "But I knew Tom, and I know even if he didn't agree with your past choices, he still loved you. And he would definitely be proud of you." Arthur shifted toward Elyan. "I am too."
A small smile quirked Elyan's mouth. "Thank you, Arthur."
Arthur nodded and clasped his forearm in a fervent gesture of support. "Now I think you should go talk to Gwen."
Elyan sighed. "You're probably right."
"I know I am, I'm the king," he replied cheekily.
Elyan shook his head in amusement and turned to head back into the castle.
That left one last stop. Arthur went up to Lancelot's chambers and knocked on the door.
"Come."
He let himself in. Lancelot was sitting in a chair by the window, soaking in some direct sunlight. He was bundled in a heavy sweater and blanket, obviously still cold. Arthur wondered if it was residual from the mara or the trauma of reliving the Veil. He'd been chilled for weeks after returning from it.
Lancelot's eyes widened as he saw it was Arthur, and he started to get to his feet. Arthur waved for him to stay seated. Wanting to put them on more equal level, he grabbed a chair from the table and dragged it over to sit beside his friend. This time, though, Arthur didn't know what to say. Lancelot's nightmares weren't only rooted in fears; they had been real once.
"I'm all right," Lancelot murmured.
"It's okay if you're not. I remember what the Veil did to you."
Lancelot shuddered and pulled the blanket tighter around him. "I survived it then," he said, albeit a little shakily.
"You did," Arthur agreed. "And I'm here for you."
Lancelot gave him a small nod of appreciation.
The door opened as Merlin came in. He pulled up short in surprise. "Oh, sorry for interrupting."
"You're not," Arthur replied.
Merlin closed the door and came over to join them. His mouth turned down as he took in Lancelot's shivering. "May I?" he asked, lifting a hand.
Lancelot nodded, and Merlin uttered a spell. His eyes flared gold, and Arthur watched as their friend relaxed under the wave of warm energy Merlin infused into his body. His eyes drifted closed into a restful doze.
Arthur and Merlin shared a nod. They were two sides of the same coin—they each looked after their friends in their own way.
