Title: Of Shadows

Genre: Slamdunk/Romance/Angst

Disclaimer: Slamdunk and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to Takehiko Inoue.

Author's Note: Major Angst Alert

Chapter 5: Sole Support

Hanamichi must have fallen asleep, for the next thing he knew; a rather embarrassed Jin was tapping him on his shoulder. He jerked into wakefulness, immediately checking to see if Rukawa was still safe.

He let out a sigh of relief when he realized that yes, Rukawa was still in his arms and he was safe. With that thought in mind, he turned to scowl at Jin. Only the effect was lost on him since Jin would not meet his eyes.

"What?" he asked, not really caring if he sounded rude. After all, he was rather pissed that Jin managed to catch him in such a position with Rukawa. It was one thing to have to eat back his own words about Rukawa being his enemy. It was, however, downright humiliating to be found in such a position with him just less than 24 hours after he vehemently stated that he wanted to kill Rukawa.

Even so, he did not plan to let go of Rukawa anything soon, not since Rukawa had stopped whimpering. The thought that he might have to leave Rukawa made him scowl and his embrace tightened reflexively.

"Er…" Jin's voice almost cracked. He cleared his throat. "Well, Hanamichi. Lunch is ready and you must be hungry."

Hanamichi was ready to retort that he was not when his stomach gave a traitorous growl and he found that he was indeed hungry.

"I'd keep an eye on him while you eat," Jin quickly added, seeing the reluctance to leave plainly displayed on Hanamichi's face.

"What about Kaede?"

Jin fought the urge to raise an eyebrow. "Well, the nurse will bring up his broth," he said instead.

Hanamichi considered this for a moment before relaxing his hold on Rukawa. When he tried to leave his current position however, he found that he couldn't. Rukawa had a vice grip on his cotton shirt. Smiling gently, and not caring if Jin saw him, he tried to pry Rukawa's fingers away from his shirt.

"Hana-kun." And Hanamichi froze as sapphire blue eyes finally meet chocolate brown. "Please don't go."

From far away, he heard Jin squeak, followed by a quick patter of feet. That was unimportant though, and he cast those thoughts away as he lost himself in the sea of blue.

Those eyes were as he remembered; breathtakingly beautiful and infinitely sad. Now however, his mind registered, there was a new element. His heart twisted with the realization that it was helplessness.

"Kaede," he breathed, voice a ghost of a whisper. Rukawa tightened his grip on his shirt in reply.

"Please don't go," he pleaded. His voice was weak and quivered with something akin to desperation. Tears pooled in his sapphire eyes and threatened to fall.

Yet Hanamichi stayed frozen in position, mind reeling as he remembered a haunting memory.


Rukawa had betrayed him, had hurt Haruko.

"I trusted you!" He snarled, drawing his sword. From the distance of his sword's length, he saw Rukawa's eyes narrow. "You hurt Haruko." He said coldly, never lowering his sword.

"So I did."

His blatant reply fed Hanamichi's anger. "You're a heartless bastard, you know that Kaede?" His voice shook with rage. "I should have never trusted you."

"Was there any trust to speak of in the first place?" His voice was cold, but Hanamichi saw hurt flash across his eyes. He growled at him. Rukawa continued relentlessly, "You have never trusted me in the first place, Hanamichi, even though you always say you did."

"I wish I had never met you," he spat out vehemently.

Rukawa shot him a cold smile, disregarding Hanamichi's sword tip pointed at his throat in the pouring rain. "It is too late for regrets."

"Not for amends," was Hanamichi's quick reply. He lowered his sword, sheathing it.

Rukawa's eyes narrowed. "I don't need your mercy."

Hanamichi glared at him. "And I grant you none. Simply by existing, you are in the world of nightmares."

Rukawa shot him a look of utter loathing and something akin to betrayal. Hanamichi smirked, the expression looking cruel on his handsome, twisted features. "And if I ever hunt you down, it is to appease my anger and to soothe Haruko's wounds."

With that, he turned to walk away. "Please don't mistake it for mercy."

Their last parting had been bitter, and on hindsight, very twisted. He was however, snapped out of his muses by bony arms wound around his torso.

"Please don't go…" Rukawa had buried his face in his cotton shirt and he could feel the dampness of tears spread on the fabric. He suddenly felt wretched. "Please don't go."

How could he ever regret having met him?

Slowly, he returned the embrace, skin plainly feeling the bony edges of Rukawa's body. "Kaede," he said gently. Rukawa raised his head and Hanamichi saw the plea in his eyes.

"Hana-kun, please don't –"

"Hush." Almost lovingly, Hanamichi thumbed the beginning of tears away while Rukawa stared on with wide eyes. "Hush…I'm not going anywhere."

Of all things that he expected to happen after that, it certainly wasn't Rukawa flinching away from him to cower at the head of the bed, eyes narrowed and focused on him. Needless to say, he was shocked speechless.

"Ka-"His voice cracked piteously. "Kaede? What's wrong?" He asked, confused, as he reached out towards him.

Rukawa's response was to hold himself tighter. "You're not Hana-kun," he said with absolute certainty in his voice.

Hanamichi frowned. "I am. Can't…can't you remember me, Kaede?"

"I can. That's why you can't be him." Rukawa shook his head, tears spilling from his narrowed eyes as he fixed Hanamichi with a glare. "You can't be him."

"But I am!" Hanamichi said with desperation in his voice as he inched closer.

"Don't!" he cried out. "Don't…" he repeated, pleaded.

"Kaede, please!" He was suddenly very afraid for the pale boy with translucent skin curled up at the head of the bed. "Don't do this. Please don't do this." Fear crept up his spine and he suppressed a shiver.

Rukawa shook his head violently, splashing tears onto his thin arms. "Hana-kun, you're not Hana-kun."

It killed him to hear Rukawa utter those words, and somehow, he knew in his heart that it killed Rukawa too. "Then who am I?" he asked hoarsely, resisting the urge to inch forward.

Rukawa froze, looking much like a deer in highlights. "I don't know," was the whispered reply. He clutched his head till his skin turned whiter than white. "I don't know."

Hanamichi took the chance to close the distance, gripping Rukawa's arms before he could even realize the proximity between them.

Rukawa stiffened visibly, eyes widening in…was it fear? Were it any other, Hanamichi would be quick to label it as such. But this was Rukawa, and Rukawa seldom displayed fear.

"I promise I won't hurt you," Hanamichi said tenderly, gently prying away his fingers from his much-abused head.

The tears that pooled in those sad beautiful eyes started to fall as Rukawa shook silently. It tore at Hanamichi's heart to witness the sight.

"Hush. It's okay. It's okay." He said as he continued to hold onto Rukawa's fallen arms – gently but firmly. But if anything, he sobbed harder. Hanamichi could feel the tremors in those fragile arms he held in his hands.

"You're not Hana-kun," Rukawa said again as he looked up and regarded Hanamichi almost reverently. "You're not him."

Hanamichi would have engulfed him in an embrace there and then, if not for the certainty that Rukawa would protest against it. Instead, he fought to put a smile on his face.

"Why? Why can't I be him?" Hanamichi asked softly, fingers rubbing circles on the flushed translucent skin. The unfamiliar pressure behind his eyes from last night came back and he felt the beginnings of tears.

Rukawa shook his head, eyes focused on Hanamichi's hands around his arms.

"Why Kaede? Please…tell me," he pleaded in desperation.

He raised lowered eyes to meet his and Hanamichi felt cold dread at the despair he saw in those eyes. "Hana-kun…" Tears blurred his vision and he blinked them away. Taking a sharp breath, he continued. "Hana-kun would never stay."

And Hanamichi's world shattered.


Haruko blinked back her tears rapidly as she tried not to cry. Beside her, Ayako was doing a much better job, but then again, she had Jin in a vice like grip. Shockingly enough, Jin did not give a sign of being in extreme pain. He seemed numb as he stood there taking in the wretched scene playing out before his eyes. On her left, Fujima's eyes were shuttered. Somehow, she had the creeping feeling that he was the most affected of them all.

Rukawa's belief that Hanamichi was not the one he sought was tragic. And to think that they were high in spirits after receiving the news that Rukawa had indeed awoken.

Hanamichi's face was devoid of expression as he just sat there, hands still clasping Rukawa's arms, while Rukawa stared listlessly past Hanamichi, tears occasionally running down his cheeks.

"We should not be here." Haruko looked up. It was Fujima and his face was blank. "We should not be here," he repeated monotonously as he turned and walk away. Silently, and still in shock, the rest of them simply followed.


"I left," Hanamichi said tonelessly, reaching out to caress Rukawa's face. Rukawa didn't even seem to notice as he stared into space, lost in memories. "But Kaede…Kaede, please, look at me."

At the lack of a response, Hanamichi finally gave in to the urge and crushed Rukawa against his chest. Rukawa stiffened. He did not however, pull away.

"I left, but I came back," he said firmly. "I came back, Kaede. I came back." Rukawa struggled in the embrace and Hanamichi relaxed his hold on him.

"Why…why did you come back?" He asked, looking frantically in Hanamichi's eyes for an answer. Briefly, Hanamichi registered the fact that Rukawa believed him to be himself and the more logical part of his brain told him that this was a rare occurrence.

After all, Rukawa Kaede did not trust easily.

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. Letting the gentle smile grace his features, he answered.

"Simply because I am lost without you," he whispered. It was only after he uttered those words did he realize the volume of truth in them. Too long had he spent aimless nights on the streets searching. Too many the times he woke with a harlot by his side, realizing with disdain they looked nothing like him.

Rukawa looked up at him, a plea in his eyes. "Hana-kun..." he said, finally returning the embrace. With his face buried in Hanamichi's chest, voice muffled, he continued. "Please don't leave again."

And Hanamichi's tears fell. Smiling through his tears, he held Rukawa tighter. "I won't."


When Hanataga returned from the borders, he certainly was not happy to find out that Fujima had locked himself in their room. Fujima never locked the door, and the fact that he did meant something was up.

When Fujima answered the door and Hanataga chanced a look and saw the haggard prince and the shuttered expression in his eyes, he knew that he needed to kill something.

Entering the room, he locked the door behind him. "Kenji," he greeted. The room was dark and in general, gloomy. Fujima loved the sun. Something must've happened.

"Toru," the name rolled out of his tongue easily, yet it was different. "You're back early." He sounded shaken. Hanataga frowned.

"Ah," he said calmly. Making his way across the room, he pulled Fujima into a loose embrace. After planting a kiss on his forehead, he looked into those sky blue eyes intently. "Tell me." And Fujima crumbled.

Unlike others, he did not cry or shout. Instead, he clung to Hanataga. Had it been any lesser being, there would have been bruises. But he was Toru Hanataga and Fujima's strength was nothing he couldn't deal with.

With anguished eyes glaring at the ground, he complied. "Hanamichi and Rukawa, I…I don't want them to end up like Maki and I." Ah, Maki. Hanataga was unsurprised. Shinichi Maki was a bane to his lover and his love life. "I won't let it happen," he said, voice deep with emotion. It seemed to Hanataga that Fujima had thought about this for a long time.

"What happened?" he said gently, running his hands up and down Fujima's back, knowing that it calmed the anguished prince.

Fujima tightened his grip. "Rukawa woke up today. I -" He faltered and Hanataga tightened his embrace. He took a sharp breath and continued. "I didn't realize the depth of their relationship."

Ah. Hanataga knew that Fujima had a protective streak in him and he knew that if it was let to surface, things would definitely become complicated. "Kenji, you have to understand. Rukawa Kaede is our prisoner. He is a member of Umbra's elite. The only reason we keep him alive is simply to extract information."

Fujima extricated himself from the embrace. Anger flashed across his eyes. "You weren't there. You didn't see how broken they looked."

The unspoken 'I understand how it feels. After all, I've been there before,' hung silently in the air.

Hanataga was unfazed. "And what do you intend to do about it? Protect them? Find a way to sort that messed up relationship? Is that what you're going to do?" At Fujima's silence, he continued. "Do not forget your duties, Kenji. First and foremost, you have a kingdom to protect."

At that Fujima stilled and the anger in his eyes started to ebb away. "I can't just leave them, Toru. I can't, he finally said. Hanataga's eyes softened and he pulled Fujima into the embrace again. He let him.

"If it makes you feel better, I will do whatever I can to help them," Fujima looked at him with wonder in his eyes and Hanataga suddenly felt more willing to help. "However, do not concern yourself with these matters."

At his words, Fujima graced him with a heartfelt smile. "Thank you."

And things between them were righted again.


HNO3 - Next up: Letter to Disaster.