Deciding to leave the Winchesters wasn't an easy decision to make, but it's one Castiel deems necessary. After they had managed to re-trap Lucifer in the Cage with the help of the British Men of Letters, things have died down in the supernatural world. Heaven is quiet. Hell is quiet. Things are settling into a type of normalcy Castiel is unfamiliar with. A normalcy where he doesn't belong. Sam and Dean continue Hunting. Eileen frequently joins them. The Winchesters are settling into a routine, and Castiel isn't sure where he fits in. He doesn't think he does.

Heaven must be closed off like it had been before the Apocalypse, because Castiel's grace is waning. He isn't sure if it's leaving him completely, but he is definitely getting weaker. Which means he isn't much help to the Winchesters. It's not as if they need much of his help Hunting anyway.

Castiel spends most of his days assisting Sam in cataloging the bunker and correcting any errors in the Men of Letters' lore. He is helping, but he isn't needed. Not anymore.

So he's decided to leave. The Winchesters are entering a new phase of their life. A phase where they don't need Castiel.

Castiel isn't completely sure where he's going, but he knows he isn't coming back.

He leaves on a cold November night just after Dean goes to bed.

This is the right decision, Castiel reminds himself as he pulls into a gas station only ten minutes from the bunker. He's going to need fuel for his journey.

He steps out of his truck, swiping a counterfeit card. He throws it into the nearby trashcan after he uses it. He's going to have to pay for things on his own now. Castiel begins fueling his truck, and watches the numbers counting his filling gas tank grow higher. He swallows down the lump in his throat.

This is the right decision.

He scuffs his feet on the concrete, toeing at a jagged crack. A light, airy pop song plays over the gas station speakers. Castiel can imagine Dean rolling his eyes at the music. His own eyes sting with tears.

This is the right decision.

"Hey."

Castiel frowns. No. That can't be… Castiel snaps his head up. "Dean?"

The Impala is parked at the station in front of him. Dean is quickly walking towards him. "Hey," the Hunter repeats.

"Dean, what are you doing here? How did you find me?"

Dean shrugs. "Your phone's GPS. I…had a weird feeling about you."

Castiel glances back at the Impala, but it's empty. "Where are Sam and Eileen?"

"They're back at the bunker."

Castiel frowns again. "Why are you here?"

Dean steps closer and leans against the side of Castiel's station. "Like I said, I had a weird feeling."

Castiel sighs wearily but stares up at Dean in amusement. "You are aware that is a bit creepy?"

Dean grins. "I know."

A pleasant silence falls between them.

"So," Dean begins, "where are you headed?"

Castiel's blood runs cold. He hadn't planned on lying. He was just going to quietly leave. What is he going to say? The station pings, signaling Castiel's truck is finished filling up. Castiel is thankful for the distraction. He turns away from Dean to grab the fuel nozzle from his truck.

"Cas?"

Castiel avoids Dean's gaze and returns the nozzle. He turns back to screw on his truck's fuel cap, but Dean grabs his arm.

"Hey." Dean ducks his head in an attempt to meet Castiel's eyes, but Castiel looks away. "Cas…"

Struggling to fight back tears, Castiel finally meets Dean's gaze.

Dean's grip on his arm tightens. "Where are you going." Dean's voice is firm.

Castiel looks at the ground. "Dean…"

Dean steps closer while keeping his hand on Castiel's arm. He uses his other to raise Castiel's chin. Dean studies Castiel. He swallows. "You're leaving."

Castiel nods, his throat suddenly tight and dry.

Dean sucks in a sharp breath. He drops his hands. He looks up and nods while placing his hands on his hips. He swallows again. When he looks back down, tears are sparkling in his eyes. "Just answer one question, okay?" He rubs a hand over his face. "Then I'll let you go."

Castiel blinks. He wasn't expecting Dean to be so calm. He's a bit disappointed. Part of him wants Dean to put up a fight. "What's your question?" Castiel asks.

"Why?"

Castiel licks his lips. "I don't belong with you and Sam. This is what's best."

"Bullshit. Who is this best for?"

"You."

Dean looks like someone slapped him.

Castiel quickly adds, "And Sam. I don't want to hold you back."

Dean scowls. "Hold us back? From what?"

"From living your lives. The world isn't ending anymore, Dean. You don't need me."

"I always needs you."

"Stop making this difficult."

"This wouldn't be difficult if you just stayed."

Castiel stares.

Stay?

Castiel's relationship with the Winchesters has always been about what he can do to help. But there is nothing to help out with anymore besides Hunts. Which the Winchesters are more than capable of doing on their own. So, why does Dean want him to stay?

"You…want me to stay," Castiel says, not quite believing what he's saying.

"Yes, Cas, yes." Dean steps forward, a hint of desperation behind his teary eyes. "I've always wanted you to stay."

"…Oh."

Dean continues to stare at Castiel with the same desperate expression. "So…will you?"

Castiel's mind is reeling. He can't quite keep up with what Dean is saying. "Will I what?"

"Will you stay?"

Castiel never thought someone would ask him to stay, let alone Dean. The man he's completely, totally, foolishly in love with. How can he say no? …But how can he say yes? Isn't Dean better off without him?

"I…" Castiel begins, but he isn't sure what to say. He wants to stay. He wants it more than anything. But that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

"Look," Dean says, "if you want to leave, you can. I just…" He closes his eyes, and a tear slips down his cheek. He opens his eyes. "I thought I'd ask, you know?" He laughs bitterly, and something dark crosses his face. "Guess all our years of friendship meant nothing, huh?"

Castiel instinctively steps closer. He realizes it's a mistake since they were already close, but it's too late now. Backing away would make things worse. He says, "No, Dean."

"Then, why?" The question comes out at a whisper. Another tear falls down Dean's face. "Cas, if I did something—"

And of course Dean is blaming himself. Castiel feels stupid thinking Dean would feel otherwise. Dean has the worst self-esteem out of anyone Castiel has ever met. He can't leave with Dean feeling this way.

"You didn't," Castiel interrupts. He says it firmly, meeting Dean's watery gaze.

Dean swallows and nods slightly. "So you want to? You want to leave?"

"Well, I—"

"It's a yes or no question, Cas."

Cas shakes his head. "I don't, Dean, but—"

"But what? You want to stay. I want you to stay. Why leave then?"

Dean somehow makes things simple. Castiel tends to overcomplicate things. Especially things about Dean. "I…" And, again, Castiel isn't sure what to say. He doesn't want to leave. He thought he was making the right decision, but now he isn't sure.

"Please." Dean is still on the verge of crying, desperately searching Castiel's face. They're so close that Castiel can feel Dean's body heat.

And Castiel realizes he hasn't seen Dean this open before. This pleading. Perhaps when Castiel had nearly killed Dean over the Angel Tablet, but this is different. Dean is pleading Castiel to stay. He looks desperate.

He looks scared.

Castiel feels tears beginning to form in his own eyes. He nods, his mouth suddenly dry. "Okay," he says quietly. "Okay, Dean."

Dean lets out a shaky breath, and Castiel can practically feel the relief wash over him.

Dean really wants him to stay that badly?

Dean surges forward and pulls Castiel into a tight embrace. Castiel holds on. He closes his eyes, relishing in the contact. He hardly hugs Dean. They only hug each other when they've thought the other has died. Castiel knows Dean is going to pull away any second. They don't do this more than a few seconds. Castiel opens his eyes. …But Dean doesn't pull away. They keep hugging. And hugging.

"Dean?" Castiel asks, a whisper. He feels that if he speaks too loudly, he'll cause Dean to pull away.

Castiel hears Dean swallow. "Yeah?" Dean whispers back.

"Are you alright?"

Dean lets out a shaky breath, and Castiel feels the hot air of it brush his neck. "I thought I lost you."

Tears prickle Castiel's eyes again, and he holds Dean tighter. "No. If you really want me—"

"I do."

Oh.

Castiel was going to say, "If you really want me to stay, I will." But Dean had cut him off before he had even gotten to the staying part.

Dean wants him.

Castiel closes his eyes again. "I want you too." He says it so quietly he knows Dean wouldn't hear him if they weren't wrapped in each other's arms.

Dean starts to pull away, and Castiel thinks he's ruined it, but Dean stops only far enough to be able to look into Castiel's eyes. Tear tracks are drying on Dean's face, and he has that open expression again. Something desperate and afraid.

"Cas," he says. "Can I…"

Castiel's heart is pounding loudly. "Can you what?"

Dean cups Castiel's face with one hand. "Can I kiss you?"

Castiel feels dizzy and euphoric and so surprised he almost forgets to answer. "Yes."

And Dean is moving closer, gently pressing his lips on Castiel's, as if he's afraid Castiel is going to move away at any second. Knowing Dean, that's exactly what he's thinking. And Castiel can't have that.

Castiel pulls Dean in, gripping his waist, pressing their bodies together. He moves his hands to rest on the small of Dean's back. The hand Dean has on Castiel's cheek moves upward, curling into his hair. Castiel can feel Dean trembling under his touch, and he thinks he should pull away, but then Dean tilts his head the smallest bit, deepening the kiss.

The restraint Castiel has tied himself to over the years is slowly coming undone. He can feel his want, his desire, welling up like water pushing against a crumbling dam. He suddenly spins Dean around, and pins him against his truck. For a moment, he thinks he might've gone too far, that he lost too much control. But Dean is grabbing, desperate, at the front of his shirt, and smashing their mouths back together. Castiel licks at the seam of Dean's lips, and Dean makes this sound. Wrecked, guttural, and lustful. His lips part for Castiel, and Castiel tastes every inch of Dean's mouth. He wants to memorize how he tastes. How warm he is. How eager.

He wants me back, Castiel thinks through the haze of desire.

The thought strikes something deep within him. He is overwhelmed with the need to have Dean more. This isn't enough. He needs to be closer. He needs to touch Dean's skin. Every inch of him. He wants to worship Dean. He wants Dean to feel his love. He needs Dean to understand just how much he means to Castiel.

Castiel pulls away, breathless. He realizes he's now trembling too.

And Dean is a mess. His pupils are blown wide and dark. His hair is all out of place. His lips are swollen, pink, and wet. Castiel has never wanted anything more in his life.

"Dean," Castiel says. His voice sounds impossibly low and just as wrecked as Dean looks.

Dean licks his lips, as if trying to taste the remnants of Castiel. He swallows. "Was that…was that too much?"

"I need to be inside you."

Dean's breath hitches in his throat. His voice shakes when he whispers, "Fuck." He blinks and wrenches his gaze away from Castiel, like it's difficult for him to look away. "Okay, uh… Okay." He looks back at Castiel. "Maybe not at a gas station."

"Yes," Castiel agrees. "But soon."

Dean nods. "Yeah." He glances back at Castiel's lips.

Castiel kisses him. Gentler than last time, but not as tentative as their first kiss. He's sure of himself now. He hopes Dean knows it too. Dean is tugging him closer, and Castiel reluctantly pulls away. His self-control is fading too quickly to keep kissing Dean. To only keep kissing Dean.

And Dean is smiling at him. His eyes are bright, and he leans his head back on Castiel's truck.

Castiel can't help but smile back. "What?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're smiling."

Dean blushes and looks down, his smile never fading. He glances back up. "Yeah, well, I'm happy."

Castiel grins. "Me too."

Dean pushes off the truck, looking at Castiel's lips again. "One more?" He looks up through his lashes. "For the road."

Castiel huffs but caves. "For the road."


A/N: I originally had most of this scene in the first chapter of my story "always", but the ending was too happy for that story, so I made it its own one-shot.

And this is the last of all the one-shots/shorter stories I had saved in my drafts, so it might be a while before I post again. But only because I'm working on longer stories. I have so many ideas and other stories started that I can't wait to finish and share. Thanks to everyone who reads, favorites, and reviews my stories. You guys really help me stay motivated.

You can find me on tumblr: the-rad-pineapple