Sitting on the couch outside, Amelia kept her legs tucked to her chest, nursing the glass of whiskey in her fingers. They had been outside for the past three hours. Helmut had gone to fetch his coat when he had felt the chill, turning the fur collar up. Amelia had shrugged the blanket that was on the back of the sofa over her shoulders. Helmut folded one leg over the other, leaning back at an awkward angle so that he could talk to her and look her in the eye.
"Do you honestly think that Sam and Bucky are going to let you stay free?" Amelia asked from him. She knew he had no intention of returning to jail, but surely the people who had sprung him from that place had the opposite intentions.
"Oh, I know they won't," Helmut said, sipping on his whiskey. "I just need to bide my time until I can escape their gaze. I have no desire to leave our work unfinished, but I will not go back there."
"So where will you go?"
"I need to work that out," Helmut told her with a soft shrug of his shoulders. "There is one place that I would like to go and see, however."
"What's that?"
"The memorial in Sokovia," he said to her and she nodded once. She bowed her head and looked into the depths of her whiskey. "Did you go to it?"
"I did," Amelia confirmed. "I went and took flowers. I just sat there for almost three hours remembering the past…all of them…Lukas…my parents…Heike."
"I can imagine it must have been truly moving," Helmut concurred with her on that point and she didn't disagree. It had been. She had sat there and remembered Sokovia for what it had been. Yes, as Helmut had continuously said, it had been a failed state. But it was still people's homes. People had still lived there, they had walked and lived on the spot where the memorial now stood. It had felt eeire, in a sense.
"It brought it all back," Amelia said. "The phone calls from Lukas and my parents. It's even worse because I had those voicemails saved and then I lost my phone. I have no idea where it is, but it had those messages…their voices…and now nothing. I can't even hear his voice in my head, is that weird? I just can't remember what Lukas sounded like."
Helmut shook his head. "Not odd at all," he promised her in a gentle whisper. "Sometimes I have trouble remembering Heike's face…I close my eyes and I focus so hard, but her image just doesn't come to me and it's like there's nothing there anymore."
"I just didn't want to forget them," Amelia said.
"And you won't," Helmut said. "We never will forget them, we just struggle to remember because of everything…because remembering them brings us nothing but pain."
"I know," Amelia muttered and reached for the bottle of whiskey, filling her glass up once again. "And you're sure about this? You're sure about going to Madripoor?"
"We ended the Winter Soldier programme once before with information we got from Madripoor," Helmut reminded her. "I think it would be the best place to go, but I just need to be certain that Selby will have the information I want before I place a bullet in her skull."
"Helmut!" Amelia snapped his name and he took another sip of whiskey, knocking it back down his throat. "You can hardly kill her."
"I disagree," Helmut said. "She was complicit in helping Andrew Edgington find you. I will not stand for that."
"Helmut, don't you dare," Amelia said to him with a firm shake of her head. "Things have changed in Madripoor. I tried to stay out of it as best as I could, but there's the Power Broker there running the shots."
"I had heard."
"So don't do anything to get yourself into more trouble because I get the feeling you might not be entirely welcome in Madripoor after what has gone down there with us before. I hated going back…but I did what I thought I had to do."
"You did," Helmut promised her, not wanting her to think 'what if'. He knew where those thoughts went and he didn't want Amelia to go the same way as he did. He had spent many nights wondering what if. What if he had run after Siberia? Would Amelia have come with him? Would he have let her? He didn't entirely know the answer to the question, but the scenarios played in his mind constantly.
"You know that the serum is dangerous, Amelia," Helmut said, seeing that she was clearly thinking about Madripoor. "I have to stop it from being recreated…to stop people like the Flag Smashers…like the Avengers."
"And I don't disagree with you," she said to him. "I know that the serum can be used for good. I guess that's why they created Steve Rogers, but the fact is that, since then, all I have seen is the serum being used for bad. Look at the people we came across who wanted to recreate it."
"I remember," Helmut promised her on that point. "And that is why I have to do this."
Amelia sighed and tossed the rest of her whiskey down her throat. Placing her glass on the table, she sat up, placing her feet on the ground. Her head felt slightly woozy and she wondered just how many glasses of whiskey she'd had. She buried her face into her hands and then ran her fingers through her hair as she came back up and turned to look at Helmut.
"I'll come."
"Absolutely not," Helmut responded with a firm shake of his head.
"Why not?" Amelia asked. "Didn't you come here for my help?"
"Yes, but that was before…" he trailed off and Amelia arched her brow.
"Before what?" she pushed him and he shook his head.
"You know what," he mumbled back to her and she rolled her eyes, but nodded her head.
"This is why I didn't tell you, Helmut," she said. "Because I knew that you would treat me differently and I don't want that, not really. I want you to treat me as you used to: as someone who worked with you. I'm not the same person…and I can't explain it…but I just want you to treat me as the same person you knew and not someone wrapped up in cotton wool."
"I think you'll find that I always tried to protect you," Helmut reminded her.
"Yeah, and I think you'll find that it always pissed me off," she replied and he noted the red staining her neck and running up to her cheek. She was becoming flustered and, couple that with alcohol, it showed on her face more clearly. "You're right with what you said, Helmut. That serum cannot be recreated and we set out to stop that from happening."
Amelia made a move to stand up, swaying slightly on her feet after getting up too quickly.
"You'll be safer staying here."
"I'd have been safer not agreeing to help you in the first place, but I did," she replied. "Don't you get it? I make my own decisions. After all this time, you need to know that."
"Don't I just," he muttered sarcastically and sipped on his own drink. Placing his glass down onto the table, he stood across from her, his eyes firmly set on her own. She refused to back down under his gaze. She could give as good as he did.
"I'm coming," she said. "And that is final."
"You say you don't want me to treat you any differently, Amelia, but I…knowing what happened…that I wasn't there to protect you…that kills me inside. It kills me to know what happened to you."
"I know," Amelia said. "And it's something that I'm still coming to terms with and learning to live with, but you being here…broken out of jail…I just don't want you to start looking at me with pity or guilt."
"Hard not to feel guilty, Amelia," Helmut informed her.
"I know," she said with a nod. "But I just need you to try, alright?"
Helmut sighed. "That doesn't mean you should come with us."
"You need me," Amelia said to him and began to move around him. "Besides, if anyone is going to put a bullet in Selby's skull then it's going to be me."
He watched her move back into the kitchen and he picked up the used glasses and the almost empty bottle of whiskey. Placing the glasses in the sink, he watched as Amelia finished tidying up around the kitchen, putting things back in cupboards along with cleaned mugs and cutlery.
"If you come with us then you do not leave my sight."
"That sounds quite controlling."
"I need to make sure you're safe," Helmut said and she began to argue back, but he held his hand up. "And before you even start arguing, don't bother. I'm not going to be dissuaded on this. It's not for your sake, okay? I know that you are more than capable of handling yourself. I've seen you deal with men who are twice your size. It is for my sake."
Sighing at hearing him, Amelia nodded her head solemnly and flicked the switch to the kettle, needing a cup of herbal tea before bed. She pulled out two mugs almost automatically. She assumed that Bucky and Sam must be upstairs and resting considering the house was pretty quiet.
"Fine," Amelia relented.
"Thank you," Helmut said. "Now, perhaps it is best we get some rest. I see you still drink herbal tea before bed."
It had been the one thing she tried to do religiously. Amelia looked at the two mugs. "Sorry, I just got two mugs without thinking."
"I'll take a cup," he said. "And I'll take the couch tonight considering all the guest rooms are taken."
"It's not the most comfortable to sleep on," Amelia said to him, turning around and letting her thighs brush the cabinets and worktop behind her as she folded her arms over her shoulder. "I don't mind if you want to share the bed. It's big enough…but just…"
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable," Helmut said to her, recalling how she had practically recoiled from him touching her earlier on. He didn't want to see her be uneasy around him.
"You don't make me uncomfortable," Amelia said. "Just…I just need space, alright?"
"Amelia, I am honestly fine on the couch."
"But that's not the point," Amelia responded to him. "The point is that you're here and I want you to be here. It's just that things…I just…I need to go slow."
Helmut could see that she was grappling with what she wanted to say to him. He seemed to understand the point that she was making and he could do that. He could go at her own pace. He would just be there when she needed him, not making a move of any kind unless she initiated it.
"Alright," he said to her. "But talk to me if anything bothers you."
"I will," she promised him on that point.
He watched her pour the mugs of tea out, handing him one. They carried them upstairs to her bedroom, Helmut closing the door behind him slowly and turning the hall light out. The house seemed almost too still compared to the noise Helmut was used to hearing from his cell. He could hear doors slamming, sometimes he could hear inmates causing a ruckus. But here, there was nothing.
He placed his mug down on the bedside table before Amelia moved to her drawers. Opening them up, she pulled out a clean pair of pyjamas. "I imagine you probably want a shower or something," she said and he nodded. He could do with freshening up. "There's clean towels in the bathroom with shampoo…a spare toothbrush in the cupboard."
She bent down and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out a plain black top and grey joggers. "These were Lukas's," she said to him, holding them in her hands and caressing the material softly. "I know it seems weird, keeping his things…but I just couldn't get rid of everything."
"Not weird at all," Helmut said. "You're certain I can use these?"
"Yes," Amelia nodded to him. "Go for it."
She handed him the clothes and he took them. He carried them into the bathroom off of her bedroom. Closing the door behind him, he relaxed after a moment and began to strip from his clothes. He folded the purple jumper up neatly, laying it on top of his folded jeans with the belt. He slipped his boots off and tucked his socks into them. Standing up tall, he stretched his limbs as he made his way to the shower.
He stayed underneath the warm water until the mirror had steamed up and he could hardly see around the room. He borrowed her shampoo and body wash, closing his eyes and turning the shower off. He twisted the knob slowly and everything was quiet once more. Wiping the steam off the mirror, he looked at his reflection, the towel tight around his midriff.
Looking to his reflection, he ran his fingers through his hair and then located the spare toothbrush. Brushing his teeth, he continued staring at himself, wondering just what he was going to do about Amelia. He knew that his feelings were still there for her. They had come straight to the forefront of his mind when he had seen her. She had even admitted that she still loved him. But had he ever told her that? Could he ever tell her that? He always felt it would be selfish to say it to her. What life could he give her? One on the run? Had she even been able to truly forgive him for what happened at the UN? He didn't know. But it was a conversation for another day.
He dressed quickly into the clothes she had given him. Leaving the bathroom, he found Amelia sat up in bed, a book perched open on her lap. It was some kind of murder mystery by the looks of the cover. She had her legs bent, the book sat against her thighs. Peering up and over to Helmut, she smiled softly.
"Better?" she asked from him and then he noticed them.
"You're wearing glasses," he said.
Amelia nodded, peeling the frames from her nose. They were square with thick, navy frames. She folded them up and placed them on her bedside table. "I just need them for reading."
"You look different," he declared.
Amelia nodded her head and she watched Helmut deposit his neat pile of clothes down on the chair by the window. He was hesitant as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed before Amelia spoke as he took a sip of his tea.
"I'm just going to go and check I locked up downstairs," she said.
"I'll go," Helmut said and he moved to stand up again. "It's fine," he said, stopping her before she could protest.
Helmut took a deep breath and left the room, knowing that he was going to struggle being close to her again without his mind racing and his body reacting. He obviously had no intention of doing anything that made her uncomfortable, but he couldn't control his thoughts. Seeing her sat there, dressed in her pyjamas with her hair tied in a messy ponytail made his recall all of the mornings he would find her in the kitchen when they had lived in Norwich together.
Moving down the stairs, he padded downstairs bare foot. He checked all the doors and windows before coming to the kitchen to check the bifold doors. Once he was certain that everything was in order and locked, he went back upstairs. Coming to the landing, he saw a door peel open and Bucky stood in the doorway. His brow was arched as he looked to Helmut.
"What are you doing?" he demanded.
"Checking the house is locked up."
"I meant what are you doing here?" Bucky asked. "Upstairs."
"Well, I had intended on going to sleep," Helmut drawled back. Bucky was still dressed in the clothes he had been wearing, not looking as though he was ready for sleep anytime soon.
"Where?"
"Is that any of your business?" Helmut questioned and Bucky knew instantly. He shook his head as he glowered at Helmut.
"You're just going to hurt her," Bucky warned in a low voice.
"Not my intention."
"It might not be your intention, but it's going to happen. And who will pick up the pieces when that happens?"
Bucky turned to go back into the guest room, shutting the door behind him. Helmut watched the wooden door close on him and he exhaled a low, sharp breath once he had gone. Shaking his head back and forth, he wondered if perhaps Bucky was talking sense.
…
Amelia was awake early the next morning. She looked over to the other side of the bed and saw Helmut sleeping soundly, laid on his back. He had his hands by the side of him and his lips were gently parted. A strand of hair hung on his forehead and the rest hung limply on the pillow. Amelia managed to get up quietly, dressing into a pair of jeans and a black jumper. Pulling her socks onto her feet, she hopped around for a moment before leaving the bedroom and going to the kitchen. She found Bucky already there, sat at the breakfast bar with a mug in front of him.
"The kettle just boiled," Bucky informed her. "If you want a cup of tea."
"Thanks," Amelia said and she made her own mug. "You know, I was talking to Helmut last night and I decided that I'm coming with you to Madripoor."
"Absolutely not," Bucky said firmly.
"It's not up for discussion," Amelia retorted. "I am coming. I worked with Helmut to stop the serum and I know that I can help."
"Is this about the serum or is it about something else?"
"What do you mean?"
"Let me rephrase, someone else?" he questioned and Amelia instantly bit down on her bottom lip at hearing him say that. She busied herself with making her stirring her tea, the metal spoon clacking against the sides of the mug. Her silence also spoke volumes for him. Bucky sighed and shook his head. Picking his mug up, he began to move off away from her, struggling to comprehend what she was doing risking everything for him.
"I'll tell you the same thing I told him," Bucky said. "You're going to get hurt."
"It's my decision to make, Bucky," Amelia said, watching him retreat through the kitchen door, still shaking his head. He passed Sam by in the hallway, saying that he had to go upstairs and get ready to leave. They intended to fly out to Madripoor later that morning. Amelia suspected that she had best pack a bag of some kind at some stage, but she was still letting Helmut sleep.
"Morning," Amelia said to Sam when she saw him in the doorway. He almost looked lost, clearly not sure what he should be doing. This wasn't his house and he didn't want to overstep. Plus, he was in the company of the two people who had torn the Avengers apart, although Bucky seemed to have vouched for Amelia over Helmut.
"Morning," Sam replied politely.
"Do you want a cup of tea? I think I have cereal if you're hungry, or bread if you want toast," Amelia said and Sam nodded.
"Tea would be good," he said to her. "And toast if you don't mind."
"Coming up," Amelia said and she filled the kettle up once more, letting it boil once again. She pulled the bloomer out of the bread bin and cut slices of bread from it as Sam perched on the stool that Bucky had just left vacant. "Look, I should tell you that I'm coming with you to Madripoor. I think that Helmut might have a point. Selby might be more inclined to listen to me and if not then I have a bone to pick with her."
"You want to come?"
"Well, I would prefer to stay home, but if there is super soldier serum out there then Helmut has a point. We started this together…seems almost poetic that we finish it together."
"This isn't some trip down nostalgia lane," Sam said to her. "This could be dangerous. I've fought the Flag Smashes and they're not to be messed with. You need to know that."
"I've seen danger before," Amelia said, pulling a mug from the tree rack and settling it on the worktop. She waited for the kettle to boil and the toast to pop. "Besides, it's not always about physical strength. Look at what we managed to do to HYDRA operatives…and we planned to tear the Avengers apart without fighting them."
Sam eyed her sceptically. "Bucky vouched for you, you know. He said that you weren't like him."
"By him, I assume you mean Helmut," Amelia said and she decided to make the man in question a mug of tea. She suspected he would have to wake up soon enough anyway.
"Yeah, Zemo," Sam confirmed.
"I'm not entirely like him," Amelia said to him. "Did I agree with what he did at the UN? Absolutely not. Did I agree with killing any HYDRA operative we found who would have recreated the serum to recreate the Winter Soldier programme? Yes. I just drew the line at watching innocent people get hurt…Helmut…he did whatever he had to do. I always tried to do what I thought was right."
"And you can forgive that?"
"Who says I've forgiven him?"
"Well, the fact he's sharing your bed seems to suggest you might have done."
Amelia shook his head. "What we have is complicated. I don't expect you to understand that. We spent a year together…months planning…just us two…"
"But you always thought that you did the right thing? Wanting to break the Avengers up?"
"Yeah," Amelia said, not even a tone of regret in her voice. "I do regret that we brought Bucky into it and I would never have used him like Helmut did…I just wanted you all to suffer as much as we did."
"We never wanted anyone to get hurt either."
"But people did," Amelia replied. "People got hurt and you…a group of superhumans…you're dangerous together."
"Are we as dangerous as the threats we try to combat?" he asked, flipping the question back to her. She shrugged her shoulders in response.
"I don't know," she confessed on that point. "But the point still stands that you were dangerous and we were consumed with revenge. I wish things had gone differently, but ultimately I don't really care that you were all ripped apart. I lost everything in Sokovia…so if you even felt a glimpse of the pain that we felt then that's enough for me."
Sam watched her pour the mugs of tea. She set one down in front of him and picked the other one up. "Help yourself to the toast when it pops," she said and she sauntered off back upstairs.
She came to her bedroom and hesitantly popped the door open. Helmut was awake and dressed. He was crouched down in front of the mirror on her dressing table, his fingers combing through his hair and slicking it back on the top of his head.
"Morning," Amelia said and he looked at her in the mirror. "I made you a cup of tea."
"Good morning," he replied politely. "And thank you."
"No problem," she said and placed it down next to his mug from the night before. She saw that he had already made her bed, pristinely pulling the duvet up to her pillows that had been fluffed up. "So I just had a conversation with Bucky and Sam in the kitchen."
Helmut stood up straight then and turned to face her, hands dropping to his hips. "What did they say?"
"Nothing exciting," Amelia said and perched on the ottoman, pulling one leg onto it so her kneecap was against her chest and she rested her chin on it. "Sam just told me that this was going to be dangerous. I think he doesn't trust me entirely."
"I would not be surprised," Helmut said. "He knows who we are and what we did."
"He also knows that I don't regret seeing the Avengers torn apart."
"I have many regrets, but I agree, that is not one of them," Helmut said.
He sank down next to her on the ottoman, leaving enough space between the two of them. He pulled at his purple jumper and ensured it was neatly tucked into his jeans that were held up by the silver belt. He wore the same outfit he had worn the day before.
"And Bucky just doesn't want me coming. He was pretty surly with me when I told him."
"He cares about you."
"And I care about him. He's not a bad person and he's…he might be a super soldier, but he never asked to be one, did he? Not like the others who we encountered. They sought that life. I mean, I guess they're not all bad. Captain America wasn't created for evil."
"True, but there has never been another Steve Rogers," he pointed out to her. "But I can see that James is protective over you. I imagine him being with you after Madripoor…getting to know you…well, it would be hard not to be protective over you regardless of how strong you are."
"We're just friends."
"Does he know that?"
"Helmut," Amelia said in a warning tone and he held up his hands defensively.
"I am just asking," he said, trying to play innocent, but Amelia knew better. She genuinely did know better when it came to Helmut. It took her a moment or two before she answered him.
"He should know," she decided on saying. "He's just a friend and that's it. Can we not have this discussion? I don't want to talk about it or even to think about it."
"As you wish," Helmut said, giving into her request.
"Anyway, I should pack a bag. I get the feeling that Bucky and Sam want to go as soon as possible."
She stood up then, moving a hand to Helmut's shoulder as she walked by him and squeezing it tightly. He didn't move to reciprocate. He just watched her go into her walk-in wardrobe and called out to her.
"You're sure about coming?"
"Yeah," she responded and looked at the clothes in front of her as she grabbed a bag from the top shelf. Placing her hands on her hips, she let out a deep breath and nodded, trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing. "Back to Madripoor we go."
…
A/N: Of course Amelia was going to go back to Madripoor with them! Never any doubt there. Would love to know if anyone is still reading and what you think! Pretty please?
