After dinner, she bent over the stream, making sure the dishes got properly cleaned. Then she dried them and put them away. She wasn't sure where he'd gone, but his pack was still there, so he'd be back.
It was well past dark when he did return. "Get lost?"
He shook his head. "No. I was...thinking."
"More brooding, huh?"
He chose to ignore that remark and walked over to his pack, pulling his blanket from its place at the bottom of the frame. "I'm not sure this is the best place to camp."
"Why? I like it here."
"So do the animals."
"I like animals. Deer and rabbits don't frighten me, detective."
"What about the mountain lions and bears?"
She frowned. She'd almost forgotten about those. He saw that on her face, reflected in the firelight. His voice was soft. "You can't forget about the animals here, too, counsellor. They're not as dangerous as the animals we deal with every day, but they can kill you just as dead."
She headed to her pack to retrieve her sleeping bag. "I'll just sleep with my gun."
"Now I'll worry."
"Why? Unless you plan to try climbing into my sleeping bag in the middle of the night..." She had to laugh at the look on his face, which told her the thought had never crossed his mind. "Ok, then, I would say you're safe."
She unrolled her bag on the opposite side of the fire from him, furthest away from the stream, and she wondered if he'd done that intentionally. She decided that he had. He was thoughtful, a gentleman. And again she wondered what had driven his Alex away. "You never answered me earlier."
"Oh?"
"I asked you to make me understand how a woman you were never involved with could hurt you so deeply."
"I was involved with her...just not romantically. She...was my partner."
"Ah...that explains a lot. A cop's partner...I do understand that, detective."
"And she was my best friend."
"And you did the unthinkable and fell in love with her."
"I never let her know. As hard as it was...to never...touch her...kiss her..." He shuddered. "But I was ok with it, because I needed her as my partner. We were good together...we just fit...perfectly. And I have no idea why she left."
"Did you ask her?"
He frowned and looked at her. "Ask her?"
"Yeah...that's what people do when someone does something they don't understand. They ask why. Let me guess...you didn't because it hurt so damn bad, so you ran away."
She watched him get to his feet and begin to pace, his face a dark frown. She wondered about him, why this partner was so important to him. Surely there were other partners. But the best friend angle, that made sense. Best friends were irreplacable.
He continued pacing, his mind racing. He hadn't asked her. He'd just assumed. But when her words came back to him...
I tried...I really did...I thought I could do it...I need a break...I can't do this, Bobby...
No, then he became more certain he had not misinterpreted her. He returned to his blanket, determined not to open himself to her any further. It was her fucking turn. He laid back on the ground and just when she thought he had shut down totally on her, he said, "Tell me who put out your fire, counsellor."
"It's not a very interesting story."
"Tell me anyway. I can't sleep."
"Maybe this will help." She couldn't interpret the noise he made so she chose to ignore him. "His name was Christopher. We went to law school together. He was tall, like you, but not nearly as broad. Kind of like a bean pole. He was gentle and kind. We were both accepted into the same practice, but when we decided to get married, I took a position with the DA. We were both rising stars. We planned to have kids someday, after my career was well established. In the meanwhile, we had a dog. He died two years ago. He outlived Chris by nearly fifteen years."
He could hear the pain in her voice...the pain of unresolved loss. It was the same pain he was dealing with. "How...did he die?"
"Motor vehicle accident, on the interstate. He died at the scene. I never had a chance to say good-bye, unless you count the funeral, and all the visits to his grave."
He rolled onto his side, propping his head on his hand. "I'm sorry."
"So am I. We were happy."
"That's something. Not everyone finds that. I...I never did."
And I never will. My one shot at happiness stepped out of my life. She turned her head to look toward him. "Do you think you could have had a chance at it, with her?"
"Coulda, woulda, shoulda...what does it matter?"
"Maybe it does...to her. Did it ever occur to you she might feel the same way?"
He shook his head adamantly. "She knew how important she was to me, and she still left. She...knew...what it would do to me. And she did it anyway."
"And there's no chance you took it wrong?"
"How the fuck do you take it wrong when someone says good-bye?"
"I was just asking."
"Yeah, well, you can stop that now."
He turned over, away from her, and faced the forest. He said, "I'm sorry about Chris, but I'm glad you found love."
"Thank you. I've never found it again."
He looked back over his shoulder. "What?"
"I don't think I stuttered, detective. I said I never found it again. Chris was it...my one and only chance."
"You can't believe that."
"Why not? You do."
"That's different. You're different. It took me half my life to find her, and five years to drive her away. Chris loved you until the day he died, and you never stopped loving him."
"Have you stopped loving her?"
He rolled back onto his side. "No," he answered miserably. He would never stop loving her.
He heard her move but he was still surprised when she dropped down onto the ground in front of him. "You need to stop running away and decide what's important to you."
"My job. That's all that matters now."
"Oh, bullshit. Don't give me that crap, you big idiot."
He almost smiled. How many times had Alex called him that? "I can't turn back time."
"I'm not suggesting you do. Go home and talk to her. Find out what she meant, why she left. You owe her that...you owe it to both of you." She reached out and let her fingers lightly caress his cheek. He closed his eyes and shuddered. "And if it really is over...come to see me in Austin. I won't chase you away."
He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Wait until you get to know me."
"You should see some of the bastards I dated. No, you're a decent guy, and I'd give my right arm to find another decent guy. I don't have any luck that way. I finally find him and he's gone off the deep end over someone else."
She started to get up but he grabbed her hand. "Would you chase me away tonight?"
"I don't know if I can handle being your rebound, Bobby."
He smiled. "I had to ask."
He really did have a nice smile. And he'd been hurting so much...Before she knew what she was doing, she had leaned toward him, and he met her halfway.
