AN: This chapter gets into themes of infant loss and stillbirth, so if this is triggering for you, please don't continue with this story.


"What are the options?" Lucy asked numbly. She was holding onto Emily's hand so tightly it was surely painful, but Emily said nothing.

The doctor gave the two women a look of compassion. "You can wait for Emily's body to go into labour on its own," she said, "Or we can induce – as soon as you're ready."

"How long will..." Lucy attempted to ask. "...until he..." She couldn't seem to get the words out. Wasn't sure she could stomach them if she did.

"If it doesn't happen naturally within four weeks, the changes to Emily's clotting factors become too dangerous..."

"No!" Emily blurted out urgently, midway through the sentence, causing both women to turn to look at her. "I can't do it, I can't...keep a dead baby inside me a single day longer. I want him out. Today."

Lucy moved to bend down to meet her gaze, cupping cheeks gently. "Are you sure? We could take a day or two to..."

She shook her head within Lucy's grasp. "No," she said firmly. "No."

Lucy sighed, nodded, face a mask of reluctant agreement – not because she didn't want to do this, but because she didn't want to have to. "Okay," she whispered, grimacing.


Emily was in labour for seven hour and when the baby finally slipped from her body, there was no little wail that echoed out through the delivery room. And, even though they'd known this was the outcome, it was clear that part of them had hoped the doctors were wrong in the way they held their breath for just the briefest moment.

Then, the doctor set the baby on Emily's chest and the dam broke. She choked on a sob, her hand trembling as she rested it on her son's tiny body, still warm from her own body. She looked up to meet Lucy's gaze, finding tears spilling down her face. They didn't say anything, there were no words that could possibly encompass what they both felt.

Lucy settled next to her on the bed, leaning into her so she could take in the sight of their son.

"He's so beautiful," Emily finally found her voice, struggling to keep it level.

"He looks just like you," Lucy said in agreement. She stroked the soft tufts of dark hair on his head.

Emily almost managed a laugh, but it was a strangled sound that was more sob than anything else.

One of the nurses approached. "Would you like..." she started to offer.

Emily shook her head furiously. She couldn't muster any words, only silent refusal.

The nurse nodded. "If you'd like some help bathing him, just press the call button," she said.

Then, they were alone. With their son. With their grief.

"Do you..." Emily stammered, "Do you think we should talk to him?"

Lucy nodded slowly, glancing from Emily to the baby. "I don't know what to say," she admitted.

With a little sigh, Emily chewed her lip, still tracing her thumb across his cheek. "Hi Baby," she whispered. Then, feeling bolder, she echoed, "Hi, Little Kodiak – our Baby Bear."

"We love you so much," Lucy agreed. "From the moment you existed, we loved you and wanted you." She swallowed thickly. "Why did you have to leave us? Weren't we good enough to be your Moms?"

Emily's eyes fell shit, a tear slipping down her cheek, then another. She leaned her head against Lucy's. "Ella..." she whispered.

She nodded. "I know, it's not...about us. It just feels..."

She didn't have to finish the sentence, Emily understood all to well. "...shitty," she finished anyway.

With a wet little laugh, Lucy agreed. "Can I hold him?" she asked then.

Ever so gently, Emily passed the lifeless body of their son to her, watching emotions cross her face so rapidly they barely had time to register.

"It doesn't feel real," Lucy whispered. "It just feels like he's sleeping, that he'll open his eyes and..." She trailed off, shook her head. "But he won't."

Together, they stared down at the baby in silence, seemingly at once deciding there was no point in the 'why's'...at least not for the short time they had to hold him.

"Should... Should we give him a bath?" Lucy asked. It seemed so strange, the idea of bathing him without him actually being there to experience it, but...what else was there to do but dwell?


Clara sat in the chair, waiting quietly with her arms outstretched as Lucy carried the baby over. Aurora cuddled up to Emily's side, also silent, but with the childhood innocence that came from not truly understanding.

Lucy eased the baby into Clara's arms and tried not to let the tears fall as she watched her daughter hold what should be her baby brother, afraid of scaring her.

"What's his name?" Aurora asked softly, watching her sister with wide owlish eyes.

"Kodiak," Emily murmured, "Kodiak Finn." She kissed the top of Aurora's head, attempting a smile. "But you can call him Kody or Baby Bear, if you like."

She nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "Can he hear me talk to him?"

Emily and Lucy shared a look. "Not with his ears," Lucy said slowly, "But he knows you're talking to him."

"'Cause he's in Heaven, right?" Clara said quietly. "He had to go away?"

Lucy nodded slowly, kneeling down in front of her. "He was stillborn," she explained, "That means he died in Mama's belly. He had to go to Heaven, so he couldn't come to meet us."

"But why?" Clara asked.

"There's no good explanation," Lucy admitted. "Sometimes these things just happen and no one ever really knows why."

Several beats of silence followed.

"Is it 'cause we're bad?" Aurora mumbled.

Emily pulled Aurora into her chest. "No, Sunshine, no no no. This is not your fault at all. You had nothing to do with this. Okay?"

She shrugged.

"Promise me, Sunny," Emily urged, "This wasn't anyone's fault, certainly not yours. Do you believe me?"

This time, she nodded.

Emily kissed her temple again.

"Can I hold him?" Aurora asked. She settled in Emily's lap, holding her arms outstretched, so that Lucy could settle the baby into them. "He's very cute," she said quietly.

Emily smiled softly. "He is, isn't he?" she agreed. "All my children are very lovely."

Aurora was silent then, staring pensively down at her brother. "What's gonna happen to him?" she asked in a whisper.

Once again, Lucy and Emily shared a look. "Well," Lucy said slowly, "They'll take his body to the funeral home and they'll make him ready for the funeral – which is where everyone comes together to celebrate his life."

"That's sad..." Clara said quietly.

"Why is it sad?" Emily asked her.

She shrugged. "'Cause his life was so short," she mumbled.