Disclaimer: Anything relating to the Harry Potter stories belongs to J. K. Rowling. She can have my characters and ideas as well.
CHAPTER 20
"Oh shit!" Nina exclaimed as Sirius and Dana turned to her. Sirius quickly pushed Dana away from him, looking completely stunned and Dana looking thoroughly annoyed.
"I'm sorry…I didn't…" Nina stuttered, looking away from them, "I was just looking for…someone. I didn't know anyone was here…" Her voice trailed off and she quickly turned around. Shit! Crap, crap, crap! Nina thought as she speedily walked away from the hallway and headed towards the common room. Her heart was pounding and her face felt like it was on fire. She was too stunned to feel any emotion except for embarrassment at that moment. She didn't know where she was going. All she knew was that she wanted to get the hell away from Sirius and Dana Abbott. She kept walking until she spotted the girls' washroom up ahead.
She ran inside and stood by the sink, trying to catch her breath. Her chest felt heavy and her throat felt dry. She could feel tears prickling her eyes again but she blinked them back. No, I'm not going to cry over this. Don't be stupid, you've cried enough for one day. Have some dignity!
When her eyes were dry again and she could breathe normally again, Nina thought to herself, now where do I go? She exited the washroom and started to walk aimlessly around the castle. I can't go to the common room—Sirius might be there. I can't face him right now; I'm too embarrassed. I must've looked so stupid! I don't know why it was such a shock to me. I knew deep down inside that eventually he was going to be with somebody. Why wouldn't he? He has every right to be. In fact, I'm surprised this is the first time I caught him. It's all just bad timing and bad luck. I had to catch him the very day that I break up with Sean—so coincidental. Anyways, I don't know what I was thinking when I was looking for him in the first place. Nina shuddered just thinking about what she saw behind the panel. Ugh. I'm so grossed out; I don't even think I like him anymore. Nina looked down at her watch. It was past midnight and almost everyone would be in bed by now. She walked to Gryffindor Tower and went through the portrait hole. Nina let out a sigh of relief when she walked through the empty common room and headed up the stairs to her dorm. When she entered the room, she saw Lily and Sara sitting in their beds reading.
"Hey, where have you been?" Lily said looking up from her book. "We were starting to get worried about you."
"Oh, I was just walking around." Nina said casually.
"Were you with Sirius?" Sara asked.
"No." Nina replied.
"Oh ok." Sara said. "Both of you guys weren't down with us so we all thought maybe you were…hanging out."
"He must've been hanging out with someone else." Nina said curtly.
"Something wrong?" Lily asked her. "You seem a bit put off or something."
"Well…yeah I guess." Nina shrugged. She sat down on the edge of her bed and breathed out slowly."I…broke up with Sean today."
"What?" Sara exclaimed jumping out of her bed. "Oh my goodness! Why? What happened?"
Nina sighed running her hands through her hair. "I dunno. I told him the truth about me. I sent him a letter a telling him everything. And then today he wrote back." She reached for her trunk and pulled out his letter and showed it to her friends.
They read through it and when they were done, Lily exclaimed, "What an asshole! I can't believe he wrote this!"
"So this is what your allergies were about today." Sara said and then added, "But you said he was such a nice guy."
"Yeah I thought he was. But, then again, I didn't really know him that well, did I?" Nina responded.
"Are you going to be okay?" Lily asked her with concern. "You seem to be taking it pretty well."
"Well, I had a good cry about it earlier. I don't feel like crying any more. I'm tired of it. I guess I just feel indifferent now. Plus, it's not like there was anything really special between us." Nina explained to her friends.
"Yeah, that's true, Nina." Sara agreed with her. "You hadn't even kissed him yet."
"Why does everyone insist on reminding me of that?" Nina said dryly.
"Anyways, it's his loss." Lily said and then added, "So what are your parents going to say?"
Nina shrugged again. "I don't care so much at this point. I'll worry about it when the time comes."
The girls sat quietly for a moment before Nina added, "Hey listen, can you guys just keep this between us for now?"
"Okay…" Sara replied.
"Sure, no problem." Lily added.
"Thanks. You know, I was planning on telling Sirius what happened tonight." Nina said getting up from her bed and towards her closet.
"Really?" Sara asked curiously.
"Yeah, because I know if I didn't tell him, he'd get all moody and stuff. You know how he gets like that with me. Constantly arguing. I wanted to avoid him saying some stupid remark in front of everyone so I wanted to tell him alone." Nina said while changing into her pyjamas.
"Yeah, I always found that interesting actually now that you mention it." Lily said.
"What do you mean?" Nina asked her looking confused.
"I think Lily means, that we think Sirius likes you." Sara said with a grin.
"Ha! That's a good one." Nina said sarcastically and then added. "I know for sure he doesn't."
"How do you know? It's pretty obvious to the rest of us, you know." Sara retorted as Nina shook her head.
"Did you guys talk about it or something?" Lily asked her.
"No, but um…well, when I went outside tonight, I caught him with Dana Abbott." Nina said.
"What? That stupid cow?" Sara said angrily.
"Boys." Lily muttered shaking her head.
Sirius was frustrated. Ugh. I hate myself. He buried his face into his hands again for a second and then looked up and said out loud. "I don't even like Dana! What the hell was I doing?" He had met Dana right before dinner. She said she needed some help with her Charms assignment, and Sirius obviously knew that she didn't really need help. He didn't know why exactly he decided to go with her, but he did.
Walking towards the common room, he kept replaying in his mind what had happened that evening. They had found an empty classroom and Dana began to flirt with Sirius, but he just wasn't into her at all. He didn't even really want to be there, so he told her that he was a little hungry and wanted to go to dinner. She said that she would join him, and they proceeded to walk towards the Great Hall when she suddenly remembered she had to get a book from the library. She asked Sirius to come with her and by the time they were done, dinner was over and Sirius was really hungry.
Sirius figured he would go to the kitchens to eat, and she volunteered to come with him again. They were walking down a hall heading to the kitchens when Dana suddenly grabbed Sirius by surprise and thrust him against the panel wall. A part of Sirius wanted to push her off of him, and another part of him was a little exhilarated; it had been a while since he was with a girl like this. When he closed his eyes all he could see was Nina. He started thinking what it would be like if it was Nina with him at that moment, instead of Dana.
He opened his eyes and froze. Standing right in front of him was Nina herself. He tensed up and pushed Dana away from him. Nina looked shocked and embarrassed to be there. She muttered an apology saying she didn't know anyone was there, and left. He couldn't move. He felt guilty for some reason, even though he knew he wasn't really doing anything wrong. After all, it's not like I was cheating on her or anything. So why did I feel so stupid? He remembered making up some excuse to Dana saying that he wasn't feeling so well and leaving her.
He started walking around the castle, unsure of where to go. He was dreading bumping into Nina again; he didn't know what to tell her. But what do I have to tell her? I don't have to justify myself to her! Why am I feeling so guilty? This isn't fair! She's engaged! Why would she care if I were with another girl? Why do I care? A voice inside his head answered his question. You care because you love her. You still hold on to some pathetic hope that one day, she will realize this and tell you that she loves you too. Never mind the fact that she has a bloody fiancé. You're so crazy about her that you still cling on to this hope knowing deep down inside that if she really did have any type of feelings for you; she would have never gotten engaged in the first place. So stop dwelling over her! You'll never get anyone if you keep thinking about her. It's your own fault anyways, you should've told her how you felt when you had the chance. But, Sirius argued with the voice, how could I tell her if I didn't know how she felt about me? If she didn't feel the same way, she would've started to treat me differently, and I didn't want that to happen. It was too risky. I thought I would buy some time and try to find out more about her feelings after the winter break. How the hell was I supposed to know she'd go and get engaged?
"Hey there you are, mate." James said as Sirius found his way into the dorm. "We were wondering where you went off to."
"I was just walking about." Sirius shrugged.
"Were you with Nina?" Remus asked him.
"Nina? No, I wasn't with her. Why?" he asked Remus back.
"Oh, nothing." Remus replied casually. "You two were missing so we thought maybe you'd be together."
"Yeah, right. What would I be doing with her at this time of night? She is engaged, you know." Sirius said a little grumpily.
"Yes, we weren't thinking anything like that, Padfoot." James responded.
"Yeah, get your mind out of the gutter." Remus added. Sirius ignored them and went into the washroom and slammed the door behind him.
Nina was ready to head down to breakfast when Sara and Lily woke up the next morning.
"You're up early." Lily said groggily.
"Yeah, I couldn't sleep much." Nina said.
"You okay?" she asked her.
"Actually," Nina began, "I feel good. Like a load taken off my back."
"That's good." Lily said.
"Yeah." Nina smiled. "I'm gonna head down. I'll see you guys soon."
Sirius was sitting alone at a table, looking extremely tired and put out. Nina walked through the Great Hall and saw him. She hesitated for a moment, but then decided to go and sit with him. She wanted to make sure he thought that she didn't feel any embarrassment or resentment about what happened the night before. After all, they were supposed to be friends. If he really wanted to be with Dana, she would have to support him--or at least let him think that she did. At this point, his friendship meant more to her than anything else, and she didn't want anything to come between them again. She plopped herself next to him, dropping her books loudly onto the table. Sirius turned his head towards her and frowned.
"'Morning." Nina said to him cheerfully. His frown deepened. Why are you so happy? I wish I could be happy too.
"Whoa." she said. "You look tired today."
"Do I." he said scratching his head.
"Yeah. Didn't get much sleep last night, eh?" she asked him.
"Not really." He rested his head on his arm on the table and looked at her. Look at her. She doesn't even care about what happened last night. It's all just jokes for her. Why was I feeling so damn guilty last night? I'm a fool.
"Interesting." she said taking some juice.
"Is it." se said and frowned at her again. "Why are you in such a chipper mood?"
Nina shrugged and then looked up and said with a sly smile, "Oh look. It's your little friend."
"Who? Oh shit!" Sirius said looking up and spotting Dana sauntering down the hall.
"Sirius!" Dana waved at him.
"Oh, hi." Sirius said forcing a smile.
"Hey!" she said breathily as she ran her fingers through his hair. "How are you feeling today?"
"Um…a little better." Sirius felt very uncomfortable. He looked at Nina but she was buried in a book.
"Are you sure? You really worried me last night." Dana looked at Nina sitting next to Sirius and she made a suspicious face at her.
"Can I sit with you?" she asked him.
"Sure, I guess." Sirius replied. Dana didn't move. She just cleared her throat and waited expectantly.
Sirius looked up at her and she was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He looked confused and she turned her eyes towards Nina. Sirius looked at Nina; she was flipping through her potions book making some notes. He looked back at Dana who was still glaring at Nina. Does she want me to ask Nina to move for her? He thought to himself just as Remus and James came through and sat across from Nina and Sirius, leaving no space for Dana to sit near him now.
Dana looked annoyed but said, "It's okay I have to go now anyways, so maybe we can hang out again tonight."
"Oh…uh…actually we've got…Quidditch practice tonight." Sirius told her. "So I'm going to be busy."
"Well your practice isn't going to last all night, is it?" she asked him exasperatedly.
"Of course not! It's only for a couple of hours." James chipped in, much to Sirius's annoyance.
"Are you sure, James? I'm pretty sure we were supposed to schedule an all-nighter?" Sirius said to him sternly.
"Don't be ridiculous. There's no such thing as all-night Quidditch practices!" James laughed.
"That's strange." Sirius said through gritted teeth. "I could've sworn you said that last night while you were reading those girly magazines and complaining about how fat your ass is."
"No, you were the one complaining about your ass while you were trying on women's underwear." James said back Remus started coughing up his pumpkin juice.
Dana looked a little confused and said, "Okay, I'll just come and look for you later. Bye." When she walked away, Nina, Remus and James burst out laughing.
"What are you laughing at?" Sirius turned to Nina.
"Nothing." Nina said after clearing her throat and then muttered, "Crabby ass."
"I heard that." he snapped.
"You were supposed to." Nina said closing her books. "So what happened to you last night?"
"What do you mean?" Sirius asked her.
"Why'd Dana ask you how you were feeling?"
"Oh. Well, I was just trying to get rid of her, so I just made something up. Said I wasn't feeling good." Sirius said quickly.
"That's really rude. If you didn't like her in the first place why'd you lead her on?" Nina asked him.
"That's none of your business." he retorted.
Nina looked at him, offended.
"Well it's not…" he began to say in an agitated but defensive tone.
"Okay I get the point." she interrupted him. "Don't get all cranky."
"I am not being cranky!" he said crankily.
"Shh!" Nina said punching his arm. "I was in a good mood. Don't ruin it." By then Sara and Lily had joined their table. Nina was talking to Sara next to her when a sixth year girl came up to Sirius and started chatting him up. Nina heard Sirius tell her that he'd meet up with her later that night. How does this guy go from being so cranky to a big stupid flirt so quickly?
Nina turned to Sirius shook her head and said, "Man, you are such a ho."
"Aah, whatever." he said waving her off. "You're just jealous."
"That you're a ho and I'm not?" she asked him.
"No." he answered. "That I'm single and free and can do whatever I want."
Sara and Lily shot a look at Nina and she rolled her eyes, "Yeah that must be it."
"Hey, Sara!" Came a squeaky voice from behind that Nina hadn't heard in a long time.
"Hey." Sara said to her little sister and she came bouncing towards their table.
"Hey, Nina!" Leena beamed at her. "Can I see your ring?"
"Oh," Nina said taking out her hand hesitantly. "I don't have it."
"Oh." She seemed disappointed. "Do you have a picture of Sean? I wanna see what he looks like."
"Leena, stop being so nosey." Sara scolded her. "She doesn't have any pictures, okay?"
"I was just wondering, gosh." Leena said offended.
"Well don't wonder so much." Sara told her. Leena frowned at her sister and stormed away sullenly.
"Why were you so mean to her?" Remus asked Sara.
"You stop being nosey, too." she scolded him. Remus raised his eyebrows at her. He looked at everyone else at the table and saw that they all looked a little confused as well. He shrugged his shoulders and went back to his breakfast.
"Thanks for being so inconspicuous." Nina whispered sarcastically to Sara. The morning owls came swooping through the Hall just then and Nina saw hers coming towards her and dropping something onto her lap.
"Oh great. A letter from my mother; there goes my good mood." Did that asshole already tell my mother that we broke up? She opened the letter and perused it briefly and then folded it back up. "I don't feel like reading this right now. I'm going to class. You all coming?" Sara and Lily got up and left with Nina.
As soon as they were gone, Sirius looked down and noticed a folded piece of parchment on the ground. It was Nina's letter from her mother. He bent down and picked it up.
"What's that?" Remus asked him.
"A letter." Sirius replied. "I think Nina dropped it on her way out. I'll give it to her in class." He slipped it in one of his books and forgot about it. Throughout the day Sirius kept noticing that Nina looked very distant. When no one was talking to her she looked thoughtful and a little stressed out. Sirius caught her rubbing her forehead every five minutes, but as soon as someone talked to her, she'd look cheerful and happy. It seems like she's trying too hard to act cheerful. She's hiding something—I know it. Wait a minute…is it because of last night? Maybe she's upset about Dana and me and she's trying to hide it, Sirius thought happily.
Sirius and James went up to their dorm to shower after their Quidditch practice. James was in the shower and Sirius had just finished changing his clothes and was about to head downstairs when he saw the letter sticking out from one of his books. He pulled it out, thinking that he would give it to Nina when he went downstairs. One of the flaps bent up and he was folding it down when a couple of words caught his eye.
He looked around the room and listened to see if James was still in the shower. What are you doing? You can't read her letter. That is just wrong. Sirius held the letter in his hand for a moment. I'm not going to read it…I'll just skim through it…He was a fast reader anyways, so his skimming really was reading. He read through the whole letter, his heart beating fast.
He sat down and folded up the letter quickly. A million thoughts were buzzing through his head. She broke up with Sean. That's why she's acting strange. Whoa, her parents are pissed off. But, she's not engaged anymore! Wait a minute…why didn't she tell me? Sirius felt happy, scared, and a little angry all at the same time. He took the letter and headed downstairs. He found Nina sitting alone on a couch next to the fireplace. He came and he sat down next to her.
"Hey." she smiled at him. "How was practice?"
"It was good." he said quietly. He felt nervous as he took out the letter from his pocket, "Listen, um…you dropped this in the morning. I forgot to give it to you in class."
"Oh, thanks." she took the letter from him. Sirius was avoiding her eye and he looked a little anxious about something. "Something wrong?" Nina asked him.
"What? Oh…no." he said, glancing at her twitchily and then he asked her, "So…what's up?"
"Nothing much.' Nina said with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh okay." he said. "So nothing new or interesting happening in your life these days, eh?"
Nina turned to him and said piercingly, "Did you read my letter, Sirius?"
"No, of course not." he said avoiding her eye.
"You did, didn't you?" Nina asked him.
"No." he said nervously, still not meeting her eye.
"You're a terrible liar." Nina said flatly.
"Well I'd rather be a terrible one than a big fat one!" Sirius exclaimed defensively.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don't lie!" Nina said indignantly while getting up from the couch.
"Oh please! Give me a break! You never tell me anything!" Sirius exclaimed loudly getting up as well. "I'm always the last person to find out anything." James, Remus, Sara and Lily entered the common room just then to find Nina and Sirius yelling at each other.
"So how is that lying?" Nina asked him.
"So you admit it then. You do hide stuff from me!" he yelled.
"Holy crap! What is wrong with you? This is why I don't tell you anything! Because you get all crazy and fight with me! I can't tell you anything without worrying about how you're going to freak out!" Nina yelled back.
"I don't freak out at you!" Sirius said, freaking out.
"Okay, don't even start. I have all these guys as my witnesses." Nina pointed to her other friends and said to them, "I told you guys, last night, remember? I told you he'd find some excuse to get pissed off again."
"See! You always tell everyone everything before you tell me!"
"Oh, and I'm so sure you tell me everything! This is just stupid. Listen, if you must know, I was going to tell you first last night, but you were too busy snogging Dana Abbott."
"Okay wait," Sirius said calming down a little, "I wasn't snogging her, she was the one who--"
"I don't wanna hear about whatever happened." she interrupted. "You can go snog whoever the hell you want to. It doesn't make a difference to me. I don't care!"
"That's my whole bloody point! Why the hell don't you?" Sirius questioned her.
"What do you mean? Why would I?" Nina asked him back, confused.
"Because if you did I'd at least know if…" His voice trailed off a little.
"Know what? You're not making any sense!"said Nina in frustration.
Sirius looked around the room, realizing that everyone in the common room had stopped whatever they were doing and was listening to their argument.
"Never mind. You're too stupid. I gotta go out." Sirius said in a low voice. He turned around and started walking towards the portrait hole.
"Yeah, you better go!" Nina yelled after him. "I'm sure Dana is waiting for you somewhere!" She turned to the rest of her friends. "What are you all gaping about?"
She spotted the letter from her mother on the floor, she bent down and crumpled it up and threw it angrily into the fireplace.
A/N: Well, this is it. One more chapter to go! I hope you guys liked this one! Last chapter should be up on Monday. I want to add a bit more to it before I post it up. Thanks for all the reviews! Sorry I couldn't reply to them all this time. Please let me know how this chapter turned out!
