A/N: Hello, my beloved reviewers! Kel, what would I do without you? You really make me feel good, especially since I'm such a fan of your stories and I know I can't hold a candle to your depiction of Pacey and Joey. You're the master when it comes to those two, so your compliments really mean a lot! And thanks for putting so much thought into your reviews; I truly appreciate that. You are RIGHT ON TARGET with them, too; everything you said was everything I intended for you to get out of that last chapter. Notlikeyou, Britgirl, PhoenixFirefly, Katieshaz, Erin, and Liz, thank you for reviewing again! Phoenix, I put a teensy bit of Dougie in here just for you. :) Sam, my brain twin, are we still safe from coincidences? Okay, read on and let me know what you think!
----------------------------------------
The nausea came back with a vengeance around 4:30 in the morning. Jen sat miserably on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, her back propped against the tub and her eyes squeezed tightly shut, trying to regain control of her stomach. How long did the morning sickness phase of pregnancy last, anyway? She could be in for a really long seven months if it kept going this way.
She had been dreaming about David just before the baby had rather unpleasantly intervened. It had not been a comforting, serene dream like the one she'd had in Jack's car on the way home from the Icehouse earlier. This one had left her feeling cold, as she had the night she'd last seen him, when he had shattered her heart with just a few badly chosen words. But that wasn't all, was it? No. What had hurt the most, then and now, was what he had failed to do, to say. What hurt the most was watching him topple from the pedestal she had so carefully constructed for him during the course of their relationship, and the fact that he didn't even seem to notice when he hit the ground.
His phone call on the way home from Dawson's had finalized everything. He wanted to know where she was, he was concerned, and Jen was disgusted by the realization that his concern touched her. She was ashamed that she had left herself so open, her heart so vulnerable, when she had every right in the world to hate him now. He wanted to know if she had changed her mind, "come to her senses." And the really horrible part was that she had been tempted, just for a brief moment but one that made her hate herself, to tell him "yes."
She hadn't, thank God. What she had told him was that he could use his key to her apartment, gather the things he had left there, and go. That she would come back when she felt like coming back, and that she would appreciate it if he wouldn't try to contact her again. That she and the baby would be fine.
"Jenny, this isn't what I wanted," he'd said, a slight pleading note creeping into his faraway voice. And she knew he meant it.
"Me neither," she'd said, willing herself to hang on to her bravado for just a little longer. "But it's what we've got."
"I still love you."
"I know." It took all of her willpower not to say it back. Her next words surprised her, but they came on their own, just as a single tear slipped silently down her cheek and soaked into her lap. "I've always loved your eyes," she said. "I hope the baby has your eyes. Goodbye, David."
And so ended the relationship she had been certain would be The One. Now, on the floor of Jack and Doug's guest bathroom, she refused to let herself cry again. That part should be done. Now she had to move on, for herself, for the little one growing inside her. And if she could play some small role in bringing happiness to her friends, then that was all the better.
Strangely enough, suddenly Jack was there, silhouetted in the bathroom doorway in boxers and an undershirt, his hair rumpled and his eyes concerned.
"Hey, are you all right?" he asked.
To her own surprise, she laughed. "No," she said. "Not really."
"Can I get you something?"
"You can sit with me," she said.
He didn't need her to explain. They knew each other, in some ways better than they knew themselves. All he needed to know was that she was hurting, physically and deeper than that, and she needed him. He lowered himself to the floor beside her and put his strong arms around her, drawing her face into his chest. She let the tears come then, no longer afraid to let Jack see her cry, no longer able to prevent it.
"It's going to be okay," he muttered softly into her hair, and she was silently grateful to him for not trying to tell her it already was. "We're going to make it through this."
----------------------------------------
She slept late, once she finally got back to bed. When she woke up for real, it was almost noon and the sun was shining brightly through the window. She rolled over and sat up cautiously, waiting to see if her stomach was going to give her any more trouble. It didn't. It seemed that she had gotten the sickness out of her system (literally and figuratively) in the wee hours of the morning. Thank God for small favors.
"Morning, sunshine," Jack said when she went downstairs and found him in the kitchen. "There's still coffee, if you want some."
"Ah, don't do that to me, Jack!" she said. "You know I'm trying not to."
"Sorry, I forgot. How are you feeling?"
"Better," she said. "Much better. Thanks for..."
He waved her words away with his hand. "Don't," he said. "You know that's what I'm here for."
"I heard a rumor that we had company," Doug said cheerfully, coming in dressed in his sheriff's uniform. "And damned if it isn't my competition for Jack's affection."
Jen smiled and turned to hug him. "That's right, and don't you forget it," she said. "How's my second favorite Witter?"
"Not bad, not bad," he said. "And how's my Jack's soul mate?"
"Well, now that I've gotten the day's vomiting out of the way, I'm fine."
"Glad to hear it. And congratulations on the little one. Now I've got to get out of here and go make the streets of Capeside safe for everyone." He moved over to kiss Jack.
"Yeah, because Capeside is a hotbed of crime and corruption," Jen teased.
"Just because you're used to the drama of New York City doesn't mean we don't have our own brand. I mean, just the other day I caught two teenagers in the act of vandalizing the high school with a jumbo pack of toilet paper."
"Wow, that's impressive. Are they going straight to the chair, or just a life sentence?"
"Watch it," Doug said warningly. "Today's juvenile delinquent is tomorrow's serial killer."
"Will you be home for dinner?" Jack asked. "I think we're going to meet up with Dawson and Joey and Pacey later."
"I don't know, we'll see. Big day today, my deputy's on vacation..."
Jack nodded. "Well, call me later."
When he had gone, Jack sighed deeply and drained the last of his coffee. Jen raised an eyebrow at him. "What's that for?" she asked.
"It's like pulling teeth to get him to go out in public with me."
"You remember how hard it was, though, right?"
"Yes, but I got over it. He should, too."
"If only all men were as enlightened as we are," she said. "We'd both be golden."
Jack nodded and put his coffee mug in the sink. "I've got a teacher's meeting this afternoon at the school. What are your plans today?"
Jen thought. "I think I'll go and visit Joey."
"You're not trying to play matchmaker, are you?"
"Who, me?" she asked innocently. "Whatever would make you think that?"
"Be careful," he warned. "That's a dangerous game."
"Come on, Jack, did you see the way they were looking at each other last night? I'm just going to do my part to make them admit that they still have unresolved feelings. And then I'll step back and let nature take its course."
He rolled his eyes. "Okay, but if it blows up in your face, don't say I didn't warn you." He kissed her on the cheek. "Take it easy today, okay?"
"Yes, Dad."
"I mean it. You've had a rough time lately, and it can't be good for the baby."
"I know," she said. "And the best medicine for sadness is to make someone else happy. So that's what I'm going to do for our friends."
---------------------------------------
Joey and Jen sat on chairs near the water in the backyard of the B&B. Their companionable silence was nice, refreshing, but there was something behind it. Jen was waiting for a good moment to bring up Pacey's name and gauge the reaction. It turned out she didn't have to. Joey did it first.
"It's so weird, being back here," she began, staring out at the softly rippling water of the creek. "I mean, it's all so familiar, so constant, and I know every part of it like the back of my hand, but I don't feel like I'm a part of it anymore. I don't feel like it's mine anymore. But seeing them again ... Dawson and Jack and Andie—and Pacey—that's different. I still feel like we all belong. We all fit together in a way that I never have with anyone else."
Jen waited for her to go on, almost holding her breath.
Joey laughed. "I'm not making any sense, am I?"
"Yes, you are. Absolutely."
"I've missed everything about my old life. That's something I didn't know until I saw their faces again. I've missed Bessie and Alexander and this house and this creek. I've missed Dawson and the connection that we still seem to have, somehow, even after all this time." She gave Jen a sideways glance. "And I've missed Pacey. He hasn't changed."
"We've all changed, Jo. Pacey has grown up, just like all of us have."
"But underneath that, he's still the same sweet, good-intentioned kid that I grew up with. He's still the exciting, adventurous, romantic guy that swept me away for the best summer of my life. And the one who broke my heart."
"Yeah, he is." Jen looked at Joey, squinting in the bright sunlight. "How do you feel about that?"
Joey hesitated. "You sound like a therapist."
"I've certainly been to enough of them to have picked up the lingo. Answer the question."
"I guess I ... I'm not supposed to feel this way, Jen, but I can't help it. When I'm with him, I feel whole. Like I've been missing the Pacey part of myself, and now I've found it again. That's crazy, though, isn't it?"
"Who says you're not supposed to?"
"I'm in a relationship. Chris and I are planning our future together."
"Hmm, it sounded to me like you were running away from those plans."
"Jen, stop it."
"What? Isn't that what you told me?"
"Yes, but ... I mean, that's not exactly ... I do that, I run away when things get serious. But it doesn't mean I don't want to be with him. I came back here because I was trying to clear my head, that's all. Seeing Pacey has just sort of shaken me up. Seeing him and Dawson together, back in this town, is just a little too Twilight Zone for me. I feel like we've stepped back in time."
"Back to when you were in love with Pacey."
"Jen."
"I'll stop." She looked away and cleared her throat. "But I'm a firm believer in instincts, Jo. Your first reaction when you found out Chris was thinking marriage was to run. And not just anywhere, you ran back here. Back to where Pacey is and your history will always be. I don't think that's a coincidence. I don't think that's just because you had nowhere else to go ... do you?"
The two stared at each other, Joey at a loss for words, Jen hoping she had made a dent in Joey's armor. And when Dawson showed up several minutes later, the relief Joey felt at having an excuse to change the subject was written all over her face.
----------------------------------------
The nausea came back with a vengeance around 4:30 in the morning. Jen sat miserably on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, her back propped against the tub and her eyes squeezed tightly shut, trying to regain control of her stomach. How long did the morning sickness phase of pregnancy last, anyway? She could be in for a really long seven months if it kept going this way.
She had been dreaming about David just before the baby had rather unpleasantly intervened. It had not been a comforting, serene dream like the one she'd had in Jack's car on the way home from the Icehouse earlier. This one had left her feeling cold, as she had the night she'd last seen him, when he had shattered her heart with just a few badly chosen words. But that wasn't all, was it? No. What had hurt the most, then and now, was what he had failed to do, to say. What hurt the most was watching him topple from the pedestal she had so carefully constructed for him during the course of their relationship, and the fact that he didn't even seem to notice when he hit the ground.
His phone call on the way home from Dawson's had finalized everything. He wanted to know where she was, he was concerned, and Jen was disgusted by the realization that his concern touched her. She was ashamed that she had left herself so open, her heart so vulnerable, when she had every right in the world to hate him now. He wanted to know if she had changed her mind, "come to her senses." And the really horrible part was that she had been tempted, just for a brief moment but one that made her hate herself, to tell him "yes."
She hadn't, thank God. What she had told him was that he could use his key to her apartment, gather the things he had left there, and go. That she would come back when she felt like coming back, and that she would appreciate it if he wouldn't try to contact her again. That she and the baby would be fine.
"Jenny, this isn't what I wanted," he'd said, a slight pleading note creeping into his faraway voice. And she knew he meant it.
"Me neither," she'd said, willing herself to hang on to her bravado for just a little longer. "But it's what we've got."
"I still love you."
"I know." It took all of her willpower not to say it back. Her next words surprised her, but they came on their own, just as a single tear slipped silently down her cheek and soaked into her lap. "I've always loved your eyes," she said. "I hope the baby has your eyes. Goodbye, David."
And so ended the relationship she had been certain would be The One. Now, on the floor of Jack and Doug's guest bathroom, she refused to let herself cry again. That part should be done. Now she had to move on, for herself, for the little one growing inside her. And if she could play some small role in bringing happiness to her friends, then that was all the better.
Strangely enough, suddenly Jack was there, silhouetted in the bathroom doorway in boxers and an undershirt, his hair rumpled and his eyes concerned.
"Hey, are you all right?" he asked.
To her own surprise, she laughed. "No," she said. "Not really."
"Can I get you something?"
"You can sit with me," she said.
He didn't need her to explain. They knew each other, in some ways better than they knew themselves. All he needed to know was that she was hurting, physically and deeper than that, and she needed him. He lowered himself to the floor beside her and put his strong arms around her, drawing her face into his chest. She let the tears come then, no longer afraid to let Jack see her cry, no longer able to prevent it.
"It's going to be okay," he muttered softly into her hair, and she was silently grateful to him for not trying to tell her it already was. "We're going to make it through this."
----------------------------------------
She slept late, once she finally got back to bed. When she woke up for real, it was almost noon and the sun was shining brightly through the window. She rolled over and sat up cautiously, waiting to see if her stomach was going to give her any more trouble. It didn't. It seemed that she had gotten the sickness out of her system (literally and figuratively) in the wee hours of the morning. Thank God for small favors.
"Morning, sunshine," Jack said when she went downstairs and found him in the kitchen. "There's still coffee, if you want some."
"Ah, don't do that to me, Jack!" she said. "You know I'm trying not to."
"Sorry, I forgot. How are you feeling?"
"Better," she said. "Much better. Thanks for..."
He waved her words away with his hand. "Don't," he said. "You know that's what I'm here for."
"I heard a rumor that we had company," Doug said cheerfully, coming in dressed in his sheriff's uniform. "And damned if it isn't my competition for Jack's affection."
Jen smiled and turned to hug him. "That's right, and don't you forget it," she said. "How's my second favorite Witter?"
"Not bad, not bad," he said. "And how's my Jack's soul mate?"
"Well, now that I've gotten the day's vomiting out of the way, I'm fine."
"Glad to hear it. And congratulations on the little one. Now I've got to get out of here and go make the streets of Capeside safe for everyone." He moved over to kiss Jack.
"Yeah, because Capeside is a hotbed of crime and corruption," Jen teased.
"Just because you're used to the drama of New York City doesn't mean we don't have our own brand. I mean, just the other day I caught two teenagers in the act of vandalizing the high school with a jumbo pack of toilet paper."
"Wow, that's impressive. Are they going straight to the chair, or just a life sentence?"
"Watch it," Doug said warningly. "Today's juvenile delinquent is tomorrow's serial killer."
"Will you be home for dinner?" Jack asked. "I think we're going to meet up with Dawson and Joey and Pacey later."
"I don't know, we'll see. Big day today, my deputy's on vacation..."
Jack nodded. "Well, call me later."
When he had gone, Jack sighed deeply and drained the last of his coffee. Jen raised an eyebrow at him. "What's that for?" she asked.
"It's like pulling teeth to get him to go out in public with me."
"You remember how hard it was, though, right?"
"Yes, but I got over it. He should, too."
"If only all men were as enlightened as we are," she said. "We'd both be golden."
Jack nodded and put his coffee mug in the sink. "I've got a teacher's meeting this afternoon at the school. What are your plans today?"
Jen thought. "I think I'll go and visit Joey."
"You're not trying to play matchmaker, are you?"
"Who, me?" she asked innocently. "Whatever would make you think that?"
"Be careful," he warned. "That's a dangerous game."
"Come on, Jack, did you see the way they were looking at each other last night? I'm just going to do my part to make them admit that they still have unresolved feelings. And then I'll step back and let nature take its course."
He rolled his eyes. "Okay, but if it blows up in your face, don't say I didn't warn you." He kissed her on the cheek. "Take it easy today, okay?"
"Yes, Dad."
"I mean it. You've had a rough time lately, and it can't be good for the baby."
"I know," she said. "And the best medicine for sadness is to make someone else happy. So that's what I'm going to do for our friends."
---------------------------------------
Joey and Jen sat on chairs near the water in the backyard of the B&B. Their companionable silence was nice, refreshing, but there was something behind it. Jen was waiting for a good moment to bring up Pacey's name and gauge the reaction. It turned out she didn't have to. Joey did it first.
"It's so weird, being back here," she began, staring out at the softly rippling water of the creek. "I mean, it's all so familiar, so constant, and I know every part of it like the back of my hand, but I don't feel like I'm a part of it anymore. I don't feel like it's mine anymore. But seeing them again ... Dawson and Jack and Andie—and Pacey—that's different. I still feel like we all belong. We all fit together in a way that I never have with anyone else."
Jen waited for her to go on, almost holding her breath.
Joey laughed. "I'm not making any sense, am I?"
"Yes, you are. Absolutely."
"I've missed everything about my old life. That's something I didn't know until I saw their faces again. I've missed Bessie and Alexander and this house and this creek. I've missed Dawson and the connection that we still seem to have, somehow, even after all this time." She gave Jen a sideways glance. "And I've missed Pacey. He hasn't changed."
"We've all changed, Jo. Pacey has grown up, just like all of us have."
"But underneath that, he's still the same sweet, good-intentioned kid that I grew up with. He's still the exciting, adventurous, romantic guy that swept me away for the best summer of my life. And the one who broke my heart."
"Yeah, he is." Jen looked at Joey, squinting in the bright sunlight. "How do you feel about that?"
Joey hesitated. "You sound like a therapist."
"I've certainly been to enough of them to have picked up the lingo. Answer the question."
"I guess I ... I'm not supposed to feel this way, Jen, but I can't help it. When I'm with him, I feel whole. Like I've been missing the Pacey part of myself, and now I've found it again. That's crazy, though, isn't it?"
"Who says you're not supposed to?"
"I'm in a relationship. Chris and I are planning our future together."
"Hmm, it sounded to me like you were running away from those plans."
"Jen, stop it."
"What? Isn't that what you told me?"
"Yes, but ... I mean, that's not exactly ... I do that, I run away when things get serious. But it doesn't mean I don't want to be with him. I came back here because I was trying to clear my head, that's all. Seeing Pacey has just sort of shaken me up. Seeing him and Dawson together, back in this town, is just a little too Twilight Zone for me. I feel like we've stepped back in time."
"Back to when you were in love with Pacey."
"Jen."
"I'll stop." She looked away and cleared her throat. "But I'm a firm believer in instincts, Jo. Your first reaction when you found out Chris was thinking marriage was to run. And not just anywhere, you ran back here. Back to where Pacey is and your history will always be. I don't think that's a coincidence. I don't think that's just because you had nowhere else to go ... do you?"
The two stared at each other, Joey at a loss for words, Jen hoping she had made a dent in Joey's armor. And when Dawson showed up several minutes later, the relief Joey felt at having an excuse to change the subject was written all over her face.
