A/N: Okay, Sam, you caught me in one of my inconsistencies, darn it. Doug technically wouldnt be living with Jack at this point in time, if Im going to be true to the finale (and I really am trying). So, I must ask you all to ignore references to Jack and Dougs house, guest bathroom, etc., for the sake of accuracy and clarity. They are not living together, but Doug stays over sometimes. Does that work? :) Thanks for the kind words, and Im so glad you think Im getting Jens perspective right. I really wanted to do her justice because she is such a wonderful character to explore. Phoenix Firefly, thanks for the review, and I hope you stick to your guns and avoid The OC like the plague! (Just kidding; Ive never seen the show myself, but I cant imagine it living up to the untouchable legacy of D.C.) Please keep reviewing, and let me know if you like this next chapter.
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Leaving Joey and Dawson alone together at the B&B didn't seem like the greatest idea in the world, not with Joey silently begging her to stay and fend off the awkwardness, but Jen felt it was a necessary one. Joey had several things to come to terms with while she was in town, and one of them, perhaps the biggest one aside from her feelings for Pacey, was her relationship with Dawson. It had changed, it had damn near dissolved, and it was high time they got back to a point where they could put the slights and heartaches of the past behind them and find their common ground of friendship, shared childhood, and memories of the innocence of first love. Jen wouldn't stand in the way of that.
So she had made her excuses and left them there, and when Joey followed her out to her car and asked if she really had to go, Jen had turned and fixed her with a steady stare that left no room for argument.
"Get back in there and talk to him," she'd said firmly. "Jo, I know this is hard for you, but you've got to do it. You and Dawson share too much to let it just fall through the cracks at this point in life. We're still young; there's still time to make things right, but that won't always be the case. Do you want to suddenly realize when you're ninety-nine and lying in your deathbed that the biggest mistake you ever made in your life was letting the best friend you ever had slip out of it? And for what? Because you're both too stubborn to try to patch things up?" Jen smiled. "Not on my watch, sister."
Joey chewed her lower lip thoughtfully for a moment. "I'm just ... I guess I'm not ready to know just how far apart we've drifted. I'm still reeling from our last phone conversation."
"That's why you've got to do this."
With that, Jen had left her friends to sort things out on their own. With no plan in mind, she'd ended up on the beach, a quiet stretch not far from the Icehouse that appealed to her for its solitude more than anything. She took off her sandals and walked toward the softly lapping waves of the shore, relishing the warm sand beneath her feet and the breeze in her hair. This was something you almost forgot about when you lived in the city, she thought. This was cleansing, replenishing. It could almost mend the broken pieces.
Placing a hand on her stomach, she gazed out at the endless stretch of bluish-green in front of her and inhaled deeply. "Baby, you're going to love this place as much as I do," she said softly. "But don't let it get away from you like I have, okay? I want you to always feel connected to it, even if life pulls you in another direction. You don't have to erase your past to have a future."
A lesson it had taken years to learn the hard way. She now knew that was exactly what she had done wrong in the beginning.
When she'd first come to Capeside, dragging years of emotional baggage and still reeling from the changes that had swept across her life without warning, she was determined to bury the person she'd been up to that point. She'd been moderately successful at that, too—for a while, anyway. And then remnants of her past had caught up with her—Abby Morgan had drowned, Drue Valentine had come to town and reminded her of who she had been before, Andie had almost died and she had almost lost Jack because of it... Hiding from yourself was harder than it might seem.
Fast-forward a few years: She was back in New York, Jack had left and returned to Capeside to start his own life, and Jen was faced with the task of building a new version of hers.
And the first thing she had done was fall in lust with David Marshall. Later it was love, but at first it was lust. She wasn't naïve enough to even bother telling herself it had been more. And what had she done? She had systematically severed ties with her Capeside self and the people who had become a part of her there. She held on to Jack, who wouldn't let her go no matter how hard she pushed him, but the others she began to erase from her mind. (Only her mind, never her heart. Late at night when she was lying next to David and half asleep, they always came back to her.)
That's why her monthly outings with Joey were so guarded, so careful. They had both been lying to themselves, to each other. They had both wandered too far from home and were scared to look back and see what they'd lost in the tedious process of growing up.
Jen smiled to herself now, still looking out over the water. "Okay, so pregnancy makes you overly introspective," she muttered.
"What, are you kidding? You've always been that way."
Jen gasped and spun around to see Pacey walking toward her from the direction of the restaurant, grinning mischievously. "Damn it! People have got to stop doing that to me," she said, laughing in spite of her rapidly beating heart.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I was working in my office, and I looked out the window and could have sworn that I saw a beautiful, unescorted blonde standing out here by the water. I had to come down for a closer look. So ... have you seen her?" He pretended to scan the deserted strip of beach expectantly.
Jen rolled her eyes, laughing again. "Joey's right. You are a jerk, Pace."
"A lovable one though, right?"
"Marginally," Jen said.
"That's better than nothing. So, are you okay?"
Jen paused, considering the question carefully. "Actually, yeah. I am."
"You sound surprised."
"I am that, too." She narrowed her eyes and gave him a searching look, characteristically deflecting the attention away from herself. "Have you thought about what we discussed last night?"
"Discussed, huh? I don't quite remember a discussion, per se. I remember you giving orders and me shrugging them off the way I always do with questionable advice, and..."
"Shall I take your sarcasm as a no, then?"
"Not so fast," he said, holding a hand up. "I have thought about it, believe it or not. In fact, I spent most of last night pondering your words of wisdom, Jen, and I decided that you're right. You're absolutely right. I can't let her go back to New York without knowing how I feel. I mean ... I know it probably won't make a difference, but I just want it out on the table, you know?" He chuckled nervously. "So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to finish up my inventory at the restaurant and I'm going to head over to the B&B and I'm going to spill my heart into Joey Potter's hands for what I'm figuring is at least the third time, and that's a conservative estimate. And when you get right down to it, that's where my heart's always been, so I've got nothing to lose, right? So, does that sound like a plan?"
Jen was touched by his nervous rambling, by the hopeful light that was dancing in his eyes, and she braced herself for the next thing she had to tell him. "That's a great plan, Pace, but you might want to hold off just a little longer."
He looked at her with blatant surprise. "Excuse me? Is this Jennifer 'Follow Your Heart' Lindley speaking? Did you just tell me to hold off?"
Jen closed her eyes briefly and went on in a gentle tone. "She's with Dawson right now, Pace. They're ... talking."
Pacey couldn't quite hide his kicked-in-the-stomach expression. "Oh."
"No, stop that. It's not what you're thinking. We're so far past that, Pacey!"
"Yeah, I'm sure the soul mate thing has probably expired by now, right?" he said sarcastically.
"I am only telling you this so that you don't go running over there and land smack in the middle of the incredible tension that always seems to spring up whenever the three of you are in the same place at the same time." Jen reached for his hand and squeezed it firmly. "I am NOT telling you this so you'll have an excuse to chicken out. Because that's not an option."
He nodded, but the light in his eyes was fading already. "I guess I'll get back to work. You want to come up with me? Have a drink on the house?"
Patting her belly, she nodded. "Nonalcoholic, of course," she said.
"Of course." He put his arm around her shoulders as they made their way back up the beach toward the Icehouse.
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Leaving Joey and Dawson alone together at the B&B didn't seem like the greatest idea in the world, not with Joey silently begging her to stay and fend off the awkwardness, but Jen felt it was a necessary one. Joey had several things to come to terms with while she was in town, and one of them, perhaps the biggest one aside from her feelings for Pacey, was her relationship with Dawson. It had changed, it had damn near dissolved, and it was high time they got back to a point where they could put the slights and heartaches of the past behind them and find their common ground of friendship, shared childhood, and memories of the innocence of first love. Jen wouldn't stand in the way of that.
So she had made her excuses and left them there, and when Joey followed her out to her car and asked if she really had to go, Jen had turned and fixed her with a steady stare that left no room for argument.
"Get back in there and talk to him," she'd said firmly. "Jo, I know this is hard for you, but you've got to do it. You and Dawson share too much to let it just fall through the cracks at this point in life. We're still young; there's still time to make things right, but that won't always be the case. Do you want to suddenly realize when you're ninety-nine and lying in your deathbed that the biggest mistake you ever made in your life was letting the best friend you ever had slip out of it? And for what? Because you're both too stubborn to try to patch things up?" Jen smiled. "Not on my watch, sister."
Joey chewed her lower lip thoughtfully for a moment. "I'm just ... I guess I'm not ready to know just how far apart we've drifted. I'm still reeling from our last phone conversation."
"That's why you've got to do this."
With that, Jen had left her friends to sort things out on their own. With no plan in mind, she'd ended up on the beach, a quiet stretch not far from the Icehouse that appealed to her for its solitude more than anything. She took off her sandals and walked toward the softly lapping waves of the shore, relishing the warm sand beneath her feet and the breeze in her hair. This was something you almost forgot about when you lived in the city, she thought. This was cleansing, replenishing. It could almost mend the broken pieces.
Placing a hand on her stomach, she gazed out at the endless stretch of bluish-green in front of her and inhaled deeply. "Baby, you're going to love this place as much as I do," she said softly. "But don't let it get away from you like I have, okay? I want you to always feel connected to it, even if life pulls you in another direction. You don't have to erase your past to have a future."
A lesson it had taken years to learn the hard way. She now knew that was exactly what she had done wrong in the beginning.
When she'd first come to Capeside, dragging years of emotional baggage and still reeling from the changes that had swept across her life without warning, she was determined to bury the person she'd been up to that point. She'd been moderately successful at that, too—for a while, anyway. And then remnants of her past had caught up with her—Abby Morgan had drowned, Drue Valentine had come to town and reminded her of who she had been before, Andie had almost died and she had almost lost Jack because of it... Hiding from yourself was harder than it might seem.
Fast-forward a few years: She was back in New York, Jack had left and returned to Capeside to start his own life, and Jen was faced with the task of building a new version of hers.
And the first thing she had done was fall in lust with David Marshall. Later it was love, but at first it was lust. She wasn't naïve enough to even bother telling herself it had been more. And what had she done? She had systematically severed ties with her Capeside self and the people who had become a part of her there. She held on to Jack, who wouldn't let her go no matter how hard she pushed him, but the others she began to erase from her mind. (Only her mind, never her heart. Late at night when she was lying next to David and half asleep, they always came back to her.)
That's why her monthly outings with Joey were so guarded, so careful. They had both been lying to themselves, to each other. They had both wandered too far from home and were scared to look back and see what they'd lost in the tedious process of growing up.
Jen smiled to herself now, still looking out over the water. "Okay, so pregnancy makes you overly introspective," she muttered.
"What, are you kidding? You've always been that way."
Jen gasped and spun around to see Pacey walking toward her from the direction of the restaurant, grinning mischievously. "Damn it! People have got to stop doing that to me," she said, laughing in spite of her rapidly beating heart.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I was working in my office, and I looked out the window and could have sworn that I saw a beautiful, unescorted blonde standing out here by the water. I had to come down for a closer look. So ... have you seen her?" He pretended to scan the deserted strip of beach expectantly.
Jen rolled her eyes, laughing again. "Joey's right. You are a jerk, Pace."
"A lovable one though, right?"
"Marginally," Jen said.
"That's better than nothing. So, are you okay?"
Jen paused, considering the question carefully. "Actually, yeah. I am."
"You sound surprised."
"I am that, too." She narrowed her eyes and gave him a searching look, characteristically deflecting the attention away from herself. "Have you thought about what we discussed last night?"
"Discussed, huh? I don't quite remember a discussion, per se. I remember you giving orders and me shrugging them off the way I always do with questionable advice, and..."
"Shall I take your sarcasm as a no, then?"
"Not so fast," he said, holding a hand up. "I have thought about it, believe it or not. In fact, I spent most of last night pondering your words of wisdom, Jen, and I decided that you're right. You're absolutely right. I can't let her go back to New York without knowing how I feel. I mean ... I know it probably won't make a difference, but I just want it out on the table, you know?" He chuckled nervously. "So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to finish up my inventory at the restaurant and I'm going to head over to the B&B and I'm going to spill my heart into Joey Potter's hands for what I'm figuring is at least the third time, and that's a conservative estimate. And when you get right down to it, that's where my heart's always been, so I've got nothing to lose, right? So, does that sound like a plan?"
Jen was touched by his nervous rambling, by the hopeful light that was dancing in his eyes, and she braced herself for the next thing she had to tell him. "That's a great plan, Pace, but you might want to hold off just a little longer."
He looked at her with blatant surprise. "Excuse me? Is this Jennifer 'Follow Your Heart' Lindley speaking? Did you just tell me to hold off?"
Jen closed her eyes briefly and went on in a gentle tone. "She's with Dawson right now, Pace. They're ... talking."
Pacey couldn't quite hide his kicked-in-the-stomach expression. "Oh."
"No, stop that. It's not what you're thinking. We're so far past that, Pacey!"
"Yeah, I'm sure the soul mate thing has probably expired by now, right?" he said sarcastically.
"I am only telling you this so that you don't go running over there and land smack in the middle of the incredible tension that always seems to spring up whenever the three of you are in the same place at the same time." Jen reached for his hand and squeezed it firmly. "I am NOT telling you this so you'll have an excuse to chicken out. Because that's not an option."
He nodded, but the light in his eyes was fading already. "I guess I'll get back to work. You want to come up with me? Have a drink on the house?"
Patting her belly, she nodded. "Nonalcoholic, of course," she said.
"Of course." He put his arm around her shoulders as they made their way back up the beach toward the Icehouse.
