A/N I know that the last two chapters were very depressing, very dark and slightly out of character for both of them (but hey, I'm in an angsty place right now.) Thanks for the reviews. I'm trying to convey what happens when you lose someone and I think that's where Dawson and his violent outburst came in. Sorry if that upsets anyone and yes I can see it is out of character but I wanted to show Dawson as being as human as the next person, not just a robot full of long words. As for Joey, I'm trying to do the same so sorry if the tone of the piece seems to go up and down. But then life is a little like that.
Not Coming Home
That evening Dawson and Pacey searched what felt like the whole of Boston. They went to all the places that they could think Joey would be but they found nothing. Eventually, they went to Gram's house and Dawson shared with everyone what he had done. The shame he felt crept up his back like a shadow and the more he contemplated it, the more he felt as if he should be punished. Jack had managed to hold onto his anger but Jen hadn't. Jen flew at him, throwing light punches into his chest while crying. She couldn't believe he was capable of anything like that and quite frankly she didn't want to think she was partly responsible.
They waited till the next morning to call Bessie, to find out where she had gone. But Bessie gave them all the news they needed to hear. Joey was safe and had come home last night. They all drew a collective sigh of relief. But the news wasn't as good as they had all hoped.
Audrey came back from her day of classes later that evening to find Joey had been erased from her room. All traces of the sweet small town girl had gone. All that was left was a note, addressed just to Audrey.
My darling Audrey,
I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye in person but I think its better this way. I don't want you to panic but I am going away for a while, I can't say how long. As much as I thought I was realizing my dream I wasn't. I was just play acting. So I've gone to the only place I need to go to find whatever of me is left, to heal over what I've lost and to start again as an anonymous person.
You've meant everything to me over the last few months and I'll never forget you Audrey. Look after Pacey for me and everyone else.
Love Joey.
Audrey called Pacey immediately and they both shared the note together, confused over its meaning and where she could have gone. Pacey eventually called Bessie but she kept Joey's location secret. The only information she gave away was that Joey had postponed her education and that she wouldn't be coming back to Worthington this year. Pacey begged Bessie to let her know where she had gone but Bessie wouldn't, saying it would be better for her in the long run.
Dawson also got a note; it was delivered to Gram's house by an angry Bodie who handed it to him without a word. As Bodie walked away from the door Dawson looked at Joey's delicate handwriting, running his fingers across it. He ripped it open.
Dear Dawson,
I've left. Not because of what happened last night. I'm not saying that you slapping me was right because it was not. But I don't want
you to think I've gone because of that.
I need to get away from all of this, all the drama and the pain I've caused over the last five years. You need to grieve and so do I. But obviously not together, not if we are both so angry with each other.
Don't give up on your dreams, follow them. It's what Mitch would have wanted..
I love you Dawson Leery, more than you know.
Joey
And so the year went by without Joey. Dawson went back to USC, thinking that giving himself the distance from Boston and his friends might help. The others went back to classes and jobs and everything almost went back to normal, except for the occasional hushed conversation about where they thought Joey had gone. Jack kept Andie informed about everything that was happened and had even joked with her that she should keep her eye out for the allusive Miss Potter. But the truth was none of them knew. When the summer break came and classes finally disbanded, they were still none the wiser of her location. Pacey and Audrey made there way to LA for the summer, Pacey not so keen on being in Capeside, while Jen and Jack stayed in Boston. Dawson came back to Capeside and quizzed both his and Joey's families but no one knew (or if they did they said nothing). Bessie was furious with Dawson until she saw him sitting in Joey's boat one morning, where he had been all night, his face drawn and pale. She forced him into the house and talked to him. Talked to him about everything he had been bottling up for almost a year.
'I only hit her because she was screaming and I thought it would stop her being hysterical. But as I did it, I felt an anger come from no where. You know I would never do anything like that Bessie. I love her too much.' Dawson said in the middle of their conversation,
Bessie looked at this pale young man who had been for most of her life like a little brother. He was broken in two with pain and guilt and she couldn't bear it. She knew that Joey would kill her if she revealed her location. But she couldn't help it.
'She's in Italy Dawson,' Bessie said quietly.
'What?' Dawson said, removing his hands from his face.
'She came back here that night and cried all night. I don't think I've seen her cry that much ever, even after Mom died. And then she woke up in the morning and it was as if she had made some giant revelation. She called Andie and was on a plane that night. Bodie and I had to go and pack up everything at Worthington.' Bessie said staring at her feet.
'What she doing in Italy? Is she coming back?' Dawson cried, hope in his eyes for the first time in months.
'Well when she first went there it was for a holiday but then she found out about a local arts program and has been painting for months. Look at what she sent me last month,' Bessie said, pointing to a large painting now handing over the fire place.
Dawson stood up and moved towards it. The oil paint was thick and opulent against his pale skin. He felt the waves and texture of the paint, hoping to feel her somehow.
'It's beautiful,' he whispered.
'As for when she's coming home I don't know. And that's the honest truth Dawson. Everything I ask she changes the subject or says something about money being too tight to fly home or something. She's been staying at Andie's aunts' house in Verona.' Bessie said, moving towards the painting and placing her arms around Dawson's shoulder.
'We just have to trust she is going to be okay. We need to let her live her own life, without us in it. At least for the moment.' She whispered, not wanting to hear the words herself.
And so Dawson did. He told no one about where Joey was, except Pacey who was also out of his mind with worry. He got on a plane the next morning to LA and started to live his life as well. As well as he could without Joey.
