This story is going to be an AU and it starts a few months after 21 Guns. Abby and Jerry won't be mentioned, at least not directly because I haven't read any spoilers for series 13, so I don't know the fate of the characters. I assume that Abby will have a miscarriage if she survives, so I'm going to go with that theory of mine. (Sorry am a big luka/abby fan at the moment and was shocked at finale!) Luka is alive and healthy, and still has his job, because at least he was still conscious at the end of the episode! (At the moment I'm blissfully unaware of any cast leaving the show, so I would appreciate it if you know anything, can you tell me? But not everything!)
Also please note that I have never been to America or Africa, so information is taken strictly from the show anda little bit of research I've done. It's told from Neela's point of view, italics are Neela in the present looking back. I know I should be continuing other stories, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone, so here it is. Will update when I can.
Behind The Sun
Chapter One - Difficult decisions
Back then I never thought that things would get better. People always said they would, but I never really believed it. I don't know exactly at what point I decided to change the direction my life was heading in, but I know that it had to do with two things that happened to me since Michael's death in Iraq. The first thing I have to be grateful for is Ray Barnett and of course, I can't forget about Africa.
I don't know what put the crazy idea in my head. It's not like I'm the adventurous type. I don't live for taking risks. The only thing that came close was getting married and look how that turned out. All I know is that I needed to get out of Chicago, especially after what happened at the end of last year. There are too many bad memories here and I needed distraction. I know what you're thinking; County should be enough of a distraction right? And it's not like Darfur is the dream vacation.
But like I said to Ray, (in what I vowed was to be the one and only time I ever broke down in front of him, a promise I failed to keep) I feel like all I have is this stupid hospital. No home, no family, nothing of my own. I needed a purpose in my life…….
"I want you to think carefully Neela. This isn't a decision you make lightly," Luka tells me when I ask him about it. He speaks clearly, but it's like he isn't really there and I can't stand the haunted look in his eyes.
"Look, I know you're going through something huge now Luka, so I don't want to pressure you. But I just feel that I have to do this. You said Carter needs volunteers…."
"He always does."
"So here I am, willing volunteer. I know I have my career to think about, so the last thing I should be doing is rushing off. But I talked to Albright and Weaver…and Debenko and they've agreed to make an allowance. Maybe you should think about doing the same? Taking some time off?"
He doesn't answer me, just like I knew he wouldn't. "You're going through something huge too…." then he sighs in defeat and gives me the various forms to sign and information. As I read over various leaflets, I have the vague thought that I'm rushing into similar circumstances that I yelled at Michael for going back to. But he was actually fighting in a war, I'm just helping on the sidelines, I try to reason with myself. I don't dwell on it, I can't.
Little do I know that Ray has also found out about my crazy idea. I'm not happy when I finally open the door on my way out to a probably impatient taxi driver and see him standing there with a fine rain falling around him, holding a suitcase that is dangerously full. I totally lose it. Ignoring his hurt expression I go on with harsh words as I struggle with my own things. The driver rolls his eyes at us and puts out his cigarette, as if we are an old married couple in a heated debate.
"I once told you that you are the best friend I ever had and I meant it. Isn't this just what friends do? Look out for each other?" I remember that part clearly, probably because it is the truth. My answer? Something about not needing anyone to look out for me, not even him. I know, I was a bitch back then but I've always looked out for myself and I'm good at it. And like luka said I was going through something huge.
On the way to the airport, Ray and I don't speak. Everything outside looks like a black and white photograph, with black business suites, grey sky and buildings. Even the bright colours somehow look dirty.
The plane ride is the longest I've ever sat still for any amount of time…maybe the exception from England to America and I don't like it. I look out at the smooth white clouds below and begin to silently freak out. I am heading into the unknown. New people, new climate, new food and culture. It is practically a different world. I sneak a glance at Ray, listening to his music and wonder if he is thinking the same thing. Of course, there is no way I'll ask him! Well, it's to late now to change my mind. Mostly because I am stuck miles up in the air.
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The first thing that hits you when you step off the plane is the unbearable heat. It's so different to what we left behind it's startling and it's almost hard to breathe. You're not prepared for it. I mean, you've read about it, but really, you start to think how you'll stand it for the several weeks that you're visiting. The airport on the other side is a nightmare. It looks like the whole population of the country is crowded into this tiny space and you can hardly move. The heavy security lines the edge of the crowed and all the exits, hinting at the danger that lies outside. Ray seems to sense my concern and leans forward, helping me collect my things. "You ok?"
I tell him I'm fine as our arguments of before fade away, seeming meaningless and petty on this side of the world. But the issues still remain locked up inside of me and I end up not being able to concentrate and feeling resentful towards everything.
"Talk about claustrophobia!" Ray has to shout over the noise as he collects his bags. Then we have to go through the strict routines of metal detectors and searching bags…..
Realising that I have to talk to him sometime if we're gong to be working together, I tell him to look out for someone with long blonde hair and a name tag with Debbie on it. Ray replies that he can't see a damn thing in all the confusion and I think that's typical.
"Hey there, you Ray and Neela?" the voice is bright and cheery, almost to the point of being too bright and cheery. I look at her sceptically as she leads us outside.
"You're Debbie right?" Ray confirms. "How did you know it was us?"
"You new kids on the block stand out for miles. Also, Carter has photos. Glad you got here in one piece, I thought I'd actually come into the airport this time, you folks from county usually alwaysseem to get yourselves in trouble."
I wonder what that's supposed to mean and start to say so, when I realise that Pratt never said much about his time over here. I end up shutting my mouth as we head into what feels like the heart of the sun.
TBC….
