Thanks again for reviews. I did want to have a couple of original characters in this. But the trouble with setting a story in another country is i want it to be realistic. So I tried looking up some African names but then i got different names for different parts of the country and different meanings and it gets complicated. So there's a boy in this chapter whose name apparently means first born, and that's as far as I've got at the moment. Just a warning, I have no idea if it's accurate or not, just from a site I stumbled across.
Chapter Three
Moving On And Letting Go
I remember my first night clearly, because I had the strangest dream. Now, I know that some people believe that dreams have different meanings that they link to the future or your destiny and all that jazz. Not me. I like to believe in a little thing called free will. Because if that fact were true, then that means that someone, somewhere, knows things that you don't. They're controlling you and playing with you and I don't like that idea. But this dream actually had me wondering…..
Its starts off where I'm back at county. I'm walking down the various corridors, but it's totally empty. No patients, doctors nurses, nothing. I reach the admin area, and there's a few familiar people. There's Abby and Luka, Jerry and Pratt, and Ray and Sam. They're standing there smiling at me, and I think that Abby's holding a baby (something I'll never tell anyone when I tell them this back home). But I can't really see them clearly. And then I see Michael. He's standing there in his army uniform, gazing at me with those soulful eyes of his. This is where I get confused, because I know it's a dream, it has to be. But it feels real. Even when I pinch my arm, it actually hurts (See why I'm wondering about this?) and that's never happened before. I never even remember my dreams to start off with!
So he walks forward, kisses me lightly and tells me "It's going to be alright Neela. You're going to a go on with your life because you have to ok? It's ok to miss me now and then, but don't mourn me forever." With that, just like a cliché out of the movies, he turns around and walks away and starts to fade. Then I turn around to see what everyone else thinks and the only one standing there is Ray. Then everything disappears and I'm standing in a dessert. I start to run, as fast as I can (But of course it's a dream so I'm not actually going that fast) but I can't get anywhere.
Then I wake up, the last image I remember is a sudden fire all around me….strange right? I've woken up earlier then I should have, but I get up anyway for breakfast. The dreams meaning isn't strange in itself. But what freaks me out is that it felt like an actual, real message from Michael…it was just the sort of thing he would have said. Why Ray would be the one left though, I didn't know.
The last person I want to see after that is Ray, but of course it's inevitable isn't it? It just had to happen. I'm sitting eating my breakfast - which is actually good. But then my dream surfaces again and I realise I've lost my appetite. "You look like the meaning to all our problems is in that bowl; you just haven't figured it all out yet!"
"Morning Ray," I mutter, frowning in concentration. I take another spoonful and try to eat more. Then for no reason at all, I ask him, "Do you believe in Faith?" I hadn't meant to ask him, it just came out.
"Does this mean you're talking to me again?" he asked warily, sitting down opposite me.
I smile apologetically. "Yeah, I guess it does. But I mean….Faith, destiny, and karma. Past lives, heaven and hell, fate…"
He holds up his hands. "Whoa, calm down. I got it."
"Well?"
"What bought all of this on?"
I shrug as if it's not important. "Just a dream that I had. It's nothing really, just curious."
"Well, being a doctor, I guess I'm supposed to be a man of science right?" he shrugs. "I guess I believe in something, I just don't know what. Do you mean a religious kind of faith?"
"That's what I figured. Same here usually. And…any kind of faith"
"I sense a but there somewhere. So about this dream….are you gonna tell me or have I gotta pry it out of you? Cause if we're having a big early morning debate…I'd like to know why." He says it good naturedly, so I ignore my sudden urge to lash out at him for not taking me seriously.
"It's about Michael…" I swiftly try to read his reaction. He just continues to look neutrally at me, but maybe there's some flash of emotion deep down, soon replaced again. Now there's nothing. Confusing. I start telling him the details (leaving out the part where he's in the dream). "I just think about if it really was him," I finish, thinking that I know what Ray's answer will be.
"Neela," he says quietly. "I know that what he said to you is what he would have wanted for you. I only met him a couple of times, but even I could tell that much. It sounds like him."
That's what I thought too. And it's not what I had been expecting.
"He might have been there. On the other side of the line though, it could be that it's what you wanted to hear right? You want to know if he's ok and that he's ok with what you're doing in you're life now. So your subconscious makes up this dream. Either way, I'm sure that Michael is fine. If you believe in anything, I guess it's that. He was too good of a man not to be fine."
"Well, I guess we must both believe in something, for you to have said all that."
"I guess we must. Let's just say I'd like to, but there's so much in the world that proves against it."
"And so ends Neela and Rays discussion on life and death, the universe and everything," says Gillian, making me jump and Ray narrow his eyes. "The over all score? I'd say it's a tie."
"Morning," I murmur, going back to my breakfast.
"Bad night?" Ray asks casually.
"I'm sorry," she says to me. "I didn't mean anything by it."
I hate the fact that everyone seems to be apologising to me and so I let it go and get ready for the long day ahead of me.
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It is only our second day here but it feels like it's almost been years. A routine has started to set in and that's good. It keeps me grounded. I feel the heat in the air, even though it's not even mid morning. "Everything ok?" I feel John's probing eyes on my work, but I know somehow that it's not worry or doubt that makes him ask. I sense a kind of protectiveness in his voice.
"Everything's as fine as it can be. Just wondering what trouble Ray's getting himself into!" I suddenly wish I hadn't said anything, because Carter is now looking amused. "What?" I grumble under my breath.
"Nothing. I'll leave you to it." But I don't want him to. Because with every case my heart breaks a little bit more from sadness and conversation helps to relieve it. But then I wouldn't be doing my job.
Ray, as it turns out, is getting himself into lots of trouble. Of course I find out all the details later from various people. At the same time as Iam talking (with the help of a translator of course) to a mother who has polio and her three children who look after her, Ray is befriending a 10 year old boy who can not seem to find his family. His name is Akia.
With the help of Dr Dakarai, Ray manages to laugh and tell jokes with the boy while they look around the clinic, assuming his mother is sick. The boy has a cough that Ray is concerned about and shares this secretly with Dakarai. Later I tell Ray that he shouldn't get too attached to his patients and he tells me that he knew that all along, but something about this place changes you. I have to agree with this, but it seems that I don't know Ray half as well as I thought I did. I don't think he ever gets attached to anything.
It turns out, after searching practically all over the refugee camp, that the boys parents where both killed on the way to the camp from a nearby village. During the attack on the refugees, the boy played dead as the rebels departed from the scene, and he managed to escape. The rest of his family didn't make it, including his younger brother. He was lucky.
Ray doesn't want to leave the boy, but Dakarai tells him that he will be found a place to belong, and it is no longer his responsibility. There are other people to help. I look up as Ray is saying good bye to the boy, and behind them, I see a figure. Michael? It just has to be a trick of the light, but somehow I know that the boy is going to be fine. I was kind of thinking of asking you out. I was thinking of saying yes. And I know I will be fine too. As soon as I get the chance, I tell Ray. He smiles and gives me his thanks and hopes the boy will be ok as well, and tonight I know I will have no trouble sleeping.
