There will be a couple of oc's introduced in this chapter but they don't play a big part. Not that happy with this, but its better late then never!
Chapter Four
Fire, smoke and Ashes
We've been in Darfur for almost two weeks now, but it almost feels like years. I really miss the rain. I've almost forgotten what it feels like. But I guess that's how everyone feels out here. And the insects…don't even get me started. So many bugs fly around the lights at night that I loose count…I don't like to think about it. Ray always teases me. "You're twice the size of them!" He soon shuts up when Carter tells him that some can carry dangerous illnesses. Ray has nothing to say while I hide a laugh. I always love to be one up over him.
But not everything is so bad here. I like to think of the country as a hidden jewel, a diamond in the rough. It has a harsh beauty that stretches on for what seems like eternity. The people here especially have a hidden depth to them. A strength and courage; a kind of power about them that I admire greatly. There's a beauty in everything that they do.
I watch as Ray stands with Carter and Dakarai having a brief break and I wish suddenly that I had a camera, although I've never had the urge to take a photograph in my life. Of course, the image is soon shattered when Gillian walks up to the three of them. She leans close to Ray and whispers something to him, pointing in the direction of the clinic. She stays longer then she has to and leaves with a lingering look behind her. Carter is more amused then ever now.
I turn to Debbie. "Is she always like that?"
Debbie nods absently, her concentration on her boyfriend. "Pretty much. She was with Luka. She likes the attention I guess."
I have indeed noticed this about Gillian, just as I've noticed the spark between her and Ray. Hard to miss actually. Ok, time for a distraction.
"Debbie, are you ok?" I ask her then, realising that something obviously is. She's trying her best to hide it, but as an expert on this subject, I can tell.
"It's nothing," she pushes it aside, acting all professional.
"There are three new doctors arriving in a few days. Just thought I'd let you know."
"They're all American?" I ask, playing along for now.
She nods in confirmation. "There's Sarah White, Connor Ravens and Reece Adams. I'd like you to help me show them the ropes. Introduce them to the families etc"
For a moment, I'm genuinely distracted. "But…I'm new myself," I protest.
"Right. So I have to train you up in this part of the job as well, don't I? So you'll know what to do for next time."
"Next time? That's interesting…I guess it'll just be like training med students"
"You'll be back."
"So, what's really wrong? I know I don't have any right to ask…."
"You're right. You don't."
Another silence. Just when I've started to give up she blurts out…"Dakarai asked me to marry him."
I'm stunned. Not what I'd been expecting. "That's…wow." I finally get out.
"Now you know where I am!"
"But, isn't that supposed to be a good thing?" I'm now very confused.
"I told him to give me a few days. And then there's his illness. And there's me. I don't know if I'm the marrying kind.
I hesitate, not sure why I started this conversation, or how I'm supposed to help her.
"I never thought I was the type either," I finally admit. "I mean, my parents always wanted that for me. But I never knew if it was the right life for me. But then Michael and I got married in a day."
"Really?"
"Sure. No planning, no booking in advance. It was spontaneous and wonderful. I realise no matter what happened later, all the arguments and his death that it's not like I wasn't happy. And we'd known for ages it's what we wanted anyway. What I'm saying is, you might know what you want, go for it and it might still get taken away. So you should still go for it, because otherwise you'll always wonder what it could have been like."
Oh, that had sounded so sappy and full of clichés. But I was done being miserable, so bring on the clichés.
Debbie is looking relieved and grateful. "You mean that don't you? But…I still have to think about it."
"Of course you do."
"You know, Dakarai supposedly means happiness," she tells me, and I can guess she has already made up her mind.
"Let's get these lazy people to work then," she's standing up now.
Pleased that I'd helped her, I followed her. I hadn't had that many girlfriends. I've mostly hung around guys. There were a couple of friends back in London, and Abby, so this is nice. At least we have something to talk about now!
Of course my good mood doesn't last. Ray makes a big save later on in the day and it's all anyone can talk about, so I'm proud of him for that. But then I head to our sleeping quarters to get something, and who should I run into?
They are standing close together. I freeze and nearly drop my water.
I see her kissing him and it's more then friendly and innocent. There's no such thing as an innocent kiss anyway. It's the kind that lets you know exactly where things could lead if you let them. I turn around and walk away, without looking back. After all, it's not the top thing on my list to see in the world and I don't want to remember it. But the image is now imprinted and I can't seem to think about anything else.
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The day was supposed to be simple, or as simple as possible. The aim was to get medical supplies for the clinic. I was to go with Ray and Carter, but things don't ever go to plan.
After witnessing Ray and Gillian, I was feeling angry and on edge for no sane reason. It was Rays own business what he did after all, and it was my business what I did.
The fact that my own romantic life was so screwed up at the moment didn't help any. I'd had a couple of one night stands back home but apart from that, nothing. I know, I know, very un Neela, but I was feeling ridiculously impulsive and also upset at the time so I didn't really know what I was feeling. A very dangerous mood where anything can happen. But the thought of anything serious happening with anyone is scary and new, which I know should be good thing -but in my case not so much- and I can't deal with it. I don't want to hurt anyone, or end up hurt again, which makes me think I'll end up an old lady alone with her cats. And that makes me decidedly against the whole Ray/Neela thing.
"Neela," says Ray.
"What?"
"Starting the truck would be a good thing."
Oh yeah. I'd forgotten that I'd stupidly forgotten to volunteer to drive. I started up and drove fiercely for the first five minutes. The truck sat three in front, me then Ray then John.
"You get up on the wrongs side of bed Neela?" asks Carter, searching for something to hold on to. Ray is doing the same, gritting his teeth.
"Maybe you should have asked Gillian if you hate my driving skills so much. I'm sure ray wouldn't have minded!" That was really stupid, and I'm not five, but I can't help it. Ray looks panicked for a moment but that can't be right. Then he suddenly gets it and his eyes clear of confusion.
"You think…me and Gillian?"
"I saw what I saw."
"I know you did, but come on. Nothing's going on and if there was, why am I explaining, myself to you?"
"Hey, look. Whatever you do is your business. I just thought we were sort of friends right? It'd be nice to know these things is all. So I can avoid walking in on…whatever in the future."
"You didn't walk in on anything. She came on to me. I backed off but by then you'd left."
"You only did that because you saw me."
"Guys," this was from Carter, trying to interrupt.
"but I don't see why I should defend myself about this."
"Neela…"
"Do you mind, we're trying to have a debate here," I snap at him.
I knew thatRay was genuinely bewildered and he had every right to be. I was behaving unforgivably childishly
"You're jealous!"he exclaims suddenly. He says it like it is the biggest discovery in the world I loath him because he's partly right.
"You're living in a fantasy Ray."
"Watch out for the road!" Carter's voice is sharp now, and has been on at us for a while but only now do I take any notice of the real world. I recoil in horror to see a man running towards the supply truck earnestly and I can tell something's wrong. He's wounded badly. I swerve to avoid impact and feel the tire go flat as I try to regain control, driving over sharp rocks hidden in the sand.
We come to an abrupt stop against some high sand dunes a little way off from the flatter ground that passes for access across the desert. Carter is out immediately but I can tell from here that the man, who has collapsed to the earth, is stone cold.
"You're so lucky we've got a spare," Ray hisses at me.
"I can't believe you two," Carter shouts at me. "Have you lost your minds?"
Ray gets out to start preparing the spare tire, but a growing uneasiness is spreading through me. I lower myself to the ground and start crawling slowly up the dunes, and peer over the top. I'm glad the boys are distracted by the tire and don't call out to see what I'm doing. I don't know myself really. But as I continue to stare, I remember something that both Greg and Luka said to me as a goodbye. I don't know if it's meant as comfort or a warning. What happens in Africa stays there, but this would follow me wherever I went.
Thereis fire everywhere I look. Wooden buildings burnt to ashes. People killed as they run. People screaming right below me and I can't do anything. Rebels on horseback shouting and laughing and raising their guns.
Luckily the sound of our accident has been disguised by all of this noise down there. I hurry back down, hoping I haven't been seen.
Ican see John and Ray have both frozen, eyes fixed grimly on me. "We have to get out of here!"
Ray nods earnestly. "Nearly done."
Carter is already behind the wheel, ready to go.
"Hurry Ray," I gasp. "They'll find us, they'll find us…any minute…"
Finally it's done. The quickest tire change in history though. Carter puts the truck in gear and then I help Ray in just as the first man comes into view over the dunes.
"Go!" we shout as one. I look back, I can't help it. There is the sound of shots and we all duck instinctively, Ray pulling me close to him. "John, you ok?" Ray calls out.
"Just great!"
"Where are we going?" I ask in relief, noting the riders have fallen behind.
"Back to the camp. Its a few miles. We'll have to leave supplies for a week or so. It'll be hard, but the desert will be more secure. They will have moved on."
I'm hit by a random thought as I pull away from Ray's protective embrace and I remember my dream I'd had. I'd woken up with an image of fire and wonder if there's a connection. wierd coincidence.
"About before," John says then, "Your big debate? Did I miss something?"
TBC…
