Just Listen

I woke up the next morning, my cheeks stained with mascara and eyeliner. At first I was fine. I got up like I normally would, walk into the bathroom to brush my hair…then I saw my face. I looked terrible. And then it all came back to me. Nervousness, singing, applause, Truth Squad, Owen, tears, crying myself to sleep. I started crying again as I wiped all of the stuff off of my face.

Did this mean Owen and I weren't going out anymore? Did this mean he had dumped me? I felt even more pathetic thinking about it. The whole thing could have been avoided so easily…if only I had invited him to the show. But if onlys would never get me out of this. I couldn't just go back and fix it. My only hope was that he'd accept my apology.

I walked across my bedroom to my cordless phone. It was blue and my parents had bought it for me two years prior. Sitting on my bed, I dialed the familiar number. I was just about to click talk, when I realized it was Sunday morning. That meant he was doing his radio show. But where was my radio? I looked around, unsuccessful in finding it. My guess was that my mom had stolen it to use in her room, but I couldn't be sure. I walked down the stairway and turned on the kitchen radio instead. I tuned it to his station. All I got was static. What was going on? Owen never missed a radio show.

I sat at the table, listening to the static, lost in confusion. A stray tear landed on my hand as I heard the front door open. My mom walked in slowly, taking off her shoes at the door and pulling out a chair at the kitchen table to sit on. She looked as lost as I was.

"I've just heard some news from the neighbors," she held her hands together tightly. I wondered what she would say next. It seemed any type of gossip got around the neighborhood faster than anything. Sometimes it was that someone was moving…other's more serious like when that kid Michael died in a motorcycle accident. That meant there was no telling what it could be.

"What is it?" My voice came out as a whisper, almost afraid to ask the question. My mom looked scared. I hadn't seen her like this in awhile.

She didn't make eye contact as she said it, her voice cold and deep. But once she did, everything within me fell. My heart, my emotions, my thoughts…I started crying again. I was suddenly aware of the static on the radio and got up to turn it off. He needed me right now. Owen needed me. I rushed upstairs, got changed and ran out the door within minutes. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on…

I started my car and drove to his house. An elderly couple stood on the doorstep, hugging Owen and his sister, then his father. They gave them a bouquet of flowers, and then left, hand in hand. I got out of my car and walked up the doorstep. Owen's face was red. He had tears running down his cheeks. And when he finally saw me, it must have been the highlight of his day to slam the door in my face.

One night he's in a fight with his girlfriend, the next morning his mother dies.

I cried all day. For him, for his mother, for us.