AD: perhaps Mike was a tad drunk last time, Recess?
Mike was going to train when it was morning. That's what he told Kled and he was true to his word! Not. In order to wake him up Kled ordered five gallons of rotting ghoul dumped on him. Not as pleasant as it sounds, that's for sure.
As Mike stood in the field he looked at the opponent he was supposed to face. A stuffed penguin. (Horrifying music plays). "Kill it Mike!" screamed Kled like a mad goblin (which he was). Mike charged, demon blades raised, looking like the perfection of glory itself! Right as he reached the penguin, he tripped. Mike collided with the penguin and with cries of shock, engaged the stuffed penguin in combat.
Kled watched in mild contempt as the stuffed penguin beat Mike. That's right. A stuffed, inanimate object defeated this so-called powerful elf. "Maybe he's allergic to Polar Bear fur," thought Kled. Mike walked over with as much dignity as he could muster and said, "It cheated." Kled decided he would agree simply so he didn't lose the elf, he needed any advantage over the penguins.
Later in the day, an unexpected visitor came by. Masha Stormstout. Pandarean Brewmater with a fine taste for ale. "More! More!" shrieked hundreds of goblins who were addicted to the forbidden panda water (formerly called fire water). "Another round?" asked Masha. Cheers of yes greeted him. "Have one on the house!" he called and tossed out entire barrels of the brew.
Mike was one who caught a barrel. And he was about to learn a severe life lesson. Never horde an entire barrel of panda water to yourself. After his twentieth time vomiting, the elderly goblin (whose name was Fertyuiopliokj but was called Ferj) came and stuffed a pulsating green object down his throat.
Mike was deemed unable to train against the stuffed penguin the next day.
Meanwhile at the Penguin camp…
The penguin leader, known as Ty, was assembling the army. "We shall kill Blue Goblin today and feast on their hides!" Loud squawking greeted this announcement. "To war!" Ty shrieked.
Meanwhile back at Blue Goblin place…
Mike was up and about again. "I'm going to go exploring!" he told the chief (Kled). Ferj shook his head. "Didn't you tell him about the rabid wolves that could possibly tear him limb from limb?" he asked. Kled shook his head. "Good practice for the moron." Ferj grinned, then sighed as Kled began having a spaz attack. His job was never done except when it was done.
Mike was screwed. At least a dozen rabid wolves had hemmed him in. "Typical," thought Mike. He knew he wouldn't survive this. So he thought. At the moment a loud yodel sounded and two figures rushed the wolves! They fought with a furious fury rarely seen and butchered the rabid wolves as though they had been gophers. Then they turned around and faced Mike, and Mike saw whom they were!
Frodo Baggins and Harry Potter. Mike knew his life was crazy, but this? "Evening gent," said Harry. "Shut up you British bastard!" shouted Frodo. "Excuse me sirs, but there's an army of penguins right behind you," said Mike. Harry rolled his eyes. "Right like I'm falling for that agai-," But poor Harry was pierced by seven spears and a dwarven fishing pole.
Frodo screamed like a girl and ran while Mike did what he does best, cower. The penguins advanced menacingly when something inside Mike snapped. He reared up and roared like a kitten, then he charged the penguins (all seventy of them) and like a mad man (or elf) he killed two. Sadly, two dead penguins doesn't faze the main body. Mike was dead. Or he would have been if the author hadn't took pity on his main character who can't die yet.
Mike watched in fascination as a meteor crashed into the penguin army. "Thanks AD!" Mike called out. Mike whistled a stupid tune (Magni had a little ram) as he walked back to the village and told all the Blue Goblins how when it seemed he would die against the army of penguins, he called a meteor down which obliterated them. Kled sighed and looked at his newest article of clothing (pineapple bra) and said, "Ferj, do you really think I want this? Ferj replied easily, "Duh." Mike waltzed in the tent and told Kled of "his" fabulous powers. Kled shrieked in pleasure, "A celebration then!"
This feast went much better because everyone was honoring Mike (some with skeptical glances). And mid-way through, Kled had another spaz attack that only Mike was oblivious to. Kled fell on the ground, his head turning complete circles while he spoke in tongues and shrieked unearthly sounds and his eyes popped out and-.
AD: ok I got a little carried away at the end there. BTW his eyes didn't pop out.
