Thankee, Thankee….u guys gave me a lot of ideas for the story..i can never thank u enough….a very controversial fic indeed, but I had to write this…I hope I didn't offend anybody w/ my little outburst, but I needed to blow off some steam…besides I said what I felt, if I don't like something, I wont read it, and in my summary I say Kenshin didn't love Kaoru…so nobody was tricked…or were u guys? But overall u guys have been great…thanks…oh yeah and I have the tendency of writing a lot and updating various chapters at a time…I don't like making ppl wait and I have no life..lol…so my story is close to the end..oh and I am so glad u guys kept coming back…in my other fics my reviewers all disappeared…….
The rain fell on his handsome features washing away any remaining traces of his sin. He walked without a path.
'Where should I go?' he asked himself.
He wanted to go to Kyoto, but he couldn't. Misao and Soujiro lived there.
"Young man." A voice called out to him.
He turned around and faced a young woman.
"Would you like to come in?" she asked provocatively.
He raised an eyebrow.
"Pardon me, but I have no money." He said.
"For this time, I'll make a special offer."
He'd never been in a brothel; he'd never been with a woman either.
"I'll be gentle." The girl promised. She couldn't be much older than him.
Later…
"Like I told you before, I have no money." He told her taking back his clothes.
The girl giggled. "For today it will be my treat, but next time you have to come to me. I will be waiting."
He gave her a stare and said nothing.
"I do not think I will ever come here again."
"But if you ever do, look for me." She said.
He walked out the room without another word.
Once again he walked that wide lonely road.
The solitude brought him peace.
'Maybe I should leave the country.' He thought to himself.
Darkness. Loneliness. Pain.
He was hurting. He wanted that pain to end; yet he didn't know how.
He had broken the ties with his family and he was ok with it, but still, something ate into his young soul.
That hatred burned within him.
His happy family never existed. Even if his mother showed happiness it angered him. Her willingness to forgive and forget annoyed him. Her always-optimistic attitude never sat well with him. His father's apparent deceitfulness hurt him. Seeing how he was to carry for his pain as well as his mother's, since she seemed not to want to realize what was happening.
When he learned about life, his little boy heart shattered.
When he discovered not every marriage was based on love, he decided never to love himself.
He started building a wall around him. He pushed away any girl that seemed to fancy him. If he ever fell in love it would have to be a girl like him. Somebody strong, somebody very unlike his mother. Yes that was the type of girl he wanted.
He wasn't looking for another mother he wanted a friend, a girl who would understand him and not judge him. Somebody like his mother would only bring him pain. Somebody like her would never be able to grasp his suffering, his bloody actions. She would try to cuddle him and assume all his pain was going to go away. Somebody like his mother would not listen; she would stop her ears at his pain and tell him everything was all right. He realized now that his mother had never wanted to hear about his father's past because she could not understand it and it scared her. She pretended to understand, but she had never stained her hands with blood. She would never be able to justify all that bloodshed even if it was for the greater good.
But love; it didn't work that way, at least not for him, and not for his father.
And in a moment of clarity he cried for his fallen father.
He now understood why his father never truly loved his mother, and it was the same reason he had for not wanting the girl he loved to be like his mother. His father didn't need a warm person that pretended to understand, he needed a person who understood his pain and loneliness, someone who would listen when he tried to open his heart, and his mother just wasn't that type of woman.
He had been deceiving himself all along, the person he hated had not been the father he had slain, but the mother he had tried to protect.
All along he hated her weakness, her selflessness, because that never gained her anything. All along he hated her unwillingness to let them be, his father and he, for them to open their wings and fly on their own. Her love had always suffocated him, yet he had tried so desperately to protect that woman. His mother was the type of woman that wanted to protect everybody from pain by offering endless amounts of love, yet she didn't understand that love by itself was not enough.
Now he saw that his father had been very brave, living and sharing the same life with a woman who could never truly fulfill him. It must have taken a lot for his father to share his life with a woman that loved him, yet didn't understand him.
That father who loved him so much.
"Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
His cold heart had been
released, and all those unshed tears were finally shed.
He had
killed his father.
The man he had loved the most.
How did everything get so bad? When did he forget he loved his father? That he had wanted to be like his father? When and why?
But it was too late, his father was dead, his heart was broken and his hands were stained with the blood of an innocent.
There was nothing he could do now.
Then the rain stopped and the sun shined.
'I will leave the country.'
He had cried all he could.
Unlike his father, who had given up his sword and promised not to ever kill again, the boy did no such thing. He wasn't a saint, he would never have his father's pure heart, and so even if he never killed again, he would never compromise to that idea.
'That is one thing I can never do. My hands are already stained with blood, and if need be I will stain them again.'
There was nothing he could do to bring back time, and even if he repented forever, his father would not return.
He didn't dwell on it too much and after saying a prayer for his father he continued on without ever glancing back.
He was a good boy, but it would take a very strong force to make that boy follow a righteous path. He was not going to walk the path Shishio did, nor anyone else's, he wanted to follow his own heart.
This has probably been my fave chapter to write…..
