NOTES:

Anne: I could squish Gackt all the time. Like in his New Year's Message. His clothes look so comfortable, I could seriously just curl up in his arms and fall asleep. That and he's amazingly more cute than Ryuutarou. And that's hard to do. xD ...Kyo's a member of Laruku? Is that guy insane! That's pretty stupid, and I've heard a lady telling her son that the constellation Orion was the Big Dipper! I watched that extra scene where he keeps dressing up. I love the nurse's outfit. Kris, Mel, and I all agree that he's wearing rubber breasts. xD Oh Gacchan...Mana is still alive but he really doesn't like Hyde at all, so don't bring him up that much. xD

Essenity: Thinking too much makes my brain hurt. And my brain hurting means that I can't write my beloved chapters. (has no idea what i was supposed to do/download) I'll just take your word for it. But let me give you a warning. Do not listen to Gackt's Vanilla and Wang Leehom's Fang Kai Ni De Xin at the same time. It's seizure-enducing...and sounds really weird.

Kate: I'm already stalking them...well, not them, but Gackt and Hyde. xD And I watched the movie on the way back from Disney World and I think the ending year is like 2047 or 2057 or something...so I'm actually pretty accurate in my dates (besides the fact that I don't think Kei's almost 90 in the movies).

Shin: Now his profile has the Junnigatsu lyrics and it now spells out "TI IS AWESOME" except it was "AWSOME" at first until I pointed that out to him. He's in Toronto at the moment at some kind of anatomy thing...I don't really like anatomy...ew. And I'm nowhere close to finishing this one, so don't worry. xD

Fujipuri: I don't want my fic to be rated M this early! People are lazy and don't click on the "Show all ratings" button so they don't see it! And if you want to watch Diabolos again, go to Youtube and type in Dybbuk and if you watch Dybbuk (or Redemption), there's a list on the side that's playlists and one of them is the concert! I'm acutally watching it now...I seriuosly love You and Cha. But not Gackt when he gets killed. I nearly started crying! And Kris already asked me that. "...If Kei's like...80...and Sho's like...40...isn't that illegal or something?" xD And my new love didn't know what slash OR fanservice was--and he's seen Vanilla Live! Poor, poor soul. xD

YaoiKitty: The calendar does not have cornrows, which makes me oh-so happy. It's so hott and the first picture reminds me of Sho because he's holding guns. And Gackt plus guns equals amazing hotness. xD But sadly, no smut in this one. ;-; It won't be here for a while.

Gackt-fangirl: School sucks. This new semester has sucked like woah. It's insane. It's just been really bad...at least I have today off. :D

Ecchigo: Thank you! I get a lot of compliments about how I keep them in character, but in my opinion, I think they're too weak...but as long as you guys think they're okay, then okay! ;D

Crappy title, but who cares?


Chapter Three – Blame

Sho woke up in the middle of the night to find the rest of the bed vacant. "Kei?" Sho muttered, his voice (and mind) still sleeping. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he sat up and decided to go look for Kei. Putting on a pair of leather pants and tying his robe around him, he headed out into the kitchen in search of Kei. Finding the kitchen, bathroom, and family room empty, he headed for the spare bedroom and found an unfamiliar site.

Kei was sitting in front of the chest that was actually opened, several books and other random book-like objects sitting next to him. A small, decorated binder was in his hands and it looked as though he was crying. The only thing he was wearing was a pair of dark-colored sweat pants. "Kei?" Sho said, taking a step forward. The vampire looked up, surprised, and suddenly began to throw all of the books and binders back into the chest, shutting it quickly.

"H-hi, Sho!" Kei said as he brushed the tears out of his eyes. He smiled brightly, but his watery voice gave him away.

"Kei-chan, you're crying," Sho said as he kneeled down next to Kei, but Kei shook his head in defiance.

"I'm not, really!" Kei assured him. Sho reached out and placed a hand on the vampire's shoulder.

I never thought I'd find you sitting there
the rain streaming through your
dyed blonde hair just
waiting on the hood of my car

"Kei—you're freezing! How long have you been sitting here?" Sho asked, but he didn't let Kei reply; he took off his robe and threw it over Kei's shoulders. Kei sighed and let Sho help him stand up. "Come back to bed…" Sho purred softly, leading them to the bedroom. "You're the one who needs sleep."

"Sho-chan…" Kei tried to say as he lied down in bed next to Sho a few minutes later, but Sho simply ignored him and pulled the sheets up around his lover. He pulled Kei close and softly kissed the top of his head.

"I worry about you all the time," Sho whispered, rubbing Kei's back softly. "You barely ever sleep…we haven't gone out to feed in such a long time…and now you're going to be tiring yourself out by showing me memories."

"Sho—" Kei tried to say again, but Sho interrupted him.

"Please, Kei-chan, go to sleep," Sho breathed. Kei sighed, knowing the young vampire wouldn't let him say anything, and snuggled closer to Sho's warm body.

"You worry too much," Kei whispered as he closed his eyes.

"You don't worry enough," Sho replied with a sigh. As he fell into a deep sleep, Kei looked up at him, realizing that the vampire must care about him a lot. He had woken up in the middle of the night because he realized that Kei wasn't there, so he went and found him. He suddenly felt guilty about saying Sho worried too much…

Kissing Sho's cheek, Kei rested his head underneath Sho's and fell asleep within a few minutes, falling into a serene dream…


"Sho-kun…your skin is so soft," Kei whispered in Sho's ear as he traced a hand across Sho's cheek. The couple was sitting on the couch, the television turned on but neither was paying attention to it. Sho simply smiled warmly at Kei. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever known…"

"I am not!" Sho said defiantly. "I'm nowhere as beautiful as you—"

"I'm a monster!" Kei told him. "I can't be beautiful."

"You're not a monster!"

"Of course I—"

"Shut up!" Sho said furiously, angry that Kei always seemed to put himself down.

"Make me," Kei whispered, leaning closer. Sho glared at him for a moment before moving forward and pressing their lips together softly……


"Feeling better?" Sho asked the next morning as Kei woke up.

I say "Do you need to talk,
or is there something that I can do?"
You choke back a tear or two,
and you give a smile brighter than a star

"I-I feel…terrible," Kei said in a weak voice. "Like I slept for hours but it didn't do anything…made me feel worse…" He pulled Sho's robe around him tighter, shivering immensely.

"Poor Kei-chan," Sho said, hugging Kei warmly. "You need blood."

"Sho—"

"And I'm not going with you because anytime I do, I have to force you to feed and I hate having to hurt you," Sho whispered. "Please, Kei—go. Go for me."

"All right," Kei replied, managing to sit up on his own. "But only for you…"

With Sho's help, Kei managed to put on a fresh pair of pants, a red shirt, and his red jacket…and make it to the front door. "If you come back within the hour, I'll know you haven't fed!" Sho called after Kei as the dark figured staggered in the direction of the park. "And try to come back safe!"

Sighing, Sho closed the door and made his way over to the kitchen. "I hope he comes back in one piece," Sho said to himself as he rummaged around in one of the cupboards. "God only knows what he'll do on his own."

Extracting a bag of chips from the back of the cupboard, Sho made his way to the couch, turning on the TV and settling in to relax and binge on the unopened bag of chips…


Almost two hours later, Kei returned. His arrival was marked by a loud thump on the other side of the front door. Sho pried himself away from the rerun hockey game he had been watching on the TV and decided to make sure Kei was all right. Opening the door rather quickly, the vampire collapsed into Sho's arms. "K-Kei?" Sho said, managing to get a firm grip on Kei and stand him up on his own. "You look…drunk." Kei flashed him a drunken grin as he swayed on the spot.

I would love to help you through
whatever is ailing you
I would go through seas of rain if it would stop whatever is bothering your brain

The vampire looked more than drunk. His coat was hanging off of his shoulders, blood was dripping off of his chin and bangs, and his eyes were glazed over much more than they usually would have been.

"Probably," Kei replied drunkenly to Sho's statement. He stared at Sho for a moment with a confused look on his face, squinting his eyes slightly. "You look familiar," he said slowly, contemplating whether he really did know the vampire standing in front of him. "Do I…know you from somewhere?"

"I believe you do," Sho answered, giving Kei a gentle nudge toward the couch as he closed (and locked) the front door. Kei staggered forward a few steps but turned around to stare at Sho again.

"Don't tell anybody," he whispered as Sho stepped closer to him. Kei glanced around the room shiftily, thinking someone (maybe even the walls or television) could be listening. "Closer." Sho leaned closer to Kei's face. Kei reached up and pinched Sho's cheek suddenly. "I think you're really, really cute." Sho scrunched up his face slightly, making it look as though he was sickened by the thought. The vampire let go of Sho's face, leaving blood that had been on his fingers on Sho's cheek.

"I think you're cute, too," Sho whispered back. Kei gasped in surprise and stumbled backwards a few steps.

"You're just saying that!" Kei said loudly, walking backwards towards the couch. "You—" But he stopped unexpectedly and began to yawn, hiccupping in the middle, making Sho stifle a laugh. Still walking and not paying attention to where he was going, he ran into the arm of the couch and fell backwards. With a loud snore, Sho knew the drunken vampire had fallen asleep.

Shaking his head in amusement at the slumbering vampire, Sho walked over and spread a blanket over Kei. "You're too adorable when you're drunk," he whispered, kissing Kei's blood-covered cheek. He licked his lips slowly, savoring the taste of blood. Knowing if he licked the blood off of Kei's face he would take it too far, Sho walked over and grabbed a towel. Returning to the couch, he kneeled down next to Kei and wiped all of the blood off of his face and hands. "You'll have to take yet another shower…" Sighing softly, Sho threw the towel in the kitchen sink and decided to make a cup of coffee for Kei.

Almost an hour later, with a low moan, Kei woke up, clasping a hand to his forehead. Sho smiled warmly as he sat on the coffee table in front of the vampire as he managed to sit up and open his eyes. "My head is killing me," he said.

"I would think so. You were pretty drunk when you came back," Sho told him, earning a small laugh from Kei. There was a long pause before Sho held out the coffee cup. "Here." Kei took the cup gratefully. "I figured you'd need it when you woke up. It's vanilla," he added as Kei took a rather large gulp.

You say it's scary how you carry
all of your friends on your back
like an elephant.
You're afraid they're too dependent.

"It's hot!" He choked out, making Sho laugh.

"It's coffee, what do you expect?"

"Oh shut up," Kei said, taking a small sip this time. "Vanilla?" Sho nodded, smiling brightly. "It's good…did you add the vanilla yourself?"

"You know what it's like when I try to make anything besides a bowl of cereal, Kei-kun. How could I make vanilla coffee?" Sho asked him as the vampire took another sip.

"No idea," Kei replied. Sho held out his hand.

"I brought you some aspirin, too." Kei took the pills thankfully and popped them into his mouth, drinking some coffee to help wash them down.

"Thanks," Kei said quietly.

"You seem worried about something, Kei-kun…"

"I just…you need to feed, too, you know," he said suddenly.

"I know," Sho said, staring at Kei concernedly. "But if I would have gone with you, you would have made me force you and I hate doing that." Kei set his coffee cup down on the table and placed his hands on top of Sho's, leaning forward.

"Drink some of mine," he whispered softly, appalling Sho. "Don't give me that shocked look. Please, Sho. You need it, I can tell. I can tell better than you can."

"Kei—I could never drink out of your neck—"

"Not my neck, no," Kei told him. He reached underneath one of the cushions of the couch and pulled out a small blade. Letting go of Sho's hand, he lifted up his left hand and made a cut down the side. Immediately, blood began to ooze out, but slowly. Sho's eyes grew wider as the crimson beads slowly trickled down Kei's forearm. "See? You need it. You can barely control yourself…" As Kei's blood reached his bent elbow and was on the verge of falling onto the carpet, Sho dove forward, lapping up the blood. He let his tongue trail up Kei's arm to the cut on his hand, where he sucked hard, wanting more and more blood. Kei's blood was sweeter than he could have ever imagined and he desired it more with each greedy mouthful he took.

After several minutes, Kei wrenched his hand away from Sho's mouth, letting the wound heal. Sho clutched at his chest, breathing heavily. "Sorry," he managed to gasp.

You say that's only the
beginning of your woes,
from your head to your toes you don't know where the ground is on which you stand

"It's quite all right," Kei replied with a smile. He leaned forward and pulled Sho towards him, letting the vampire sit on his lap and bury his face in Kei's neck.

"I didn't take too much, did I?" Sho asked quietly.

"No, don't worry." Kei ran a hand up and down Sho's back soothingly.

"Oh Kei…" Sho said in a watery voice.

"Are you going to cry?" Sho looked up at him with small tears in his eyes.

"Y-yes…but I don't know why," he whined, sniffing slightly. He looked away as a tear slid down his cheek.

"Hey…" Kei said in a soft tone, placing a hand underneath Sho's chin. "Come here." He pulled Sho forward and kissed his lover, smiling when Sho whimpered softly. "You're so adorable, Sho-chan."

"You know what you did when you got back?" Sho asked Kei, who shook his head. "You pinched my cheek and told me you thought I was cute." Kei grinned.

"I want to show you my very first memory," Kei said randomly. "It'll make you happy, I'm sure." Sho smiled brightly.

"I'd love to see it." He slid off of Kei's lap and onto the cushion next to him.

"Give me a minute…" Kei mumbled, closing his eyes. "I have to remember it first…" After several minutes of silence, Kei reached out and placed his hands on Sho's head; Sho did likewise. "Ready?"

I would love to help you through
whatever is troubling you
I would go through winds of fire if it would stop you from feeling expired.

"Always," Sho whispered, taking a deep breath as he began to hear Kei's pulse in his ears…


A small crib sat in the middle of the room, a slumbering child cuddled against a rather large teddy bear within it. The room was painted a soft blue; toys and stuffed animals were neatly sitting in the corners of the room. The door to said room was propped open so as to keep an eye on the innocent child.

Stirring, the child awoke and sat up, rubbing his eyes. His bright blonde hair was completely messed up in the back. His brown eyes gazed around the room until he saw the open door. Scrambling to get to his feet, he made his way to the end of the crib and stood up, grinning brightly at the woman standing at the dresser in the room across the hall.

She was wearing a long, white sundress with several embroidered sunflowers around the neck of the sleeveless dress. Her raven-colored hair was neatly pushed back behind her shoulders. She turned around suddenly, her dark brown eyes falling upon her child. Slowly, she walked towards his room with a smile on her face.

The little boy reached up his arms as his mother approached him, but the woman simply leaned down and kissed his forehead lovingly, whispering, "Is my Kei-chan awake?" The little Kei nodded furiously, wanting to be picked up and hugged tightly by his mother more than anything. "Good morning," she said, picking up her two-year-old son. Kei threw his arms around his mother's neck, hugging her tightly.

"Mama," Kei said into his mother's shoulder. He pushed away so he could grin at his mother, who was smiling brightly.

"Did you sleep well, my Kei-chan?" she asked, turning around with Kei in her arms and walking to her bedroom. Everything suddenly went black and the pair was back on the couch…


"How old were you?" Sho asked, placing a hand on Kei's cheek. Kei was smiling softly.

I would love to help you through
whatever is confusing you

"I think I had just turned two," Kei told him as Sho's hand slipped off of his cheek.

"That was your mom, right?" Kei nodded, looking away from Sho. "She's beautiful."

"Himeko," Kei said softly, as though he were saying it to himself. "I always helped her out around the house when I was little…"

"I can see where you get your stunning beauty from," Sho said softly, smiling at Kei, but Kei was simply staring at the floor.

"She always said I took after her more than Dad," Kei said quietly, not listening to Sho's compliment. He sighed heavily.

"Is there something wrong?"

"I've buried away these memories I've been showing you because…it hurts me to remember how many people I used to love, what a caring family I had, how I'm never going to see them again just because Luka chose me to be his 'friend'. Me. Out of thousands of millions of other people and he chose me and ruined my life." Sho watched a tear slide down Kei's cheek slowly. "I loved her so much, but he took her away from me a-and…I'll never be able to forgive him for it…"

Kei decided to look up at Sho, even though tears were running down his face. Sho looked at him with love in his eyes and took the vampire into his arms, cradling him softly. Kei sniffed loudly and buried his face in Sho's shirt. "I know how you feel, Kei," Sho whispered. "And seeing how much you loved your mother by age two, it must have hurt to lose her because of Luka. I lost my life-long friend to Chan…do you think Luka was reborn as Chan?" Kei gave Sho a watery laugh. "Kei-chan, if showing me your memories is hurting you too much, we can stop, I don't mind."

Kei never responded; he only pressed himself closer to his lover and sighed softly, knowing everyone he used to love was most likely dead…

I would go through ice and snow
if it would help you see in
what direction you should go…


Okay. To picture Kei's mother in all of her beauty (because she's so pretty!), I've found pictures of her…for those of you who watch Lost on ABC, Kei's mom is Sun, the Korean woman. If you want a picture of her (for those of you who don't watch Lost or haven't seen it in a while and want to remember what Sun looks like), go to Google image search and type in Yunjin Kim from Lost and a million pictures will pop up.

And Kei's first memory is actually based on my first memory. XD All I remember is waking up and looking out and seeing my mom making her bed and then looking over and smiling at me, coming in and opening my blinds…random, I know.

Lyrics are Therapy by The Satin Peaches. They played at the Chillfest at my school and I love them. George, the lead singer, has skinny jrock legs and crazy eyes. He actually invited me and Kris and a couple other people up to dance onstage for the encore and a million people followed us. Kris and I both got picks that had been in his mouth. ;D It was cool.

Please review! I do accept anonymous reviews (because looking at all of the hits I've got, not a lot of people review) and when you review, you're acknowledged in the next chapter! And I also noticed no one updates their fics anymore! (pouts) I need KeixSho to survive!

Kei facts:

Himeko: Kei's mother.

Haruki: Kei's younger brother. Two years younger than him.

Maori: Kei's older sister. Five years older than him.

Mei: Random pet cat they got two weeks before the falling down the stairs incident. Secretly Gackt's cat.

Kei's Birthday: ------ --, 1954 (you'll find the date out later); Turned into vampire: 1973 (was 19); Is currently 89 years old in the year 2043.