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PART TWO
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CHAPTER ONE
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The hot sun burned overhead, its heat seeping through Lynx's shirt and searing into his skin. He leaned back on his knees, wiping the sweat from his brow. He looked down the rows of the field he was busy trying to save from the sun. The Gaians would go hungry this winter if these crops could not be saved. He reached down and pulled another one of the many weeds that seemed to thrive while the crops wilted and browned.
He heard the footsteps coming from behind him. He turned, looking over his shoulder, surprised to see Caliko and Oriel slowly walking towards them, their heads bent in the hot sun. "Hey!" He called, waving a hand. Oriel quickened her steps and ran towards Lynx.
"Daddy!" Oriel threw her arms around him. He held her there, smelling the sunshine in her hair. "Hot." Oriel said pushing him away.
Lynx chuckled and stood up, kissing Caliko on her head. "What brings you out to the depths of hell?"
Caliko smiled and held up a canteen of water. "A man cannot live on work alone. Dove and I brought your guys dinner. We set it up over there." She pointed to the trees. Lynx saw Dove waving at them from the back of a wagon. Lynx returned the wave. "Come on everyone! You've earned a break!" Caliko called to the others in the field.
Lynx put his arm around Caliko and the couple walked towards the welcome shade of the trees. "You should have been called 'Grasshopper', Oriel, now stop chasing the poor things and come on." Lynx held his hand out to her.
"Hold me!" Oriel held up her hands, her face tanned and dirty. Lynx picked her up and balanced her on his hip.
"It's too hot for my little bird, isn't it?" Lynx had never been happier since marrying Caliko. Things had not been picture perfect, but their arguments never lasted long, Lynx's cool and gentle nature easily put out Caliko's firey temper. He felt Oriel was really his child and although he secretly wished for a child of his own, he knew no one would ever take the space Oriel filled in his heart. Caliko never mentioned Oriel's father or her past before the Chosen had taken her prisioner, something that Lynx tried not to let bother him, even though he felt a married couple should share everything. But as little as she told him, he made up for it. He told her how he came to join the Gaians, what his family was like before the virus, even how he hated his third grade teacher. Caliko would ask questions here and there and make comments on his stories, but she never gave anything back.
The family entered the cool shade of the trees and Lynx set Oriel down, who ran over to Hapiness and soon the pair were interested in chasing a lizard. Dove handed him his dinner and he sat down against a tree and watched his wife as she helped dole out dinner to the workers.
When everyone was finally fed, Caliko came and sat beside him. "I'll miss you."
Lynx grinned even though a quick jab of sadness peirced his heart. Caliko rarely expressed her feelings concerning Lynx. Her way of defending herself, Lynx had always assumed. "I'll miss you both." He was leaving in the morning with others to check on a few of the smaller factions of the tribe who wished to live a more 'with nature' lifestyle. Out of the handful of smaller tribes, only one had made any contact with the main tribe in weeks. "I'll be back in a few days." He had regretted volunteering to go, but he had played 'happy-husband' too long and he knew it was time to start doing more than tending the fields. He sighed and closed his eyes.
Caliko stood and walked to the wagon.
"I hate the thought of them leaving." Dove said, busy putting away the left-overs. Fox was leaving the next day as well.
Caliko looked back at Lynx, who was now dozing in the shade. She nodded her head.
"But I enjoy the night before and the night he gets back!" Dove smiled slyly at Caliko and then laughed. "I already have Hapiness staying with Buck and Cherry." She winked at Caliko, sat down on the end of the wagon, and opened a canteen. "What do you two have planned?"
Caliko just smiled at her and looked down.
"You're so shy Caliko!" Dove nudged her shoulder and handed her the canteen.
That night, Lynx lay in bed, listening to Caliko breathe beside him. She allowed him to hold her, while they fell asleep, but soon she would pry away his arms and curl herself away from him. He wanted to do more than hold her each night, but Caliko, he knew, still wasn't ready for that step. Just being allowed to hold her and find her still in bed with him in the mornings was a triumph for Lynx. After their marriage, Caliko had moved into his home, but she still choose to sleep on the floor beside the crib instead of the bed. It took him weeks to get her to lay with him. A few more weeks for her to allow him to hold her. But it was months before he ever woke up in the morning to find his wife still beside him. Some mornings he would find her beside the crib, or outside, sleeping against the steps, once he even found her sleeping on the ground beside the campfire. He was patient and tried his hardest to be understanding, he knew marrying Caliko wouldn't be easy, but here he was wearing thin. He loved her, but he wanted to love her in a different way as well. He looked at Caliko in the light cast by the moon. He wanted to touch her. He knew if he did, she would cry out and the nightmares would come. She never talked about her dreams, just lay in bed and cry. If Lynx tried to comfort her, she would allow it, but she would lay stiff and cold under his warm and caring arms.
"Do you ever think we rushed into this?" Caliko's voice cut through the night, breaking Lynx's thoughts.
"Rushed? -- What?" Lynx was surprised to find her still awake.
"Marrying me, do you think we rushed into it?"
Lynx pushed himself up, his head over Caliko's chest. "No." He gently ran his hand down her face. "Do you?" He pushed his dreads behind his ears, one fell back down across his face. Caliko lifted her hand, closed it as if unsure she should touch him, then brushed the hair back in place. Her eyes met Lynx's and she held his glance, then looked away, staring out the window.
"I know what you want. I'm laying here beside you, how can I not know what you want." Caliko's eyes flashed back to Lynx's, judging his reaction, before returning to the window. "I don't know what to do." She whispered.
Lynx looked at her, blinking his eyes, confused. He sighed and layed his chin on his chest, his hair falling down around his face, "Will you ever feel safe with me?"
Caliko chuckled, regretting starting the conversation, and continued to look out the window. Would she? She knew he should give him what he wanted, it was only fair. She closed her eyes, squinting them hard.
She took a deep breathe before turning her head back to Lynx. She put her hand under Lynx's chin and lifted is head. She looked into his eyes and forced a smile. "I already do." She grabbed his hair and gently pulled his head towards her's and kissed him.
He kissed her back, happy and pleased at the attention she was giving him. Caliko ran her tongue across his lips, teasing him. He opened his mouth and let her tongue join his. He could feel himself start to grow, pushing against her thigh.
Caliko ran a hand down his chest to his stomache and back up to his neck. Lynx moved away from her touch, letting her mouth slip from his. "Tickled." he said, bending his head back to hers, grabbing for her hand. He kissed her again and let his kisses move down to her neck.
Caliko's hand found the back of his neck and held it as he moved down further, nearing her chest.
Lynx could hear Caliko's heart pounding. He put a hand against her chest, feeling her heart's fast thump-thump beneath it. He looked up at her face. It was turned away from him, looking once again out the window. "Are you okay?"
Caliko swallowed and turned her head, forcing another smile. "Uh-huh." She lifted a shakey hand and ran it down his face.
He grabbed her hand. "You're shaking."
"I'm fine." Caliko sat up, grabbed his shoulders and threw him down to the bed. She threw a leg over him, straddling him. "See, just fine." She bent down and kissed him, her arms still holding down his shoulders.
Lynx kissed her back, his hands moving up under her shirt. He slowly felt his way to her chest, gently running his hand over her breasts. Caliko sat back and pulled off her shirt. Lynx sat up with her and wrapped his arms around her bare back and kissed her breasts. Caliko put her hands on his neck and rested her chin on his head.
She concentrated on breathing normally, tried to resist the urge to push him away. She could feel his tongue on her bare skin, feel him growing even larger beneath her. Caliko bit her lip, trying her hardest not to scream. She kept her eyes tightly closed, willing the tears to stay away. She needed to do this for him. She needed to repay everything he had done for her.
Lynx gently laid her back down on the bed and fumbled with removing his pants. He finally managed the buttons and pulled them down, exposing himself to her. He rolled over and kneeled beside her. "Are you sure?"
Caliko pulled him over her and kissed him in response because she knew trying to answer with words would only bring tears.
Lynx carefully nudged her legs apart and slipped his own in between. He grabbed her hands, "Are you sure?" He asked again.
Caliko, her eyes shut, didn't answer.
"Caliko?" He ran a finger down her face and felt the warm tears that flooded from her eyes. "Oh, Caliko!" He moved his body off Caliko and lay beside her, wrapping his arms around her. "Why didn't you stop me?" Lynx felt her shudder. "Shh, shh. I'm sorry. I should have known better."
"I--ju--just wan--anted to make you happy." Caliko choked.
"I am happy." Lynx lied. Yes, he was happy, but he so desperatly needed her more.
"But every--everything you've done for--"
"I've done because I love you, not becasue I was trying to 'buy' you."
"It's no--not--not fair for you."
"Not fair? What's not fair is what whatever happened to make you this way. What's not fair is that a beautiful girl can't live her life for the demons in her past. What's not fair is that I'm powerless to do anything to change it." He let her go and stood up, buttoning his pants. "I love you Caliko, but if you won't ever let me in...yeah, maybe we did rush things. You tell me you don't want to talk about your past, that you don't want to relive it, but every day you do anyway. Why not let me relive it with you? Let me show you that what's happened will never happen again." He grabbed a shirt and his coat. "I don't want to ever force you to do anything Caliko, but I can't stick around and watch you suffer like this when you won't even let me help." He pulled on the shirt and coat. He picked up her shirt where it lay on the floor and sat on the bed. "While I'm gone, you can make the descion on what to do." He layed the shirt beside her. "I love you, but this has got to stop." Lynx leaned over and kissed her head and stood once again.
"Where are you going?" Caliko asked, sitting up, covering herself with her shirt.
"Outside, I think I'll sleep out there tonight, you need to think." He grabbed his boots and walked out of the room.
Caliko could hear the door creak open and close and it quietly click shut behind him. She could hear his footsteps on the steps. She pulled her shirt over head and crawled out of bed. She wanted to follow him, but knew she couldn't, so she instead went to Oriel's crib and laid down beside it.
