Author's Note: Welcome to chapter 4! Thank you for the continued support and I hope you like this one.
"I know she's here."
"She's through there, but she's still sleeping, so it might be best to…"
"I decide what's best for that wife of mine, not you."
From where she laid on the little sofa in the lounge, barely awake and curled up beneath her blanket, Margaret could hear Aoibheann speaking with her husband out in the hall. It was clear that she was doing all she could to deter him from coming in, to make him leave and return later so she could prepare herself a little more for what was going to come, but the chances of that happening were slim to none and she was well aware of that. He would force his way in if she wasn't careful, not caring that her children were tucked up in bed above him, and so she thought she would save her the hassle and slowly pushed back the blanket so that she could get up.
It intimidated her, of course, the thought of facing Ciarán after all that went down and all she said to him the day before, but it gave her courage knowing that he would refrain from doing anything while they were here. He wouldn't scream at her, he wouldn't threaten her, he wouldn't lash out and she would be able to speak for the time being without consequence. Running a hand through her tousled curls, she took a breath and walked through the lounge to the door before entering the hall and turning to face her husband who was still standing on the doorstep. He looked a terrible sight in the exact same clothes she left him in and his hair all uncombed.
"Enough of this nonsense," He said. "You made your point and it's time to come home."
"No," Was her soft response as she shook her head. "I can't come home with you, I…I'm not ready."
He entered the house then, almost pushing Aoibheann aside, and she felt her heart start pounding against her ribs as he walked towards her before he took her face in his hands. "It was a stupid spat," His voice was gentle as he brushed his thumbs against her cheeks and, truthfully, it made her rather wary as to what he was up to. "I had time to think about what you said when you left and I…I do admit that you were right about a handful of things. Come home with me and we can sort this out, my love, we can have a long talk about it all and we might even wind up coming to some sort of understanding once everything is said and done, don't you agree?"
A long minute of silence went by as she stood there with him, looking him in the eye as he went on caressing her, and then she managed to speak. "I think we should talk about this, but if we're to do that then we'll do it on my terms because you owe me that after all that went down. I want us to talk about it here because then I can be sure I can say what I want to say without you shutting me down or speaking over me. I refuse to make a single promise though, Ciarán, my agreeing to speak with you about this does not mean I'll be coming home with you later on. I might a bit of time to think things through before I feel I can come to an actual decision."
It was evident that her response was far from the one he was expecting when the look in his eye changed, but he gave her a nod nevertheless and she reached up to take his hands from her face before looking around him at Aoibheann who was still at the door. "I hope you don't mind, but I was wondering if we could go into the lounge to talk?" She asked her with a raise of an eyebrow. "I promise I'll try to make this as quick as possible."
Aoibheann nodded. "Of course, pet. I'll just be upstairs with the wains if you need me."
"I appreciate it, thank you," Margaret smiled before she and Ciarán watched the elder woman ascend the stairs. Once they were alone, she looked her husband in the eye once again before turning in silence and making her way back into the lounge with him behind her. It was when he closed the door that she crossed her arms and turned back around, her gaze following him as he ventured further into the room. "Go on, scream at me then. Or…or are you going to skip right past that and just shove me into a wall? I mean, our little 'talks' always end up going in the same direction, so you might as well save us both a lot of time and jump straight to that part."
"I was furious when you walked out on me and never came home, I admit that." He sighed.
"I seem to remember you telling me to run," She told him, her voice laced with rage. "Only a fool with some kind of death wish would have come home to you last night and that, Ciarán, I am sorry to disappoint you, is not who I am! I did what you told me to do which, ironically, is something I have been doing for as long as I can remember, so don't you dare stand there and try to make out that my running out was any fault of mine."
He was quiet for a time as he wandered over to Riordan's armchair and perched himself on the arm, running his hands down his thighs through his trousers. "I only lost my temper with you yesterday because I knew you were right," He told her. "I…I have treated you so badly over the years and there's nothing I can say to change that, I know, but I need you to know that I regret it bitterly. You are such an incredible woman – you have to be since you put up with me for so long – and I should have seen that for myself and known just how lucky I was. I was so blind to it, but I see it now and all I ask for is a chance to treat you the way I always should've."
"Oh, my…" She laid a hand over her heart. "You really think I'm stupid enough to fall for that, poor soul."
"I know my words mean little and you don't trust me at the moment. I don't blame you, honestly, I wouldn't either after all I've done," He said, slowly shaking his head. "But I am going to change, I'll prove that in time."
"And what about this situation of ours? Mine? Whatever you want to call it, I suppose," She asked, bringing a hand to rest on her belly through the nightgown she had on. "No matter where this leads, it won't change the fact that I'm having a baby and there's going to be another mouth for us to feed at the end of this pregnancy. You made it rather clear that you hate this child and you want no part in rearing it, so why beg for me back?"
He lowered his gaze to her stomach for a time before looking at her once again and standing from the arm of the chair to make his way over to her. "I just don't want to have to share you," He chuckled. "I know that the baby is going to take up so much of your time and love and I suppose I just wanted to have that all to myself. I'm not ecstatic about it, I won't lie, and I would rather our family were made up of just you and I, but if this is the road we have to go down then I suppose I have no choice but to put up with it. I will put a little money towards things and if you want to bring a little more in with your seamstress plan, I won't stand in your way."
"I want to believe you," She whispered. "I want to believe you could change so much, but I…"
"I understand," He soothed, stroking her face. "But all I ask for is one more chance."
"Well…"
"Please, Mags, don't make me get down on my knees and beg."
Looking him in the eye in silence for a time, she thought all he just said over in her head before sighing softly. "One more chance and that's it, Ciarán, I don't care what promises you make or how apologetic you are. You step out of line or you put so much as a hand on me and I'll leave you. I won't come back to you again, ever."
"I respect that," He assured her. "Go on, go and change and then we can get you home where you belong."
Without a word, she moved around him and headed for the door before leaving the room and making her way upstairs to the bathroom where she left her clothes the night before. It took her minutes at the most to change out of the nightgown and back into her dress and cardigan, pulling her curls up atop her head and using a pin to keep them in place, and just as she turned back to the door there was a knock. Aoibheann was standing on the other side when she opened it and she moved to one side, letting her join her in the room before she shut the door so they could talk. "I take it you're going back with him then?" Aoibheann asked her in a quiet voice.
"I have no other choice, really," Margaret admitted. "I can't expect to live on your sofa for the rest of time."
"You know you would be incredibly welcome to do so, don't you?" Aoibheann teased, causing her to chuckle.
"I do, I'm never in any doubt of your friendship nor your loyalty." Margaret reached out to stroke her arm.
"I'm worried about you. Being there alone with him." Aoibheann confessed at last.
Margaret sighed, wringing her hands together. "I'm worried about me too, in all truthfulness, but I need to at least try and make this work out. I don't believe he's going to change in his heart for a moment, but I believe he's going to at least pretend to love me and treat me right and that seems better to me than the alternative. If I have to live in a lie, so be it, but he knows I will be straight back out the door if he puts even a foot wrong."
"Listen to me," Aoibheann took her by the arms and took a step closer to her, looking her directly in the eye. "You do and always will have a family here that loves you. If you need a break or you need someplace to feel safe, you come here no matter the time. I don't care if it's the wee hours, lass, if you need me then you come to me and I will do all I can to sort things out for you. I never want you to feel you have nowhere safe to go."
Margaret swallowed the lump in her throat. "I love you so much."
"Not as much as I love you, trust me on that," Aoibheann touched her forehead to hers. "Give me a hug."
Doing as she was told, Margaret wrapped her arms tight around her and smiled when she pulled her close and gave her a squeeze of reassurance. It went on for a long minute or so, their embrace, and when it ended they made their way from the room and she sighed as she looked towards the girls' bedroom. "Give them my love when they wake up will you? Tell them I'll try not to leave it all that long before I seem them again this time."
"Of course." Aoibheann nodded.
After standing there for a moment together, the two of them made their way back downstairs to where Ciarán was waiting near the door and Margaret slipped her hand into his when he held it out to her. "I do appreciate you letting her stay here, Aoibh, but we'll leave you to get on with your day." He said while opening the door.
"Look after her for me." She told him.
"I know what I'm doing." Was all he said in response before leading his wife out of the door.
Leaning against the doorframe, she watched the pair walk through the garden gate and turn to make their way down the street and when they were out of sight she sighed to herself. She had no right to have an opinion on the matter, but there was something about this that truly put her on edge. If it were down to her and she felt she could say such a thing, she would have told Margaret she was staying where she was because she honestly didn't trust Ciarán as far as she could throw him, but this was her friend's relationship and it needed to be her choice. Like she said though, she would always be there to support her and pick up the pieces if she needed to.
It was a promise and one she would never go back on.
Not as long as there was breath in her body.
"Is there anything I can get for you? Something to drink, maybe?"
Margaret looked up from the book she was reading on the sofa when her husband walked into the lounge later that day, marking her place with her thumb so as not to lose it before she glanced at the empty teacup sat on the table next to her. "Uhm, I think I'm okay, thank you, it hasn't really been long since I drank the last one."
"Right you are." He replied.
Giving him the smallest smile, she turned back to her book and went on reading for a minute or so before the sound of slow footsteps caught her attention and she glanced up again to see him making his way towards her. He sat down in the space beside her on the sofa when he reached her and, for a time, he merely looked at her before bringing a hand to rest on her knee through the skirt of her dress and edging closer to her. "I'll have to go back to work in the morning. I only managed to get away with not turning up this morning because I sent Riordan with the message I was feeling under the weather. You'll be okay on your own, won't you?" He asked.
"Ciarán, please don't try and coddle me," She sighed. "I'm quite used to being alone while you're working."
"No, I know, I just feel I should start thinking of you more." He told her.
"I'll manage," She shook her head. "I'm not sure what I'll make for dinner, but I have time to think about it."
He smiled. "Oh, just use what we have in and make some stew or something. No need to bother too much."
When he leaned in and gave her a kiss on the forehead, she closed her eyes for a second before he pulled back and stood from the sofa so he could leave the lounge once again and get back to whatever he was doing prior. Leaning back against the cushion behind her, she closed her book and placed it down in her lap with a frown. He was overcompensating to the highest degree, he had been since they got back, and though it had been nice to put her feet up and relax for once it was already becoming too much. He was mithering her, asking what he could do for her every ten minutes or if she needed something and all she truly wanted was to be left in peace.
It was ingenuine, his kindness.
It was forced and she could tell treating her this way was foreign to him and it made him uncomfortable.
Honestly, it made her uncomfortable too, but she hoped it would become their new normal before long and it would all become a little simpler for her to deal with. It was better than the alternative, that was what she had to keep reminding herself of for the time being. For almost four hours now, they had been alone together, and not once had he spoken out of turn or moaned at her about something. It seemed as though her threat of truly leaving him had succeeded in having the desired effect and it felt incredible to know that she was the one with the upper hand for once. She was the one calling the shots, not him, and she prayed it would remain that way.
Looking at the clock on the mantelpiece, she noticed it was coming up to two o'clock and decided it was about time she got up and tried to work out what she was going to make for dinner. Since she'd spent the previous afternoon with Aoibheann and the family, she hadn't been able to go into town for anything and so she would just have to make do with what was in the cupboards which she feared wasn't that much. Getting up from the sofa, she returned her book to the little bookshelf near the window before making her way from the lounge to the kitchen and when she entered she wandered over to the cupboard above the counter and had a look inside.
It was just as she thought.
Other than a bag of oats and a couple of potatoes, there was practically nothing in for her to cook with.
It would have to be stirabout for them tonight and the last time she had to resort to making that for dinner, Ciarán launched the bowl at the wall in a drunken rage and stormed out of the house to return to the pub and eat there. Of course, she doubted he would react the same this time considering he was making such a show of being the model husband, but it still worried her and him coming in from the garden did nothing to help her. "Ciarán, I…I didn't realize we had so little in or else I would have said we needed to pop into town before we came back. I think we're going to have to have stirabout tonight, but I can do us something proper tomorrow."
"It can't be helped, I suppose," He replied. "Just don't let it happen again, all right?"
"I promise," She shook her head. "Are, uhm, are you planning on going out tonight? Or are you staying in?"
"I thought I might stay home tonight and then we can talk." He explained.
She blinked at him for a second. "I thought we talked this morning. I thought all of that was sorted."
"Not about that," He told her. "I mean we should just talk because we never take the time to simply do that."
"But we have nothing to talk about."
"I'm sure we'll think of something at some point."
Before she had the chance to utter another word, he decided their little talk was over and made his way out of the kitchen so he could go up to their room. It was going to be an incredibly long night if he was planning on staying home so they could talk, she already knew, but she gathered she would simply have to grin and bear it. One good thing about him deciding against heading down to the public house, however, was that he wouldn't end up plastered. No doubt he would forget all about their talk at Aoibheann's if he drank too much and he'd stop caring about the ultimatum she gave him and unload on her. That or he would use it entirely against her.
It didn't bear thinking about.
No, she was just going to have to put up with him tonight and then he would be out all day tomorrow.
It would give her time to rest, go into town for some things, clean and get ready for him to come home again.
It would help her to get used to their new normal.
It was quite late that night when she made it to the bedroom after sorting the dishes and neatening the kitchen up a little and Ciarán was already in bed when she entered. In silence, she walked over to her wardrobe to get a nightgown to wear and quickly shed her clothes so she could change into it. She then let down her hair and set the pin down on her dressing table, shaking out her curls and raking her nails through them as she padded over to the bed before pulling back the covers and climbing in. Once she had turned down the oil lamp on her nightstand, she laid down with her back to her husband and that was when she felt his hand settle on her hip.
He brought her back against him so she was against his chest and wrapped his arm around her, the same hand taking its place on her stomach to hold her there as he brushed his lips softly against the back of her shoulder. Back when they were newly married, such an action would have made her smile and made her feel so content. It would have made her love him so much more and it would actually help send her to sleep, but that was far from what it was doing for her in this moment. Him touching and kissing her like this was the very last thing she wanted. It was as though he was pretending nothing ever happened between them and things were perfect.
No, that was not what she agreed to when she agreed to come home with him.
It was true she agreed to give him one more chance, to give him an opportunity to learn from his past wrongs and be the husband she needed, but that didn't mean she was going to forget all that he put her through. She wasn't going to pretend none of it ever happened and that everything in their garden was rosy when it wasn't. Placing a hand over his on her stomach, she gently moved it away and moved slightly in his embrace to make him release her. "Ciarán, I don't mind being here and I don't mind sharing a bed with you – not that I have a choice, really – but I am not going to do this. I'm not going to lay here and act like all is perfect between us."
He took his arm from around her in silence before muttering, "If that's the way you want it to be."
"It is the way I want it to be." She told him.
He chose not to answer her then and she felt him move back and turn away from her, a sigh of relief leaving her when he fell silent and she was able to close her eyes and settle down at long last. If things continued like this, if he continued to listen and respect her wishes, maybe she would be all right and she could live like this.
Maybe, just maybe, she would learn to cope.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for taking the time to read. As usual, I would love to know what you thought of this one and I will see you all next time!
