Summary: Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV.
Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...
Okay, everyone. Even though I finish the chapters, sometimes it takes me a while to put it up. I'm grounded from the computer, ya know. And even though I have ten reviews doesn't mean that I am even done with the chapter… You guys review fast!
Dates
Written:
April 9th, 2006
X x X x X x X x X x X x X
The
Games We Play
Entry Three: Back to School
X x X x X x X x X x X x X
Day Three:
Why do I keep doing that? It sounds like I was put in prison!
I love school, and yet I hate it at the same time. Today was my second day of school. I'm sorry that I didn't put in an entry for the first day, but I was kinda unable to… I'll explain later.
Today I was able to keep up with most of the American school life. Miroku, Sango, and Inuyasha all sat at the same table. Of course, I was allowed to sit with them. I did sit with them, is what I should have said.
Miroku was talking on and on about how his summer went. Inuyasha was rolling his eyes and pointing out that Miroku's stories were all lies. And Sango was working on some stuff; I assumed it was homework.
Miroku finally ran out of things to say and sighed. He leaned his head against me and hugged my waist. The conversation went something like this:
"Oh, Kagome. I miss having a woman by me all the time!" I tensed my body slightly, but I also blushed. Miroku was being somewhat… intimate with me. Inuyasha started growling like a dog.
"Can it, Miroku. You haven't had a girl in over a year. Why should it matter now?" Inuyasha asked. Sango looked up and I saw the pain in her eyes. I tried to give her a look that told her nothing was going on between us. She looked more relieved, but not all the way at ease.
"Oh, Kagome. Won't you…" I covered his mouth and slowly pushed him away from me. Miroku looked at me, then across the table to Sango where I was looking.
"I see." He said quietly. I nodded my head and began to pay attention to my absence of lunch. I forgot to go shopping and, therefore, didn't have the supplies to make my own lunch today.
A piece of food slid in front of me and I looked to see Sango smiling. She was always nice, even if I couldn't understand her. Miroku and Inuyasha weren't paying attention, though.
I mouthed the words thank you to her and began to eat what she had given me.
"Say, Kagome…" Miroku began.
"Miroku! Don't you even start!" Inuyasha roared. The entire cafeteria grew quiet at the intensity of Inuyasha's voice. Then, seeing that it was him, they all returned to their conversations.
"Be quiet, Inuyasha. I can ask this. Kagome doesn't mind." Miroku looked at me.
"Miroku, I'm going to hit you if you offend her." Inuyasha warned. I was too curious to get the idea.
"Kagome. Would a beauty like yourself still be untouched?" He asked. I blinked. What?
"See, Miroku? She doesn't get it! Now shut up and pay attention to something else." Inuyasha's face had turned red by now. Sango had started staring at Miroku and I. Slight panic was laced in her expression.
"Let me rephrase it then," Miroku turned and looked at me. "Kagome, would a beautiful woman like yourself be a virgin?" He asked. Sango's food came out all over the papers she had been writing on, Inuyasha started growling, and I felt my stomach turn.
My lunch wasn't going to stay in. I looked at Miroku and tried to fight off showing him the obvious. I finally got the control to sign him without the middle finger.
I told him that I wasn't feeling good. I left towards the bathroom. Then my stomach churned again. I stopped short at a trash can and threw up in it. Tears made their way down my face as I emptied all of the food from my stomach.
I heard Sango coming, but I walked away. She kept calling my name and trying to get my attention, but I wouldn't turn around. I knew that I looked bad, and I didn't want her to see me.
Then some kid, one of the ones that picked on me last year, tripped me. I hit the cement with a dull thud and could fee my wrist – which I fell on – crack.
That was my dramatic lunch today. Damn, my stomach is gurgling. I wish I could eat, but grandpa said not to as soon as he found out about what happened. When he's done with this tour, he's taking me to the doctor to make sure that I didn't break my wrist.
I'm pretty sure I did.
I don't want to see the doctor, either. He had given me a very thorough physical yesterday. As for why a man was my doctor, I don't know. I would have felt better with a woman… I can't change that, though.
Anyway, about why I couldn't have an entry yesterday. The doctor had given me, like I said, a very thorough physical. He had made sure that I was free of STDs. In fact, he even spent a long time making sure that I don't have anything down there. What a perverted and kind doctor.
Not.
Then he talked to me about how to have safe sex. He also asked me a question and I kicked him for asking it. He knows that I won't talk. So, when I kick him, he has learned to shut up… Most of the time.
So, now I have to tell you about what happened on the first day of school. Most of my teachers weren't able to tell that I was mute on their own. They had no idea that I lacked the ability to tell them my name.
Here, I'll replay what happened throughout every single class. I'm sure you, Mr. Diary, will find it interesting. (Why did I just name my diary?)
Period
One:
"Okay, class… Settle down! I'm going to call your
name. I don't want some crude joke to let me know you're here.
Just say here or present, okay?" The teacher asked us to do.
Everyone went in front of me, then my name had to be called.
"Kagome
Higgerashee?" He asked. Oh, my, God. Not only did he not pronounce
the "E" in my name (I guess he assumed it was silent), but he
fucked up my last name!
"Kagome Higgerashee? Is this person
here?" Please tell me that he at least knew I was a girl! I started
flailing my arms about. He came over to me and asked me to tell him
my problem. I tried desperately to let him know that I couldn't
speak and that I was Kagome Higurashi. But, it was no use. He didn't
know.
"Uhh… Mr. Dude," What an odd name for a teacher,
don't you think? "She can't talk. She came here at the end of
school last year and she can't speak. I think she's mute or
something." Great. I got a druggie speaking on my behalf.
The
teacher looked at me with that look. You know the one. They
give it to you to size you up, see if you're telling the truth, see
if you understand things, and to see if you did the homework last
night. All in that one, flipping, look. I smiled innocently and
nodded my head.
As if this would help, he hit the back of my
head. I jumped and glared at him. I guess me not cussing him out,
which I desperately wanted to do, proved that I couldn't talk.
And
he left, calling off names of everyone else in class.
Period
Two:
"Okay. I'm going to put all the girls on this side of
the room. All the boys go on the other side of the room…" The
teacher told us. Everyone groaned… Well, everyone except the gay
people groaned. They got perverted looks on their face.
The
teacher split everyone off to the side and I sat right next to Sango.
I waited patiently as she walked down every row and called out names
to make sure people were here.
"Is little Kagome here?" At
least she realized that my name was Japanese, and, therefore, needed
the "E" to be pronounced.
I gave Sango a pleading look. I
couldn't talk. I couldn't raise my hand, or she might hit me like
the last teacher had done. Sango raised her head and the teacher
looked at her.
"Yes?" She questioned.
"Kagome is right
next to me. She can't talk, though." Sango explained. The teacher
looked at me, then looked at the boy sitting on the other side of
Sango.
"I thought that Kagome was a girl." She said. Sango
coughed and I stared at the teacher. She was paid HOW MUCH to educate
us? And with WHAT brain was she using for her job?
Sango finally
got her to understand, and she apologized. Then she got all into a
huff when I didn't tell her that I forgave her. What did she
expect? Did she expect Little Kagome to speak just for her?
Fuck no.
Period
Three:
This was the best because our teacher didn't even call
my name. I'm not even in his class, as far as he is concerned.
Damn. Teachers are so damn stupid…
Period Four:
This one is right after lunch. My teacher, a portly, round, and
pissy old man, spilled some type of sauce all over the attendance.
So, he wrote it down on the chalk board. Who uses chalk boards,
still?
He couldn't get my name from me. I couldn't talk to
tell him. I started to get up to write it down for him, and he
started cussing at me. I sat down and wrote it on my own paper. He
said that he couldn't read it. Gee, really? I sit in the back and I
expect you to read it? COME HERE, FATTY! I NEED TO TELL YOU MY
NAME!
He sent me to the principle's office for being 'unruly'.
I left with a smile on my face. As I was leaving, I took another
piece of chalk and quickly wrote down that I was mute and I left.
Some students were giggling.
Period
Five:
A boy, named Gomez, began me for the day. Our old teacher
was somewhat blind. He couldn't tell the difference between our
names. As he was walking by, he called Gomez's name and told him to
sit in my seat. Then he corrected himself and Gomez became Kagome for
the rest of the class.
Sadly said, I became Gomez for the rest of
the day. I couldn't say anything, obviously. Gomez didn't seem to
really notice that his name was being taken by a girl and that he had
become the girl who was taking it.
Period
Six:
My teacher got to my name in the role book and just fell
asleep. She kept asking 'Is Kaaaaagooooomeeee
Higeeeeeeeraaaaashiiiiii heeeeere?' After a while, she used up all
her energy. If she had looked at me, I was waving my hands about. In
fact, the last few times, I was holding a banner over my head.
The
banner had an arrow to point down to me. It said "I AM KAGOME
HIGURASHI AND I AM MUTE."
But, she fell asleep too soon.
That was my exhausting and confusing first day of school. That is what I should have put in the beginning. Oh well. I'm too lazy to copy and paste.
In two weeks, I am going to see Souta. He doesn't know that I'm still not talking. I haven't bothered to let him know that. He thinks that I'm talking and he's even under the impression that I have a boyfriend.
Of course, he only knows half of what is wrong. He doesn't know the whole truth to it. If he did, then he would know that there is no chance I can have a boyfriend. There is no chance that I can ever fall in love.
So, I read romance books. Well, I used to read romance books. Then I stopped reading them. You know why?
They have love scenes in them. Naturally, I wouldn't care. But because of circumstances, that you don't know, I can't stand those things. I can't stand the idea of two people managing to love each other so much that they lose their virginity to each other.
That amount of love in incomprehensible for me. I refuse to believe that it can even exist. The only form of love that I have ever known has another name. It is called lust. Lust is the only imitation of love that someone may give themselves to another for.
Why would you possibly want to do something physical if you have an emotional connection? That doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps the rest of humanity understands. I don't. That is why I cannot love.
I want to, believe me. But every time I even think about liking someone, I get scared. What if they were to try to hug me? What if they made a big deal about being secretive over something trivial? I wouldn't be able to handle it.
My paranoia would destroy everything. That's why I won't let myself even try to change my mind about loving someone. If there's a chance I'll screw it up, then it's impossible.
Hmm… Crap, I forgot to tell you about what happened between Sango and Miroku after school today! Even after Miroku's embarrassing question to me (which I have yet to slap him for), he still loves Sango.
After school, we were all sitting around in a bench in the quad. None of us were in a big hurry to get home. Inuyasha wanted to wait half an hour, and I wasn't comfortable walking home while everyone else was there.
Miroku asked Sango out. At first she hesitated, and I glared at her. Then, after getting my look of doom (she named it), she agreed to go out with him. You should have seen the smile on Miroku's face. I bet it's still there.
I am so happy that they're finally going out. I can't love, and I never will… But at least my best friends can have a chance for it. Perhaps if they love each other, I can pay more attention to them than crappy love stories.
I mean, they are much more real and authentic. You don't read about love stories between people who have REAL flaws. The people are always perfect in mind and body.
Sango and Miroku aren't. It makes me so extremely happy that I can witness imperfect love… Well, between two friends. I don't really care for whether or not it happens to me. Like I said, I prefer to avoid love because I'll destroy it if I try to experience it.
Let's see… I have to leave you with something to think about. I think I'll start doing that, along with counting down my days of the diary. Of course, I make them sound like days of captivity.
Let's think. What is good enough to scare Mr. Diary? Got it! Okay, here you go.
"Kagome, don't you want to show off to everyone?" My mother asked me. I stared at her with somewhat depressed eyes. I was still talking at the time, but I avoided any conversation I could.
"No. I don't see what there is to show off." I told her dryly. My mother looked at my like I had just turned into a man.
"How could you say that, Kagome dear? You have one of the prettiest faces I have ever seen? Why would you say that there is nothing to show off?" My mother asked. I stared at her turn turned around.
"It's not pretty, it's hideous. Don't start saying that my body is pretty either. It's even worse." I dryly told her. My mother must have been devastated, but I was feeling much worse than she could even fathom.
That was one of the last conversations I ever had. A few days after that, I quit talking. Those few days were some of the hardest of my life. I nearly spoke of my tragedy to several people. That was when I fell silent. That was when I decided that talking wasn't important.
After all, if I wasn't talking, I wouldn't have even gotten in the mess I am still in. If I wasn't talking, I wouldn't have thought of screaming to the high heavens. I wouldn't have tarnished myself. I wouldn't have ruined my life from then on.
Talking will only make your life worse, I thought. Now that I have more friends, I want to talk to make them happy. I know why I talked before. I wanted to make people happy, and talking to them did just that. But, now, I have to make them happy in some other way. I can no longer use my words and voice to let them know how much I appreciate them…
O o O o O o O o O o O
If you knew that everything was a lie, then you would know the worst of it all. Because I can't tell you, you have to get it on your own. Because my pain is the perfect delight used for my demise…
O o O o O o O o O o O
Rikaku: What in the world is an answer document? I wouldn't even call someone that. It sounds like you're a machine that belongs in my school when you're called that. And you're my favorite reviewer because you keep telling me that I'm doing something right!
LesMiserables: To answer all your questions… Yes, both. I wrote this off of my own experiences and because I'm feeling very dark recently (you don't want to piss me off, trust me). I don't know if Inuyasha will find out about Kagome's crush on him. I haven't gotten that far (I just started working on Chapter four when you reviewed!) And thank you for your review on how much you like it.
Next Chapter:
Cats VS Dogs
Reviews Needed: 30
- Lonely Bird
