Summary: Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV.

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:
April 13th, 2006
April 24th, 2006
April 26th, 2006

The long delay is due to my spring break (it wasn't nearly long enough). I did nothing over that, and then I was being a lazy bum. There. My explanation has been given.

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The Games We Play
Entry Eight: Close Call

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Day Eight: Sunday

On day eight, everything was strange. You see, day seven was so awesome, everyone got drunk. Then, on day eight, Adam woke up with a huge hangover and realized that he fucked Eve.

Heh. Me and my twisted sense of humor. I love torturing people with it. But, because I can't talk or show anyone my diary entries, I can't get these evil thoughts of mine out. But, what exactly makes them evil thoughts? Sounds like I'm trying to question society or some shit like that.

By the amount of cursing I'm using, I'm sure you can figure out that I had a bad day. A really bad day, if I am allowed to say so myself. But, who else is going to say it? Not like anyone else is going to come on here and type in my diary. That would just be… random.

Today was so terrifying. I have to thank Inuyasha for what he taught me yesterday. Please, don't let me forget to thank him. I think I should write him a note saying that I'll do anything (short of sex or speaking) as my thank-you.

I ran into Andrew today. My grandfather said that we needed some more fruits. So, I walked to the store and got fruit. I don't have a car to drive. My grandfather won't get me a car because he worries that, if I'm not sane enough to speak, then I won't be sane enough to drive. He has a point, albeit, not a very good one.

So, I walked to the store. I thought I could sense him, you know, with my powers. Crap. I guess I forgot to mention that. This time, it's not an ADD attack. I am actually going off on a tangent to tell you something important (or somewhat important).

My mother used to have faint traces of miko powers. Miko powers are mainly purifying things (demons, evil spirits, whatever) and using other objects to channel your miko energies through.

My brother has miko powers, and he's really good with them. I had miko powers. Then, after I was raped, I lost them. At least I think I did. I haven't been able to tap into the power anymore. Now it is gone.

As far as I know, miko powers are based on specific rules to be kept. You know, the general rules your parents give you. Don't have sex before marriage, don't do drugs, don't underage drink, don't smoke underage… Things of that sort.

So, when I had sex (even though I was raped), I wasn't able to use my powers anymore. My mother used to tell me stories about what happens when you do something bad and you have miko powers. Some celestial beings are supposed to come down and steal your powers. And, when powers leave temporarily, it is said that the beings are arguing on if you should have it back or not.

That was a bit off topic, I'm sorry. Anyway, with my traces of miko powers left, I sensed something bad. Of course, this is America. A lot of things are bad. I thought it was someone selling drugs right behind me or something. So, that in mind, I ignored my guy instinct.

It turns out that Andrew found me somewhere between my house and the store. He had been following me since, so he said. He came up to me as I was at the cash register. He spoke with me briefly, then he began to follow me outside.

Once we were away from the crowds of people, he grabbed me around the waist, pinning my arms to the side. I let the bag of food fall and thought. Then Inuyasha's training came to mind, and I let myself smile.

He told me that he was going to do me again, and I started crying. Even if I could defend myself, Andrew is just a source of fear for me. Fighting back against him requires me to get my mind and body out of a lock and move them.

I managed to do this, thankfully. I got my body out of the frozen position it had been stuck in. I grasped his shoulders and bent down. Then I tossed him over my head and against the ground. He looked stunned, then he looked really pissed off. I reached down to get the food, but he grasped my wrist. Perhaps I should have just left before that.

He dragged me to a alleyway that was nearby. I felt my body go into a lock once again as he began to force himself on me. Tears began to make their way down my face. If I could have screamed, I would have.

I opened my mouth and attempted to scream. But, it wasn't any use. Years of not using my voice had made it nearly impossible for me to use it again. I gave another attempt to scream, but nothing came out. I started crying even harder.

Andrew said something along the lines of what's wrong, pet? Can't talk? Don't worry, I'll have you moaning in no time. I tried screaming again, but my voice still wouldn't work.

I finally got my hand to move. I brought it up and hit his face as hard as I could. It stunned him, but not long enough for me to regain movement of my body. Soon he was on top of me with even more rage than before.

He grasped the back of my head and slammed it against the ground. I felt blood rushing to the area, and everything went blurry. I started feeling motion sickness (which I still feel now), and then… Well, I can't remember anything else. I think I blacked out.

I woke up in someone else's house. I looked around, and Sango came up to me. I stared at her, tears in my eyes. She raised an eyebrow then shook her head. She just told me that I would have to explain when she was done taking care of me. I just nodded my head.

So, Sango knelt down by me, and that's when I realized that I was on her bed. She began to take care of my head and other part of my body that I couldn't really feel. Then she sat up and handed me a piece of paper.

"Now you may tell me what you'd like. I'll burn the paper as soon as I'm done reading it." She told me. I nodded my head and began to write. As I did so, she took a few red and white towels into the bathroom.

And, that was the point that I realized that the towels were supposed to be white. The red was probably my blood. I saw the room spin again, and I looked down at my paper. I finished the sentence then handed it to Sango just as she came back into the room.

Sango read over the paper then nodded her head. "Now I'll tell you what I saw." She began. She sat down next to me and used a lighter to burn the paper. I smiled and mouthed the words 'thank you'.

"I came across you a few moments ago. You weren't dressed, but I could see what had been your clothes next to you. They looked ripped… It's still raining, I'm not sure if you knew that. But you were unconscious in the rain. It looked like you had gotten mugged or something, but I knew that someone probably did something else to you…

"I called your grandfather and told him that you were going to stay here tonight; to help me with a project that I made up. He asked about the food you were supposed to bring home, and I sent my little brother over to bring it to him." Sango finished.

I looked down at the carpet. I knew that I had probably been raped again. But, the only thing I was able to remember was my head being slammed against the concrete… And it started getting very cold.

Tears began to fill my eyes as Sango went to get me some different clothes for me to wear. Apparently the ones I was wearing weren't even hers. They were just the first ones she could get a hold of, she had told me.

Now, as I sit here, it still hurts. A lot of things, I mean. My head hurts, of course. My body is also in a lot of pain. The way my upper legs are ringing in pain tells me that I was raped. And that realization hurts just as much as it did the first time.

Sango came back and turned on her computer. She asked me if I knew who did it, and I told her that I did. She asked me if I could give her the name, and I shook my head. I hate Andrew, that's true. But I fear him more than anything. What would happen if he realized that I told someone he had raped me?

Well, my first guess would be that he would be even more pissed. Then he'd hurt me more. And, if he knew that I told Sango, then he would probably hurt her too. The idea of bringing my friends into my problems is even worse than I had imagined.

I looked at Sango, unsure of how to react. She said that if I didn't want to tell, I didn't have to. But she was just curious if I knew him. I nodded, and she got the idea. Then she sat down and pulled up her laptop. She told me that I could use it to sign onto the internet.

I gave her a questioning glance, and she said that she wanted to be able to talk to Inuyasha and Miroku about what happened. She promised not to tell about the raping, though. She said that she would tell them that I got beaten up. After all, there's no other way to explain how I got bruised after Inuyasha taught me to defend myself.

More tears began to make their way down my face. Inuyasha had spent… He had spent his entire day trying to make sure that I could fend for myself. He spent half his weekend doing that for me. And what happened? I just… I couldn't put it to use.

But, in defense of myself, I froze up. I couldn't get any of my body to respond half the time. The other half of the time, I was doing such a poor job on the techniques that it only succeeded in making Andrew more angry.

Now, as Sango is logging in and checking her email, I'm typing this up. I'm going to email it to myself, that way I can add it with the rest of my diary entries when I get home. Sango is saying something about how she has to tell them I got mugged.

I look up at her with pleading eyes, and Sango must know exactly what's on my mind. I don't want her to tell them about me being raped. It's so humiliating. Not to mention that they'll stay away from me. After all, I'm infected by another man. Who would want to be around that?

And, do I dare even bring this subject up? Why would Inuyasha bother to like a woman like that? Someone who has been ruined four times. FOUR TIMES! I don't believe how unfair things are, sometimes… Why do I have to get raped four times when millions of girls are willingly throwing away their virginity? Can't they be the ones who are being raped instead of me?

I guess I'm getting too emotional. I'm sorry. I'll calm down. Here's the conversation that we're having online. God, I have to put this up every time we have conversations, don't I?

DamnHand is Miroku, HumanPuppy is Inuyasha, SpiderBack is Sango, and HolyDemon is me. After this conversation, don't let me forget, I'm going to tell you why my screen name is holy demon. After all, since you know about the many times I was raped, Mr. Diary, why not know something as trivial as that?

HumanPuppy: Hey, how are you guys doing? Well, I guess I shouldn't ask Miroku that question. He's sitting right next to me.

SpiderBack: Oh, so are you two boys having a sleepover? How cute! I never thought of you two as a couple, but now that I think of it, you two match each other perfectly!

DamnHand: What the fuck, Sango! That's just nasty!

HumanPuppy: I had a comment, but I won't say it. I'll get in trouble.

SpiderBack: By who? Who else is paying attention to the conversation?

DamnHand: Uhh… Sango, I think it's so bad that he'll get himself in trouble.

SpiderBack: That bad, huh? Well, even though I'm really curious, I won't press it any further. I don't think I want to know, anyway…

HumanPuppy: Kagome, you're sure being quiet today.

DamnHand: Yes, why is that?

SpiderBack: She's just shooken up is all. Don't start interrogating her. It makes it sound like you guys are aiming to arrest her!

HumanPuppy: What? Sango, you must know what happened, then! Tell us!

SpiderBack: Just so you guys know, she'll be staying at my house tonight. The reason for this is because Kagome was beaten up on her way home from the store. I found her just over an hour ago.

DamnHand: Oh my God… Are you okay, Kagome?

HumanPuppy: I don't want to come across as angry, but… Why didn't you use what we learned yesterday?

HolyDemon: I tried… It didn't work…

SpiderBack: You guys, just leave her alone. I'm going to get off now, and Kagome is, too. I just figured that our nightly ritual of talking online had to be kept up.

HumanPuppy: So, I should try to sign on every night now? Just to talk to you guys?

DamnHand: So it appears, Inuyasha…

HumanPuppy: Shut up, Miroku. If you don't, you know what I'll tell Sango…

SpiderBack: Tell me what?

HumanPuppy has left the conference.

DamnHand: Inuyasha is forcing me to tell you two that I kicked his computer's wire so it turned off… And now I'm going to get offline. Bye, ladies!

DamnHand has left the conference.

Sango and I both turned off our computers. I handed the laptop back to her, and she put it in her desk's drawer. I watched her silently as she looked at me.

"So, I have one last question for you. The guy that Inuyasha brought up yesterday… He asked about the person you imagined. Then you got offline and he continued to tell me that you were supposed to imagine the person you hated most… You said the person's name was Andrew.

"I'm assuming he's the one that raped you… But, I don't know that for sure. So, is that right?" I nodded my head. "And is he the one who… did this to you tonight?" I nodded my head once again.

Sango slipped off of her desk's chair then hugged me tightly. She kept saying things on how sorry she was. She kept repeating those words to me over and over. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

Those are the last words I wanted to hear. I wanted Sango to say something about how she would kick his ass. I wanted to hear something about how he was going to regret hurting me. Sympathy was far from what I needed to hear.

Sure, knowing that someone feels sorry for you is important. It would be really hard to go through life if you never knew whether or not people cared about you. But, I was really aching to know that someone wanted to correct what happened to me.

"I'll start warming up some water for you. While you take a shower, I'll get some dinner for us and I'll get some clothes from your house." Sango told me. I nodded my head and she left.

Even though I knew I was alone, I didn't feel that way. I felt like there was someone staring at me. Everything I did was being watched. I couldn't hide from the eyes that seemed to be haunting my mind.

I stepped into the bathroom that was connected to Sango's room. I slowly pulled off the clothes that Sango had given me. I looked at myself in the mirror and began to cry. It was so hard to look at myself and know that the pitiful face I saw was me.

My face was bruised. I had a black eye, a split lip, and a few small cuts along my face. Sure, they were small, but they were also deep. They stopped bleeding, but they were a deep red from the blood that was ready to come out at any moment. They were cuts that could easily come from one of Andrew's flashy rings. The ones that are intended to show off wealth.

Along my neck were finger prints, from being choked. I had a big bruise (it was actually a hickey) on my shoulder. On my stomach, there was another bruise; purple and red. The first time I had seen a bruise of that shape and color, it was from someone kneeing my stomach. Andrew probably did that.

My feet were probably the only parts of my body that hadn't been hurt throughout my fourth rape. I slowly stepped into the warm bath that Sango had set for me. I winced in pain as the heat reached the sensitive skin on my stomach.

I spent a long time in the bath, just because it took much longer to wash myself. It hurt that much.

Once I got out, Sango had an inflatable mattress set down on the floor. She offered me her bed, but I shook my head rapidly. There was a bed frame. The thought of that scared me deeply. Bed frames, Kimi, blood, dead.

So, after Sango gave up on getting me to sleep on the bed, I made myself comfortable on the mattress. Soon, I fell asleep.

And, I forgot to tell you this. From the end of the internet conversation until now, nothing was written on Sunday. It's actually Monday morning right now, but I had to finish updating everything that happened yesterday.

Now, it's time to go to school. Sango is going to drive today, just because she doesn't want to walk with me in the condition I'm in.

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The pain is worse than you think. People often misunderstand the pain that comes with being trashed. Not just once, but three times. People often fail to realize that there are emotions behind the humiliating actions…

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Next Chapter: Touch
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- Lonely Bird