Lee stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel to sling around his waist. He jumped slightly at the sight of his reflection in the mirror. These days, he was looking pretty bad. There were dark bags under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping too well. He was too worried about what would happen if Kara woke up without him right there, ready to help. The stubble on his chin have moved towards full-on beard classification. Lee kept forgetting to shave. There were too many things to do. His hand rubbed his chin and then continued on to touch the scratches on his chest. They were finally starting to heal which meant it was about time for him to get some more.
Sighing, Lee stepped out of the bathroom and into his private quarters. He paused only slightly when he saw Kara was up. She was looking through some of the paperwork he had to do. That was a very good sign.
"How'd you sleep?" Lee asked.
"I didn't wake up screaming," Kara answered, not looking up from the reports.
Lee felt an immediate sense of relief come over him. Over the past two months that Kara had been on Pegasus, she was slowly starting to have fits of peaceful rest mixed in with the nightmares. Lee took that as a sign that he was doing something right. It had been days since he found her trying to bang and claw her way out of the room. He wasn't sure where that desire to be free came from. Kara still wasn't sharing everything with him yet. "That's great."
The room returned to silence, and Lee realized that Kara was really engrossed in those reports. He felt an immense feeling of relief wash over him. She really was making progress if she could concentrate on something that boring.
Kara had come to this ship looking like she had lost her last grip on reality. For the first few days, she muttered incoherent thoughts about what was happening, and all Lee could do was hold on and wait to see if anything shifted. He stayed by her side, selfishly ignoring the duties he had. Every few hours, he would try to get her to eat some kind of food, bringing her tray after tray of food. She barely touched a drop of it. He couldn't even get her to admit that she saw what he was offering. She was caught up so deep within herself.
Lee wanted to scream in triumph the morning he woke up to find her staring at him. He was afraid of what that meant for the few seconds before she smirked and told him he needed to take a shower because he smelled.
Kara wasn't suddenly healed at that point. She had a nightmare about an hour after making that joke and didn't talk for the rest of the day. When he tried to get her to eat, she flung the whole tray of food at his head. He barely ducked in time.
The nightmares didn't go away, but it seemed like Kara had finally found a way to deal with them. Lee could see her sorting through them each time she woke up. Every morning it seemed to get easier to identify reality.
Lee was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he forgot he had just come from the shower. It wasn't until Kara looked up to give him a smile but instead ended up gasping that he remembered. He could smack himself for being so stupid.
Kara's eyes stayed locked on the scratches on his chest. She shoved the reports to the side and got up from the bed. "What happened, Lee?" she whispered as her hand reached out to trace the scars. "Who did this to you?"
"You don't remember?"
"No," Kara replied, still fixated on the scarred skin.
"Kara, it was you." Lee gave her a reassuring smile when she looked up at him in alarm. "You had a rough night a few days ago. You woke up screaming and I was the last person you wanted to see. You got mad when I tried to calm you down."
"I'm sorry," Kara whispered.
Lee reached out to touch her cheek and then, after a moment, stepped back. "You see anything you like in those reports?"
"The flight schedules are complete shit," Kara said, flopping down on the bed. "The wingmen pairings aren't even, and there's a few holes where a Cylon could easily take out a chunk of the Fleet because of bad shift trade-offs."
Lee laughed and reached into his closet for his dress blues. "Well, not everyone can be as efficient as I was."
"You weren't efficient. You had a stick up your ass," Kara corrected. She looked up from the reports, and her face immediately filled with confusion. "Why are you dressed like that?"
"I am Commander of this ship, Kara, no matter how much you insist I'm not smart enough."
"I didn't forget," Kara insisted. "It's just… you haven't been in your dress blues the whole time I've been on Pegasus. I'm not used to seeing you in them."
The room filled with silence as Lee straightened his collar in the mirror.
"Is there something important happening?" Kara asked quietly.
Lee sighed and turned to look at her. "The rescue mission is happening in an hour."
Kara's eyes went wide, and Lee could see the small progress he had made slowly drain away. He was across the room and kneeling on the bed next to her in five seconds. His hands cradled her face, and after a second, he pulled her body against his. "That's why I didn't want you to know. I'm not expecting you to do anything, Kara. You can just stay in my quarters for all I care. We're going to run this mission, save who we can, and then jump away. I don't want you to worry one bit about it."
Kara pulled back from his arms and gave a quick smile to say she understood. Lee was happy to see that she had gotten a little of her control back. "Can I come to the CIC with you?"
"You really want to do that?"
Kara gave a small nod.
"You know what CICs are like during battles, Kara. It's going to be chaos. Can you handle that?"
"I'll have you with me."
Lee sighed. "I can't lose focus."
"I won't get in the way. I just… I don't think I can sit in this cabin while everyone else is risking their lives. The people down on that planet looked to me for leadership. I don't want to fail them again."
"Kara, you never failed them."
"No, I just didn't finish the job."
Lee sighed. He had no clue why he had such trouble making clear, rational decisions when Kara was around. "Fine. But at the first sign of anything, I'm having a Marine escort you back here."
"Agreed." Kara stood up. "How do I look?"
"For a return back to military society, I say you look pretty damn good."
Kara moved to his side and slid her hand in his. Together they walked out into the corridors as if this kind of thing happened everyday.
Lee had to admit he was nervous. This was a large step for Kara to be taking. She had only been out of his quarters a handful of times since he brought her to the Pegasus. Even then it was only to assure his father and Helo that she was really going to be okay. Lee knew people were starting to ask questions, but he didn't really care. Kara needed to get well, and she couldn't do that around a ton of people. She had tried that down on New Caprica, and the stress had almost killed her.
Lee felt Kara shift to hide behind his shoulder as they entered the CIC. They both knew how this was going to go. Lee was going to pretend like Kara wasn't there. He wouldn't even acknowledge her presence to the other members of his crew. It was better if no one commented because if something went wrong, then Kara could just leave. It would be almost as if she had never been there at all.
Orders started coming in as ships readied themselves for the battle ahead. Lee let go of Kara's hands to focus on the job. Minutes blurred into one another and before he knew it, the mission had started. There were explosions and people screaming information at him left and right. Through it all, he could feel Kara standing beside him. She was watching every single thing that happened.
Then something went wrong. A transport got caught in the crossfire between Pegasus and the Cylon basestar it was attacking. The comm channel was open when the ship went down, and the screams of the crew filled the whole CIC.
Lee turned in time to see Kara's face go completely white. His worst nightmare was happening before his very eyes. He screamed at Dee to take over the boards and let himself forget his responsibilities for just a few precious seconds. Grabbing Kara's hand, he pulled her past the CIC crew.
"Did you hear him?" Kara asked as Lee motioned the nearest Marine over.
"Hear who?"
"He was calling out to me. Oh gods. He really does blame me. He wanted me to save him, but I couldn't do it. Gods, I didn't want him to die. I would have saved him if I could, but I couldn't. He died thinking that was what I wanted, that I was better off without him. I never wanted that. He was screaming, screaming at the top of his lungs at me for what I've done, for how I'd killed him."
Lee's hands grasped her shoulders, and he gently shook her until her eyes looked up at him. "Who, Kara? Who are you talking about?"
Kara's face crumpled. "I don't know. I just don't know. It hurts."
Lee motioned for the Marine. "Take her back to my personal quarters. Do not stop for anything. Stay by the door. Do not let anyone in until I get back. Do you understand?"
"Yes, sir." The Marine snapped off a quick salute. He went to grab Kara's arm in order to start leading her down the corridor, and Lee realized he had forgot to tell the Marine not to touch Kara. The Marine got the picture when Kara's fist jumped out to get intimate with his jaw.
"Are you okay?" Lee said, putting himself between the Marine and Kara.
The Marine's hand came up to rub his jaw, and he gave a quick nod. "Never better, sir."
"Good. Try to see if you can get her to my quarters without touching her." Lee turned to Kara. "I'll be back as soon as I can, Kara. Just hold on."
Kara gave him a weak smile. Lee knew that was a sign that she was going to try, but he suddenly wondered if that would be enough. "Go," Kara whispered before leaning in to kiss his cheek. "I'll try to hold it together."
Lee found himself unable to move until both Kara and her Marine guard disappeared around the corner. Then he heard someone in the CIC scream his name, and he snapped back to attention. They were in the middle of the biggest mission they've had to run up until this point. He needed to get his head in the game.
