Summary: Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV.
Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...
Dates
Written:
April 26th, 2006
April 28th,
2006
May 2nd, 2006
I have written three chapters today (only two of them are for this story). I write when I'm in a bad mood. I am in an exceptionally bad mood right now. But, by the time this is posted, I doubt I'll remember why…
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The
Games We Play
Entry Ten: Lunch
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Day Ten: Tuesday
Wow. Ten consecutive days that I've been able to keep this whole diary thing up. And, today was good in quite a few ways. Of course, I'm really tired, but that's for another reason…
Okay, yesterday I wrote about how I was going to have lunch with the Lord of Ice, Sesshoumaru. I think I also told you that he's Inuyasha's half-brother… Yeah, they really don't get along very well…
Crap! There goes that ADD thing again! Okay, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I was going to talk about having lunch with Sesshoumaru. But, before that, I must write about what happened before school.
I walked to school, like always. I went up to where Sango, Miroku, Inuyasha, and I usually hang out before and after school. Sango and Miroku were chatting quietly. I didn't see Inuyasha, so I stayed.
After a few minutes of listening to Sango and Miroku, Inuyasha came. I got up and began to leave. Well, naturally, this got the short-tempered hanyou very, very pissed off. He grasped my arm and stopped when he noticed how much the idea of being forced into something scared me.
He asked me to stay, so I stopped moving. I was really ready to leave at any moment, though. Inuyasha opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, closed it, opened it, closed it… He kept doing that for a while, and I was wondering if he had gotten turned into a fish for the way he acted.
I look towards the school gates to let him know that I'm about ready to leave. Why stay here and talk to fish man? Oh boy, this is going to be the best nickname for him yet…
It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh, wait… It's just the jerk- fish man.
Don't ask where that came from. I don't even know. But, hey, I was fully aware of my ADD problem while I was typing that! It was just too funny to not put in here (at least I thought so).
I looked back at Inuyasha, and he began to sputter and trip over his words. Finally, he got around to telling me that he was sorry. He said that he hated his brother, and it was hard for him to imagine anyone else liking him.
Then, he began to get all mad at me for liking Sesshoumaru. He was saying things like Do you know that he doesn't even like humans? And Why do you like him? I'm just as good as him, but I like humans!
Someone has jealousy issues, don't you think? So, I glared at Inuyasha and just walked off. He got in front of me and grinned. He was beginning to remind me of Andrew. The grin showed his thought-to-be triumph over me. Just the kind of grin I would see on Andrew's disgusting face.
He asked me where I would go. He pointed out that I didn't have any other friends beside Sango, Miroku, and him. I felt the tears begin to form and I silently cursed him. Why did I even befriend him? In less than twenty-four hours, he alone had caused so much pain to grow in my heart. The asshole.
So, I looked away. I didn't want to admit the fact that he had a point. In fact, I couldn't admit the fact that he had a point. So, I just pretended that I couldn't hear him and his blubbering about how I was going to be with them because I didn't have any other friends.
Then some stoic voice came behind me and spoke. I jumped out of my skin and looked back to see Sesshoumaru. I tried to calm my heart as I moved out from in between them. I knew that they hated each other with a passion. It would be my death if I stayed in between the two brothers.
"Sesshoumaru! What the hell are you doing here? Don't you have your own pussy- I mean posse –to play with?" Inuyasha asked harshly. I was ready to slap him, but I knew that it wasn't my place. Besides, if I showed any care towards what he and Sesshoumaru said to each other (not to mention if I defended his brother), he would only be angrier and accuse me of sleeping with the demon.
"Inuyasha, you will be wise to bite your tongue. Bite it hard, so blood can fill your mouth. It's the least you deserve for making the lady Kagome so upset. Don't you even smell it?" Sesshoumaru asked. Inuyasha paused and began to sniff. I suddenly wondered if I had put deodorant on this morning.
Inuyasha looked at me then shook his head. "It's hard to smell anything with this stupid concealment spell…" He mumbled. He turned on his heel and left, shaking his head. I looked at Sesshoumaru, hoping that my relief was showing in my eyes.
Apparently, it wasn't. He just stared at me. So, I began to move my hands to express my gratitude to him. He watched my hands then clasped them together.
"Calm down… I am glad that I was able to help in the slightest of way… I will speak to you at lunch, though. The bell is about to ring." He nodded and the bell rang. Sometimes I wonder if he can control time or something. That was just freaky the way that that worked out.
As I began to walk to my locker, my mind wandered back to what Sesshoumaru had just told me. He had mentioned that he was glad to help in the slightest of ways… What had he meant by that?
If I wasn't so cautious, I would have thought it meant Sesshoumaru had feelings for me. If I wasn't so nervous about men, I would have been more excited about, perhaps, him showing interest in me.
Wait, Sesshoumaru showing interest in me? Why would he even do that? I'm a mute, so there's no way I can possibly attract his attention. Beyond that, there are much prettier and hotter women that he can be with… Hell, even with them, he can just screw them and move on. If he even interested in me, then he would have to think about commitment.
It's not that I have doubts that Sesshoumaru Taisho can commit to anything that is long-term… I just doubt that he'll have any interest in me. After all, there is a lot of work that will have to be done with me in a man's eyes.
The first problem is that I don't talk. The second problem is that I am very untrusting of men; especially after being raped four times now (You'd think that the men would find someone else to fuck by now, wouldn't you?). The third is that I'm not a virgin (perhaps that doesn't bother some men…) And the fourth is that, when I start my period, I become VERY moody.
I don't mean that I become very moody in a light manner. I mean that when I am PMSing, I will hit Inuyasha just because I can. I won't even try to justify it. I will be in a mood that makes everyone think I'm a bitch… A mute bitch, that is.
Where was I in my story of today? Oh yeah, I was walking to my locker, and thinking about what Sesshoumaru had said. I wasn't able to understand (and I still can't) what he meant by that. He said that he was glad to help.
I just remembered that I forgot to mention something (yes, I realize this is off topic). Most schools are segregated by demon and human races. My school is co-ed in that department. We have demons and humans. The only difference there is would be that demons are forced to do much different things than us humans are asked to do (in P.E, that is.) Okay, now that I have that said that, reread the previous paragraph and then go to the next one. (Yeah, like my diary can do that. Really smart, Kagome)
But, Sesshoumaru was a demon. On top of being a demon, he was a demon who had very clear standings on everything. He made it clear that he had no desire to be in a relationship. He made it VERY clear that he hated humans (with a strong passion, I believe).
So, everyone (especially human women) was fully aware that he would not give anyone the time of day, unless he had reason to…. So, what was his reason for giving me the time of day? Even beyond the time of day, he was giving me attention.
Then it hit me. Humans were easily fooled, as far as emotions go. Demons are much harder to affect. He was toying with me, and I had just realized it. After all, if you could seduce a woman that you felt nothing for (in my case, a man), then why the fuck wouldn't you do it?
After all, it must be pretty damn amusing for someone to watch someone else squirm while it affected them none. Oh, he was just cruel. He had deserved the mocking name of Ice Lord. Bastard.
As I thought this, I realized that I didn't want to eat lunch with him. But, if I didn't, then Inuyasha would only be proven correct that I had no other friends. That would only inflate his unrealistic ego. I swear, that man must be from the planet of egotistics or something strange like that…
I got my books and went to class. Of course, I wasn't in the least bit interested in learning anything. After all, what could they possibly teach me that I would care about?
So, during class, I began to write down things. Just random thoughts, I guess. I wrote down how much I hated math (I wasn't in math class, by the way). Then I began to write down what I thought about my friends.
But, the bell rang very quickly. I left class, and only glanced back to see what our homework could possibly be. As I was walking out of class and staring at the board, I ran into someone.
I looked up and saw that it was someone named Kagura. I had never really taken a notice of her before. Well, not an extended notice, I mean. I knew that she was really popular. She was absolutely crazy over Sesshoumaru.
And, due to her obsession over him, she went through a lot of different styles. She had been gothic, slutty, preppy, smart, stupid… a damsel in distress, even. Now, she was… back to being a bit too revealing. Perhaps not appearing as a whore, but she did show more than needed.
Rather than apologize to me, she began to talk to someone else. Apparently, they were on the other side of me. I looked up and watched as the two girls conversed like I wasn't even there. Just because they were above me, I was unable to get up.
I listened as they talked about something going on with Sesshoumaru. Kagura was getting really mad, I could tell. Then she looked down at me and sneered that I shouldn't get in her way. Because, if I did, then her Sesshoumaru would come and kick my ass.
Her Sesshoumaru? Wow. How funny that she believed to have possession of him… Then again, a lot of girls seemed to be that way about Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha… And a few other boys in the school (Naraku, Miroku, Goshinki, Hojo, and more that I couldn't care less about.)
So, she walked away and I went to class. The day went on, and the classes did as well. In math class, the teacher had someone to cover the board. Figures that he would have tried to cover up his dirty act.
Someone had actually asked why he had a world map up when this was a MATH class. He started chuckling then glared at me. Everyone saw the glare, and I just looked away. He didn't scare me, the fucking asshole.
So, we went to lunch. As I walked around, I hit myself. I didn't even know where Sesshoumaru sat! That meant that I would be walking around school during lunch. Sesshoumaru would assume that I ditched him and Inuyasha would find me. Then his ego would go up another five thousand points. Bastard. I can't believe that I didn't see his insults coming before.
So, I wandered around for two minutes (I swear it felt like longer). Then, thankfully, Sesshoumaru found me. He told me that he would take me to the table, since I appeared lost. How kind and un-Sesshoumaru-like…
Then, he preceded to not act like himself and he asked why I didn't have lunch. I replied, using my hands to tell him that I didn't have the money to buy it. Normally, Inuyasha bought lunch for me. So, I didn't think about grabbing my wallet on the way out of the house.
Sesshoumaru said that he would share his lunch with me, and I stared at him. The most arrogant and selfish man was offering to share his lunch with me? Little ole Kagome who can't even defend herself?
So, we sat down and ate lunch. He opened his bag of chips and took a few. Then he placed the bag in front of me. Everyone at the table stared (including Kagura). I looked at Sesshoumaru in question.
He told me that he would speak to me with sign language. He really didn't want everyone else to know what we were talking about. So, he began to tell me that he rarely brought company to the table.
He said that he never really invited anyone. People just seemed to invite themselves, and he never cared to actually tell them to leave. I asked him about Kagura, since she seemed convinced that they were dating.
He gave her a side glance then looked at me. He signed to me that he never really liked her. That no one at the table did. Then he began to introduce me to everyone. Not really… He just told me their names.
Kagura always sat across from Sesshoumaru. He sat on the end, and I was sitting next to him. Across from me was some demon named Hiten, who seemed to like me more than I would have appreciated. Next to Hiten was another demon, his name was Goshinki. His hair was purple…
Next to me (across from Goshinki) was ANOTHER demon. In fact, I think I was the only human… Anyway, this demon's name was Bankotsu. He was kind, but he kept hitting on Hiten. That made me smile. One less man to pay attention to me in the way Andrew saw me.
So, Sesshoumaru shared his food with me. Of course, Kagura noticed this and became very enraged. She asked him why he would feed me (the pathetic human is what she called me), when he wouldn't even look at her.
Sesshoumaru glared at her, and she quickly grew quiet. Then he proceeded to let her know that he had invited me to the table. She was not invited to the table, therefore he felt no need to feed her.
She got really angry and made no attempt of hiding it from me. She glared at me and told me that I was horrible. She said that she had spent a year trying to get allowed to Sesshoumaru's table. She said that I didn't deserve to be at the table.
Sesshoumaru said that anyone he decided to invite was more worthy of staying than her. When she looked offended, he continued. He said that he felt nothing for her, and he never would. No matter what style she was experimenting with, he said that he didn't like her. At all.
Of course, she got even more mad at this. She began to yell at me, calling me a bitch, whore, and anything else that came to mind. I ignored her as best I could. Her words didn't harm me at all. But, they sounded like the words that Andrew always whispered into my ear. Because of the connection the words had to Andrew, I began to cry.
Thinking that she had gotten to me, Kagura told everyone that I wasn't even a virgin. She said that she could smell another man on me. She could smell the fact that my hymen was gone; my barrier had been broken.
I felt my body go rigid and I looked away. More tears made their way to my eyes. But I managed to keep these ones from rolling down my cheeks.
Then Kagura stopped. Sesshoumaru must have smelt the same thing as her (stupid demons), because he started talking as well. He pointed out that he could smell another man inside of me.
Tears began to escape me as I thought of Andrew. I looked up at Sesshoumaru and I could tell that he hadn't meant to say that out loud. Kagura was rambling on about how I was such a whore that I had sex within the past three days. After all, that is usually how long a man's sperm is inside you.
I signed to Sesshoumaru that it wasn't the way he probably thought it was. I tried desperately to tell him that things weren't the way he thought. He nodded his head then looked at Kagura sharply. She instantly shut up.
"I would not invite a whore to eat with me. Do you think so low of me as to believe that I would let a prostitute eat with us?" Sesshoumaru asked. Kagura opened her mouth to speak, but Sesshoumaru growled (I forgot he was a DOG demon until that point) and she didn't try to speak anymore.
"Leave my table. You are the one who should be named a whore. You think that using your body will win attention from me. However, that is the reason why I have ignored you this whole time. When you speak to someone else around me, you are not to say that I have poor judgment!" I must say, I have never known Sesshoumaru to speak, let alone tell someone that they are out of line.
I watched as Kagura stood up and left. She gave me a harsh stare and reached over the table. Her claws were against my cheek as she began to speak in demon.
"Hark me ah shoo-kray ah-krah." She sneered. Because it was in demon, it was a deep and scary voice. She dug her fingers into my cheek (which hurts like all of fucking hell, then and now), and sliced four lines through me. From next to my ear to below my cheekbone.
Then, she left angrily. Sesshoumaru's emotionless face returned as he focused on the other three demons.
"Thank you, Sesshoumaru, for finally kicking her out of the table." Goshinki said.
"Yeah. Is that why you brought the girl? To provoke Kagura until she said something you could make her leave for?" Hiten asked. Sesshoumaru didn't answer as he cracked open his soda.
Then it hit me. That was the reason he had brought me. When he fought Inuyasha, he was probably able to smell the fact that I wasn't a virgin. He knew that it would provoke Kagura into yelling things at me. Then he would be able to exile her from the table with a good excuse.
As the lunch bell rang, Sesshoumaru asked me not to leave yet. I waited as he began to clean up the mess. Then he asked me if I would come to the mansion after school for some more training. Only this time it would be his style, not the way Inuyasha attempted to teach me.
I nodded my head and began to ask why Inuyasha's technique was any different. He looked at my new (and bleeding) cuts and said that, if he had taught me, that I wouldn't have even gotten those cuts to begin with.
So, I did. After school, Sesshoumaru took me to his house. He walked me there, because he had heard Inuyasha mention that I was uneasy when it came to being alone with men.
We trained, and I can't remember half of the things that we had trained. All I know is that my muscles are sore. He has the stamina of a demon (obviously) and I don't. So, when he began to break into a sweat, he said that we could have a break. Then, at ten o'clock at night, he let me go home. Why? Because he said I would need sleep. Not because I was going to be tired or something like that, but because sleep was mandatory.
So, now it's nearly midnight, and I had to write about what happened. Because I know that tomorrow, when all my muscles are sore (as if they aren't already), I won't be able to remember anything or I won't feel like writing anything.
So, now that I have said all this, I must go. It's late, and I'm tired. So, until next time, Mr. Diary!
Bye… (Ow, so much pain in my body…)
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The pain is worse than you think. People often misunderstand the pain that comes with being trashed. Not just once, but three times. People often fail to realize that there are emotions behind the humiliating actions…
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Next Chapter:
Depression Attack
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- Lonely Bird
