Summary: Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV.

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:
May 7th, 2006
May 9th, 2006

Sorry I didn't put the chapter up sooner. I'm having A LOT of problems at home. I'm not allowed on the computer at all, so I wanted to get away from my mom before I updated...

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The Games We Play
Entry Fourteen: Party

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Day Fourteen: Saturday

Today was, overall, good and bad. I smiled plenty, but there are some serious problems… I guess I'll go in order of when things happened…

I woke up with tears covering my face this morning. I also woke up really early.

I don't feel any better than last night. My heart is still throbbing in pain as I think of how Inuyasha was determined on me being a whore. Even worse, he has convinced kick-the-hoe that I'm a whore.

She doesn't even know me. And, out of all people, she has no right to say that to me. She's the only person in school who will fuck anyone. I mean anyone; men or women. She doesn't care…

Oh. I also adopted a dog today. It was for protection and comfort. I asked my grandfather (without words, of course), and he said it was fine, just as long as I kept it fed and made sure it didn't shit near the holy areas at our house. Mainly areas like the God Tree, the well house, and other holy locations.

He also said that he would make sure we had plenty of food. My job was just cleaning the shit, and making sure the dog didn't starve (or dehydrate).

He didn't actually say shit, but I am in a bad mood right now.

So, I got the dog at six in the morning. I didn't even realize that animal shelters opened that early. At first, I didn't care what type of dog. Then I decided I wanted one that would protect me and one that I could take on walks. I am actually happy to have one that I can take with me to some places.

I was looking around, and most of the dogs were either too hyper or too calm. They were asleep, near death (or so it seemed), or ready to jump through the chain-link doors.

I found the perfect dog, though. He was just sitting there. The person who was leading me around and telling me about the dogs advised me against it. He said that the dog was overly protective and often hurt things that it shouldn't.

At first, this alarmed me. After all, I have a kitty (although really fat) named Buyo. Still, I felt the need to look closer at him.

His eyes were an odd shade of yellow. Almost like gold, but with a tint of orange with them. I asked for him to be taken out, and the person reluctantly did it.

The dog was so sweet. As I walked him around, the dog stayed right by my side. When I stopped, he stopped and sat down at my heels. When I knelt down, he would get down on his belly and pay attention to whatever I looked at.

I started idly petting him in the little room that they give you to be with the dog. My mind began to wander to last night and how weird dried tears felt on my face. As I began to get depressed again, he pushed his head into my stomach.

So, I got the dog. He seemed to be really concerned with how I felt, which was the main reason I got him. He didn't mind my grandfather or my mother. He and my cat got along great, too!

I set up his bowl across my room from Buyo's dish. I filled it with dog food and with water. He paid little attention to the food then began to sleep on my bed. Buyo made himself comfortable.

I named the dog Kimbo. It was the only name I could think of that would remind me of Kimi. I would have named him Kimi, but it's a male dog, and it just doesn't seem to work.

So, I got the dog. That was one of the good things. Then Sango came over and demanded that she take us shopping. When I gave her a questioning look, she said that there was a party going on tonight.

I don't like parties, and she knows this. But I also know that she won't ask me to do anything if there's a chance it can harm or hurt me. So, I agreed (rather reluctantly and skeptically) that I would accompany her to this party.

Sango took me to the mall and began to go on a shopping spree. Sango's father is pretty rich (although he's rarely ever home). He has some demon exterminating business that Sango will run when she's old enough. Her brother, Kohaku, will work in it too. Some family legacy thing that I don't get…

So, we began to go shopping. I didn't even look at clothes, but Sango insisted that I try things on. Then she elected to buy the things, saying I needed them. I don't understand how I need more clothes. I am fine with the ones I have.

When I told her that the ones I have suit me just fine, Sango corrected me immediately. She said that most, if not all, of my clothes have holes in them in one spot or another. She also said that I needed to get a new wardrobe if I expected to get better.

Get better? What the fuck has Sango been drinking?

I wrote my question down, and she explained that too. She thinks that the reason I'm so devastated over the rape is because I haven't changed. I have all the same clothes since the first time I was raped (it really scares me how she knows this). And, having all the same clothes will just remind me of what happened and I'll become more depressed…

I didn't realize I still had clothes from seventh grade… I'll have to see if she's right about that.

So, after fifty hours of shopping, Sango was satisfied and had spent half of her spending money for the week. THE WEEK! Oh my God. She spent over five thousand dollars (probably about ten thousand, I'd guess) on this shopping trip. Then again, she is constantly telling me how many people will pay to have demons exterminated. It's a great business, she claims.

So, she drove me back to my house, and I took the bags of clothes that she had gotten me. She said to be at the party at seven, no later. I agreed and took the piece of paper from her.

I went inside and began to put away all the new clothes. My grandfather, whom was walking out the door at the time, raised an eyebrow at all the bags. Especially since we can't really afford things like this.

He asked if Sango took me shopping, and I nodded my head. He chuckled and went outside with his coffee and more magical sutras…

I went on the computer and opened up my email, which is where I'm at now. I was looking over my email and figured I might as well write in my diary. Then, after the party, I'll write once more.

It's been about one or two weeks since I last checked my email. I get my brother mad a lot, since he's always sending me things and I never reply.

Speaking of Souta, he sent me something… Here it is.

Hey sis…

I just got the official go-ahead from my roommate. He'll be gone for a few days, so you get to come over during those days. You can fly here on Tuesday morning, and you'll get here in the afternoon… I'll have you back probably on Friday… I'm not too sure exactly when.

If you can buy the tickets for yourself, I'll pay you back. Just ask grandpa. He always has extra money stored in case of an emergency. Trust me, this is an emergency.

I talked to Inuyasha the other day. We were both online… Inuyasha was saying a lot of bad things about you. What happened between you two? It used to be that you couldn't get Inuyasha to say a single mean thing towards you. Now he seems to have completely turned on you.

I guess I'll ask you when I see you here… I hope things are going good, Kags. I really worry about you. Especially since you don't talk anymore… I still want to know what happened. I'm expecting you to tell me when you come to see me.

Love you forever.

- Souta

You know what? Even without speaking, I'm still managing to tell people what has happened. I told my best friend, Sango. And I told someone who hates my guts, Sesshoumaru. Now I have to tell my brother.

I can't help but feel like this will only drag me down further. Perhaps it's just a reason for Andrew to do it again.

Ugh. I shouldn't even be typing his name in my diary. That's just wrong…

I have a reply from Sango. When I told her about the rape a while ago. She finally replied… And it's just one work. Ok. Sometimes I wonder why people even send me emails if they're only one word.

Now here's a sender I don't recognize…

PmakesP I don't think I want to ask… Great. Guess who it's from! Here, Mr. Diary, I'll put it in her and you can determine who it is.

Hello, beautiful.

I don't hear from you anymore. You used to write me letters all the time. Then we saw each other. Now you don't talk to me. Why is that? I'll fix that problem.

I know that you're going to Arizona on Tuesday. Weren't you going to tell me? Well, since you didn't tell me, I will have to go there so we can be together anyway.

Tell your brother that he can't know about your past. You know full well that anyone who knows about you and I will have to die. Either that, or I'll have to punish you worse than the last time.

You like being punished, don't you, bitch? You're my little whore, aren't you? Yes, you are. You're my bitch and whore. No one will change that.

I'll see you in Arizona.

I think I'm about to pass out. I'll get on and write later. I have to get ready for the party. Bye, Mr. Diary.

Oh my God! It's so… I can't even begin to describe how angry I am right now. You won't believe what I saw at the party!

Okay, I guess I should calm down and tell you everything that happened. Okay, first of all, I got ready for the party. Sango had to help me. I was originally going to wear pants and a long-sleeved shirt. Well, that wasn't good enough for Sango.

She got a bright red skirt that reached down halfway past my thighs. She picked out a black shirt with sparkles along the edges of the sleeves and the bottom hem line.

She then decided that I looked fine. She drove her car there (she had to stop by her house, so I drove separately), and I drove mine. I got there right after her and we walked in together. All is fine, right?

So, I was hanging out with her and she offered me a soda. She gave it to me (unopened, thankfully), and I began to drink it. She wandered off when she found Miroku. I wandered to where everyone was dancing to the overly loud band.

Then I saw what bothered me so much. Inuyasha had his arms around Kikyou's waist with his hands on her slutty ass. They were grinding against each other. By the sweat on their bodies, I was pretty sure they'd been dancing this intensely for a while.

I got really upset, and Inuyasha turned to look at me. I knew that I looked absolutely pathetic. To him, I was a mute whore standing alone in a party. That only showed him how much I depended on him.

I silently prayed for a way to get out of there without Inuyasha thinking that I was really dependant on him. That was the last thing I wanted him to think. I didn't want him under the impression that he was all I had. I wanted him to think that I was doing perfectly fine without his pathetic self.

But, as my body froze and I stared at him, I was doing the exact opposite of what I had hoped I would be able to do. I was showing him exactly what he wanted to see. I was helpless without him.

Just as Inuyasha's grin turned smug, I felt the sadness come over me. He had won, and now he was fully aware of it.

I felt someone come up behind me and stop. I turned my attention to them, and Sesshoumaru smirked. He signaled (very discreetly, I will add), that I needed to play along.

He gave me something that was in his hand. I smiled and took a sip. Woah. That was a surprise on it's own. It was some type of alcohol. I could feel the burning in my throat. Although, unlike the stronger alcohols, the burning quickly subsided.

I found myself taking another slip. I cast a side glance to see Inuyasha's mouth hanging open. I'm sure a few flies even wandered in there too.

Sesshoumaru leaned down and took the cup from me. I was somewhat disappointed, because I had actually enjoyed the taste of the liquor. Sesshoumaru whispered that he was doing this to make Inuyasha regret hurting my feelings.

Even though he said this, I felt as though he was drunk and wasn't quite doing this for the reason he had stated.

He began to dance with me. Not normal dancing, either. He was holding my waist to his, his head on my shoulder, and grinding into me. Just as Inuyasha and Kick-the-hoe were doing.

I rested my head against his chest, just hoping this would piss Inuyasha off even further. I looked to the side and I could tell he was just plain pissed. It could be the fact that I wasn't as hurt as he thought, or it could be because I was grinding with his brother.

I remember thinking about that, then another thought entered my mind. Something along the lines of his very sexy brother. It shocked the fucking life out of me when I thought about that.

Perhaps it was the influence. Although I hadn't had that much to drink, but there was a chance that it was one of the stronger ones mixed with tasty ingredients.

I doubted it was this, though. For some reason, it felt like the more sober part of my brain was thinking that, rather than the part feeding on the alcohol. With that thought, I pulled away and signaled that I wanted something else to drink.

Sesshoumaru smirked and leaned down with his mouth right next to my ear. I was too drunk to be afraid of his close proximity, so I didn't tense up (thankfully, because that would have been embarrassing for Inuyasha to notice that I wasn't with Sesshoumaru like we had made it seem.)

Sesshoumaru whispered in my ear that he would get me some spiked drink, since I wasn't a demon. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Demons have a drinking age of fifteen, since they're more immune to alcohol than humans are. Lucky bastards.

I watched Sesshoumaru go away and looked at Inuyasha. He looked really mad as he stopped dancing with Kikyou and came over to me. I watched his anger in amusement. Well, it was amusement until he dragged me to a secluded area and pushed me up against the wall. His eyes were flashing red, and I knew that he probably had alcohol too. That would mean that he wasn't entirely sober. His anger was increased by the alcohol.

I could tell you what happened in short. He threatened me. But it was scary. Inuyasha was turning full demon. Full demons (or demons in their "true form") usually don't recognize people at all. So, for example, if Inuyasha turned demon, he would kill kick-the-hoe (and I would be SO happy!)

He began shouting at me in demonic, and I caught every single word he had to say. He said that I, being a whore, had no right to be with anyone else. If I was a whore, then I was supposed to give myself to him first, he claimed.

He knelt down and I saw his sharper claws. He placed them right on my pelvis and I bit my lip. It hurt more than I had thought. Wasn't that area just as touch as the rest of my body?

Guess not.

He began to take his claws and rip up to my stomach. He stopped and stared at me for a while. I couldn't tell if he was staring at my stomach or staring off into space and my stomach was only the portal.

Sesshoumaru came up, growling. He said something really sweet (although I knew he didn't want it to be that way. He had to play along to piss Inuyahsa off.)

"Inuyasha. Do you intend to stare at my date any longer with her blood running down your hands?" Sesshoumaru asked. Inuyasha turned to look at him, meaning I couldn't see his face. I pulled his claws out from me (he was still dazed), and I told him sit.

To my absolute shock, Inuyasha fell over on his butt. I smiled and began to walk to Sesshoumaru. Yes, it hurt like all of fucking hell was trying to get in through the cut. But, I toughed it out.

Sesshoumaru said that he was going home, and that I should as well. He gave me a can of 7-Up and told me to drink it at home. What's worse? Driving under the influence, or driving when you're bleeding like hell?

I got home, carrying the can of spiked seven-up. I walked inside and looked through my grandfather's old-fashioned medicine box. I pulled out the bandages that you had to wrap around the wound.

I went to my room, undressed myself, and wrapped my bleeding pelvis. Some of my stomach was cut up, but I didn't really care. It was my pelvis that was feeling most of the pain.

Why had Inuyasha stopped when he hit my stomach? That was kind of strange… I'll think about it later. Hurts to think about it right now.

After I wrapped up my pelvis, I pulled on some really loose pajamas. I mean, these things are so loose that they might as well just fall off me. I started drinking my "7-Up", which tasted really good for having alcohol mixed in with it.

I signed onto my instant messenger not long ago. No one is on, because no one is home from the party. I guess there's nothing to do now.

Hey, Sesshomaru just signed on. I'm going to stop writing for a moment so I can speak with him. I'll post the conversation here, then I'm going to bed.

HolyDemon: Hey, Sesshoumaru.

Poisoned: Hello, Ms. Kagome. How well are you faring from my brother's attack?

HolyDemon: I can't say that it's all fine. I've been better… The pain died down since I started drinking what you gave me.

Poisoned: I am glad that my illegal actions are helping you, Ms. Kagome.

HolyDemon: What did you put in the 7-Up?

Poisoned: There is no 7-Up. I drank it then filled it with a human-strength alcohol. The stuff you drank from my cup was too strong. I was slightly surprised that you didn't pass out from what you took. That's enough to knock any human out.

HolyDemon: Well, remember, I also speak demon fluently. I'm a strange breed of human.

Poisoned: You are a miko, are you not?

HolyDemon: Was…

Poisoned: I am assuming that you lost your powers when you were raped. If my readings are correct, any un-pure things (sex with someone you don't love, drug use, alcoholism…) will strip your powers from you.

HolyDemon: That's right. I should have lost all them, but I still have a few of the powers left. Mainly just the immunity to demons.

Poisoned: I have heard of a woman who can help you in this. Perhaps she can help you regain your powers…

HolyDemon: No, thank you. I can't talk, remember?

Poisoned: I can escort you.

HolyDemon: Thanks for the offer, but I still don't want to go. I just don't like having to explain to people why they were taken.

Poisoned: It is understandable.

HolyDemon: I'm going to bed. I am very tired. Perhaps I will talk to you tomorrow…

Poisoned: Perhaps.

HolyDemon: If you see Inuyasha…

Poisoned: Don't worry, he'll receive hell tonight for other reasons.

HolyDemon: Thanks, Sesshoumaru. It's kind of strange how you're my closest friend right now.

Poisoned: Oh? What about your other friends? The two humans…

HolyDemon: Well, they're nice and all, but they won't leave Inuyasha's side. And I can't have them sit at your table with you… So, I just can't see them anymore.

Poisoned: If it would please you, Ms. Kagome, you may bring them on Monday. If they are tolerable, I will allow you to bring your human friends.

HolyDemon: Wow. I thought you hated humans…

Poisoned: Many people do. But my human child has softened my opinion of most of them. Of course, Kick-the-hoe will never have a good opinion in my book…

HolyDemon: Heh. Well, I'm going to bed. The alcohol and the blood loss are kicking in.

HolyDemon: G'night, Sesshoumaru.

Poisoned: Goodnight, Ms. Kagome.

O o O o O o O o O o O

It's hard to explain to people what you mean when no one really wants to hear or understand. It's even harder to do when your heart is so guarded that you can't even trust yourself…

O o O o O o O o O o O

I have discovered something. I hate my mother… Mind if I unload and explain to you guys?

Okay, I used to be a cutter (and I am seriously considering becoming one again). Since I stopped cutting, there are very few things that can give me ANY relief from pain. Writing is one of them. Being with my horse is the other.

My mom took most of my writing from me. So, now my horse is my only source of relief from anything I feel (stress, pain, whatever). My mom will now not allow me to see my horse because I didn't call her when I went to the ranch on Tuesday (the ninth). Gee, we go EVERY FUCKING TUESDAY. It's not like this is a surprise to her. It's not like it's sporadic. But, she took it away anyways.

Next Chapter: Recovery
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- Lonely Bird