Emma pushed a slice of cake around her plate that she'd mashed up. Her mind was still on the events of that morning and what had happened at the castle. Her reactions to Regina had always been anything but neutral. Volatile for sure, but lately, her friend's life and happiness seemed to be the only thing that was keeping her motivated. She still felt guilty that Hook had been given so many chances at life and Robin hadn't. She was mulling over who it was Regina might have a crush on in town and whether or not it had just been a lie to get her to stop trying to set her up with the Prince. But she'd seemed very pleased with his advances. What is going on with my stomach? She placed her hand on her abdomen and rubbed it, feeling quite sick.
"Swan, love. Are you alright? You haven't touched any of the cakes and they are rather delicious." Hook brought her out of her thoughts.
"Hmm? Oh, sorry Killian. I have a bit of a stomach ache. I think I'm just gonna head home and lie down for a bit. You choose whichever you like best. I don't really mind as long as there's sugar in it."
Hook gave his soon to be wife an understanding nod. "Alright, you head on and I'll get this sorted. I'll see you back at home ok. Take it easy. Get some rest." He kissed her chastely and she left.
#####
Back at the mansion, Regina had kicked off her shoes and changed into her yoga pants. She wasn't in the mood for company and was quite relieved that Henry wasn't about to notice her choice of attire. It had been a long morning for her, fraught with all sorts of emotions. She needed to center herself and just let things settle in her mind. She wasn't sure exactly where to start with it all. This morning, Emma had been a completely different person than the one she was used to, but by the end of their day, she was the extreme opposite. It was so out of character and it was torture for Regina not being able to make it all go away for her.
Emma had said she was sad or angry about something. Something had happened at the castle but she couldn't figure out what it was.We were enjoying a lovely meal and she just got up and said we had to leave. That's not like Emma at all. She usually can't get enough of her food. What had Cas said? Oh right, he made that terrible joke about there being other rooms in the castle he'd like to show me. Ghaa! I only laughed because I didn't want to blow anything for Emma. It really is the perfect place for a wedding. But she couldn't have heard that could she? He whispered it in my ear. And even if she had heard it, I don't understand why she would be angry about it. It was her idea to set me up with him in the first place! How odd.
She turned on the tv and flicked mindlessly through the channels.
I saw her hands shaking on the way out. She must have been afraid of not making it to the wedding is all. It can't have been due to Caspian. When he kissed my hand, I thought I was going to be sick. He really doesn't sit well with me. There's just something I don't like about him. Probably because he reminds me too much of the past. What caused her to run off like that? I wish she would talk to me.
####
Emma lay in bed feeling like shit. What had started out as an excellent morning had somehow turned into this. The tremors made her feel like such a failure and not even being able to make it through one stupid lunch without having a panic attack had beaten her up pretty badly. If she was completely, brutally truthfully with herself, she knew why they kept happening and had been making some headway with Archie in their counselling sessions. He'd said, 'maybe you're reacting this way because now you have something to lose.' He had been so right. Whenever she felt like she was about to lose someone they happened. But it was always Regina who she was afraid of losing. When she found out that her dreams were visions of the future, her first thought was Regina. Who would be there for her? Who would protect her? Any time she was scared or vulnerable or felt like she was too close, she ran in the opposite direction. She ran to Hook. Hook was safe. He would survive if she didn't win the battle. He would take off on the Jolly Roger and console himself in the waters. She was beginning to realise that any time she had doubts about her love for him, she took it to the next level. When Regina had brought Robin back from the dream world, at her own suggestion, she went home and basically proposed to Hook. Even Emma knew that wasn't a platonic reaction now she thought about it. Today proved that her feelings ran much deeper than she had previously thought. Her jealous outburst was ridiculous and childish. The way she'd revelled in their tickle fight in the morning. The way she constantly sought reassurance and comfort from her best friend.
She knew in her own mind that she couldn't dwell on those feelings. She knew that they could never be a thing and had squashed down any ideas she may have had long ago. Their friendship was too important to her. But what if Regina was right? What if those visions were just metaphorical and not literal? With her death looming over her head, it was easy to accept a promise of forever, but if she had a future, if she were to live, could she really go on pretending not to love someone who was so close to her? She wasn't sure she could even carry on lying to herself anymore.
