Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Act II (Eight Weeks later)

Magnus enters an old time kitchen where Koji, clad in a pair of black baggy pants and a black shirt, is cooking over and open fire.

"Aren't you supposed to be wearing a dress or something?" Magnus asked.

"If I have to act like I'm your wife and let Sideburn and X-brawn call me 'Mommy', I'm going to do it in pants" Koji said.

"Whatever. Where are the boys?" Magnus asked starting his lines.

"Bed" Koji said.

"How was your day?"

"Fine"

"Are you going to forgive me for the whole having an affair with Abby behind the barn thing?" Magnus asked.

"No"

"Damnit Elizabeth- Hey, where's Mary Warren?" Magnus asked.

"Gone to Salem" Koji said tasting the stew he was making.

"YES! More than one word!- Wait. Mary Warren went to Salem even after I forbid it? How dare she!" Magnus said indignantly.

'There's the pot calling the kettle black' Koji though. Out loud he simply said "Yes".

"Damnit! Back to the one word answers!—Why didn't you try to stop her?" Magnus asked

"You try stopping someone ten times your size" Koji muttered.

"Huh?"

"She says she's an official of the court," Koji said mockingly.

"Hello Goody Proctor" Optimus announced solemnly. "I made this for you in court today," he said handing Koji a doll.

"Tis' a lovely poppet Mary Warren. I just hope it doesn't help John's mistress have me condemned for witchcraft," Koji said lightly. Everyone stared at him. " 'The Crucible' is required reading at my school " he explained.

"Whatever. Mary!" Magnus slaps her. "I told you to stay away from Salem"

"Don't touch me!" Optimus yelled. "I saved her life today!" He yells pointing at Koji.

Koji looks slightly upset. "I'm accused?" he asked.

"Not accused but somewhat mentioned" Optimus admitted. " But I told them that I never saw no sign of witchcraft in your house though". Magnus slaps him remembering what Optimus said at the end of Act I.

"Abby accuses me?" Koji asked.

"Maybe" Optimus says nervously.

"Tell us who you slut!" Magnus yells slapping him.

"Abby!" Optimus squeaks cowering.

"Go to bed Mary" Magnus say calmly and almost kindly.

"I'll not be ordered to bed no more Mr. Proctor. I'm eighteen and a woman, however single" Optimus says, finishing proudly.

"Sit up if you like" Magnus says walking inside after Koji who went inside when he realized that there had been no mention of them going outside therefore they should all still be in the kitchen.

"We're suppose to talk more stupid" Optimus yelled at Magnus' back.

(Inside)

"She seeks to take my place John. There's no other reason she'd dare call out a farmer's wife… Damnit I wish the Puritans believed in divorce" Koji said.

"Don't be too hasty Elizabeth. We technically have three children even though there are only two actors portraying them right now." Magnus said.

"What? I'm allowed to die because some other woman wants you but I can't leave you? Get real John!" Koji said. Then he muttered "Why'd I have to get cast as Elizabeth, this is so wrong",

"Tell me about it" Magnus said as he shivered.

"Am I interrupting something?" Sky-byte says at the door.

"No" Koji and Magnus answered at the same time.

"Well, I'm here to investigate the charge of witchcraft against Goody Proctor" Sky-byte said.

Koji's eye twitches. "Well in that case we offer the full hospitality of our house to you" Koji said sarcastically.

"Hmm… does that include booze?" Sky-byte asked.

"No that was just the signal for John to grab his rifle, shoot you, and dump your body in Putnam's root cellar" Koji said.

"The one thing we agree on" Magnus smirked holding his rifle.

"Oh. Ok, can I question you on your commandments first?" Sky-byte asked.

"I can say them all but John keeps forgetting the seventh," Koji said dismissively.

"Which one is that again?" Magnus asked sheepishly.

"Adultery" Koji and Sky-byte said at the same time.

Magnus blushes.

"Is there any particular reason you have trouble remembering that one?" Sky-byte asked suspicious.

Magnus glared at him.

"Never mind" Sky-byte said shrinking in fear.

"Hello Proctor, I've got a warrant for Goody Proctor's arrest" Darkscream said from the door.

"Cheever? What do you mean warrant?" Magnus asked.

"Elizabeth has been accused of attempted murder," Darkscream said, examining the house.

"What?" Everyone yelled, both in the audience and on stage. There was considerable disbelief from the Koji fans in the audience. Loud booing of Darkscream followed.

"Why is the majority of the audience booing me?" Darkscream asked.

"Because you have no fans" Magnus said looking out at the audience. "Where's my fan club?" A large group of kids stood up cheering.

"What about my fans?" Sky-byte asked. One kid stood cheer and was quickly pulled back down by the girl sitting next to him.

"Ok back to the play. Goody Proctor, do you keep poppets?" Darkscream asked.

"No. Not since I was … a … girl" Koji ground out. "So wrong" he muttered.

"Ok. What's that then?" Darkscream asked pointing at the poppet Optimus gave Koji.

"I knew that thing would get me in trouble" Koji muttered. The normal "That's Mary's"

"There's a needle stuck in it in the same place as Abigail's wound!" Darkscream exclaimed as he lifted the poppets skirt. Then he turned on Koji. "You murdering witch!"

"Proctor!" Wedge cried running in the door "The took my Martha!" Wedge yelled, "and his Rebecca!" He said pointing at RiD Hot Shot.

"Yes… they took myy Rebeccaaa" Hot Shot ground out. "Why'd I have to be cast as Mr. Nurse? Megatron makes a ugly wife," Hot Shot muttered

"I'm starting to appreciate you more" Magnus said looking at Koji.

"Just in time for me to be accused of witchcraft by your vengeful mistress" Koji said.

"What's going on down here?" Optimus asked leading X-brawn and Sideburn down stairs.

"You doll just got me arrested for murder" Koji said.

"What? Mommy would never hurt anybody!" X-brawn and Sideburn defended their play mom.

"I made that poppet in court today while I was sitting next to Abby" Optimus explained.

"Still got to arrest her" Darkscream said dragging Koji out the door.

"I will not lose my"—Magnus slaps Optimus for no reason-- " wife to vengeance!" Magnus yells.

"Whatever" Darkscream said nonchalantly as he chained Koji in between Heavy Load and Megatron.

"Don't you dare chain her Cheever!" Magnus yelled.

"This really isn't helping me on the 'Convince the Autobots that I'm a guy' front" Koji sighed.

"I have to chain them all Proctor" Darkscream said.

"Don't worry Martha! I'll find away to get you out!" Wedge yelled.

"You'd better little man!" Heavy Load yelled. Koji looked at him like he was nuts and then scooted away from him until he bumped into Megatron's leg.

"Don't worry Beth. The Lord shall see us through" Megatron said affectionately patting Koji's back.

"What did you give him to make him stop being evil?" Koji asked Darkscream.

"Riddilin" Darkscream said handing the packet of pills to Koji.

"This isn't Riddilin you idiot! It's Viagra!" Koji yelled.

"So that's why he's being so friendly" Darkscream said.

"John! Go to Salem tomorrow and tell them everything you know about Abigail Williams! These two are scaring me!" Koji yelled.

"Don't worry Elizabeth! I shall fall upon that court like an ocean!" Magnus yelled. Then he grabbed Optimus and dragged him inside "Time for your beating wench!"

"Pray for me Darling" Megatron called to Hot Shot.

"Yes dear" Hot Shot said in a strained voice.

"Five bucks says they go to the tavern and leave us to hang" Koji says as the wagon pulls off.

"Probably" Megatron and Heavy Load said.