Act 16: The Nightmare Before Christmas

I don't own The Nightmare Before Christmas...what are you talking about? WHO ARE YOU!

"'Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems, in a place that perhaps you've seen in your dreams...for the story that you are about to be told, took place in the holiday worlds of old, now you've probably wondered where holidays come from, if you haven't I'd say it's time you begun..."

(Sephiroth whacks the back of Director's head)

"STOP QUOTING THE MOVIE!"

"I can't help it! I must! The holiday spirit is rising within me and will soon burst if I don't let it out willingly! It is my uncontrollable nature!"

"I don't care if it's your uncontrollable A.D.D! You've been quoting The Nightmare Before Christmas and singing Christmas carols for 8 weeks STRAIGHT!"

"But Sephers!"

"DON'T CALL ME 'SEPHERS'!"

"But Sephers...!"

(Sephiroth slaps his forehead)

"If you let me unleash my holiday spirit, you'll get a gift you're bound to love!"

"A gift you say..." Sephiroth ponders putting his hand to his chin.

"Liiiiike...a new Masamune?"

"Maaaaaaaaaaybe..."

"Okay, you can continue with your Christmas high jinks." Sephiroth smiled and patted Director on the head.

"Wheeeeeeee!" the Director squealed as she jumped up and suddenly poofed and was in a Santa outfit.

"Hooooooooooooooohhh...hoooooooh HO!" The director shouted as she leapt out of the second story window. (Splat)

"DIRECTOR!" Riku shouted in surprise when the Director landing face first onto the hood of his car.

"H-hi Riku..." The Director said dazed with anime swirly eyes.

(The Editor and Producer poof next to the Director in feminine elf suits.)

"Hey, Director, we brought the presents for the cast." The Editor smiled, as the Producer pulled out several boxes wrapped in shiny green paper with red ribbons beautifully caressing them. The cast's faces lit up and they ran over to the three on top of Riku's car as fast as they could.

"Where's mine?"

"What about me?"

"What did I get?"

They all shouted excitedly at the elves holding the gifts and the unconscious Santa laying face down in a dent in Riku's car.

"Why are you handing out gifts this early?" Kairi asked from the front.

The Director lifted her bloody face up and said slowly, "The Producer, Editor and I are going to distribute gifts to all the good children of the planet, and give coal to the bad ones..."

"Wait! You mean...YOU'RE the real Santa Claus! And the Producer and Editor are real elves!"

"Yup!" The Editor said cheerfully as she handed out the gifts to the right people.

(The Producer looks at a tag on a bright pink vase with it's contents covered.)

"Aeris Gainsborough?" The Producer called.

"That's me!" Aeris called out from next to Cloud and Tifa. She ran up to the Producer and took the vase and tore open the paper on top that was covering the flowers. "Gasp! Flowers...Callalilies?" she said softly, "But...who're they from?" she asked herself looking to the tag. It read "The One-Winged Angel..."

She looked toward Sephiroth with tears in her eyes. He had just gotten his new Masamune and was actually kissing the unconscious Director on the cheeks over and over again. (Not for love mind you, it's like when someone's extremely happy they bump cheeks with someone, that's called 'kissing')

"I can finally do what I've wanted to do for so long!"

(Aeris smashes the lily pot on top of Sephiroth's head and runs away crying.)

"OW! WHAT THE EFFING HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Sephiroth yelled at the top of his voice. He bent down and picked up one of the lilies. "Who. Did. This?" he spoke quietly but menacing as a snake's hiss.

(The cast stays silent as they watch the now steaming Sephiroth ask his question)

"WHO DID THIS! I'LL MURDER THE SORRY CRETON WITH MY NEW SHINY SWORD!"

"Yeah, Seph, that's really supposed to make us want to tell you."

(The Director gets up and checks her sun dial)

"Bloody hell, is that the time! We gotta get going! Those presents won't wrap themselves!" the Director announced as she leapt down from Riku's now smashed up car.

"HOLD IT!" A loud thundering voice rained down.

"Who's that!" Sora gasped.

"Uh oh..." the Director muttered.

A large red figure in a green sleigh landed in the front of the studio stopping the trio in their tracks.

"YOU IMPOSTERS!" the red cloaked man pointed a finger at them.

"Who's he?" Tifa whispered to Cloud.

"I dunno...I've never seen a man with a white beard as big as that..."

"He's dressed in a Santa outfit..." Riku pointed out.

"YOU FOOLS! I am the REAL Santa Claus! This imposter (points to the Director) tied me up and stole my gifts and the suit from when I was 7!"

"What? Are you saying that you're Santa Claus? But you're so old!" Sora yelled in outrage.

"Since when was Santa Claus a girl, Sora!" The man claiming to be Santa asked in a commanding voice.

"How did you know my name was Sora?"

"I can see everything, I saw your parents write your name down. I AM SANTA CLAUS!"

"You saw when I was born? Then please sir, tell me a question I've always wanted to know..."

"What is it son?"

"What's my last name!"

"Do you really want to have to live with your last name? I'll give a choice to either keep your last name or go without one forever..."

"Tell me!"

"Your name...is...Sora Seymour Butts Johnson III."

". . ."

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T BREATHE!" The cast and friends shouted in painful laughter.

"I'll stick with Sora...thanks."

"But anyway. Why would the Director have kidnaped Santa's belongings and claimed she was Santa?" Tifa asked.

"Alright...that's enough...my friends. This is the real Santa Claus. I lied."

"But...why?"

"BECAUSE I'M INSANE! WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST GUESS!"

The cast and Santa Claus all laughed randomly.

THE END!