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r/offmychest ∙ Posted by u/broosenotwayne 8 hours ago
I was unfaithful to my partner.
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Before I begin, what you must understand is that I am a very private man, and the mere thought of sharing this burden with someone I know personally is beyond my ability to cope. And yet, the need to share burns at my very core, like lungs too long deprived of air. So here I am, spilling my soul to the strangers of the World Wide Web, equally prepared for judgment and in hope of advice.
My partner and I, we have a lot of history. A lot of pain between us, in the past; a lot of passion, as well. We've met in our troubled youth, both of us fighting against the circumstances we couldn't quite control, nor overcome. We've met on the opposite sides of the fight we were fighting, yet still forged a bond that not only grew with time, but survived long periods of separation and fundamental moral differences.
Today, we've been together, finally, officially, for almost two years now. Two years in which I couldn't imagine ever being a happier man; two years that were the best of my life, in many more ways than one.
And yet.
My partner, J., has a twin brother. I met M. long after J's and my lives have already become irrevocably tangled around each other, intertwined in ways I couldn't, and wouldn't, deny. At the time, M. was a neutral party in the conflict J. and I had waged, an outside voice of reason; someone who could've chosen to say out of our messes, kept his life quiet and his own — as was his wish all along. Someone who, instead, braved the demons he has spent a lifetime trying desperately to leave behind, and paid a terrible price for it. I was… moved.
M. and I clicked almost instantly upon our first meeting. We became fast friends, working towards a common goal until different circumstances threw us apart.
At the time, I believed J. to be dead, not for the first time, and in the mourning of a relationship that hasn't-quite-been, allowed myself to fall for the next best thing I had left. Of course, M. is an exceptional man in his own right, and using him as a replacement for something I lost was absolutely out of the question. So we remained friends.
Things happened, I left the city and J. wasn't dead.
Then I came back and after years of dancing around each other, after years of stolen kisses, years of violence and uncertain futures, J. and I finally, FINALLY came together.
And please, don't get me wrong: I am a happy man. With J. by my side I am the happiest I've ever been in my life, and despite the challenges we still face each day because of our past, I wouldn't give up what we have for anything in the world.
But then. The Incident happened.
J.'s line of work oftentimes requires him to move on short notice or leave the city with little warning. We're used to this sort of pace by now: plans that need to be cancelled or rescheduled, meetings that never happen and quick apology phone calls when he's already on his way. It's nothing new when a date night doesn't come to fruition due to J.'s responsibilities, or even my own. All it takes it's a warning, received in any way, shape or form. Only this time, there wasn't one.
I was supposed to meet J. for dinner in one of our favorite restaurants in the shadier parts of the city, the one we attend when life gets busy and we just need to get away. But it wasn't J. that joined me. It was M.
I have mentioned before that J. and M. are twins, identical twins, in fact, although they are quite difficult to mistake, these days. The happenings of J.'s past left him somewhat… disfigured, in a very visible, very distinct way that is rather bothersome to feign. M. on the other hand, committed a long time ago to making a few changes of his own, in hopes to become as easily discernable from his brother as humanly possible. They usually are. Only... not this time. But it wasn't imperfections of the disguise that allowed me to recognize the switch.
I pride myself on being observant. It's a part of my job even, in a sense. Noticing things. And in all honesty, what kind of a partner would I have been, if I couldn't notice immediately that the man sitting beside me is not, in fact, the man I love and share my life with? Not a very good one, I am certain of that.
So I knew it was M. that joined me for dinner, even though the detail work for his imitation of J. was quite impeccable. It was all in the little mannerisms that you can't quite hide, nor replicate. I knew. I knew and I said nothing. I let him talk to me and hold me as if he were my lover. I kissed him as if I were his.
I don't know why he chose to take J.'s place at my side. I don't know why I did not stop him.
All I know is that we've spent exceptionally pleasant evening together, one I wouldn't mind repeating without the disguise. We are still the best of friends, after all.
So. Tell me, denizens of reddit. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to tell J. about what happened. He will immediately know that I knew it wasn't him; he knows me too well to believe otherwise. I don't want to confront M. about his motives, because it would require coming to terms with my own emotions, my old feelings that I buried deep inside but could never quite forget.
I'm lost, reddit.
I'm just.
Lost.
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119 Comments:
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∙HopaCao 8 hours ago
Question One: why do you write like a pretentious tumblr poet?
∙∙broosenotwayne 8 hours ago
I'm afraid I do not understand. What is a tumblr?
∙∙∙dr_Max 8 hours ago
Ho boi. If you don't know, you probably don't WANT to know.
∙35asscheeeksofDoom 8 hours ago
I feel like having an honest conversation with both of them is the way to go. Sure you can lie to your partner now, but he WILL find out eventually, and trust me, it's better if he hears this from you.
∙∙SupermanMyHoe 7 hours ago
Honesty and communication are key. I agree completely, you should talk to them. Separately, preferably, if you don't want to insta-nuke your relationship, dude. Think about it like this:
what's the worst that can happen if you talk to M?
best case scenario, this was some sort of a sick prank and y'all can move on
worst case scenario, he's actually into you, and you obvsly still have hang-ups, so you have to choose.
∙∙∙maxXmaXxam 5 hours ago
Why is this the worst case? Maybe he should check r/polyamory. Because you know. It's a thing. That Exists.
You can be in love with both of them OP. It's just a matter of negotiations.
∙∙∙∙buffalo_box 4 hours ago
You do realize you are talking about *brothers* right!?
∙∙∙∙∙maxXmaXxam 4 hours ago
So?
∙∙∙∙∙Continue this thread
∙Cien 7 hours ago
I think I've heard this somewhere before? Are you mayhaps talking about the Joker?
∙∙ElisaP 6 hours ago
Hey r/JokersOfGotham r/CultOfJerome
Sound familiar?
∙∙∙greenPiss 6 hours ago
PLEASE. You don't even know if the guy's from Gotham. He could be literally ANYONE.
Istg ya'll would see Joker in your grilled cheese burn off if you could.
∙∙∙∙plantsucker 5 hours ago
Excuse you, Grilled Joker is actually a Thing :link:
∙∙∙∙ElisaP 5 hours ago
His username is u/broosenotwayne? Ofc he's from Gotham.
∙∙∙three_andahalf_fingers 6 hours ago
Wasn't there an AITA thread about a guy going on a date as his brother a few days ago?
Cuz that one was def from Gotham.
∙IgNoN 8 hours ago
HOLY SHIT, MAN.
∙Uchiha_anbu 6 hours ago
That's some sticky situation, huh.
∙Comment deleted by user
∙DesignatedPenguinAnti 2 hours ago
I feel for you. It can't be easy, dealing with complicated feelings like this. The best advice I have for you is: think about what you really want for yourself. You say you're happy with your current partner, so now you need to consider what about this relationship do you value the most. On the one hand, keeping secrets of such personal nature might cause a rift between you - guilt inevitably eating at you for reasons that your partner won't understand. On the other, coming clean about the situation might end much to the same effect, depending on your partner's ability to forgive and understand. Or, it might surprise you, who knows. Either way, you need to decide what are you willing to risk more: continue to live on with a heavy conscience, or honesty.
How strong is your relationship? How much can it survive? Because from what I gather you wrote about your shared, bumpy past, it sure seems like a lot. Chances are, it can survive this, too.
∙∙broosenotwayne 1 hour ago
Thank you. I greatly appreciate your input.
∙Jeff-2-0 3 hours ago
No offence but like. Why don't you just bone the brother and call it a day? Get it out of your system and go back to being happy with your bf, simple
∙∙purris 3 hours ago
Yes because cheating is the answer to everything.
Go suck a pickle
∙∙∙Comment removed by moderator
∙∙FrostDemise 3 hours ago
The other dude is literally his boyfriend's brother? It's not like he can just ONS this, imagine how awkward family gatherings would get.
∙∙∙RoyToyMyBoy 2 hours ago
With the amount of pining going on there I imagine they're already plenty awkward. A touch more damage can't hurt too much.
∙∙∙∙yukionna 1 hour ago
this is a HORRIBLE advice don't listen to them OP
∙∙∙∙∙ChibiKing 1 hour ago
It would be like ripping off the bandaid though. Quick and either you jump or you drown, bro.
∙∙∙∙∙∙broosenotwayne 1 hour ago
Either you jump or you drown, indeed.
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