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r/TIFU ∙ Posted by u/pennyworthless 4 hours ago
TIFU, mildly speaking, by locking my employer's suitors in a broom closet together.
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My occupation is one of providing household services for a wealthy family, with whom I've been for many years now. I am, in a sense, a head of staff, and along with making the best work of catering to my employers' needs, it is my responsibility to manage more problematic guests. That being said, my masters do not always agree with the methods I employ to do so.
As of recently, the youngest family son has been entertaining an idea of pursuing a relationship with his current partner's brother. Now, I am in no place to judge his choice in bedfellows, but they are both dangerous people, bound with the circles I do not wish to evoke. And they absolutely bloody hate each other.
Needless to say, young master's expanded interest and hesitation with how to proceed onward raised a lot of tension between the brothers, surging them into a, for lack of a better word, competition, for young master's attention.
Long story short — and it is a very long story indeed — as the rivalry between the fellows only grew and situation escalated, on a recent occasion both the suitors ended up in a rather heated argument on the manor's grounds. As is my duty in the absence of the family proper, I dealt with the threat in ways I saw fit most.
—As I have mentioned before, they are dangerous people: toting guns and general proclivity to violence and destruction are the least of their vices.
With the suitors becoming increasingly agitated as they argued in one of the halls — one they should certainly not have had an access to — I deemed it necessary to, ah, restrict their area of operation. Lest the property damage went up too high. Under false pretences of homemade apple pie I skillfully shoved them into a cupboard along the way.
Now, you might think that this is exactly what would be expected of me in a situation at hand, and so why would doing my job perfectly well land in a dreadful category such as TIFU? Well.
In all the years I have given the family, only once have my position as a loyal servant been threatened with termination. Many years ago, when the youngest son just came into majority, and so inherited the power over the estate as well. That is, until now.
I am an old man. I have given my life to servitude not due to the lack of options, but as a choice. Having that taken away whilst I have nowhere else to go, even in words only, most definitely classifies as "fuck up". Young master was very not pleased by the possibility of either of his lovers… expiring during their little spat and my hand in locking them up in such close proximity to each other, where the possibilities of bodily harm and untimely departure were the highest, was not appreciated.
I was not let go. However, only because there were no casualties — a pity, honestly — and the whole ordeal ended in further negotiations between the three, once the young master returned home.
TL;DR: I almost lost a lifelong position because I put the property's wellbeing over intruders' squabble.
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81 Comments:
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∙macaronisalad 4 hours ago
You sir are one kickass mofo
∙anyoan 4 hours ago
The cojones!
And they were using guns IN HIS HOUSE? Where the hell do you live dude?
∙∙we-live-in-a-society 2 hours ago
Clearly US of A
∙potaYto-potaHto 4 hours ago
if it was me working for the rich I'd burn the place to the ground myself.
∙∙umbrellanope 3 hours ago
Same honestly
∙Miska 3 hours ago
Kinda wondering if we heard about this dude. I mean, rich guy obviously dating what, mobsters? Must've made rounds somewhere
∙∙KittyCat_Gotham 3 hours ago
Aren't all rich dudes dating mobsters? How is this news
∙∙3 more replies
∙∙pennyworthless 3 hours ago
I'm afraid not. Young master much prefers keeping his private life… private.
∙∙∙we-live-in-a-society 2 hours ago
What he prefers doesn't really matter when it comes to the web, though.
∙∙∙TalkingBirb 2 hours ago
Not when it gets on twitter he don't :D
∙∙teddybear-san 3 hours ago
Honestly tho it's shady AF. And did op just casually imply he'd be fine with them murdering each other? Like? Bro? What would you even SAY to the cops? "I munched on popcorn while the homicide commenced"? BRO?
∙∙∙pennyworthless 3 hours ago
I'm sure I would think of something appropriate. Crime of that calibre isn't exactly… unusual, where I live.
∙∙∙∙Noxx 3 hours ago
Sounds like detroit. Or gotham. Everything always happens in gotham
∙∙∙∙∙soul_killer 3 hours ago
well duh
their rogues are nuts
∙∙∙∙∙∙riddler_IsMyDaddy 2 hours ago
I once got caught as collateral in Riddler's plot and like. No fun. There were piranhas involved. Piranhas! In Gotham! It was completely bananas!
∙∙∙∙∙∙∙allagenovese 2 hours ago
Would never happen in Metropolis *thumbs up*
∙∙∙∙∙∙∙mcNugget 2 hours ago
KINKY
∙∙∙∙∙∙∙juss 1 hour ago
Couldn't be that bad if he's Daddy now :)
∙∙∙∙∙∙∙Continue this thread
∙∙∙∙∙LoKo 3 hours ago
Please. Everyone's got guns. What's so special about that?
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∙∙∙∙5 more replies
∙wit1000 2 hours ago
||the whole ordeal ended in further negotiations between the three, once the young master returned home.
So that's what we're calling it this days, huh? :D
∙∙pennyworthless 1 hour ago
I haven't the faintest what could you possibly mean.
∙∙∙feartoxicAddict 1 hour ago
WHAT A LEGEND
∙EccoEcco 4 hours ago
One could almost assume that you did this… on purpose.
∙∙pennyworthless 4 hours ago
Oh, rest assured, please — I would never!
∙∙∙Mr_HatHead 4 hours ago
Wink wink
Winkinty wink wink wink
34 more replies
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A/N:
Bruce: *comes home to burning wreckage and clown fight noises in the background while Alfred calmly enjoys his afternoon tea* You let my lovers KILL each other? You lock up their bodies like the brooms? Oh! Oh! Banishment for Alfred! Banishment for Alfred for One Thousand Years!
Alfred:*continues enjoying his tea* *radiates unparalleled smugness* Oh? Let us wait until the Internet hears about this.
*shades emoji*
