An Author's Pre Turkey Ramblings- Hello all! I hope that your Thanksgivings are all going well... or went well, depending on when you read this! I finally got this chapter done, so hopefully, none of you will feel the urge to stone me!
Thanks go out to my beta, Sara (Shouhei) who went above and beyond for this chapter. She was such a great help to me, with picking out the songs that appear. She just finished her first Trory, 'But I Love Him' and it is absolutely incredible. I will miss the updates, but all good things must come to an end. And that story was definately a good thing! If you haven't already, read it!
Another person to thank is my baby sister, who fought for a song to appear in this chapter, and gave me a challenge on how to incorporate it. Thank you Erin!
Disclaimer- I do not own Gilmore Girls, or any of the songs listed, or the novels that I talked about. But you should either listen or read them all. They are all great!
Enough talking, more reading!
Chapter Six- The Soundtrack of Your Life
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she'll ever figure out
I'm crazy for this girl
"Hey!" Mollie cried out, jumping back to escape the shoe that came hurtling in her direction. "Watch it!"
"What the hell are you doing Molls?" Tristan groaned, pulling a pillow over his head to drown out the music that was playing at top volume in his room. It was eight o'clock in the morning, way too early for her to be torturing him. "Trying to kill me with mediocre boy band music?"
"Hey, Evan and Jaron are not mediocre!" Mollie exclaimed, hopping onto Tristan's bed. "They had a couple of hits, you know."
"Name one."
"The Distance, Crazy For This Girl… I can't think of any more. But they did have two, and that's more than The Rembrandts, or Sisqó."
"The Thong Song." Tristan pulled the pillow away from his head, revealing a smirk. "That brings back some memories."
"God, Tris, you are such a guy." Mollie rolled her eyes. "Does everything have to come back to sex?"
"Yeah, I think it does." Tristan's eyes twinkled. "So, would you like to inform me of the reasons behind this horrible, early morning serenade?"
"Hey, you should be grateful that you have a wonderful cousin like me, who loves you enough to go search the internet to create your very own soundtrack." Mollie flashed him a smile as she slid off of his bed again.
"What?"
"I was bored, and I made a soundtrack to attest to the unrequited love that you feel for our houseguest." Mollie smile grew wider as she picked up the stereo remote from his desk.
"I'm not sure I want to hear this." Tristan grumbled, his head sinking back against his pillow. He didn't really need this right now. Not after the phone call he had with his father last night.
"Well, too bad." Mollie pressed the skip button. "I worked on this for like, two hours last night, after you disappeared, and Rory got kidnapped by her grandmother."
Thinking back before her
I never knew the meaning of alone
Still the flag is feeling foreign
I live the day to escape into the phone
"Can't you pick any good music?" Tristan complained loudly. "Why are you subjecting me to this cruelty?"
"Hey! Ben Jelen rocks!" Mollie narrowed her eyes. "He was featured on 'One Tree Hill.'
"Ooh, another WB teen drama." Tristan rolled his eyes dramatically. "They're all the same. They start off with at least one of the main characters in their sophomore year in high school, and then quickly fizzle when they get into college. They don't have any redeeming value to them."
"They aren't supposed to be redeeming, it's The WB, not PBS, Tristan." Mollie rolled her eyes. "And 'Felicity didn't start as a high school sophomore, just so you know."
"That's because the show was about a college freshman and her inability to choose between those two guys who just kept falling for her crap, over and over, like idiots."
"Shut up." Mollie stuck out her tongue at him, skipping to another song.
We might make out
When nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate
"Who the hell is this?" Tristan asked. "He's actually not that bad."
"This is Damien Rice." Mollie sighed, a dreamy look on her face. "He's amazing. I'm so in love with his voice, it's not even funny."
"Why is he so special?"
"His album 'O' is the sixteenth best album from Ireland." Mollie sighed again, listening to the words. "And he's kinda cute, plus, he's got that accent."
"Ooh, sixteenth best from Ireland." Tristan said sarcastically. "That's amazing."
"Why do you make fun of my music?"
"Because it's fun." Tristan smirked, finally sitting up, though still in bed. "What's next?"
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I love her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
"Oh, good God!" Tristan moaned, leaning back to stare at the ceiling. "Why do you torture me so?"
"Okay, okay, I get the hint!" Mollie pressed the button again, selecting another track. "Now, I know that you'll like this one. If you don't, then you will be stoned to death by music fans everywhere."
Oh my love for the first time in my life
My eyes are wide open
Oh my lover for the first time in my life
My eyes can see
"Finally, some good music!" Tristan exclaimed, relieved that he wasn't being subjected to any more torture.
"If you don't like John Lennon, then you aren't a music fan." Mollie shrugged. "I mean, he started like, everything."
"Yeah, and now his songs are endorsing Nike shoes." Tristan commented.
"Michael Jackson really was a skunk with that one." Mollie crossed her arms. "I mean, to buy Paul McCartney's own music right out from under him, and then to say it was 'just business?' Ew."
"Yeah, I mean, those weren't just songs. That's his legacy. Paul and John put everything into their music, and now they are selling sports equipment and fast food."
"At least 'Wacko Jacko' is getting what he deserves now."
"True. I bet that Paul is just salivating as he waits for Michael to get so in debt that he has to sell the rights."
"Yeah, but in reality, he'll probably just sell 'Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds' toEstee Lauder,who will create a signature fragrance, and use Elizabeth Taylor as a spokesperson, all so Michael can pay his lawyers for another week."
"Okay, so what's next?" Tristan asked.
"Nothing. I played you the best ones." Mollie informed him, hitting the 'eject' button on his stereo. While she was putting it back in the case, she noticed something peeking out of a drawer. Mollie pulled on the edge of the paper. "What's this?"
"Nothing, just put it back." Tristan shot out of bed quickly. Unfortunately, he was not quick enough. Mollie's eyes widened as she realized what the papers were.
"Tristan, why didn't you tell me that you were transferring to Yale?" Mollie asked, a little hurt that she was left out of the loop. Tristan was one of her best friends, why wouldn't he talk to her about something like this?
"Because I've been trying to find a way out of it for the last six months." Tristan sighed. "Father wants me to transfer, so I can fulfill that stupid legacy crap. He doesn't care that I'm happy at Princeton. All he cares about is that fact that I'll be thefifth generation of Dugreymento graduate from Yale."
"Why don't you say no?" Mollie asked, before realizing that she had just asked the stupidest question in the history of asking stupidquestions.
"No one says no to Gregory Dugrey." Tristan mocked, deepening his voice to sound like his father. "Look at Military School. I don't have a choice. He still owns my ass, and he takes every opportunity to remind me of that."
Gregory Dugrey was the epitome of a dictator. He ruled over his family with an iron fist, always controlling every aspect of each member's lives, especially Tristan's. His mother wielded a modicum of control, but she didn't use it very often, and when she did, it wasn't for anything worthy.
Clara Dugrey was weak. The opposite of the fiercely independent and outspoken Lulu. She didn't act like any member of her family. Some might call her an individual, if it meant that she acted the part of the perfect society wife, ignoring all of the lessons and examples shown to her by the women in her family.
Tristan didn't really get along with either of his parents. They didn't understand him, and had never really made any sort of effort to try. When the going got tough three years ago, they had abandoned him when he needed them the most, opting to send him to Military School to be someone else's problem.
That's all he was to them anyway. A problem. He never did anything right in their eyes. When he was second in his class, preceded only by Paris Gellar, he had disappointed them by not being first. His father also didn't care for the fact that he was 'beaten by a girl.'
Maybe that was the reason that Tristan had decided to break the family legacy, choosing to attend Princeton, rather than Yale, the school of his forefathers. At Princeton, he was his own person. There was no prestige that went with the name Dugrey, at least past the standard elite family prestige that you would be able to find among most Ivy League schools. He wasn't judged for being the son of Gregory Dugrey and Clara Carrington. No one knew who they were.
But at Yale, everyone would know who he was before he introduced himself. Especially if he took over his father's old position, which was what the old man wanted. Gregory wanted Tristan to take the reigns and lead the next generation of the best of the best into the future.
But did Tristan want that?
No.
Did that matter?
No.
"Well, look on the bright side." Mollie put her arm around Tristan's shoulder. "At least you'll have me, and Rory's gonna be there too. It won't be that bad."
"If you say so, Molls." Tristan grumbled, though his future at Yale didn't seem as bleak as before. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad, and he would get to spend more time with Rory, after all.
But maybe it would be. Maybe it would be the nightmare he had been trying, with no avail, to escape for six months. What would he do then?
-&-
Finally, Rory escaped the clutches of her grandmother. She had been nabbed right after breakfast, and held hostage for hours on end, while her grandmother showed off her 'Yale girl' to some of her old friends.
Some of those women were kind of scary. They had sharp, pointy nails that resembled talons, their eyes were cold, and they made Rory feel more than a little uncomfortable.
Finally, tea was over, and Rory was free. Why had she been singled out, and not Mollie or Tristan? Mollie was going to Yale next semester, Rory wasn't the only Yalie in the house.
Rory decided that since she had nothing to do, and no one to hang out with, as both Tristan and Mollie seemed extremely talented at hiding, that she would do some exploring. She hadn't had much of an opportunity to do so, as she had been spending all of her time with the two of them, and they weren't very excited about taking another tour of a house they had already spent a lot of time in.
Every room that Rory would peek into was a new discovery. There was an honest to goodness ballroom on the second floor in the East wing, and the music room held a gleaming grand piano, along with several other instruments, like a beautiful dark cello, and a shining flute, both of which she knew belonged to Mollie, as the pictures on the wall in front of her held photos of Mollie playing both, as well as one of Tristan sitting at a piano, his face scrunched up in concentration. She did notice however, that he looked quite dashing in his tuxedo and white tie.
In the next room that she explored, Rory felt like she had died and gone to heaven. The library was floor to ceiling with books, and was twice the size of the one at school that she frequented most often. It was amazing.
Rory ran her fingers lightly over the leather bound novels. This had to be one of those perfect moments in life. All of those books, and they were all available to her. She didn't have to wait to read them, like she had with some of the volumes she had desired at school. Life couldn't possibly get better than this.
"See anything you like, Mary?"
Rory spun around, startled to hear Tristan's voice behind her. He was sitting comfortably in a club chair by the long wall of windows, a book in his lap. She couldn't help but notice how good he looked in glasses. Not just anyone could pull off the four eyed look. She couldn't. Her mother couldn't, which was why she had opted for contacts. But Tristan… wow.
"The question is more, see anything you don't like." Rory smiled. "I didn't see you there."
"I know." Tristan smirked. "You were too busy ogling the books to notice the 'hot guy' in the corner."
"Am I ever going to live that down?" Rory asked. Tristan had been teasing her mercilessly about the fact that she had called him 'hot.' She was beginning to think that she would never hear the end of it.
"I'd say… no."
"Whatcha reading?" Rory asked, walking over to him. He held up the cover. 'Five People You Meet in Heaven.' That's written by the 'Tuesdays with Morrie' guy, right?"
"Mitch Albom."
"Yeah, that's it. How is it?"
"It's a great book. I've read it before."
"Oh."
"You should definitely read it too."
"I'll put it on the list."
"Great, so by the time that you read it, I'll be too old to talk about it."
"That's a little extreme."
"How many books are on the list?" Tristan asked, looking at her pointedly.
"Point taken."
"Good."
"I'll move it up a little closer to the top." Rory relented, mentally trying to squeeze it in between her re read of 'Great Expectations' and 'Peyton Place,' because Lorelai had decided that Rory needed to read something a little dirty.
"How about to the very top?"
"And why would I do that?"
"So you can talk about it with me."
"We could always talk about it later."
"Could we?" Tristan asked, his eyebrow raised a little. He was surprised that she was making plans for the future, especially a future that included him in some form.
"Of course." Rory looked at him like he had sprouted another head. "We're friends, aren't we?"
"Are we friends?" He pondered out loud.
"What, you don't want to be?"
"Honestly? Not really."
"What?" Rory was startled by his question.
"I don't want to be your friend, Rory."
"Why not?" She asked him, a feeling of panic and hurt filling her. In such a short period of time, he had become a big part of her world. A lot bigger than she had imagined, and a lot bigger than she was willing to admit.
"Don't you ever want more?"
"But, I thought… we were supposed to be trying to be friends, Tristan." Rory looked into his eyes, and saw that the look that had resided in them before that second kiss by the piano as filling them now. Rory was suddenly filled with both a feeling of intense desire for him to kiss her again, and the urge to flee, to escape the room that had suddenly closed in on her, despite its enormous capacity.
"Is that what you really want, Rory?" Tristan asked her, staring back at her, willing her to answer him.
"I… I…" She wasn't ready to answer him. Rory was feeling confused, as the conflicting emotions inside of her fought for dominance.
"Because that's not what I want." He said, looking away from her. She felt something inside of her sadden as he broke their connection. "But it's your call. Think about it."
She nodded, it was all she could do. He left her alone, leaving the room. Rory curled up in the chair he vacated seconds before. Alone with her thoughts, she felt even more confused then she did before.
What was she going to do?
-&-
Do you remember the first kiss?
Stars shooting across the sky
To come to such a place as this
You never left my mind
Rory had been heading back to her room when she heard the familiar tune by PJ Harvey. She turned around, and walked back down the hall to Mollie's bedroom, and stuck her head in.
Mollie was sprawled on her bed, reading a book when she heard the knock. "Hey."
"Hey."
"What brings you to this neck of the woods?" Mollie smiled, pushing the pause button, as Rory entered the room.
"I heard PJ Harvey, and I couldn't resist." Rory answered, sitting on the bed across from Mollie. "She's one of my favorites."
"She is pretty great."
"Are you listening to her cd?"
"Nope. I was bored after you and Tristan abandoned me last night, so I made a cd to pass the time." Mollie grinned. "I put together quite an amazing compellation, let me tell you."
"Or, you could just play the cd, you know." Rory joked, leaning back against one of the posts at the end of the bed.
"No problem." Mollie pressed the play button once again, glad that her plan was working. Tristan had once told her that Rory had turned him down for a PJ Harvey concert, even though she loved her. In Mollie's eyes, that made her perfect for Tristan. He didn't need someone who would follow him blindly, he needed someone who wouldn't let him get away with his usual crap.
I look into your eyes
And I feel it coming through
And I can't help but want you
More than I want to
"Okay, how can you possibly go from PJ Harvey to American Idol?" Rory asked, as the song played on. "I don't get it."
"Hey, that show is awesome. Simon Cowell is so mean, it's great." Mollie defended the show. "I love watching the first shows, when you see all of the people who only think that they can sing."
"My mom likes that too."
"Wise woman."
"Don't tell her that, we'll never hear the end of it." Rory stated. "Can you play something else? My ears are starting to bleed."
"Not a Kelly Clarkson fan, I see. Okay, we can fix that."
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel
Oh, I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated
"You have the most eclectic taste in music." Rory informed Mollie, as the strains of the country song faded from the room.
"Tristan thinks so too."
"Yeah." Rory closed her eyes, remembering the conversation she had just had with him. The words to this song described the way she felt so well. She wanted him, but then, she didn't want things to change. What if she wasn't ready? What if they weren't right for each other? What would happen it they were to take it past the point of no return? Would they end up hating each other?
It really was so complicated.
"He likes you, you know."
"What?"
"Tristan. He likes you."
"So I've gathered." Rory sighed. She didn't know if it was the best idea in the world for her to be talking about this with Tristan's cousin. They were really close, and even though she and Mollie were starting to build a really strong friendship, Rory knew that when the chips were down, Mollie would take Tristan's side, no matter what.
"What do you think about that?"
"I don't know what to think."
"He's a good guy."
"I know."
"He wouldn't hurt you. At least, not intentionally."
"I know that, too."
"So what's the problem?" Mollie asked, curious as to why she wouldn't put herself out there.
"I've made so many mistakes when it comes to guys. Especially that last one."
Cuz I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
A tear trickled down Rory's cheek as the next song came on. Was that what she had done with Dean? Had she tried to force herself to love him? Had she tried to make her heart feel something it wasn't capable of feeling?
"Well, if you need to talk, I'm here." Mollie offered her a tissue from the box beside a framed photograph on her bedside table. Rory looked at it a little closer. Isabelle and Octavia,May 15, 1985, the inscription in the silver frame read.
"Who are Isabelle and Octavia?" Rory asked, pointing at the picture.
Mollie glanced back, picking up the frame from the table. "That's me and my mom. It was taken the day I was born."
"How do you get Mollie from Isabelle or Octavia?" Rory wondered.
"My full name is Octavia Mollina Calloway." Mollie told her, tracing the outline of her mother's face. "She named me after her godmother."
"Oh." Rory couldn't think of anything else to say. "You look like her."
"Thanks." Mollie said absently, her eyes filling with tears. "I miss her."
"So she's…" Rory trailed off, a little uncomfortable as to the turn that the conversation had taken. If given the chance, she probably would have taken the opportunity to go back to talking about Tristan. Now, she was prying in on a subject she didn't think she was equipped to handle.
"Dead? Yeah. She was diagnosed with cancer when I was ten. She died a year later." Mollie put the photo back, and picked up the remote again. "Okay, enough tears. We need some music."
Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
"Sarah McLachlan, nice." Rory smiled, listening to the words. She wanted that. The feeling that Sarah was singing about. Rory didn't just want to feel wanted, but she also wanted to feel needed. Dean had never really needed her, and she had never needed him. She had never been up late at night, thinking about the way he made her feel. She had thought about him, sure, but never in the way that she should have, not if she ever truly loved him as much as she said that she did.
"I love her stuff. Have you heard her new cd? It's amazing."
"I know, I've had 'Stupid' on repeat for the last month."
"I love that song."
"I feel like it was written for me."
"I think that we've all felt like that at one point or another." Mollie smiled. "If you want to talk about it, I'm here, and despite what Tristan might have told you, I'm actually a pretty good listener."
"Thanks." Rory smiled back at her. "It's just, I don't want to make another mistake. I don't want to hurt anyone else."
"You do know that people make mistakes, right?" Mollie wondered what Rory could have possibly done that was so bad. She seemed like the kind of person who couldn't hurt a fly, let alone another person. "It's generally how we learn."
"There you go again, sounding like my mother."
"And I already told you, she's a wise woman."
"Why do relationships have to be so hard?"
"I don't know."
"I'm all jumbled."
"Maybe I can help you unjumble yourself."
"Tristan told me that he has feelings for me."
Go Tristan. Mollie thought. "Uh huh."
"And he's leaving it up to me to decide whether or not I want to be with him."
"Uh huh."
"But I don't know if I can."
"Why not?"
"I don't know if it's a good idea."
"Why wouldn't it be a good idea? You obviously like him."
"I do."
"So what exactly is the problem?" Mollie asked. "What's standing in the way of something that you both want?"
"What if we just end up hurting each other?"
"What if you don't?"
"What if it's not right between us?"
"What if it is?"
"What if we can't go back?"
"What if you don't want to?"
"You know Mollie, you really are annoying to play the 'what if' game with." Rory smiled.
"I've heard that before."
"Imagine that?"
"Funny."
"Well I try." Mollie joked. "But seriously, you have to decide whether or not you want to be with him. No one else can decide whether or not it's worth the risk."
"I know."
"And you're probably going to have to decide soon. Tristan doesn't have very much patience. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart."
"So I've gathered."
"Okay, how about one more song, and then we go down and see about dinner?" Mollie suggested. "I don't know about you, but I'm starved."
"You read my mind." Rory smiled, chuckling at how perfect the song was for that moment in time. She was beginning to think that Mollie's cd was a little less innocent than she had let on.
And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to walk down and one road to choose
So I'm thinking over the things that you've said
It seemed that Rory had some thinking to do.
But which road would she choose?
The Trory Soundtrack
(As compiled by Mollie Calloway)
Tristan
Crazy For This Girl- Evan and Jaron- Evan and Jaron
Come On- Ben Jelen- Come On
Delicate- Damien Rice- O
If Tomorrow Never Comes- Ronan Keating- Destination
Oh My Love- John Lennon- Our Little Corner of the World (GG soundtrack!)
Rory
One Line- PJ Harvey- Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea
Anytime- Kelly Clarkson- Thankful
Complicated- Carolyn Dawn Johnson- Room With a View
I Can't Make You Love Me- Bonnie Raitt- Luck of the Draw
I Love You- Sarah McLachlan- Surfacing
Dana Glover- Thinking Over- Testimony
Please Review!
Make my season bright
Make my troubles out of sight!
