Dirty
Summary: After she is attacked on the streets Raven decides to leave the Titans but first she goes to Beast Boy to apologize…
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This is deticated to Katie Marcum one of my best friends.
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Raven's Point Of View
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I look out into the rain with distaste. Yes I could teleport myself home but I wanted to walk and think. About him. Beast Boy.
I've had a crush on him ever since we met really. But he drives me nuts and I'm afraid of what I could do to him. So I shove him away. Then we fight.
I hate to fight with Beast Boy. I really do. But he wants me to do things I can never do. He wants me to open up and let him in. For his safety I can't. I won't.
I am suddenly ripped from my thoughts, quite literally, by a pair of hands. I am pulled into an alley and quickly gagged before I can activate my powers. I should ask Robin for some martial arts training. Without my powers I'm useless in a fight.
"Don't worry," a voice whispers in my ear "We won't hurt you… not much anyway." I hate myself for trembling as a hand skims over my hips but I can't help it.
:Hey, don't keep her all to yourself, Jake." a second voice protests followed by a grunt of agreement from a third man.
"Do not fret my friends, we shall all have a turn with her." the first voice reassures them. His hands are now atop my racing heart. "Don't be scared my dear. You will learn much tonight."
I try to scream but a rag is pressed over my nose and my world goes dark.
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When I awake I'm lying on a mattress in a room smelling of sweat, blood, and beer.
My cloak is in a heap in the corner and the zipper of my leotard is halfway undone leaving my neck and shoulders exposed. I sit up slowly and immediately regret it. My lower body is on fire with pain.
My heart sinks and I feel the blood drain from my face "No, no, no, no!" I think to myself "This is a dream. I'm not here and none of this is real!"
Suddenly the door across the room opens and the three men walk in and they all stare at me.
"Ready for another round?"
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Three hours later I'm standing in the alley again. My cloak is pulled tightly around me and my head is bowed under my hood. I can feel the blood drying on the insides of my legs. Tears are poring down my cheeks without a sound. "Why me?" I whisper to the midnight sky. Drops of rain fall onto my face almost like a reply.
Finally my decision is made. I will go home, gather my things and leave the Tower. But first I will tell Beast Boy I'm sorry.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." I whisper quietly. The familiar raven shape wraps itself around me and whisks me through several dimensions at lightspeed so that I reappear in front of Beast Boy's door.
I raise my hand and knock firmly, drawing my hand back into my cloak quickly. I can hear the rustling of movement inside the room then the door slides open and Beast Boy stumbles out sleepily only half in his uniform "I'm up! What's going on? Who's attacking?" he murmurs groggily.
I almost smile but I can't. I don't know if I'll ever be able to smile again. "Beast Boy, no one's attacking." I tell him.
He stops his random circling and wakes up as he sees it's just me. Just Raven. "Oh, what are you doing up Rae?"
I look at my feet, making sure to keep my cloak wrapped around myself "I'm sorry for waking you but I had to tell you…" I trail off trying to find the words.
Beast Boy's hand shoots out like a snake. I jerk away instinctively causing my hood to fall down and my cloak to fly open.
"Raven…" he says gaping at my rust colored legs and purple face
"No!" I pull away trying to hide the blood on my legs and the bruises on my face "You can't see!" I'm not making much sense but given what I've just been through it's understandable.
"Raven," he reaches out for me then stops. His green eyes are burning with pure hatred. I can't help but feel it's me he's angry out "What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me!" he grabs my arm. Probably a little more harshly than he meant to. "What happened?"
The touch sends me into hysterics. I fall to my knees ad start crying and begging him not to hurt my. I'm speaking in a mixture of English and Azarathian but the message gets across.
He lets me go and kneels down next to me "Rae, calm down. Oh man, what happened to you?"
I cry harder "You weren't supposed to see. You can't see. I'm dirty. Not good enough." I'm lying on the floor in a ball now.
Beast Boy quickly scoops me up and carries me into the med bay.
He sets me in a chair (I screamed at the sight of the bed) and finally manages to calm me down so I'm not going to blow up the Tower from my emotions. Then he speaks slowly and calmly "Raven I'm going to turn on the computers and run some tests to make sure you're not hurt, alright?"
I nod and watch him carefully as he moves around starting the machines up and I allow him to strap a sensory pad onto my wrist. Finally I gather the courage to speak "How did you know?"
"You were so… hesitant. You always get straight to the point. I just thought it was strange. And you had a funny smell all over you." his biceps bunch angrily under his uniform "Nothing like normal." he whispers.
"What?"
"Nothing." he replies returning his attention to the computer screen. His fingers move across the keypads with a familiar ease.
"Beast Boy?"
"Yes?"
I swallow trying to wet my dry mouth "I… I was… raped." for some reason saying it makes me feel a little better.
He turns and gives me a look I can not decipher. It's not pity. Good, I don' think I could handle his pity. There's a little bit of sadness, as well as guilt. "I know." is all he says in reply.
"… I'm dirty now. Impure."
"I know."
I lift my quivering chin and look him in the eyes "Would you take a dirty girl?"
He kneels in front of me so we're at eyelevel "Yes Raven. I would."
I stand and shove him away "Why!" I yell "Why in the world would you take me?"
He falls against one of the beds then rights himself. I fly at him my fists hammering into his chest and stomach. He lets me hit him. And hit him and hit him. Until slowly my strength leaves me and I slump forward into his body.
He raises a hand and strokes my hair but doesn't try to hold me. I love him all the more for respecting my fear. Finally I look up at him "Why?"
"Because you're smart, brae, beautiful, mysterious, dark, and because I love you."
I slowly lean further into him and wrap my arms around his waist, he still does not touch me "I love you too." I whisper feeling tears roll down my cheeks again.
Now he gives me a quick embrace. Then he pulls away "Why don't you go take a shower and change? I'll go make you a cup of tea."
"What are we going to tell the others?" I ask quietly.
"… Whatever you want."
I step back and hug myself "The truth." I whisper "I'm going to tell them the truth."
Beast Boy takes my hand and kisses it softly then releases it "Okay."
Next Morning
Cyborg, Starfire, and Robin were all sitting at the kitchen counter. Beast Boy and Raven had yet to make an appearance. For the former this was not uncommon but Raven was normally up and about by now.
"Where are our friends?" Starfire asked voicing everyone's thoughts innocently. She looked at Cyborg pointedly.
The metal man flipped one of his eggs expertly "BB's probably still snoozing. Raven might be up on the roof. She likes to watch the sun rise."
"Sun rise was nearly two hours ago," Robin said with a frown "And even Beast Boy doesn't sleep this late. Maybe we should-"
His words were cut off as the two Titans in question walked through the doors. Raven's hood was down drawing immediate attention to several nasty bruises on her face and neck.
"Raven!" Starfire exclaimed in shock.
"What happened?" Cyborg demanded abandoning his cooking.
Robin reached out instinctively towards his teammate. Raven shied away from his hand seeking comfort in Beast Boy's presence at her side.
"Raven had something happen to her last night." Beast Boy said calmly, starting the inevitable conversation.
The dark girl looked at her three friends. They would understand. She knew they would "Some men jumped me last night when I was walking home from the library. I… I was raped." she announced quietly.
"Oh… Raven." Starfire breathed floating over to her friend "Are you alright?"
"Yes. Just pretty shook up." Raven replied allowing the alien princess to wrap her in a soft hug.
"Raven… I'm gonna need to… run some tests." Cyborg said awkwardly.
"I already did." Beast Boy said "Last night. We were in the med-bay."
Robin took a steadying breath before speaking "Raven, I'm giving you a week off. No training, no patrols, no missions."
Raven nodded and sighed in relief as the others all went back to their earlier activities respecting her privacy on the matter.
She made her way over to the window and stared out over the city. A soft hand brushed her shoulder and Beast Boy appeared in the reflection behind her.
"You gonna be okay?" he asked softly.
"Ya I'm okay. Just hold me for a second."
Two arms wrapped around her shoulders. A feeling of security settled over the distraught girl. She leaned her head back into the crook of Beast Boy's shoulder.
"You're not dirty Rae." he said giving her a soft squeeze before stepping over to her side. He planted a kiss on her chakra and smiled at her "Not to me."
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